Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by FrankZheng
Name: Zheng
Joined: Dec 5, 2013
Last Post: Dec 20, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 14  
From: China
School: Nanjing University

Displayed posts: 17
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FrankZheng   
Dec 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS ,Letter] Apply for a housekeeping position [3]

You saw an advertisement for a position to look after a house
- Introduce yourself
- Why are you interested in this job?
- Ask some questions about the job


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of house keeper advertised in yesterday's newspaper. As requested, I am enclosing my resume and a reference from my professor.

Being a student of Civil University in this town, I am looking for a job which would not interfere with my study. I am currently preparing the admission exam for the graduate school, so I need some quiet environment to concentrate on my preparation. I am also pleased with the location, where is near to my university and there are several public bus routes.

May I ask about the facilities nearby, I love sports including swimming and badminton. Is there a sport's center nearby? And what about the pay, I am afraid that you did not mention it very clearly.

If you want more information about me, please feel to contact me at 999-9999. Thank you for your time and considering me for this position.

Truly yours,
FrankZheng   
Dec 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2; Old values have no relevance in the modern world [6]

Hi ,I am not a native speaker and struggling in IELTS essaies, so I can't do the correction for you concerning grammars and structures.

However, there is one point that I'd like to share with you . I think you should focus on those irrelevant believes or values, because that is the question asked. So the first main paragraph doesn't seems to be convincing enough because you tried to prove the old believe is relevant to modern society. As we know ,task response is always in the priority.
FrankZheng   
Dec 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS letter- request for a training course to your manager [5]

You work for an international company. Recently your job has changed and you believe that more training is need. Write a letter to your manager and say

- How has your job changed?
- Describe a type of training you will need.
- Suggest the arrangements incorporating training and your work.

Dear Sir,

I recently joined in this department as a product manager. As you might know, I used to be a software developer, and I am writing to request a training on French in order to design the international version of our products.

I studied French several years ago, therefore I can do basic communication with the French colleagues. However, I find it difficult to describe the detailed requirements and features of our products. If possible, I would like to take a language training class to improve my French level, especially the writing.

I have already searched some available courses in the Internet. Fortunately, many institutions do offer evening classes. Therefore, I could continue my work while taking the language course. Besides, I plan to finish my course by the end of this year.

I will be grateful if you could approve my application. Thank for your time.

Yours sincerely,
Toms
FrankZheng   
Dec 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS letter- request for a training course to your manager [5]

Many thanks to sigh3508,dumi,pahan.

I rewrite this letter to make it more convincing.

I am writing to request a training on French language in order to design the international version of our products. As you might know, I am recently transferred from software development department into your department as a product manager.

We are working the new specification of French version, requiring reading many relevant document and communicating with the local office. As a matter of fact, I have some basic knowledge on French because I took a course two years ago. However, my knowledge is not sufficient enough to deal with those complicated structures and grammars which are essential to express detailed features of our products. I shall be thankful if you could arrange a training program to develop my French language skills.

I plan to take an intensively evening class,so that it would not interfere with my daily work and use the newly acquired knowledge as soon as possible.

I will be grateful if you could approve my application.

Thank for your time.
FrankZheng   
Dec 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: applying community service in schools serving a good purpose [7]

The word's count is 206, far less than 250. So you should develop more clearly, maybe add some support sentences in third paragraph.
By the way ,I try my best to correct for you .

This essay would be over 5.5 ,maybe 5 , that's my personal view.
FrankZheng   
Dec 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. [5]

Another suggestion for you, avoiding meaningless sentences and repeating the question.
For example,
1) Their are many other factors which contributes towards the high production of rubbish. In introduction paragraph, this is pointless.
2) What should government do or can do to reduce the amount of rubbish produced?
FrankZheng   
Dec 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task2 - Causes and solutions in preventing bad influence of adult products [7]

The first paragraph, maybe you should mention and emphasize the negative effects on you.
I rewrite for you ,but in another way.

A year ago, I have watched the movie Malèna (produced in 2000) with many sexual and violent scenes. As a 12-year-old boy, I could not recognize the humanistic meanings in the movie and resulted in many nightmares, bothering and disturbing my daily life. Nevertheless, how does it affect to adolescents who do not have the right view about those sensitive scenes?

Focus on the causes,not the result. So ,the second paragraph is certainly off-topic.
That is the big problem in educating teenagers because violent or sexual content is not usually showed as supporting role in the main story in some multimedia products. Most of them often masquerade as "art scene" with "liberating human instinct" meanings. Therefore, the lack of knowledge about law, worst moral or the curiosity could lead teenagers' view to the wrong way under the bad influence of violent or porno products.

A regular option is to put the programs about sex education and law in schools so that children could be raisedstudyin knowledge and have a right perception about sex and violence. Beside it, government could apply the censorship or attach the age restriction to every sensitive product to classify viewers or players. However, this way would have just a little effect on our curious children, even sometimes it could be counter-productive and makes adolescents enthralled by evil thoughts that would lead to delinquency.

One solutionAnother effective solution that is more effective is "family" filter or parental censorship in protecting the innocence of children and saving corrupt souls. Indeed, in some countries that porno products are legal like Japan, or have a high rate of delinquency such as China, America or India, parents must take over the task of censorship from government bodies in movies, music, computer games and the Internet. Moreover, parents should pay more attention to children's desires and wishes by making truthful conversation usually about sensitive problems and drive juvenile ideas to the right way.

FrankZheng   
Dec 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS letter- apologise to your friend for not being able to meet him/her [5]

Your friend was supposed to visit you soon, but due to some personal problems you can't meet him / her on the specified date. Write a letter to him or her explaining the situation. In your letter, you have to:

- Apologise to your friend.
- Explain why it's not possible to meet now.
- Suggest an alternative date for the meeting.


