Undergraduate / Personal Statement- meaningful experience ("Antonio stung my heart") [2]

Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

Please be as blunt and honest. I dont think essay is really that good, I'm not even sure it answers the questions. Please help me make any corrections, and constructive criticism is really wanted.

Everybody has an experience that has been meaningful to them. These experiences are probably ones like when they broke their arm or something like that. Experiences like these probably caused agonizing pain that lasted for days. But mine is one that stung my heart and the pain still and always will be there. His name is Antonio, and he was a drug dealer. I knew him personally and know that he is intelligent; he was especially good in math. He was the most funniest and caring person I knew. He sold drugs because he needed to take care of him and his family. One day, a group of boys were trying to rob him. One of the boys pulled out a pocket knife. In self-defense, he picked up a rock and threw it at the boy. The boy did fell and never got back up. I was dumbfounded and speechless. It's amazing how something that happened so quick can drastically change one's life. He was another one lost to the game; a game that no one ever wins. There are many others like him. Many who are lost, but have potential to be more than what statistics tell them they can be. This experience has inspired me to help those like Antonio. I plan helping these kids by letting them know that they can make a difference in this world.

Undergraduate / "my mother couldn't support all of us financially" - Obstacles in my life [NEW]

Please describe in detail you have faced in your life. If your adversity is strictly financial need, please describe how your financial situation has been an obstacle in your life.

Please help me make some corrections. I dont know if i directly answered the question please tell me if i have or not. Thank you.

As a child, my mother couldn't support all of us financially. So we all had to live without certain things like Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, new clothes, etc. Things were especially hard financially after my parents got divorced. I was around the age 6 or 7. My mother had to get a job to support my three brothers and me. We had to stay at grandmother house, but an unexpected encounter with my father ended the stay. My mother got with my now step-father and brought a small apartment. My mother had to stop working while she was pregnant with my little brother. After my brother was born bills were piling up. One day, we got a letter from the landlord saying we had to move out. The next day, we packed our stuff up to be put in storage, while we stayed at a hotel. Finding a place to stay was hard. We moved from hotel to hotel, until we couldn't afford it no more. My mom started working with my dad as janitors to take care of us. There were times were we would sleep in the car and wake up and take a bath in a bathroom, where my mom and step dad worked at. At school I was often ostracized by my peers because of my thrift shop shoes and clothes. I was ashamed; my mother told me that if I chose to live for others then I shouldn't be living at all. I eventually got over the name calling and jokes. These financial burdens have been an obstacle in my life because there were times where I couldn't participate in sports, summer camps, or I couldn't travel because I had to babysit my brothers so my mother could work or because my mother couldn't afford it. I decided since I couldn't be involved in those activities, there were many others. So in high school I took my education more seriously and became involved in many clubs and organizations, which evolved me into the proud and successful young lady which I have become.

Undergraduate / Qualities or unique characteristics do you possess. Not only fingerprints.. [3]

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the university community?

"No one's fingerprints are exactly the same as anyone else's" (Virginia Satir). Fingerprints aren't the only things that set me apart from everyone. My diligence and patience do as well. When I do something I am persistent and put hardworking effort in doing whatever it is that I am doing. If a problem were to arise in a situation most people would attack it right then and there, without any logical way of handling the problem. On the other hand, I would take a step back, analyze the problem and find more than one way to go about solving the problem. I am more of a "think before I act" kind of person and this enables me to communicate and work better with others. I know not to offend others while I try to get my point across. My diligence and patience have gotten me very far and have opened my eyes to various things. Everything I do shows my hard work and effort. Every work, idea, and creativeness I bring to the table is as unique and different as everyone else's fingerprints.

Undergraduate / "I spent 5 years in prison" - Experience that is meaningful for me [2]

Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

"And I can let my life pass me by or I can get down and try working it all out this lifetime..." ("Lifetime" by Maxwell). There was a time in my life where I wanted to give up. One day, I woke up late and almost missed the city bus. As I sat down, I looked up and saw Rodney. He was the "cool" kid on the block. But he didn't look like the Rodney I used to know. He looked at me and said, "You Michelle's baby girl. I remember you when you were this high." He had put his hands up to his knees to indicate how short I used to be. "Rodney what's up? "I asked. "Nothing, just struggling to survive," he said. I asked him, "What happened to you man?" He shook his head, laughed, and said "I spent 5 years in prison. I can't get a job because I got no diploma and a record. It looks like life just passed me by, you know a wise man once told me, 'Life is like an exam, there are no make ups,' remember that, no make ups," he said and got off the bus. From that day on I wake up with a smile and thank God for letting me be able to see today. Every day I live my life to the fullest because I know that tomorrow is not promised. I can't sit back and watch life pass me by...because there are no makeups.

