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Posts by lch920619x
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 19  
From: China

Displayed posts: 24
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lch920619x   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'just one of my many fieldworks' - CommonApp -Diversity [3]

Hi there,
This is my CommonApp Supplement Essay. I chose the diversity topic. Please feel free to give advice. And do expect many grammar errors as I am not a native speaker.

Many thanks!

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

I still remembered clearly that it was in the afternoon of a raining Sunday, when most people stayed at home and enjoyed watching TV or reading books; in the Asia's largest open pit mine, where hardly anyone except the workers could enter; and not far away from the mechanical diggers and trucks mining with loud noise, I was carefully searching for something in the coal seams. Suddenly I noticed my target with a small reflection of yellow light among the black coal. The discovery made me ecstatic. I carefully extracted it from the surrounding coal and kept it in my pocket. After a whole afternoon of excavation, I acquired a few pieces of treasures from the ancient age: amber.

It was just one of my many fieldworks. My city, Fushun, is the only place in China that has amber with insect inclusions. Amber has long been an icon of it. My exposure to amber started when I was 11. A passage in my primary school text book about amber aroused my curiosity. My mother, who has great sagacity in my initiation and education, then bought me my first piece of amber with a midget inclusion in it. The perfectly preserved insect was so real and lively that I could hear it telling me its story from the distant past. From then on, I fell in love with amber collection.

Amber is distributed all over the world, and it's appreciated in most cultures. So I managed to have discussion and make friends with collectors and researchers worldwide, who have different culture backgrounds. Apart from amber, they give me exposure to the culture of Northern Europe, America, South-East Asia, Caribbean Sea, and etc. You can imagine how pleased I was when I received a traditional brooch from my Lithuanian friend as a birthday gift. Besides, during my excavations, I became acquainted with the miners who worked in the mines. Communicating with them helped me to have a deeper insight into their life. Furthermore, with years of experience on photography, I apply macro photography to amber to produce nice photos of the inclusions. Amber serves as an amazing linkage that brings vast diversity into my life.

I enjoy sharing my amber collections with my peers. Although sometimes I feel lonely because none of them has the same interest as I do, I am always willing to introduce this amazing creation of nature to them. Most of them know little about amber, but when they see my collections in real, they cannot resist such beauty. I would then share with them the wonderful tales of amber and the science behind it in order to let them feel the magic of amber and appreciate the wonder inside. And occasionally, I give away tiny pieces of amber with insect inclusions to my friends. Encouragingly, many of them are fascinated by amber and visit my place occasionally to have a look at my collections.

To me, amber is a substance of magic. In a piece of amber, I can see an ancient mantis starring at its prey; I can see a hymenaea flower blooming; I can find a spider resting on its web, for thirty millions years they have remained. But more than that, in the small time capsule, I see a world of wonder. I want to share the diversity I have mined from amber with my college community and contribute my unique color to its spectrum, for a more fascinating rainbow.
lch920619x   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / "Of Freedom and Education" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement [5]

Hi,

Overall it is good, but I have two small observations.

I wouldn't say this it very helpful:
"Of all the student reviews I read, none of them had anything bad to say about CMU."

And how are your two aspirations related to your choice of major?

And Can you pls help me with my essay as well? Thx
lch920619x   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Stanford sets the character limit' - Supplement Essay- Roommate [2]

Hi there,
This is my supplement for Stanford, please feel free to give critics!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear roommate,

I am Liu Chong from China, a freshman like you. I am very glad to share the room and to live together with you. But first let me introduce myself.

Admitted by Stanford, we must all have something unique. For me, my most important uniqueness is my great passion for science and engineering. So I hope that we can discuss about interesting science topics and help each other to have more insightful understanding. I am curious about you; what is your attribute that you cherish the most?

But don't misunderstand; I am not a nerd with only high IQ. You will find me a very easygoing and helpful person in everyday life. My friends always describe me as a sedate and mature listener who can help them with difficulties. So whenever you need help, please do not hesitate to ask me. I don't know your background yet, but I have studied and lived abroad for four years without my family around, so I know how it is like when you feel alone, when you need advices, or when you want to vent your emotions, you can trust me.

Besides above mentioned, I am also a person with broad hobbies within which I can find the fun of life. And I actively involve my friends in my hobbies to share the fun with them. I love photography, perhaps we will go out for photos together. I can also teach you to play Rubik Cubes, from 2X2X2 to 11X11X11 to other uncommon classes. I will also show you my collection of minerals; some of my friends were captivated by the beauty of nature and started collecting as well. I hope you will love it, too. Do you know how to program? If so, I am happy to invite you to become a member of the mobile software studio founded by my friend and me, developing software with friends is indeed a great experience.

I do have much more to tell you, but sadly Stanford sets the character limit. So I am really looking forward to seeing you in Stanford. Be well prepared to tell me your stories as well!

