Undergraduate / "an international student from Germany" - WHY columbia? CommonApp [5]

Hey everyone! I am an international student from Germany and would be really greatful for some feedback on my essay for the Columbia Supplement!
Thank you for your help!

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:

As an international student from Germany, Columbia University instantly appealed to me as an academically rigorous institution. While continuing my research, it became clear to me that Columbia offers much more than just a splendid reputation. Columbia's diverse student body enticed my attention and somehow made me feel welcome. I would enjoy to study at a university where different cultures and origins melt togetheer while each student still maintains their personal individuality.

The convincing factor to apply to columbia however was its core curriculum. I believe it is essential to broaden ones general knowledge and to indulge in literature fundamental to the building of our society. I also believe that with the core curriculum, I will be able to go beyond the barriers of my intended major and truly gain a liberal arts education.

I feel highly enthusiastic out taking the class Contemporary Civilizations as part of the core curriculum, and i am certain that I will truly enjoy it. I have studied the enlightenment movement in high school, and have also read literature from that time period outside of the classroom. I cant wait to study such subjects on a university level, and am glad that Columbia grants me this opportunity even though it is not necessarily part of my intended major.

Undergraduate / "International Studies" + "to engage in clubs and organizations" - JHU Supplement [6]

These are the two essays I wrote for the JHU supplement! Please help!
Each of them is supposed to be around 250 words, the lenght of the first one is fine, the second one however needs to be shortened. What can i cut off?

1. Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experience influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

My anticipated major is International Studies. As a student from Germany, where the area of International Studies / Relations as an undergraduate subject is not widely available, I decided to apply to a university in the United States of America. John Hopkins University immediately caught my attention, especially its rigorous departement of International Studies.

My passion and interest for International Relations was not ignited by a single experience or an event, but has rather developed naturally.
As a student at an german-english international school I am confronted with intercultural experiences everyday. Many of my fellow students come from a different background,with cultures present varying from the American to the Zimbabwe way of life.

While enjoying this global education, I have further been able to indulge in foreign cultures, as I have taken part in several student exchanges. I have spent a year in Australia on a student exchange in grade 11, and have taken part in other exchanges to France, the UK and La Réunion.

Another passion of mine that has influenced me to study International Relations is MUN, Model United Nations. As the founder and chair of our school's MUN club, I engage in current topics discussed within the United Nations on a daily basis and have often taken the role of the ambassador at MUN conferences.

Every aspect of commercial and public life is affected by international events. I believe that I would truly enjoy studying International Studies.

2. A Typical student at Johns Hopkins spends less than 15 hours each week in a classroom, leaving lots of time for volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations, athletics, social events, and other on- and off-campus activities. Aside from the academic interests you've already expressed, in what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins?

I am truly greatful for this question. It has induced my research on JHU's extracurricular activities, such as its clubs and organizations. I was astonished and highly impressed by the opportunities that Johns Hopkins students are presented with, and was only assured once again that JHU is the right university for me.

Thus, I would love to engage in several clubs and organizations at JHU.
As I have been active in my school's MUN club for quite a while, I would love to pursue this interest of mine at JHU. So taking part at the JHUMUNC, the annual MUN conference of JHU would be a goal for me.

I would also like to join the "Africa Association", and work on issues and conflicts related to Africa. I have just recently finished a research project in my politics class on microfinancing in Sub-Saharan Africa and am starting another one with the topic of France's influence in francophonic african countries. I would like to continue to work on such topics and find possible solutions, and am thankful that JHU offers this opportunity.

Further, joining the German Club would allow me to provide help to people who are seeking to work or even study in Germany. I would certainly enjoy helping to build cultural and academic links between the John Hopkins University and my home country Germany. Thus I believe that once I have joined the German Club, I will have a more powerful tool to contribute not only to my home country and the United States, but also to the JHU society. Joining the German club would signify a first step on my journey of helping others to learn about foreign cultures in order to build a peaceful world based on the strong understanding and sympathy among different cultures.

I strongly believe in the importance of the observance of human rights, as they are inherent to democracy and personal liberties. As I am currently a member of Amnesty International, I would also like to join the Amnesty International Club at the SAIS, and would like to participate in their human rights campaigns.

I am sure that at John Hopkins, my four years at university will be filled with copious hours of activities that will satisfy my mental and physical capacities in and beyond the class room.

Thank you!

Undergraduate / BERMUN: Personal Statement: My passion for MUN [5]

Hey everyone, please help me revise my commonapp essay! Thank you!

A thousand thoughts were running through my mind as i was staring at the imposing building complex on the East Side of Manhattan, New York City. Large flag poles framed the front site of the two large buildings. The colorful fluttering flags caught my attention immediately.

The UN headquarters. A building representing one of today's most important international institutions. It was striking to finally be right in front of the place where so many important meetings have taken place, where so many important people try to change our world for the better.

At that point of time, I didnt know how much closer I was really going to get to the UN during the coming couple of weeks.

Once I returned to Germany, I could not stop thinking about the guided tour I had gone on in order to find out more about the United Nations. My fascination for politics, international relations and the UN evolved throughout the following weeks, as I started to pay particular attention to those articles in the paper concerning the United Nations.