Undergraduate / "I'm mentally ready" - FSU ESSAY HELP [4]

I'm sitting down with my test in front of me, hands sweaty, and heart beating faster than the speed of light, as I look next to me and see the answer sheet to my mid-term exam. I stop and ask myself, "Should I put all my hard work of studying to waste a perfect grade?" Even though then I didn't know the words vires and mores I know they played an important role in my life.

Vires signifies strength of all kinds; moral, physical, and intellectual. My intellectual strength goes as far back to middle school. I was just learning the importance of my education. I was sitting in class not doing anything productive, and my teacher told me, "Life is like an exam, there are no make ups." This quote will forever inspire me to do better. It also shows me how important my time is and why I should put it forth something productive, rather than nothing. This is why every year I decide to take more advanced courses. It started with one and then just went on from there, like branches from a tree. This shows how I strengthen myself intellectually. I've gotten used to studying every night and putting an 100% in everything I do. I have grown to become a diligent hardworking young lady. My morals come from being raised by mother who is a firm believer of karma, what goes around, comes around and one who abides by the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." These have been essential to my life. I can distinguish between right and wrong.

...

Undergraduate / Career goals and importance of college education in attaining them [12]

Explain your career goal(s) and the importance of a college education in attaining those goals.

My career goal is to be a psychologist. My fervent for psychology and how the human mind works first came from my love of the show, "Law & Order". I fell in love with how Dr. George Huang (B.D. Wong), a forensic psychologist who helps the investigators solve cases. The way he would figure people out and know what their really about caught my attention. My interest in psychology ...

Writing Feedback / The theme of the contest is WOW - my short story [2]

The story is for a contest (which is due tommorow) and i need someone to correct it for me. The theme of the contest is WOW. This is like the first story i ever wrote so bear with me please :)

p.s. I know its kinda long sorry

Bang! Bang! Bang! As shots rang from the streets E's face broke out in a smile. Everyone ran out to go see but not E. "Mission accomplished," E laughs and says. As he put his head down to rest he could faintly hear sirens coming from down the street.

E , also known as Emanuel Davis, is a 23 year old drug dealer who resides in North Miami. All his life he was surrounded by money, drugs, and death. Some can say that he could care less about the lives of others. But this is not entirely true. He lives for his family and friends. Mess with them and you will have to go through him. And this is in the case of Anthony Baker, a 20 year old, undercover cop who acted as a drug dealer from Overtown. Baker tried to steal some of E's money, but he got caught by E's boys. So they got into a little confrontation, which ended up in the hospitalization of E's younger cousin, Damien. "Don't worry bout it cuz. I'm gonna get that sucker," E said as he held his unconscious little cousin hand. And so he did. Anthony Baker was found stretched out on an abandoned car. He was cut opened with his gusts hanging out, his sockets and 3 bullets to his head. This wasn't the work of E, but of his "goons" ( his friends). They kiss the very ground E walks on. E takes real good care of his boys. All goes well for them if they don't bite the hand that feeds them. So when E told Brion to take care of Baker, he couldn't refuse.

Few days after Baker's murder, E and his boys were playing ball. "Uggh! C'mon Trav," E says. Travis passes him the ball. E takes it and makes the shot.

"Ha ha! Another one for the boss," Travis says.
" I'm still wondering man why you didn't take that full ride basketball scholarship to Duke man" Ron says.
"Pssht! Man bump Duke and that scholarship. School ain't for me. The streets is where I live, eat, and die. I got people to take care of out here man. How were you going to get that roof over your head and them shoes on your feet." E says

"You right about that one boss." Ron says.
"C'mon y'all lets wrap this game up I'm hungry!" E yells. As they were getting their stuff together E's cell phone rang.

