Undergraduate / [Bohaiwan] "describe a moment when your perspective changed" [NEW]

Here's the prompt:
Sculptor Jacques Lipchitz once said, "Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain and looking around. If you go higher, things will look different; if you go lower, again they will look different. It is a point of view." With this in mind, describe a moment when your perspective changed.

Notes:
Please help me check if there is any more grammar mistakes. And overall, does my essay answer the question well? Is there any structural problems?

~~~Thank you so much~~~

My essay :

On the coast of Bohaiwan lies my hometown, a laid-back fishing village where sea breeze sways and air purifies the sky. My most precious memory was imprinted there. I was about eight then. It was a fine night, and we all sat in the backyard of my grandparents' house, adults chattering something that us kids would never understand. I lifted up my head. The instant I saw the night sky, something held my breath. The Galaxy! Its splendid swirl cuddled so many stars, all clear and bright and were blinking briskly to me. I had never seen such a spectacle! My little head was infatuated. I wondered about that untouched cosmo so far away and mysterious. What was in there? Where does it starts and ends? How do I look when looked down at from the stars? I was so involved in thinking about these that I forgot about my stiff neck and the chilling down night.

It was at that moment that my perspective began to shift. I realized that I was not the center of the cosmos, and my life was not about parents, grandparents, and school. No, not at all. There is something out there. So tempting, and so splendid and just waiting for me to uncover. I learned to look at this world with awe, and recognize that human beings are so humble in this grand universe.

Later in my life, I keep discovering the new Galaxies. I was amazed, my former beliefs challenged, but eagerly I moved on with great awe and anxiety. I love to feel that my life is expanding, and new sceneries keep crushing in. I became aware of the Thirld World's existence. I stirred and wished to gather my strength and help; I learned that the sea shares 80% of the Earth with us, and I'm eager to meet the magical marine creatures; I stepped outside of China, met foreigners with distinct visions, and was fascinated by how diverse the world culture is. And most beautifully, I know that I could purse the education in the United States. A new continent flowing with possibilities. A new Galaxy where I can explore myself, and the world. (1982)

Undergraduate / 'True learning' - what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn? [3]

Here is the prompt:
"Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?"

Notes:
English is not my first language, so there may be a lot of grammar mistakes. Please please tell me if there is any mistake!
Does my essay look boring or abstract? Is there any structural mistake?
ANY CRITICISM AND COMMENTS ARE STRONGLY WELCOMED! Thank you so much for your time!

my essay:

Before I clicked on the video of "true learning" on the Penn's website, I asked myself: what's your definition of "true learning"? This philosophical question is hard to answer, yet I'm sure that true learning, rather than being monotonous and exclusive, is comprehensive and even unsettling: views challenged and converted, beliefs reflected and reformed. And as it turned out, U Penn is a campus full of "electricity sparks", not only on classes, where heated debate and enthusiastic professors keep flooding students' mind; The sparks also glisten in life. I would like to wait in line in a cafeteria, with an European standing ahead and an African behind. The sparks in our chatting will lend me different visions to see the world.

What's more, U Penn has the whole world backing it up, with abundant opportunities provided by Abroad programs. I could already imagine myself basking in the beauty of Italian language, art and culture in Venice; or delving into the mystries of English theatre, literature and film in London; The whole world with limitless possibilities are lying ahead, and Penn will give me a bridge. For a curious and adventurous Me, Penn provides her a perfect world to explore.

But Penn is more than that. The video catched me by its very begining scene: At 5:30 in the morning, in the calm Penn campus, a girl goes boating along the river, sliding in complete peacefulness, paying attention only to the boat and herself, reflecting. It allows me to glimpse behind that scene: the space for self-reflection and individual development. I would sit in great quietness of Fisher Fine Arts Library, musing deeply about Great Minds' thoughts; or participate in the programs of University Life Arts Initiatives, sharing the magics of dancing and performing arts with local kids. Penn incredibly concerns about students' real being and inner voice. Its unparalled advising network is no doubt another genius invention. Peer advisors, academic advisors, professional advisors and faculty, all with distinct visions yet all revolve around me to help me figure out who is the real me, or Which approach suits me the best in academics and in life. And perhaps I would get a shot in the Live of Kelly Writers House, making my voice heard not only by myself, but also by Penn, and even by the world.

