Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay severe punishment for traffic offensese [4]

your comments (include grammer, score...) are highly appreciated ~thx

topic In order to improve safety on our roads more severe punishment should be established for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When it comes to traffic accident, some assert that severe penalty should be imposed, in a bid to improve security. I agree with the view that this action will curb the offenses, but still, other approaches can more or less reduce traffic violations.

Plainly one of the effective punishments is more serious penalty points. Recently, in China, the Department of Transportation put a regulation which doubts the penalty points for breaking traffic light into practice, this means if you disobey traffic light in twice, your driving license will be disqualified. Thanks to this drivers become more aware of traffic law and comply with it better since they know the more serious consequences after violating.

Moreover, more severe fining system surely enables to cut down the quantity of offences. Which can give credence to this point is the case of my father's friend. In the past, the over speeding was only punished through verbal warning and 2 penalty points. My father's friend often drives as fast as he wants. After having to pay the fine as considerable as 500 yuan for this disobedient, never does he drive over the speed limit. Therefore, intensifying retribution suppresses people's attempt to break the traffic laws.

It is not to say, however, other approaches can be ignored. For example, setting up more stringent driving test to enhance driver's proficiency; propagating potential jeopardy of disobedient to educate public. Indeed, those actions can make offenses lessen, in contrast, retribution could have direct influence on curtailing traffic crimes.

On the whole, the combination of severe punishment and other approaches is the best recipe for making our road safer

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid commu [7]

dumi~I hope you can help me with this essay again~~thanks a lot ~~~any advise is highly appreciated ~~~

topic: Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit the teenagers and the community as well. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

When it comes to voluntary community work, some assert that adolescents are supposed to do unpaid words in community, which can bring huge benefits to both themselves and community. Basically, I agree with that.

Evidently, occupying their free time with paid-free community works, in turn, benefits those young volunteers. Firstly, the valuable experience which propel them to be more competent in future work, from communicating with others which equip them with social skills to cooperating with professionals which enrich their knowledge. Furthermore, assisting others in society makes them form a sense of fulfillment and happiness. Lastly, employers are now far more willing to recruit who have been engaged in voluntary jobs. Therefore those first-hand experiences eventually become their superiority.

Moreover, community is also the beneficiary from teenager's working. This point can be emphasized by the fact that budget for paying employees to do jobs-from looking after orphan in orphanage to attending senior in home elderly to teaching pupils in rural countryside-is cut down.

Nevertheless, it is not to say that all their precious spare time ought to be spent on extra community work. Indeed, young students must strive to get diploma in the circumstance of increasingly cut-throat competition, and they also need time to rest when being exhausted. However, for the sake of the whole community profit and their own interest, they are encouraged to make the most of their time to do moderate unpaid job.

On the whole, my view id that it is desirable for teenagers to do no paying community work, based on the aforementioned argument.

Writing Feedback / IElLTS - reducing pollution and damage to the remote environments [4]

Urgent ! I 'm going to take ielts exam next week, please help me~~~any advise and comments(include grammers,vocabulary...) are highly appreciated!! thanks a lot ~~~~~

TOPIC:Nowadays both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

When human lose interest on common place of interest, they embark on exploring wildly remote nature. To my way of thinking, the boons brought by this tend prevail over the banes.

Obviously, the essence of science is to probe unveiled substances; for scientist, going to isolated natural environment (such as tropical rainforest or polar area) is constructive to observe wild species and get a closer look on eco-system. Another significant advantage is carrying on scientific research, it is commonly known that in Antarctic, for example, there are several research stations which aim at monitoring the size of the hole in ozone layer and measuring changes in the ice-cap. Therefore exploring primary nature is enormously beneficial in science aspects

In addition, in tourist's position, such adventure pushes back their visions. For one thing, they acquired fist-hand experience-from touching unknown plants when traveling to forest to taking photos of polar bears. For another, experiencing such pristine nature is the aspiration to artists- if the tourists are painters and musicians.

However, setting foot in pristine nature is attended by alarming problem. One big danger should be mentioned is the trash which left behind by tourists and the pollutant which is generated from science research. More seriously, biological balance is disturbed by human activities. QingHai Lake, located in remote west part of china, is the 'victim' of increasing tourists who are keen on venturing.

On the whole, there are massive interests fore both science and individual, what we are encouraged to do is to reduce the pollution and to damage the wild nature as little as possible.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay main benefit of international cooperation [7]

help!!!!! I am going to take ielts exam this week, please give me some advice~~~~

Topic Some think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both view and give your opinion

When it comes to the advantages brought by cooperation in international circumstances. People hold divergent views. Some allege that the primary value is in environmental conservation; others contend that world business is the chief beneficiary. In this essay, I am going to explore these two sides first before presenting my personal understanding.

Obviously, collaboration among countries is conducive to set up an unified organization which can implement relevant policies and enact environmental protection laws to tackle with environmental problems. Common sense tells us that environment issues --- global warming, holes in Ozone layer and water contamination---are not confined to one particular country or region, which means countries are expected to join hands together such as enforcing laws of prohibition on cutting trees and waste disposal to alleviate the aforementioned problems from a global scale. Therefore, in this respect, international cooperation brings benefits to dealing with environment problems.

However, in no circumstance, could business interest be neglected. A case in this point is Gac-Toyota, which is a Sino-Japan joint venture car manufacturer, augmenting its productivity and cutting down the production cost by cooperating with others---successfully utilizing the china's low price labor and Japan's cutting-edge technology. Hence, it is argued that cross-country cooperate brings profits in economic domain.

On the whole, it is subjective to say that the main benefit is environment conservation or world business, since the both benefit enormously from collaboration in global scale. To my way of think, it is well-advice to boost international cooperation, considering the win-win situation formed by it.