E picks up his phone and says, "Yo!"
"Hey man you won't believe what I just heard!" Birds says, E's right hand man.
"What?" E asks.
"Remember that sucker Brion did a couple days ago."
"What about him?" E asks.
"Umm word on the streets is that homeboy was a cop" Bird says.
"Naw, man the streets don't know what they talkin bout. That boy was born and raised in Overtown," E said.
"Yeah, and he went to some boogie police academy and was workin for the Miami-Dade police department," Bird says.
"Then why the heck was he stealing my money?" E asks.
"Cuz cops are people like me and you. They love money too. But I got good news from Tim," Bird says (Tim is a crooked cop, who E pays for inside information), "He diverted the trail from us and pinned it on Nate."

" Auntie Rissa ex-boyfriend cousin twice removed half-brother Nate?" E asks.
"Yeah," says Bird.
"All right man, I'll holla at you later," E says .
"All right Peace." Bird says and hangs up.
E turns to his boys and says, "Brion I want you to stay low for a while and dump that gun down the sewer or something a'ight."

"Yeah boss" Brion says.
"All right lets go I'm starving," E says.
The next day, E went riding around the neighborhood to make sure everything was going well.
"Hey man look at those fiends they loving that new product we bringing in." gloats E.
"Yeah ... Hey is that Pastor James in that hoodie over there?" Bird asks.
"Naw ... wait," E says, "Well if it isn't the preacher himself. He should practice what he preach."
"Man, times are rough. I don't blame him for wanting to 'ease' his mind," Bird jokes.
"Yeah well he didn't have to grill me Sunday about what I do man," E says angrily, "I mean look at those boys on the corner, to the outside world they just 'hoodlums' without a care in the world. But if they were living in these streets they'll know how hard it is out here. If it wasn't for me man these boys would literally be homeless."

"I know that's right...I mean it's not like they could even get a job at like a convenience store or somethin like that, "Bird says sarcastically and laughs.

"Whatever man, " E says.
Bird puts his hand on E's shoulders and gives him a little massage and says, "Don't worry man, you doin all you could to help these kids out."

E felt uncomfortable with Bird's hands on him like that. Whenever they were alone Bird always became touchy and affectionate.
E shakes birds hands off him and says, "I just hate to see my people suffer like that. That's why when me and Tiffany get married, I'm leavin the dope game and handing it over to you. I don't want my family to be in this mess. Aint no way Justin gonna grow up to be like his daddy. He's gonna go to school and get a degree and all that other stuff. I'ma raise him right," E says.

"Look man I respect that you want to take care of Justin and all but that don't mean you gotta marry that girl" Bird says jealously.

"That girl happens to be the love of my life. I don't appreciate you talkin about her like that," E says angrily.

"I'm just sayin ever since you hooked up with 'that girl' you aint got time for your boy no more. You don't show me no type love man," Bird says.

E laughs and says, "Hey man, you starting to sound like a female. Chill aight."
"I'm just saying you all I got. When my moms kicked me out who was there to give me a place to sleep? You, who put money in my pocket? You, who put knowledge in my head? You man. Ever since you hooked up with that girl you show your boy no love."

E laughs again and says, "Man you trippin, drive by my ma house, so I could see what's up."
A few minutes later, E is at his mother house, "Hey ma."
"Hey sweetie, hows everything?"
"Good, where pops at?" E asks.
"Oh he's in the room sleeping he, his blood pressure's kinda high, " his mother answers.
Ever since his pops had a stroke a few years ago, E was forced to take care of his family, which is why he didn't accept that basketball scholarship. His mom offered to take a job as a maid at a hotel. But E refused. He believed since he had to take his father's place and be the man in the house and take care of his family.

"So how's everything? E asks.
"Everything's good," His mother answers.
E pulls at a wad of cash and handed his mom a couple of hundreds she slowly took it.
"I can't keep taking this dirty money Emanuel?"
"Yeah well that money is paying the bills and putting Jessica and Tony through college," E says (Jessica and Tony are E's younger siblings).

"Yeah, well that's where you should be," his mother says.
"Ma, please not this again," E whines.
"I'm just saying you had the brains for it," she says.
"Yeah but I didn't have the heart for it," E says and kiss his mother on the forehead, "here is where I belong."

He leaves the house and gets in the car and tells Bird to drop him off home. Once he gets to his house, his son jumps on him and screams, " Daddy's home!"

