Undergraduate / My Church --- Dartmouth Supplement Essay (Help me and I'll help you) [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below. (250 words max)
Revise, please. Also, my essay is 253 words; how can I shorten it?

As a MundoDeFe volunteer teacher and dance choreographer, I have a responsibility, a duty, and a bond; a sort of voluntary obligation upon my church's kids.

Every Sunday my uncle drives me to MundoDeFe, my church and family. I am welcomed by Chui, by Blanca, by my compatriots. Together, we organize the children's room and pray. As the children start coming, Blanca and I prepare our dance team with motivational words. Then, we walk on stage, and suddenly an omnipresent joy flutters as we dance in coordination with songs. There is something special in this. A contagious ecstasy.

When the last song has finished, Chui dismisses the children to their bible classes. Twelve fourth-grade kids come hopping towards me and Dania, a teacher too, as we take them to a smaller room. There, Dania and I teach them the lesson of the week with songs, puppets, videos, and coloring smiles. The kids are more than just children to me; they are my motivation to keep going. They ask me questions like "what is high school like?" "Do you think I can keep going?" They tell me their problems, their goals, theirs doubts, in hopes that I as a more "experienced person" can help them. When I answer, or rather respond within my limit capabilities, I comprehend how far I've come, regardless of my ups and downs.

I will remain a leader to my twelve students, a role model, so one day they will follow my example. That day, I will be very proud.

Undergraduate / Yale speaks to me, I want Yale--- Yale short answer [3]

Thanks in advance for reading my essay. I want to know whether my short answer fits the prompt. Also, please revise my short-short answers.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? (Please answer in 100 words or less.)

Yale speaks to me. I can't hear the words, but there is a connection between my love for exploration and Yale's diverse activities and research opportunities. Having limited exposure to activities outside academics due to my lack of transportation, I yearn to discover a whole new world to expand my interests at Yale. I want to join Yale's rigorous Biomedical Engineering Program, as well as some of Yale's academic organizations like: SWE, EWB, and Yale undergraduate Robotics. Inside Yale's diversely close residential community, I hope to be an explorer who finds her passions and adds to Yale's community of education and research.

2.) Please respond in 150 characters (roughly 25 words) or fewer to each of the questions below:

a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I would gather my friends to play Clue, Life, and Monopoly, read, and watch interesting videos in Vsauce.
b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I used to believe being a doctor was the only way to help humanity's health. As I researched topics for Science Fair during the summer, however, I found that bioengineers and scientists' research is currently helping many individuals.

c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?
My counselor said to me, "You are more likely to accomplish your goals if you write them down." Since then, I keep a journal where I write my goals and what I do each day to get closer to them. It worked.

d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I could have better writing skills.
e. What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom that has had a significant impact on you?
Succeeding in AP Biology, my fist AP class and the class many teachers discouraged me to take, made me realize I was capable of taking big challenges. Since then, I am not afraid of taking AP classes.

Undergraduate / University of Rochester- My perfect fit college [4]

Please revise... Also, is my essays on topic? Thank you.

The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here at Rochester and beyond. (250 words max)

Looking back at the days when applying to university seemed decades away, I spent my time looking for the "perfect fit college". The University of Rochester spoke to me. I couldn't hear the words, of course, but there was a connection between my loves for Biomedical Engineering and Brain Science and Rochester's diverse curriculum. Compared to other universities, the University of Rochester seemed more engaging, more adaptable. The University of Rochester gives students the opportunity to apply what they have been learning to research and to study the classes they most desire from the first time they step through the university's honored doors. In addition, Rochester encourages its students to become engaged and involved. I know I will not find this anywhere else.

By being part of the Hajim's Biomedical Engineering Program, my goal is to collaborate with other students to solve real life problems. With my creativity and knowledge, I want to make innovations that can make a difference and improvement on society. Thanks to Rochester's flexible curriculum, I also plan to minor or even double major in Brain and Cognitive Sciences. In Rochester, I will be in an environment where others appreciate my love for science, my love for reading and my love for learning. With more than 200 organizations to choose from, I also hope develop new interests as I explore new activities. This will be my "Meliola" experience.

Undergraduate / HSF Academic Challenge- Science Fair Journey [3]

PLEASE PROOF READ AND EDIT. ANY SUGGESTION ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED! :)
Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced.
Explain how you overcame it.*

I wake up and glance at my phone's messages. "The materials are here!" I read. Without further impediments, I hastily dress, gather my favorite black pen and composition book, and sprint towards the outside.