Yours Sincerely,

Liu Chong
lch920619x   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'hope you have a relaxing year ahead' - Stanford- Future Roommate [13]

Hi,thank you for your help with my essay.

I am a Chinese student , and I studied in Singapore for 4 years. One of my observations is that I cannot understand some of the content in your essay. I you thinks it's okay for an American AO, then nevermind.

And I think you can try to link your song to your body in a better way?

Let me conclude with my favorite Bollywood song, Kal Ho Na Ho: Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi. Chaav hai kahhi. Kabhi hai dhoop zidnagi. Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo. (Life is changing every moment. Life is now shade. Life is now sunshine. Every moment on Earth, live life to the fullest).

lch920619x   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / Physics thinker - Stanford Supplement Intellectual Vitality [5]

Hi, here is my essay for Stanford. Actually I do not grab the meaning of the prompt very well. So this is my attempt. Can you give any advice? Both on grammar and content?

Thanks in advance.

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. 2000

I would like to describe myself as a "Physics Thinker", for I would never be satisfied until I can really understand every physics principle I learn. I believe that real mastery of a physics concept is something far more than mathematical formula on books, but a result of effort of independent thinking and exploring.

When we learnt the Coulomb's Law and Newton's law of universal gravitation, they were merely two equations. Even if there were explanations, they would be as simple: the further the separation, the smaller the force, because there is an "r2" in the denominator. I had no difficulty understanding what I was taught, but I had a feeling in my mind that there was something unanswered. Why are the two laws somewhat similar but different? How is the concept of field shown? What does Einstein mean by "gravitational wave"? There must be some link! I failed to grab that feeling of glimpse until one day. I saw on a mathematics book the surface area of a sphere. Suddenly I saw the light. By combining the surface area of sphere, the formulas for Coulomb's Law and Newton's Law, and the concept of field, I realized the essence of the above-mentioned two laws. Both electromagnetic field and gradational field propagate in the space, and the field generated in a small period of time expands to be an approximate spherical shell. I felt proud and delighted, for having an in-depth understanding of the problem. I discussed with my physics tutor about my way of understanding. He was amazed by this approach that was absent in any textbooks he has read. He promised me that he would try to modify the notes to add in my approach for the students to have a better level of understanding.

It was only one of my stories. Such approach of learning is a must for me. From the simple Newtonian Physics to the complicated Quantum Mechanics, I have never left any single concept out without my own thinking. And I will continue to do so, to be a thinker.
lch920619x   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "Insight" - common app short ans. (Intl student) [4]

Hi, it was a pleasure to read your essay.

but "On typing the wrong character, they went all the way back and started again. I learned perseverance and perfection. "

Are you sure that they did it because of " perseverance and perfection"? I think you need to work on this part to make it more impressive or convincing.
lch920619x   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / My Parents -Stanford Supplement Essay What matters to you [6]

What matters to you, and why? 2000 Characters

I have beautiful dreams, lofty ideals, and well-thought plans about my life. However there are two people without whom all my pursuits would be meaningless and in vain. My parents are the most important in my heart.

I used to be so numb that I do not really care about my parents and what they do for me. Like many other children, I even had a negative attitude to them during my period of adolescence. It was after a bitter quarrel with my parent I left my house in a rage. I stayed out until night fell. When the surroundings turned dark, everything became so scary. I regretted my thoughtless action and started to miss my parents and my warm home. I walked in the cold wind for two hours, and when I finally get back home, it was almost midnight. I plucked up my courage to knock the door, and waited for a scold. I heard hurried footsteps before I was held in my mother's arms, so tightly that I could hardly breathe. Something came into my notice besides my mother's swollen eyes from crying. My parents were all in bare feet. It reminded me of an article I have read, in which the author wrote:" When you knock a door at night, only the one who loves you the most will open the door for you in bare feet." I finally broke down and wept aloud.

After that day, I had a brand new manner with my parents. Even when they did something really wrong, I would control my temper and talk to them nicely. I always spoke to myself:" Never hurt the feelings of the people who love you the most in the world." I think it taught me more than that; I started to be grateful to everything and every people around me. Life became much brighter.

My parents are the people I can count on for motivation, inspiration, forgiveness, and comfort. And most importantly, whenever I look them in their eyes, I can always see love that endures through all, no matter they are acting as scolding parents or kissing parents.

Any critics are most welcomed. Thank you in advance!
lch920619x   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Not ashamed of my duties' - CommonApp - I am japanese [9]

Hi, I understand what you are trying to convey but you should definitely work on your structure. They are not very well organized.

And your opening paragraph should be improved because no one would actually wonder why the toilets are clean. We are know for sure that there are cleaners cleaning them. So try to switch to a more impressive and realistic opening.
lch920619x   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "You can invent anything?" - Yale Essay [4]

I think you can omit some details that are not so important

for example:

I have also constructed a pulley at the top of the stairs in my house to save time and effort of carrying objects of medium size and weight.