"Hey big man, what's up?" E asks.
"Nothin," Justin answers back.
"Don't say: nothin, it's nothing. It has the letter g at the end," E says sternly to Justin.
"Oh sorry Dad, I'm mean nothinggg," Justin says stressing the letter g.
Tiffany was cooking in the kitchen, E came up behind her kisses her and gives her a big hug, "Hey baye, what's up with you?" E asks.

Tiffany laughs and says, "Nothin."
"Girl please don't get me started," E says and laughs.
Sunday morning after the service was done, Pastor James asks E to come in his office.
E comes insides and says, "Sooo...how you like that crack man?"
"Boy what are you talking about?" Pastor James asks defensively.
"You can't fool me. I seen you in that hoodie over there with those other crack heads," E says.
"Boy are you out you mind. I wasn't buyin or tryin I was preaching to those lost ones. They spend their last on what you got plaguing this how neighborhood," Pastor James says angrily.

E shrugs his shoulder.
"I brought you here to tell you to stop what you doing out here. Kids being raised without mothers or fathers and then they go to you and end up like their parents. It's a cycle and it needs to stop!" Pastor James says angrily.

"Man you don't know what you talkin bout. If it wasn't for me they'll be homeless!" E yells.
"It sad you know because you really think that your helping them, truth is your only hurting them. Where do you think those kids gonna be in a few years, huh, school? A real job? No! They gonna be shot up, dead, or in prison. Now imagine Justin becoming like those kids your helping," Pastor James says.

E rushes out the room hops in the car and speeds off. "Man this whole time I've been killing these people one by one. Robbing them of what they could've been. All this time I thought I was protecting them from what was hurting them. But in reality it's been me hurting them," E thought to himself. A thought came to his mind he turns the corner and heads to Birds house. As he reach Birds house, he runs to the door and starts banging on the door.

"Hey man, chill I'm coming," Bird yells out the window.
He opens the door and E comes inside and asks, "Hey man how much money do we have in the savings?"
"About 10 million give or take...Why?" Bird asks.
"I want to start a business or organization to help these people struggling out in these streets man," E says.
"Don't you already have something like that," Bird says and laughs.
"I'm done with the dope game man, I'm talking about a center where the drop outs could get their GED's, a rehab center for these drugs addicts, and other stuff like that to help my people," E says earnestly.

"What you mean quit the dope game?" Bird asks.
"As in stop the selling of illegal drugs on these streets. Don't worry you'll still be getting paid. I'll probably have you as manager or somethin," E says.

"What you mean? The dope game is all I know," Bird says angrily.
"All right I'll give you a 1 or 2 million and you could go somewhere and live happily ever after," E says.
"You don't understand man. I told you, your all I have," Bird says angrily, pulls out his gun, points it at E and says, "I love you man, but you'll never understand," Bird says.

E looks at Bird and says, "C'mon man you know I love you like a brother."
Bird cocks the gun and says, "yeah and that's all I'll ever be!" Bird screams and pushes the trigger.
Bang! Bang! Bang!

Scholarship / Need explanation on a scholarship question? [3]

Need explanation on a scholarship question?
I'm having a hard time writing a response for this scholarship question. I was wondering if someone could help explain it to me and give me some examples please.

1. Describe how you plan to continue your service to the community during your collegiate career and how you anticipate linking that to your academic program. (how can i continue my service to my community during my college career and how can I link that to my academic program. I wanna major in psychology

Undergraduate / 'the community is essential in life' - on essay response [4]

Can somebody check my response for this scholarship questions and please give me some feedback.
Thanks
Here's the question and response
:
Tell how you plan to continue your service to the community while your in college and how you will link that with your academic program.

I believe that giving back to the community is essential in life. Helping those who are less fortunate gives me a sense of relief. I know that I will make a difference in someone's life and that gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Every step that we take, either be a pat on the back or a helping hand it can change a person's life, and in turn change the world. I plan to continue my service to my community during my collegiate career. I will do so by joining organizations and clubs that provide service to the community. I also have aspirations to implement a non-profit organization or club that will provide assistant and guidance to at risk youths. Seeing that I want to be a child psychologist I believe that this will perfectly link to my academic program. With the knowledge I will obtain from my courses, I will be able to understand why some people act out, I can then identify the problem and then find a way to help them improve their actions.