Undergraduate / Essay on swimming - it's part of my life - Babson [8]

I had my first swimming lesson without water wings when I was three; I loved it. As I grew faster, stronger, and more competitive, I not only learned how to swim all strokes, but I excelled in every challenge my coach raised for me. Today, 15 years later, I recognize that swimming is part of my life. My coach taught me that there are two paths in life: to give up or to try harder, because giving up means you didn't try hard enough. For me, striving for the best is a principle applied to every single action of mine.

Undergraduate / We are not so powerless as it seems - Bentley [9]

Please feel free to elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (250 word limit)- I have 207 words

I had never stopped to think how powerless we, humans, are until Dani passed away, for he had Leukemia. He was only an 11-year old innocent, sweet boy who had his whole life ahead of him. This was the turning point for me. When I was 14, I decided to join K Space's volunteering crew. K Space is an institution that promotes social services for needy children, for people with disabilities, and for children who suffer from delicate conditions.

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Undergraduate / Humility leads people to fulfillment in the most authentic way possible - Transition into Adulthood [7]

Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family (650 words).

I am 16 words beyond the limit... (666)[/i]

Please comment, correct gramar, cooperate with ideas to improve my essay. Like it is on the subject, it is my common app essay and I need some feedback. It's kinda urgent! Thanks in advance!

I have had less sleep than I had wished. I sat down on my bed and rubbed my eyes softly avoiding the sunlight that passed through the shutter cracks. Slowly, I opened my eyes and walked half-awake towards the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and suddenly everything got clearer. I finally realized that that day was a new beginning; that that day I would walk pass the ignorance of childhood and give space for the more enlightened version of myself to blossom. My parents and siblings came to my room and congratulated me. Six in the morning and we all were already up and dressed for breakfast. I quickly placed my speech on my jacket's inner pocket and went to the synagogue.

According to the Jewish law, at the age of thirteen a boy becomes an adult. He becomes aware of his responsibilities and opportunities; he is the one to guilt for his actions. My preparation for this transition involved a lot of dedication and study for one year. Weekly, my professor, Marcel Berditchevsky, would teach me passages of the Torah, tell the stories behind the Jewish Holidays, and help me write the speech I would deliver to my guests.

At 7:30a.m., inquisitive, caring, and admired eyes looked at me while I took off my jacquet, wrapped the Tefilin (leather artifact used in the ritual) around my arm, and started reading the Torah. Everyone was staring at me while they keenly listened to my voice as I pronounced the words from the sacred blessings. After that, it was time for my discourse. The situation I found myself in was unpredictable: I had forgotten that the speech was in my jacket's inner pocket! My nervousness gradually increased as I noticed that sweat was running down my forehead and that my legs were trembling. More than 400 people were anxiously waiting for me with smiles on their faces. After two minutes searching for it, alone, I decided to speak without it.

No one was expecting me to speak without the speech in my hands, not even me. I deliberately got the microphone and started speaking. Well, I guess that not everything happens as expected. It turned out that the lessons I learned with Marcel were essential and that I couldn't have done it without them. Deep inside of me I knew the message I wanted to transmit and for the first time in my life I did something unexpected from someone my age.

Speaking in public is definitely not easy. Watching a 13-year old take a stand for himself to talk about humility, family, and love in front of a crowd is something that people don't see everyday. I picked these words because they changed me for better and I knew they could make others flourish too. Humility is something that leads people to fulfillment in the most authentic way possible. In the same year, I volunteered at KSpace so that I would make a difference in the lives of needy and deficient children; I would be one of their reasons to smile. Regardless of our race, religion, gender, and financial differences, acting humbly taught me to provide my best for the sake of others. My family taught me valuable lessons and demonstrated full diligence and faithfulness in me. Since then, I have acknowledged it as my reason for existing and being the one I am today. With dedication and an unstoppable willpower, I have been seeking to thrive in everything I do to make it proud. Love because the love we have for each other is what discerns us from mere fragments scattered around the universe. Since my thirteenth birthday, everything I do, everything I wish, and everyone I interact with, I love. I don't know what exactly made me grab that microphone. All I knew was that from that moment people would see me as an adult and I just figured that that was the perfect time to start acting like one.

Undergraduate / LEGO - The urge to create is equally strong in all children. It's imagination that counts, not skill [3]

Hey Everyone! Cornell is my top choice university and I would appreciate a lot if anyone could give me some feedback on this! I will return the favor! I am kind of running out of time and I want to submit this essay ASAP so any help would do it!

thanks in advance!