Then, one day, one of my friends told me about MUN, Model United Nations. I was intrigued by the idea of simulating the process of a United Nations conference, and began to do some research. My excitement was soon dampened, as the more research i did the clearer it became how little opportunities to take part in MUN there were in Germany. However, I finally found out that the American High School in Berlin held an annual MUN conference, called BERMUN.

My enthusiasm about BERMUN fascinated my friends and soon a lot of them wanted to take part aswell. I then assembled a team and started to organise our participation. Once all the forms were filled out, the payments made and topics assigned, we started to debate on our topics and prepare our resolutions.

A few weeks later the first day of the conference had finally arrived. The welcome ceremony was impressive, and me and my team soon got to know many people from all over the world. Some came from China, Turkey and the USA.

As the ambassador, I had to give an introductory speech presenting our country's view. We then went into our committees, I went into session with the Human Rights Committee. We debated on organ trade and human trafficking, and soon acquired expertise in these fields. We spent hours lobbying with other delegations, drafted and redrafted resolutions and finally came to a consensus.

At the end of the conference, I was truly amazed by the proccesses within the UN and the importance of international relations in today's society.

Throughout the conference, while talking to my fellow delegates, I found out that a lot of schools had their own MUN club, where they practice debating and prepare for MUN conferences.

Back at school, I got a couple of classmates from my MUN team together and discussed the idea of a MUN club at our school. They agreed that it would be a great idea and i immediately arranged a meeting with our principal. He was happy to let us organise such a club. We then started printing posters and flyers to get more and more students interested. The first MUN club session was a great success and a lot of people joined us.

We now meet regularly once a week, and consist of politically interested students from grades ten to twelve. I am currently organising our participation in BERMUN II, and RCIMUN in Istanbul, Turkey.

But not only my experience in New York City, my participation at BERMUN and the founding of the MUN club at our school have led me to the coclusion to study international relations / international studies.

My interest in International Relations has developed steadily throughout my life, rather than having been ignited by a single event, an experience or even a person. It has developed naturally.

But as I have grown up in a historically unique country such as Germany, as I have enjoyed an international education at a Europe school, as I have studied politics, history and several languages throughout my school career, as I went abroad for an entire year to Australia with 16, weren't the odds just rather high?

Undergraduate / RAP music: Tufts supplement: What makes you tick [4]

Hey, this is my tufts supplement. please help me revise! thank you!

3. For some, it's politics or sports or reading. For others, it may be researching solar power fuel cells or arranging hip-hop mash-ups. What makes you tick? (200-250 words)

Rap music is my great passion. I believe that Rap is the poetry of the 21st century, and unfortunately underestimated by a lot of people. What many do not know is that Rap Music features as much figurative language as any Shakespearean sonnet or William Blake poem. Whether it is Common using the description of a woman as an analogy to Hip Hop itself, or Talib Kweli referring to Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, Rap's complexity never ceases to amaze me.

Rap is much more than a genre exclusively characterized by indecency and rudeness.
With ist roots anchored in African music, influenced by jazz poetry and finally emerged in the 1970's in New York City, Rap is a music genre so rich and unique in history, I wish there was a library solely dedicated to Rap music.

Rap plays a big role in my life, as I work for a concert agency and often get free tickets to concerts. These shows will later make up the topic for the articles I write for the music section of our school's newspaper. Rap Music is my great passion and I can already imagine walking to my class at Tufts, with my I-pod speakers plugged in, listening to Nas' "I Can".

"You can be anything in the world, in God we trust, an architect, doctor, maybe an actress; But nothing comes easy it takes much practice..."

Undergraduate / Campus, International Relations + Urban area life + Viktor Klemperer-0 NYU supplement [3]

Hey, this is my nyu supplement. I need help revising and cutting down the last one, as it is too long! Thank you!

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

During a visit to New York City, I went on a tour around the NYU campus. The school impressed me so much, that once the tour was over, i knew that this was the university I was going to apply to.

International Relations, my intended major, has been an interest of mine throughout my school career. As the chair of the MUN club at my school, as a regular participant at political discussions, and as a german student attending an international school, I am certain that this is the right major for me.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

Having lived in Berlin, the capital of Germany, my entire life, I enjoy Iiving in an urban area, and appreciatre the diversity of cultures and people that such an area contains. I believe that studying in New York City promotes each individual's independence as with the wide variety of opportunities also comes a certain responsibility. I believe that NYU acts as a bridgehead towards an international career and will encourage intercultural relationships and connections.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

I would like to invite Viktor Klemperer, a renowned jewish philologist, to my high school in Berlin, Germany. During the second world war, Klemperer wrote the book "LTI - Lingua Tertii Imperii: A Philologist's Notebook". In this book, he explores the way in which nazi propaganda altered the german language to induce the people with nationalist ideas. I would ask Viktor Klemperer to join my German class, in which we have extensively studied his analysis of the language in the third reich. I wish he could experience himself how Germany has changed for the better, and how he has made it possible for students like me to truly grasp the extent of the crimes that were commited during this time.