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Posts by jennc09
Joined: Nov 16, 2008
Last Post: Jan 20, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 63  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 67 / page 1 of 2
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jennc09   
Nov 16, 2008
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hi everybody! I am sending this application to a few schools and just wanted some feedback. It's about 600 words, so I hope that's okay. If anyone would like to critique my essay, it would mean a lot to me and be a big help!!

Thanks, Jenn

Working at the Cedar Lane Kennels

Inspiration at the Kennel

Many experiences in my lifetime have shaped me into the person that I am today. I hope to major in pre-veterinary medicine and continue on to a graduate school to pursue my dreams of becoming a veterinarian. I am ready for the challenging process of becoming educated as a veterinarian, because I want a career that I know will bring fulfillment for the rest of my life. I came to understand the challenging-but-fulfilling nature of working with animals during my job working in an animal kennel.

During my junior year of high school, I was ready to apply for my first real job. I knew that I wanted an enjoyable job that would be exciting to come to work to everyday. My primary ambition was to work with animals because I have always loved being around them. After continuously calling to find out if any of the kennels received my application, I finally received a phone call from the Cedar Lane Kennels. I went to the kennel the next week to receive training from a current employee. The first day of training was exhausting and I thought, "What did I get myself into?"

I continued to work at the kennel throughout most of the year. I realized that it was a difficult job to start out with, but I never gave up. The job included everything one could think of, such as cleaning the kennels, picking up waste, feeding the animals, giving medications, answering the phones, and socializing with the animals. I knew that I could get a job that would pay good money for doing little work, but I was satisfied with getting average pay because I was in a place where I loved to be with the animals. I feel like I created stronger bonds with some of the animals than with some of the people that worked with me. Throughout the year, other employees lacked seriousness, sometimes leaving kennels unclean or forgetting to feed the animals. I was very dedicated to my job and could never neglect the animals. People were paying to leave their pets at this kennel and expected them to be treated well.

After this significant experience, I recognized that I wanted to become a veterinarian. I love working with animals and enjoy taking science classes. Science courses are mandatory for working in the medical field, so I knew that I would be learning something that I love in college. At first I thought I wanted to become a doctor or nurse, but I quickly realized that I have a stronger connection with animals. Even though working at the kennel was one of the toughest jobs I have ever had, I wouldn't go back and change it for the world. Working in a kennel and being a veterinarian may seem like two completely different jobs, but they both have one major thing in common: Both jobs involve caring for animals and making their lives the best it can be.

What do you think?

Thanks
Jenn
jennc09   
Nov 18, 2008
Essays / Good Entrance / Application Essay - how long should it be? [11]

Okay. Thank you both. That seems like the right thing to do. Mine is about 600 words and i don't think it's too long or too short. I have just heard that it should be around 500-900 words. Do you think that is true?? Do you think it is true that the college will just put the essay aside if it is too long?? I have heard that somewhere, but i don't know if that's true.
jennc09   
Nov 18, 2008
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hello.
Thank you so much for your critiques. I really appreciate it. Hopefully you can answer a couple more questions.

You said i should not capitalize Veterinarian and Pre-Veterinarian Medicine, but i thought these were titles which need to be capitalized? I just wasn't sure because I have seen on websites where they have been capitalized.

Why did you highlight the word "wasn't" in the second paragraph?

When you wrote: "How does working at this kennel play into that? Keep your focus; stay on track. " ... Are you saying I should add more?? I am not sure how to explain this since I have said in the essay that I love working with animals and have a strong connection with them.

Thanks again.
Jenn
jennc09   
Nov 18, 2008
Undergraduate / 'looking to become a computer engineer' - Rutgers University Admission [5]

Hello.

I will probably also apply to Rutgers Camden and their application says the essay is optional. If i do not write an essay, do you think I have a lower chance of getting in? I have written an essay for the common app., but i don't think they accept that.

Thanks
Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hello.

It's been quite a while since I came to this site and asked for help with my essay. Your comments have really helped me, but i don't feel like my essay above is ready to be sent, after your comments, such as How does working at this kennel play into that? Keep your focus; stay on track. I revised all the grammar mistakes, but do you think i should change my last paragraph in order to stay on track more?

I wrote another paragraph recently, as I was thinking about that comment. Do you think I should add this as the last paragraph instead of the other?

Even though working at the kennel was one of the toughest jobs I have ever had, I wouldn't go back and change it for the world. This job put me towards the right direction in life, which is to become a veterinarian. Working in a kennel and being a veterinarian may seem like two completely different jobs, but they both have one major thing in common. Both jobs involve caring for animals and making their lives the best it can be.

Thanks please respond ASAP.

Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 29, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Hello

I replied to a thread that I wrote a couple days ago and never got a reply back. I was wondering if anyone got it. It was under a thread that was started a couple months ago.

Please reply asap

Thanks
Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Hello again.