Why are you excited to pursue your chosen major in AAP? What specifically about AAP and Cornell University will help you fulfill your academic and creative interests and long-term goals? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

"The urge to create is equally strong in all children. It's imagination that counts, not skill. You build whatever comes into your head, the way you want it." - Lego's Instructions to Parents from 1973.

Since childhood, I developed interest for arts and creation in general. When I was 7 years old I took art lessons with a professional artist at Studio Lazar, Săo Paulo, Brazil. I would often paint things from my imagination and when I wasn't in the mood to paint I would create structures with empty bottles, cereal boxes, cardboards, and wood sticks. It would be a lie to say that it was childish. The truth was that I loved whatever I created and I enjoyed expressing my creativity. Since ninth grade I have been cultivating my dream of becoming an architect and attending a well-respected university to achieve this goal.

I have passion for creation, innovation, and change; what I seek is artistic freedom and a means of personal expression and the College of AAP is the best place for me to explore all of this. I am passionate about the idea of completing a B.Arch due to my great interest on how things fit together and how each design focusses on the necessities of the people who enter a specific building. I want to facilitate interaction, care for the environment, and develop new aesthetic implications through architecture. I want to keep "thinking otherwise" and use the academic freedom that I will receive at Cornell University to keep feeding my creativity and imagination.

I am conscious that success is dependent on effort and I am willing to do whatever it takes to thrive as an architectural student. Before deciding to apply to Cornell I've researched a lot about the university and I found out that there are several things that make the College of AAP appealing to me. The student-teacher ratio is ones of them. I know from experience that small class sizes will provide the perfect environment for a hard-working student to strive at his courses and succeed in his career. I want to be part of the change I want to see in the world; and to be part of it, I need to be able to learn as much as possible, take advantage of every opportunity I get to expand my knowledge, grow intellectually, mature, and explore the best out of my creativity. As one of the most selective colleges in the US, the College of AAP sticks to the best and I strongly believe that it is the ideal place for someone with objectives like mine.

Moreover, unique opportunities such as Cornell's Architecture in Rome study abroad program will give me a remarkable cultural and learning experience. Studying abroad will strengthen my cultural awareness and provide me other perspectives concerning architecture. Living in another country will give me space to learn a new language, and get closer to other students, things that will make both my social and academic lives at Cornell much more vibrant.

Also, joining clubs and organizations related to architecture such as the American Institute of Architecture Students (which focus mainly on an architectural education and in the development of essential architectural skills) and other clubs involving community service, hobbies, and athletics is on my "must-do" list. Clubs will provide me the chance to meet new people, learn about other cultures, and discover new interests. These are going to be key tools in my formation not only as a great architect, but also as a well-rounded citizen of the world. All I want is to graduate from a great college and use my degree and creativity to change the way civilization perceives the world through architecture. I am confident that if I am granted the opportunity to attend Cornell University, new doors will open for me in the future and that is how I intend to make a difference.

Undergraduate / I am a curious, determined Brazilian Jew and I still feel the urge to "be more". [3]

In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

I am a curious, determined Brazilian Jew and I still feel the urge to "be more." After I realized how different people can be and the influence their backgrounds has on them, I have yearned to learn more about the cultures of others. I have been dreaming to study abroad because I've always wanted to keep feeding my curiosity and learn how I can give back my knowledge and experiences to the world. I visited BU's campus last April and instantly felt that it resonates highly with what I have been dreaming to experience in college: cultural exchange, intellectual growth, diversity, and identity.

BU's Business Administration and Management major became unique and appealing to me once I realized that I could interweave my interest in attaining a managerial education and join an array of student clubs. Combining both my career-oriented interest and my passion for sports, I can clearly see myself as a member of the Sports Management Association, for example.

Located in one of the most vibrant cities in the US, BU effectively integrates academic and social sites where students are able to study and make lasting friendships. Having a good time is always possible by reaching equilibrium between academic and leisure activities, and BU's campus and community encourage this lifestyle. I want to be part of this responsible, educated, global community, and I am confident that if I am granted the opportunity to attend Boston University, my dreams will come true.

Hey everyone, please give me a hand here!

- What more should I include and/or what should I cut out?
- Do I need to be specific with any clubs and organizations?
- Grammatical errors?
- Is it a good idea to focus on its diversity? I feel like its a little bit cliche..
- Is my concluding sentence good?

Thanks