Last year, my AP Biology teacher Dr. Leo introduced me and my classmates to Science Fair. Although Science Fair was a shadowy dim ocean to me, I could understand how this ocean could enable someone to explore and discover places that no other living organism had seen before. Fortuitously, I had an idea: to test the reaction of people's brain waves to different environments for I wanted to someday study the human brain. Ebullient and ecstatic, I was going to inform my idea to Dr. Leo, until I overheard three of my Biology classmates discussing their idea: a Simple Plane (SP), basically an airplane programmed to drive autonomously and be powered by solar energy. Comparing my idea to this, I was disillusioned about my unsophisticated objective. I didn't wanted to be disparaged by the complexity of my classmate's project, so I cowardly remained in silence, not even informing my teacher about my idea.

I regret that decision. Until the beginning of this year, I was certain that I had lost the only opportunity to release my creativity in science. Because I remained visiting Dr. Leo, however, I discovered that she was making Science Fair a requirement for her students since only three students out of thirty had chosen to do Science Fair the preceding year and encouraged me to do Science Fair too. With a second thought, I accepted her request. To my surprise, the three students that built SP would be competing again in the 2014 Regional Science Fair. Their new idea was to find new ways to combat cancer via DNA methylation. Again, I felt disparaged by their idea, but I wasn't going to give up. No, not this time.

Dazzled by the mysteries and wonders of nanotechnology for more than three years, I decided to research Silver nanoparticles, my target for Science Fair. After two months of intensive research and planning, I showed Dr. Leo my experiment proposal: how silver nanoparticles' anti-bacterial properties can destroy harmful bacteria in everyday places. However, after sending my proposal to the Science Fair director for authorization, my experiment was vetoed for bacteria were too dangerous to test in a classroom lab. I didn't know what to do; was it better to quit or to spend another month planning for a new experiment that could possibly not even work? A week later, while thinking about my decision, I found that the SP creators' project was denied too for it used possible cancer-causing chemicals. We were both in a dead end! When these three students told me they would not do science fair, I was left with no words. I had given up before, but I wasn't going to do that again. With more intense research, I learned about the conductivity of silver nanoparticles and their benefits. I wrote my new proposal: to test silver nanoparticles' conductivity in an ultra-thin foil powered by a Peltier Module. This, I found, could be the beginning of a new era of medical flexible electronics. My proposal was approved.

I get to school. It seems like a dead place when it's the weekend. Dr. Lee opens the school's door. As I enter the science lab room, I grab my PVP, Polyacrylic Acid, and hydroxyethyl cellulose, the materials I had been waiting for, and begin my experiment.

Undergraduate / FaithChurch and I; Extracurricular Activity--- [2]

Please Edit. Thank you in advance!
Describe your participation in extracurricular activities.
What have you learned from your experience(s)?
(Examples may include: community service, volunteer work, employment, school clubs, sports, family, church, etc.) *

As a FaithChurch volunteer teacher and dance choreographer, I have a responsibility, a duty, and a bond. It is a voluntary obligation to my church's kids. Every Sunday my uncle drives me to FaithChurch, my church and family. I am welcomed by Chui, Blanca, and other volunteers. Together, we organize the children's room and pray. As the children start coming, Blanca and I prepare our dance team with motivational words. Then, we lead the children in choreographed dance performances in front of the congregation. There is something special in this... a contagious ecstasy.

When the last song has finished, Chui dismisses the children to their bible classes. Twelve fourth-grade kids come sprinting towards Dania, another teacher, and me as we take them to a smaller room where we teach them the lesson of the week with songs, puppets, videos, and welcoming smiles. During our lessons, the kids share with me their problems, their goals, theirs doubts, in hopes that I as a more "experienced person" can advise them in what seems to trouble them. When I respond, I become aware of the disparity in our perspectives. I view myself as just another volunteer, but these twelve kids, maybe for just an hour, view me as their leader, a person who is there to guide them. I will continue to be a leader and a role model to my twelve students. I will teach them, guide them, and motivate them.

FaithChurch is more than a church to me; it is the family that I have had since I was eight years old. Not understanding English as a child, I feared speaking to people and as result isolated myself. FaithChurch gave me the tools to overcome my isolation and become a leader. Now, I am not only a children supervisor and teacher, but I have also taken the responsibility to come every Thursday afternoon to work on the following Sunday's media and dance routine. Once every month, I also participate in the Alcance Group, a FaithChurch organization that helps local people learn about the opportunities God and the United States have to offer. Unlike school where teachers sort us by age, abilities, and preferences like clothes in a store, my church enables me to meet people of different ages, experiences, and perspectives. It is by learning from them and teaching them what I know that I am the person who I am today.

FaithChurch is a small place, but the place that makes you feel valued, teaches you how to combat your fears, and prepares you to be a leader does not have to be big.