Undergraduate / The School of Rock & my passion for music ; COMMON APP [3]

here is my common app essay, please critique it as harshly as possible, i am applying everywhere in a few days and haven't had much assistance on this haha.

Middle school was, for me, a rather awkward stage of my life, as I'm sure it was for many other people. However, I'm fairly certain that my experiences during middle school were very different than those of most other suburban kids. It was the time when my younger brother and sisters' professional acting careers really started taking off, and while they were off shooting commercials in Germany or TV episodes in Los Angeles, I was often left to stay home with grandparents or friends. My life took a backseat to the hectic filming schedules that consumed most of my family's life. It was also the time when my parents' relationship spiraled out of control and eventually led to a divorce, something that was not easy for me to witness at such a young age. Despite all this, I will forever remember my middle school years for one reason only: it was when I developed my passion for music.

Amidst the chaos of movies, marital problems, and school, my mother signed me up for the School of Rock in South Hackensack, perhaps just as a way to keep me occupied. The School of Rock was a place where students took private lessons on their instrument of choice and played a variety of music with other students in "ensemble" practices. I had always enjoyed listening to music, but never had a genuine interest in it. I can still vividly recall the first time I went; it was a run-down, ugly old brick building in the industrial district. I remember walking in, seeing the tattered posters and the numerous holes in the walls, thinking, "this is it?" But as I sat down behind the drum set for the first time, bashing away as the other students wailed on their guitars, basses, and keyboards, the appearance of the School of Rock became irrelevant. Everything else in my life became irrelevant. I had found my home.

From then on, all I could think about was music. I practiced the drums for hours upon hours every day, eager to go to Thursday night rehearsal. It was where, once a week, I could release all my pent-up frustration without hurting anyone, save for the occasional broken drumstick flying across the room. For those three hours, my siblings' overwhelming careers and my parents' constant fighting was pushed into the background; all I cared about were my drums.

Although the School of Rock closed down during my freshman year, I will never forget my experiences there and what it taught me. Although it was just a dingy building with a couple of guitar amps and drum sets, it was the most important part of my childhood. The School of Rock was where I discovered my passion for music and where I could share that passion with others, all while forming lasting relationships along the way. Playing music is still very much an important part of my existence, and I owe it entirely to the School of Rock.

Undergraduate / Working at Movie Theater; COMMON APP - WORK EXPERIENCE [3]

looking for opinions and critiques. thanks in advance

During the summer after my junior year, I began working at the local movie theater. I initially wanted the job to put some much-needed money in my pockets, but "The Theater" is now something entirely different to me. The people I work with share a strong bond, despite the fact that we all come from very different cultural and economic backgrounds. It's astounding how people from so many different walks of life can get along so well, while effectively running a business at the same time. My manager Advay is an immigrant from India, my coworker Eli grew up in a very poor neighborhood in the Bronx, and Shannon, one of my supervisors, is from the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean.

Every time I go to work, I pop the popcorn and sweep the floors, but I also get to build friendships with people who are very different from myself. Most people in the area view it as a place to see the newest action flick, but to me, it's much more than a movie theater - it's my second home.

Undergraduate / I desire more diversity; Boston university sup: Why apply? [3]

please critique my BU supplement as harshly as possible.

I grew up in a small, middle-class suburb in northern New Jersey. The locals here refer to my town as "The Bubble". Although I love my town, I have always desired a more diverse, culturally interesting community, and with Boston University I have found just that. BU's extremely varied student body, coupled with the intimacy of its classes and high quality of its professors, makes it the college I dream of attending. On top of all that, there is no place I would like to spend my post-high school years in more than Boston.

Despite growing up near New York City, I have always had an affinity for the city of Boston. Boston University represents its city more accurately than any other college in the area; the energy, the diversity, and intellectual nature of the city are all integral parts of the school as well. The large selection of schools that make up Boston University mirrors the city that it resides in; Boston is a city of many different neighborhoods, each with a unique personality.

The most appealing "neighborhood" of Boston University to me is the School of Management. The school's focus on digital technology and alternative energy makes it stand out among the other the business schools I have researched. In a world where technology advances on a seemingly day-to-day basis, Boston University's School of Management is a cut above the rest. Boston University's diversity, location, and high-tech School of Management have led me to apply without hesitation.

Undergraduate / Playing, listening, analyzing, and recording Drexel supplement - music industry major [3]

Relate your essay topic to your interest in your intended major.

critique as harshly as possible! due in 1 day!

Since I was about twelve years old, I have had a strong passion for music. Playing, listening, analyzing, and recording music are things I do on a daily basis. My love for music, along with my interest in business, has led me to the decision that a Music Industry degree is the natural choice for me. Drexel's Music Industry program is world-renowned, and I believe it is the perfect way for me to achieve my dream of becoming a record company executive.