I still never got a reply from you or another moderator about my essay. I replied to a thread and never got a reply from a moderator. Please try to answer my reply because I need to send my application essay in soon. Thanks.

Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

I don't understand what you are trying to say...

I started a thread a couple months ago.. and i recently just replied to a moderator's response.. but i never received another reponse.

My thread was called Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact ...maybe you could check for yourself.
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

so i have to start answering other questions to get a response?

Can't you look it over?

Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Why UPenn ("during my 3rd year of high school that I heard that name") [3]

Hello.

I am not a moderator, but I would be happy to help you.

Well you should definately spell out "3rd."

Instead of "the parents of my friends," you should say "my parent's friends."

Comma should go after "Being an international student"

Overall, I like your essay. UPenn is a very good school, where I visit a lot. I hope to go to their graduate school to be a vet.

Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Okay, thanks for the advise. I am starting to do that now. Hopefully, I will get a reponse soon though, since I have to send my application essay in very soon. Could you possibly help or no?

Jenn
jennc09   
Dec 30, 2008
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Okay, thanks. Is he going to help me now or no?
Sorry to bother you.

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 2, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thank you soo soo much Kevin!! I apprieciate your help. So, if I revise the paragraph above, you think that would be a good last paragraph? Overall, do you think that my essay is good? Could you possibly rate it on a scale of 1 to 10? Well, hope to hear from you soon.

Jenn

P.S. I will do my best to try to help other students as well!
jennc09   
Jan 2, 2009
Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Thanks so much Kevin! I just had one question about your revisions, so whenever you could, could you please check back?

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Undergraduate / I just realized that it is my grandfather's influence that has molded me into what I am today [7]

Hello.

I am not a moderator, but I would love to help you.

I would say "It took me eighteen years to realize...", and get rid of "all of."

In the second sentence you capitalized "grandfather." I don't think it should be capitalized.

In the second sentence, you don't need a comma after "though."

In the sentence, "he managed to join a summer course where he learnt how..." You should say learned instead of learnt.

After "between the wrong and the right" <<< there should be a comma.

In the sentence, "can do much more good than the other"<<< you should say "much better than the other..."

Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. You had a lot of good vocabulary. Hope I helped!

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Faq, Help / How do I delete a thread? [40]

I don't think you are able to remove the essays after somebody revised it. : /
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Student Talk / What does it mean to be a good writer? [7]

I think that the moderators all have different answers. I don't think there is much of a difference if the moderator liked the essay.
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Faq, Help / Can I repost a revised essay or it will be deleted? [12]

I don't quite understand this either, but my essay was deleted once after someone revised it. They say to post subsequent drafts for peer-editing, so I guess the moderators can't reply more than once...
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Undergraduate / UPenn, Brown, - short answer Thank you [7]

I really liked your short answer as well. I couldn't find any mistakes, since it looks like everyone caught the major mistakes. Looks good!
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

I was wondering if someone could rate my essay on a scale of 1 to 10 and tell me if you think it is ready to be sent in. It is under the thread Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact Maybe a moderator or anyone willing to can tell me their thoughts.

Thanks!

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hello. Thanks for the revisions. Here is my revised essay all put together. If any moderators, contributors, or anyone would be willing to look over my revised draft, it would be very much apprieciated. Please tell me how it sounds and if you think it is ready to be turned in.

EF_Constance: Do you think putting a semicolon instead of a comma or period makes a big difference in the essay?

Shouldn't I spell out "16" to make it more formal?

Thanks so much!!
jennc09   
Jan 3, 2009
Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

I understand that you receive a lot of posts asking for help, so I will try to be more patient! : ) This site is so helpful to a lot of students (like me!) and I would like to thank you for all your hard work and help!

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks sooo much Kevin! Nine out of ten is pretty good, so I'll take it!! : ) One last question about the semicolons though...

In this sentence >>>> Realizing that becoming a veterinarian takes a lot of hard work and many years in school, I am up for the challenge because I want a future career that I know I will be happy with for the rest of my life; therefore, one experience in my lifetime that has impacted my future was working in an animal kennel when I was a junior in high school.

Do you think I should put a semicolon there or just leave it as it is (as two sentences.)?

And in this sentence >>>> Science courses are mandatory for working in the medical field; so, I knew that I would be learning something that I love in college.

Semicolon or not??

Thanks again, and I promise this is the last question!!! : )

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 4, 2009
Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

Must be a tough job, but very rewarding! You have been so very helpful Kevin, I just had one last question about my essay under [Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact] I promise this will be the last question, so I won't bother you anymore and I will be on my way!!! : )

Jenn
jennc09   
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]

I am not sure of this one... I would think that you should say within the recommended number of words, but you could still send in the one with 700 words because it's not restricted.

Maybe you should try to cut out some things from your essay to make it shorter.
jennc09   
Jan 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Title for college application essay? [16]

Hello everyone.

Does anyone know if you need a title for a college application essay? If not, would you recommend one? Thanks

Jenn

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