While College of Arts and Sciences is armed with all these idiosyncrasies of Penn, it offers me more. Indeed, by its name, the CAS seems contradictory. How could it be possible to have Arts and Sciences live harmoniously under the same roof? After all, it killed me when I was forced to choose between Arts and Sciences in my sophomore year of high school. How can I mix psycology with architecture, literary with marine biology, literary and calculus, linguistics and marine biology? But this CAS can make this happen! I will swim between arts and sciences through the dynamic interdisciplinary studies and flexible majors and minors. Nothing can block my curiosity for knowledge.

True learning, after all, can not be universally defined since in my own perspectives, true learning must combine abundant opportunities of academics and communities with enough room for one's individual development.

Undergraduate / [short answer] about New York City Explore Program [2]

Notes:
I'm an International applicant, so the short answer is about my first visit to New York on a "City Explore program." (It's a program in which members are separated into groups, and each group select a topic they wish to explore about NY. The final presentation about the exploration will decide which group wins.)

Does this short answer seem confusing? I'm afraid I haven't explained this Program clear enough.
Please help me with grammar if there is any single tiny mistake~

ANY COMMENT OR CRITICISM IS WELCOMED!!
Thank you for your time!!

Here's my essay:

Truth to be told, before I first arrive in New York on the City Explore Program, I couldn't even imagine being separated from my mom for more than two weeks. But here I was, in a completely strange city given only a metro card and a NY map, I have to lead my group to plunge into this city and finish the project of exploration on the theme of "love". Strangely enough, i didn't feel nervous or feared, rather, awaited by an unknown jouney, i share the same curiosity and wonder that Columbus must have felt when he first arrived in the new continent. In the following days, we chatted with 100 people: cleaner, shop owner, entrepreneur, street musician... all share a love for New York for varied reasons; We ran through the thick mist in the Greenwich Village, exploring the love story between the city and the art; We even performed in the Central Park Subway Station and collected $30.8 for the people suffering in the Haiti Earthquake in just one hour ! We did the craziest things i could ever imagined. But this program was more than an exciting competition or a maniac trip. It was an Alice Wonderland-like adventure, an adventure that wakened my limitless passion for the unknown world, a passion that would lead me back to the Untied States, where all these dream started, to pursue a famous liberal arts education, that will enable me to delve into a even more beautiful unknown wonderland.

Undergraduate / [Common application] Dance and my life [3]

Notes:
Hey guys! I wrote about how dancing has influenced and shaped me.
1) I wonder if my opening story is too long and irrelevant to my main theme.
2) Is my language too abstract?
3)please help me with my grammar! I'm an international student so grammar is a great headache to me!>.<
4) the essay is a little above the words limit. Please tell me if you fell some sentences or parts are unnecessary.
Your opinion counts!!
Thanks~~~

Here's my essay:
I will never forget that sun-drenched afternoon. It was my first dancing class. I was only 4 years old then, too short to even reach the balancing bar. But Mrs. Feng must have noticed me, the youngest girl who managed to perform every gesture well right after her demonstration, yet, not smiling. She called the stop to a dance, and said we would practice smiling first. Big smiles on every girl's face blossomed, with corners of the mouth stretching to the cheeks. Mrs. Feng then raised her voice and announced to the whole class:"Yanting smiles the best!" Yet, I was not smiling at all! In great astonishement I raised my eyes, meeting those of Mrs. Feng, full with encouragement. Hesitantly, I saw into the mirror, and found the girl in it looking back at me with the most beautiful smile.

