Undergraduate / 'my first multi-pitch climb' - Why Swarthmore? Supplement [6]

Hi everyone, I would love any feedback on my Swarthmore supplement, please let me know what you think (Prompt: Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular, up to 2000 characters)

I am a rock climber with a severe case of "Climberitis" (symptoms include sudden urges to drive to the climbing gym and an inability to look at stone buildings without imagining myself scaling them.) If I had a choice of where to live, it would probably be in Colorado, Utah, or California. Or, better yet, I would buy a secondhand van and travel cross-country in search of the best crags and boulder fields. Yet again and again I find myself coming back to Pennsylvania, to Swarthmore.

For me, Swarthmore is an Ivy League of sorts, but without the emphasis on grades and competition. I believe that this type of system allows students to become truly passionate about their classes, rather than focusing that energy on outdoing one another. Swarthmore encompasses everything that I am looking forward to next year: a quirky and animated student body, the intimacy of a small-town campus, beautiful dorms, and countless Swattie traditions (I have a particularly good feeling about the Crum Regatta.) I am also very excited about the Russian Club, as it is really important to me to retain the ability to speak and write in Russian.

Furthermore, Swarthmore will enable me to pursue my interests in science and medicine, with its inspiring biochemistry facilities and seminar-styled lectures. The option to take classes at Bryn Mar, Haverford, and the University of Pennsylvania leaves so many open doors, and I am ready to skip through each of them. Swarthmore is a relatively small school, but it will give me a more worldly and wholesome outlook on biochemistry, school, and life. Though Pennsylvania may never quite cure my "Climberitis," I am willing to make that sacrifice to attend your school.

Undergraduate / 'knowledge of human nature' - Johns Hopkins Supplement [3]

Edits, comments, critiques are greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot!

Prompt: Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.) (250 words)

I am a firm believer in that the knowledge of human nature is the foundation for everything else. If you understand human nature, then you understand history, politics, and science. For years after my grandmother died of stomach cancer, I wondered why she had refused treatment. She knew that she was sick, yet her fear and mistrust of doctors coupled with a strong sense of denial left her bedridden in her Moscow apartment. Perhaps if we had understood that, we may have been able to help her.

Although it is very clichï to say that AP Psychology changed my life, I think that anything less does not do my teacher enough justice. For the latter part of his career as a social studies teacher, Mr. **** resided in the biggest classroom of the third floor. (I recall him telling us that teachers would pounce at his room as soon as he retiredïit is only human nature, after all.) Most mornings we would sit at our desks and listen to Mr. ****'s stories about his family, the military life that he endured for nearly a decade, and the perplexing lawsuits he had undertaken. Each week, we would conduct experiments pertaining to reinforcement, conditioning, and even telepathy. Above all, Mr. **** has given me a greater understanding of the world around me, and I believe that with the right applications, psychology can surpass its stereotypical roots as a soft and extraneous science.

Undergraduate / 'Not going to keep playing violin anymore' - U-Penn [10]

Do you think this answers the prompt? I know the beginning is kind of stretching it, but I was hoping to answer the "what do you hope to contribute" part of the question with it.

Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

"I don't think I want to keep playing violin anymore. I'm doing too much right now and I just want to focus more on rock climbing."

Immediately after the words flew off my tongue, like freshly-sharpened arrows, I regretted them. I wanted to take them back, reel them in before they would reach my teacher. But I could not. The expression on her face was that of hurt, coupled with anger and disbelief. I felt my own eyes welling up with disgust at what I had done. But then, Ms. Laura said something that had never occurred to me, something that made me understand:

"That's the problem with our society. We are so concerned with excelling at one thing that we forget to look around every once in a while, and open ourselves up to all the possibilities around us. When you get a job and a house, you won't get the opportunity to do these things. Right now, you have the chance to learn something valuable-please don't throw it away like that."

In my preoccupation with becoming a better rock climber, including long nights of pull-ups and dead-hangs and weekends spent at the climbing gym rather than with friends, I had never once stopped to look at the bigger picture. Through art and music, I was able to connect with people on a level much deeper than any friendship I had made at the gym. I was able to bring them joy and brightness, move them to tears, express emotions for which words weren't nearly enough. My parents had given me the opportunity to experience so many aspects of life-art, violin, gymnastics, yoga, climbing-yet it was only 16 years later, in a moment of weakness and vulnerability, that I truly came to understand the value of such an education.

For me, U-Penn is the epitome of a liberal arts college, the epitome of the education my parents have given me. It gives students perspective and the opportunity to put their studies in a greater context, and purpose to countless hours of research and studying. It allows students to explore as many subject areas as possible before committing to a single one. While I am particularly interested in biochemistry, I would like to keep my options open for the time being. The well-roundedness of the U-Penn curriculum will undoubtedly enable me to do that.

If I do commit to majoring in biochemistry, U-Penn offers one of the best programs that I have examined. It would be an honor to study biochemistry at the College of Arts and Sciences, and to work with some of the country's most brilliant professors. I am particularly intrigued by the work of Professor Roland G. Kallen on the regulation of voltage-gated ion channels, and I would love to be able to take one of his classes. There are so many research programs, and the fact that students can start during sophomore year is incredible. I believe that research and experimentation are essential to understanding the sciences, and I am very much looking forward to a future at U-Penn.

Undergraduate / 'art, violin, gymnastics, yoga, and climbing' - U-Penn Supplement [2]

This is a rewrite of my U-Penn supplement, please let me know what you think. Is it too brief/does it need more transitions?

Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?

I am very grateful that my parents have given me the opportunity to experience so many aspects of life-art, violin, gymnastics, yoga, and climbing. Through art and music, I am able to connect with people; I can bring them joy and brightness, move them to tears, and express emotions for which words aren't nearly enough. (I would also like to think that hours of drilling tedious sections of music has somewhat sharpened my memory.) Conversely, in my preoccupation with becoming a better rock climber, including long nights of pull-ups and dead-hangs and weekends spent at the climbing gym, I have learned to push my body beyond the boundaries already established in my mind.

Admittedly, there have been occasions when I have regretted pursuing so many ends simultaneously. But I think that ultimately, my parents and teachers have given me a multi-dimensional outlook on school and on life-something that I hope to contribute to the U-Penn community.

For me, U-Penn is the epitome of a liberal arts college, an invitation to wander beyond preexisting notions. It gives students perspective and the opportunity to put their studies in a greater context, and purpose to countless hours of research and studying. It allows students to explore as many subject areas as possible before committing to a single one. While I am particularly interested in biochemistry, I would like to keep my options open for the time being. The well-roundedness of the U-Penn curriculum will undoubtedly enable me to do that.

If I do commit to majoring in biochemistry, U-Penn offers one of the best programs that I have examined. It would be an honor to study biochemistry at the College of Arts and Sciences, and to work with some of the country's most brilliant professors. I am particularly intrigued by the work of Professor Roland G. Kallen on the regulation of voltage-gated ion channels, and I would love to be able to take one of his classes. Also, there are so many research programs, and the fact that students can start during sophomore year is simply incredible.

Biochemistry or not, I am very much looking forward to building upon my foundation of easels, violin strings, and shredded climbing shoes.