I am now building a differential drive robot capable of basic object avoidance to better understand the mechanism involved .

try something like this
lch920619x   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'he was blind' + 'Nobel Prize winners' + 'The crisp Vancouver' - NYUs [3]

Well-written essays they are!

For the first essay, I think you have done good job in the first half, but please try to add more substance in you conclusion- more college-specific information.

Second is good. I don't see flaws, try to get someone else to read it.

The last one is impressive, too. Perhaps you could elaborate more on the significance on you though. Remember, the AOs are more interested in you than whatever else you are describing.
lch920619x   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / MIT short essays: challenge and attribute [6]

Hi there, I would appreciate if you give some advice on these two essays. Any critics are most welcomed!

1.What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about.

I am a very influential person.

Among my peers, I am always one of the most visionary and creative one. I also have many hobbies that are uncommon but really interesting. And most importantly, I always share my visions and hobbies with my friends to bring diversity for them.

I love to play Rubik's Cube, but instead of trying to break world record, I devote my time to letting more people know and benefit from this mind game. Not only my friends but also hundreds of students in other schools have fallen in love Rubik's Cube because I volunteered to conduct open lessons for them.

There are numerous other examples. With my keen sense of electronics technology, I predicted the age of mobile devices and started a mobile software studio with my friend, which is now acquired by Beijing SUN Ground Interactive Entertainment. I ask my friends to come along with me to take landscape photos in order to let them appreciate the beauty of nature and the fun in photography. Now many of them have become amateur photographers. Since when I took part in the BOINC project in 2006, I have always been propagating the significance of this project to my friends and families. A few dozens of people started contributing because of my effort.

I am proud of myself, for my influence on others could plant a seed of happiness in their lives. Moreover, it is such influence I exert on my surroundings that makes what I am.

2.Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

When I was learning programming as a hobby, I confronted a challenge that made an indelible impression on me.

One day my teacher showed me a game and said," Let's program it." I couldn't believe my ears. Indeed, the game was much simpler than the masterpieces like GTA or TES, but it was still too complicated for me. I didn't have any idea about how to do it, so I cried:" You must be kidding. There is no way I can do this!" "Why don't you even bother to try?" She smiled. "No, I don't want to waste time on something impossible." She didn't insist, and we continued our routine lessons.

But two weeks later, I noticed something from my daily homework. Every small program or class I wrote seemed to be somewhat familiar to me. And when I think about it carefully, I was shocked. Actually I was unconsciously building the game part by part, and I had finished a large portion of it. I spent another week to finish every part of the game. It ran smoothly without issue.

The program was a novice piece, and the success wasn't so glorious, but it taught me a life philosophy, which Seneca once referred: "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult." Whenever difficulties come to me, I always hear her words in my mind:" Why don't you even bother to try?"
lch920619x   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the privilege of learning mathematics from my teacher ' - Making a difference Rice [4]

Hi, nice essay, I think the second paragraph is a bit off-topic though. Probably you shouldn't write so much about your teacher. The focus should always be on "you". And a part from the story, I think you should add some more conclusions, these two lines seem a bit deficient.

That is my goal in life. To make a difference in people's lives no matter how minuscule it may be. That is what I would contribute to the Rice community. I will always strive to make a difference; I will always strive to initiate change for the better.

Can you help me with my MIT essay? Thanks!
lch920619x   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'if it weren't for Grandma' - Influential person - Princeton Supplement [3]

Hi I like your language, and the content overall is good.
But I have a few observations. Firstly

She would stand behind her booth, selling noodles all day, every day. No matter rain or shine, she was always there, trying to make ends meet. She refused to succumb to illiteracy, but vowed to overcome her limitations.

This is the only description of your grandma. You must know her well, but we (and the AO) don't. I think your should try to give us a clearer image of your grandma and the things she did so that we can understand why she could be so influential on you.

This is Grandma's story, and also mine.

And what is your grandma's story? In the next paragraph you only talked about your difficulties.

As for your last paragraph, its good, keep it. You just need to tidy up you structures in the middle and it will be perfect.

Can you help me with my MIT essay? My English is bad :(
lch920619x   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'enjoy working with others' - Why Uchicago? [4]

I am not a good English speaker so some of my advice may be wrong. :/

I not only feel a sense of belonging

I feel not only a sense of belonging ?

I learn more when I work together with othersthan by myself

I get the feeling of "I am here at a second home"

what about I feel at home? It saves your word count

I believe that this style of community would help me flourish both personally and intellectually and allow me to increase and improve my communicational and leadership skills that will benefit me greatly in my future jobs.

Really a long sentence, maybe break it up.

Will appreciate if you check my MIT essay
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