Dear John,
I am very happy to receive from you, how is it going for your new job? I am writing to apologise to you that I cannot meet you on this Sunday.

Yesterday, I was informed by my manager to attend a meeting in Beijing from Friday to Sunday. In that meeting, as a product manager, I will represent my company to give a brief introduction of our new products. It is a very good opportunity to promote, because many potential customers will be there. Sorry again for not being able to meet you.

Next month, it will be the National Day, why not travel to some interesting places together? I plan to visit southern part of YunNan province, because there are lots of wild lives there. It has been long time since our last travel and I believe that we can have a lot of fun. Maybe we can invite more friends, what do you think?

I hope you can understand, and please reply me as soon as possible.

Best wishes,
Toms

I would like to hear some advice whether this reason is acceptable or not.
Thanks.
FrankZheng   
Dec 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; The Internet Vs Newspapers - Which is more powerful? [4]

handsome7boy
Also some other suggestions, because I am also working on IELTS preparation.

1, it is anticipated that newspaper will soon be a thing of the past. May be you are right about the fact that the newspaper will soon disappear. But I don't think other people will fell comfortable when they notice you are anticipated.

2, Today's modern world, people use internet as a means of broadcaster as it is so convenient to use. I don't think the convenience is the only reason that people use internet. Perhaps ,you can refer it as primary reason.

As you might know, a reasonable IELTS essay should be logic and rational so that other people can accept your ideas.
FrankZheng   
Dec 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / Introduce yourself : Tell me about your family ? Tell me about your house ? .. [5]

I hope that these suggestions can help you.

Question 1 : Tell me about your family ?
Answer : Well, first of all , the main thing you need to know is that I come from a small family with four members.They are , my parents , my elder brother and me. My father is a supervisor in VN air catering company at the Tan Son Nhat airport. As for and my mother , My mom she is a housewife.In addition to ,she also run a small grocery store.At last , my brother is a computer programmer and was born three years before older than me.

On top of that I can also add that we often gather together to have a happy meal , talk , discussion about our work, our current life and future plans .In fact , my small family always make me feel relaxed and comfortable inat the moment.Something else that I need to comment on is thatAlso, my family is a very happy one.So actually ,because we love each other and expect towill live together under the same roof forever. By the way ,I don't think your ideas is interesting. Do you believe that you will live in one house forever?

Question 2 : Tell me about your house ?
Answer : Well first of all , the main thing you need to know is that My house is in a noisy areadistrictnot far fromneara large main road in District twelve .On top of that I can also add that it is little small and made of bricks.There are three rooms in my house: they are the living room,the bedroom and the kitchen.Something else that I need to comment on is that All the rooms are nice and tidy.So actually, And the interior decoration and the furniture in my house are beautifull although they aren't expensive.

Question 3 : tell me about your hometown or your city?
Answer : I was born in Ha Nam province , but I have grown up in HCM city.So it can be said thatI am more comfortable to say that HCM city is my hometown.I suppose if I had to describe HCM city , the main thing you need to know is that It's a enormous city , maybe evenactually one of the biggest cities in Southeast Asia I guess.It's big and has many back alleys in fact that even the locals problems finding their way around.On the top of that I can also add that my city offers examples of both classical and contemporary architecture.Actually some of the Vietnam 's most renowned landmarks are "slap-bang" in the middle of HCM city.

Question 4 : Tell me about your study
Answer :Well first of all , the main thing you need to know is that I'm a student of the AFTC training center.At this center I study nine disciplines aboutin financial fields such as quantitative, financial reporting analysis, economic, corporate finance and so on .Besides studying at the AFTC training center , I'm attending Learning English course at small English center.On top of that I can also add that I'm always on the go.In fact , I have to get to the bottom of problems related to revise schoolwork and become skilled in English.

Question 5 : What makes you happy?
Well first of all , the main thing you need to know is thatAThe feeling of pleasure or enjoyment makes me happy. In fact that, most of my family's free time is spent inon talkint to each other about our current life, current work and future plans. That was one of the happiest moments of my life.On top of that I can also add that it is necessary to do useful sth for my life in order to have true happiness. So actually, when I get a sense of achievement from my work, those everyday actions give me more effort ? , more inspiration and more happiness.

FrankZheng   
Dec 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS task two essay about job satisfaction [3]

Please POST THE QUESTION with your essay.

1,

Admittedly, people are nowadays more cautious about choosing a job.

Give a reason why we are more cautious.

2, The usage of the verb 'contribute'.
Something contributes to ....

3,

Generally, the amount of salary which employees are paid, can be contributed to job satisfaction. To explain it more, employees tend to be more satisfied with their jobs when their wages commensurate their knowledge, skill and experiences.

The second sentence just repeats your previous idea. Perhaps , it is better to give a reason or result.

4,

sounds disappointing and can affectsaffect the employees satisfaction withfrom the job.

5,

because of the imbalancemismatch between the salaries and employees experiences, skills and knowledge

I am not sure with the word 'mismatch'. But, 'imbalance' is not appropriate here.

6,

although things in reality differ from things incould not meet the employees' expectation

7,

I believe if governments or any one with superior position, start to consider the mentioned factors, the far distance between the reality and the employees requirements could become lessen.

Restructure it to emphasize the result.

I believe that the far distance between the reality and the employees' requirements expectations could becomewould be lessen, if governments or any one with superior position, start to consider the mentioned factors.

By the way , I don't think that the fact can be changed with the government's involvement .
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