Apparently, contagious smile and so-called talents quickly made me the leading dancer of the whole class. But Mrs. Feng gave me more than that. She gave me the confidence, the very essence of dancing. And most of all, she showed me the wonder of dancing. Sometimes I was surprised at the extent dancing has shaped my characters in unconscious ways.

Countless times in the following ten years, I would stand in the same sun-drenched dance room practicing. I keenly perceived the hidden subtleties of the dance, and threw it to my intuition and imagination. Dance gives me insights and sensibilities into people's thoughts and emotions, which makes me compassionate toward surroundings.

I understand other people's joy and sorrow, which makes them comfortable confiding secrets to me; I regularly volunteer in the Animal Rescue Center, caring for the homeless or abused animals; I empathize with people in suffering and gave passionate speech on woman rights in NAIMUN; And most recently, I accidentally saw a documentary on CCTV about how children in mountain of Ziyang County, Shaanxi, China, walk on the 20 miles slippery and steepy roads to the only school in their village, from dark to dawn, holding torches in their hands. The scene of faint torchlight glittering in the pitch-black winter morning made me unsettled, driving me to successfully hold a volunteer camp there in the last summer. Dancing makes me a rich person.

I enjoy every part of dance, even the pain. I didn't find the "click-crack" of bones and pain as something unbearable. In fact, I find peace in it, and satisfaction. It's like an old friend greeting me in a familiar way, and I have incorporated her as an integral part of mine. It's a tricky balance that requires self-control and tenacity, but I inherit it as a great virtue of mine.

Such pain exists in my life as well, realizing unconquerable, I accept it and tame it as prelude to something beautiful. My parents are something despite their shared obstinate and reserved, which too often bring their quarrels irreconcilable. I'm suffocated by their tension and want to escape, but the tenacity I've gained from dance hold me back and compel me to tackle the problem head on. Whenever they act like children and both refused to compromise, I serve as their meditator and bond them together. It cheers me to see them reconcile and hear the chuckles fill the house as before.

To Mrs. Feng I should give my forever gratitude. It was she who picked up the little girl's hand, and led her to magical world of dancing. It was she that let me realize that, there's no boundry between dancing and life.

Undergraduate / [Why Wellesley] 'underneath the Mona Lisa Smile' [NEW]

Hey guys~
This is my Why Wellesley essay. It will be submitted in 24 hours so I really need some help. Please help me check it and I will check yours back :)

I'm a Chinese girl. And Bingxin in the first paragraph is the very famous Chinese writer who once studied in Wellesley; Catherine Watson is the heroine in the Mona Lisa Smile.( I bet you already know that~)

Please be harsh. Any comments or corrections are welcomed. Thanks ~^.^~

[prompt]
When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.

[my essay]
What do everyman see underneath the Mona Lisa Smile? They see the smile of Mona Lisa... But Catherine Watson sees the possibilities beyond the image, and compels the girls into deeper and independent thinking; What do common people see from the Lake Waban? They see the swaying breeze and the floating tree shadows. But Bingxin saw the free spirit it represents, and passed it down in the Letters to young readers. Indeed, Wellesley hails probing and in-depth thinking, which makes that inspiring slogan-"make a difference"-a reality on every its exceptional woman.

And for me, I saw the unbalanced development of Chinese education behind that CCTV documentary of poor kids, and I was there to help; I saw the dying of many ancient Chinese traditions behind the Cultural Heritage Day, and I volunteered in Folk Museum; I saw more - the kids in India that couldn't get clean water to drink, the unjust treatment of woman in many parts of the world - that I wish I could help but cannot find a way. But Wellesley can make this happen. And after I heard several on-line presentations on Wintersession Program of Albright Institute, I was even more firmly convinced that here in Wellesley, I will gain not only insights into the real world, but also the strength and power to realize my dreams. I am a boat ready to sail in the ocean, waiting for a wind of Wellesley to guide my navigation.