Writing Feedback / An essay about the results of a survey of adults education-IELTS [3]

Hello everybody :)
I'm 17 and i'm newbie in this helpful website.
I am wondering if you could check my essay for me.
Many thanks to you.
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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart
shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people
think the costs of adult education should be shared.
Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words.

The two charts show the reasons why people decide to study and how adults think about the cost of their education should be shared.
In terms of the first chart, as can be seen that the reasons in this chart are quite obvious. Interest in subject comes in the first place with the proportion of 40% compared to 38% of the second one - to gain qualification. But when it goes to the bottom group, the gap between the two group was increased further when the figures decrease to 12% of ability to changes jobs and 9% of meeting people. As regards, helpful for current jobs is a head of improving prospects of promotion and enjoying learning or studying by a narrow margin, 22% for the former and 20% for the two latters.

Turning to the second pie chart, it shows that how people think the cost in each course should be shared. 40% of them think adults should pay individual. The number of people comment that employers should pay is 35% comparison with tax payers which captured 25%.

Overall, two charts provide clearly the reasons that make people study and the thinking about the sharing cost of adult's education.
Words count : 200

Writing Feedback / IELTS Taks 2 - People meet many obstacles on borrowing money from banks. [4]

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made difficult for individuals to borrow large amount of money. What is your opinion on this?

These days, people can use credit cards and loans to reach financial resource for personal reasons. As a result, they may be deep in debt and repaying ability seems to be impossible. Therefore, individuals often meet many obstacles when they borrow huge amount of money from banks. In this essay, I shall consider the main causes of this problem, and try to put forward some possible solutions.

First of all, the financial and income information of consumers is not evident. These people tend to fear of providing information which relate to their income and situations. Thus, it is very hard for banks to verify the financial situations of their clients to value the repaying ability.

Another factor contributing to this setback is that banks often find many difficulties to evaluate the possibility of their consumers' projects. Banks do not have enough reliable information source to asses the customers' projects. In Vietnam, the center of information of Vietnam State Bank almost has no information about the customer's project; whether it really works or not. Furthermore, suppose that banks allow customers to borrow money, if risks occur, those banks will have to take a lot of time and money for the capital retrieval. Because of this, executives of banks usually decide to limit the ability of borrowing private capital.

When all is said and done, frankly, these reasons produce the cautious attitude of bank in allowing individual to lend. However, banks should not eliminate the borrowing money of individual because of many unavoidable good aspects. Customers and banks should share responsibilities for mutual benefits. By providing clear and adequate information, banks will believe in clients, so the lending process will be faster. Another long-term solution to address this issue is that lending policy should not only depend on mortgage estates but also take care closely of the possibility of customer's projects.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Taks 2 - Rapid economic development cause some problems [4]

In recent years, some countries have experienced very rapid economic development, it results in much standard of living in urban areas not in countryside. This situation brings many problems to countries as a hole. What are the problems and solutions?

In the day and age, the fast growing of economy has made many countries developed. However, it tend to result in rasing living standard in cities not in rural areas. This circumstance brings many drawbacks to countries. Therefore, in this essay, I shall consider main causes of this problem, and try to put forward some possible solutions.

At first sight, it is easy to relize that these countries are suffering the ansynchoronous development although their economy increases dramatically. This makes the quality of life in urban area is better than those in countryside. For one thing, the salary of citizen is often higher and more stable than countryman, and they also have more chances earn money; as the result the gap between rich and poor is wider. In Vietnam, for instance, a study in 2010 showed that GINI index reflects the disparity in wealth and consumption in the society of Vietnam was 36.2, which was higher than advanced countries like USA or Japan.

Another outstanding obstacle is that the manpower from country flocked to the metropolis for finding jobs because the misunderstanding about the available of works. However, these people seem not to be educated to work for industrial market, thus they will lack of neccesary skills and can not survive in the new enviroment. This will lead to unemployment and the labour market of the country will have to bear heavy consequences. It is not only affect badly to work market but also the unbalanced workforce between these two areas.

To tackle these drawbacks, government should have a strong and effective policies to not only balance the development between urban and rural areas but also ensure that the economy still grows rapidly. What is more, universities, factories should be built in countryside to either encourage people to widen their knowledge or creat more jobs for local people.

In the nutshell, I hold the firm that this situation brings many difficulties to countries. However, with the long-term solutions, these problems will be addressed quickly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Compulsory military service for all countries [4]

I wrote this essay in a hurry. Please check it for me
Thank you :)

Many countries have compulsory military service for men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men and possibly women. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

A much debated issue of today's concern is whether all countries should apply the compulsory military service for men and even women. Many arguments have been put forward about this. However there is no room for doubt that the feasibility of this policy depends on many conditions of each nation. Accordingly, I am convinced that there are both merits and demerits that countries should consider when adopt this system.

On the plus side, military training will have the most effective on people from 18-25. It is clear that people in that age usually have better health than other ages, thus harsh exercises cannot suck out all of their strength and people can easily recover after doing hard works. Moreover, there is a fact that these people are youngsters and that this will be very good time for approaching knowledge. The training course will have the best influence on young people, therefore if they are called up to fight, these trainers would be well prepared to save either themselves or country.

For every plus there is a minus. For one thing, if people must do military service immediately after finishing education, the result of military training course will not have real effect. Country forces young people to do the obligation so they will do their jobs under the grudging attitude and do not devote their efforts to complete their missions. What is more, this seems to be unfair for one who intelligent enough to become doctor or scientist. This because youth is the most suitable period time that one can widen their horizons and that participating army is regarded as wasting talent of country. It is not only effect to the development of country but also destroy dream of a person.

When all is said and done, I hold the firm that the system that every countries want to apply have both advantages and disadvantage. Nevertheless these governments should adjust the policy to fit with their conditions for mutual benefits between government and population.