During my time with my old band, Beyond Redemption, I gained lots of experience in music and the industry that surrounds it. We recorded demos, made t-shirts, and played every show we could get our hands on. In 2010, Beyond Redemption was in a small group of winners for the Break Contest, a "battle of the bands" that hundreds of bands in the New Jersey/New York area enter every year. We were awarded a 15-minute set at the Bamboozle Festival, an annual music festival that some of the biggest bands in the world have performed at. During the judging process, I was able to speak with record producers and scouts, which gave me a lot of insight into what record companies look for in an artist. Although only about twenty people showed up to watch our 11 A.M. set at the Bamboozle Festival, the experience was amazing and the work that went into getting there is something I will never forget.

Beyond Redemption has since broken up, but my love of music and desire to work in the industry has only grown stronger. At Drexel's Westphal College of Media Arts & Design, I hope to hone my skills and prepare for a career in the music industry. I believe that my experience, as well as my drive to pursue my passion, makes me a perfect candidate for the Music Industry program at Drexel.

Undergraduate / my friend Dylan/ Setnor School of Music/ communication skills/ local music; SYRACUSE SUPP [2]

please criticize my answers to one, multiple, or all of the questions. whatever you want. I will help you with yours as well, just tell me which one!!!!! thanks a lot, due tomorrow (today)

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? My decision to apply to Syracuse University was influenced by the specific courses Syracuse has to offer, as well as my friend Dylan, who is currently a junior studying at the Setnor School of Music. Syracuse's Bandier program is perfect for what I would like to do in college, which is to study the music industry while getting real-world experience to prepare myself for a career. Through my conversations with Dylan, I have learned a lot about Syracuse's academics, as well as the people who study there. The passion of the students, the genuine interest of the professors, and Syracuse's location are all very appealing to me. I believe that talking with someone who goes to a college is the best way to gain insight into what the school is actually like. My research on Syracuse and all I have heard about its excellent music program from a current student have led me to the decision that it is the perfect university for me to study at once I graduate high school.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
I aspire to one day become an executive at my own record company. Through my research of other schools and their music industry programs, as well as music and business programs, nothing has stood out to me more than the Bandier Program at Syracuse University's Setnor School of Music. The focus on marketing and entrepreneurship as well as music is perfect for me, someone with a strong interest in business as well as a life-long passion for music. The semesters in Los Angeles and London will prepare me for a job at a record company by exposing me to two of the most prominent entertainment capitals of the world. I was immediately drawn to the hands-on approach of the Bandier Program; contact with real professionals in the music business will give me the knowledge and experience to pursue a career in the industry. Syracuse University's Bandier Program is the perfect way for me to achieve my dream of starting my own record company.

3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain? I currently work at the Warner Quad, a small movie theater in my area. I have learned a lot in the five months that I've been employed there. Of course I have learned how to make popcorn, sell tickets, and wash dishes, but the real knowledge I have gained is in the field of customer service. My communication skills have improved tremendously in the time I've worked at the movie theater. I no longer simply ring people up and hand them their snacks; I now realize that each new customer I interact with requires different treatment, and my speech skills have gone way up as a result. I can converse with a Vietnam veteran and a group of seven-year-olds just the same. My patience has also improved; waiting two minutes for someone who can't decide what soda they want no longer drives me insane - I handle it with a smile on my face. Working at the theater has surprisingly boosted my confidence as well; instead of running to my manager at the first sign of a problem, I now use the skills I have learned to solve it myself. I have acquired a surprising amount of skills and knowledge from working at my local movie theater over the past several months.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission. A hands-on approach to learning is the best way, and Syracuse's Scholarship in Action mission embodies that idea perfectly. As a student at Syracuse University, I will become involved in the local music scene in the city of Syracuse not only as a performer, but in the industry as well. This is something I have already had success with at home as the drummer in my old band, Beyond Redemption. Throughout high school, we promoted our music, made t-shirts, and played every show we could get our hands on. Our efforts landed us a slot at the Bamboozle, an annual music festival that many of today's most famous bands have performed at, including Foo Fighters and Incubus. I plan to use the skills I learn in the Bandier program, along with the real-world skills I already have from being in an active band, to help promote music in the Syracuse area. On the campus level, I am interested in joining various clubs that the school has to offer, including GrooveStand, to benefit the music scene in any way I can. I also plan on pursuing internships with booking agencies and record companies, during the summer in northern New Jersey and in New York City, and during the school year in the Syracuse area. I would love to become an active member of the music scene on campus, in the Syracuse area, and wherever else I can pursue my dream.