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Posts by trangquynh
Joined: Jun 26, 2009
Last Post: Jul 26, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 20  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 24
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trangquynh   
Jun 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Newspapers will soon become a thing of the past [7]

Hello every one. I am Trang from Vietnam and a new member.It is nice for me to be here because I am preparing for my IELTS test next month and I really need your help to improve my writing at the moment. Here comes one of my essay. Please work on it for me. Thank you so much!

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The internet has been more and more popular for recent years, providing people with a huge source of information. As a result of this, print media such as newspapers have experienced a dramatic decline in the number of readers. Some people, however, still believe that they can exist for long time; others disagree, arguing that newspapers have lost their competitive advantage to sustain their prolonged existence. Personally, I am inclined to agree with the latter view for following reasons.

First of all, to obtain information, using the internet is quicker and more convenient than reading newspapers. Contrary to the past when people had to wait long hours to take a daily newspaper, nowadays, they can acquire latest news updated every second through their mobile phones or computers connected to the internet, everywhere and at anytime. As can be seen, these devices and machines are very common in all parts of the world, making it easier for people to read a number of things that newspapers can not provide in only some pages. Hence, the print media has failed to keep its important role in the provision of information.

Another point is that, from the economic aspect, buying newspapers appears to be a waste of money when the internet becomes available for every one. It is clear to recognize that the internet service is being provided at a low cost or even free in many countries. The question arises as to whether or not a person spends an extra money buying newspapers to receive the same, even usually less information than those he can have with the internet? The answer, perhaps, is that hardly would rational people do so. For this reason, the number of people reading newspapers may continue falling sharply, possibly leading to the close-downs of many in the coming time.

Last, but not least, when taking environment into consideration, people must conceive that the more newspapers are published, the more trees are cut down. This is simply the contributor to the deforestation which is happening all over the world today. At this point, newspapers' production will have to face environmentalists on its way to be alive.

In conclusion, it might be unpleasant for some advocating newspapers to witness the extinction of the type of media. However, this, if occurring, should be seen as a result of the ever- increasing innovations in media technology and in our modern life as a whole.
trangquynh   
Jun 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Newspapers will soon become a thing of the past [7]

Thank you so much for your help!
Actually, I find it really hard to write ideas for ielts essays. Sometimes I have no idea about what I have to write. Don't you? I really wanted to evaluate 2 sides of the essay. But, I thought it would make my essay too long. So, I might run out of time when writing in the real test. Where can I put the opposite side properly? Can u give me some piece of advice?

I am going to post new essays on this forum, so I hope you will continue to help me like you did today.
trangquynh   
Jul 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS; SHARE WEALTH AMONG POORER NATIONS [12]

Hi, Eve
When do you take ur ielts exam? I am going to do it this Saturday.
I talk to you the following things because I think it is important to your writing.
There are some points you may need improve here:
First, I can't see the thesis statement in your introduction. This is really important in an ielts essay. You should show the reader what you are going to do in the body of your essay.

Next, the topic sentences in your two paragraphs are not clear enough. Actually, I find it a little difficult to understand clearly your meaning.
Actually, I always get troubled with ielts writing but it is essential to follow some basic rules in writing an ielts essay. You may think that seems mechanical. However, if having a lot of time left, you should learn to be familar with 3 types of essays: discussion, opinion and problems and solutions (the way they are structured)which regularly appear in this test.

I hope you find this useful!
trangquynh   
Jul 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Should university studies be subsidized? [9]

You lacked thesis statement in your introduction. However,a serious problem here is that you did not pay attention to what the question ask for. Maybe the first thing you should do is understanding the question fully.

In my opinion, you should figure out the scope of this essay first so that you can focus on. Here, I think, is the government's subsidy and university education.In your essay, you wrote more about education in general.

The introduction and conclusion are really important too. So, you should spend more time for it. In other words, 3 sentences for each is good enough.

These are my experience in my time of preparation for ielts test. I hope it helpful to you!
trangquynh   
Jul 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Museums as a form of entertainment or education? [4]

Please check this work for me! Thank you very much!

Some people find visiting museums boring as a form of entertainment, while others believe that the role of museums is to educate people, not entertain. Discuss, what is your opinion?

In our world today, there is a wide variety of museums where people can travel to and see differently interesting things. Some people state that visiting museums is only a form of recreation; others disagree, arguing that museums play a role in education. In fact, each of these arguments has its own validity.

Firstly, museums such as art and music can offer people with a wide range of entertainment activities. For example, they often organise traditional music events performed by local or other famous artists that people can attend to and enjoy to some extent. Another point is that many visitors nowadays may choose to come to museums just for pleasure or as one of the activities that they take part in their holiday trips. This, therefore, makes museums a place to entertain in people leisure time.

On the other hand, the establishment of a particular museum like history, science, or oceanography is usually attached to educational purposes. As can be seen, school and university students and teachers are always the guests of museums because the places are where they can discover and obtain a large amount of information related to their studies and teaching. In addition, there are a number of seminars and conferences held at museums that are informative and necessary for scholars and experts in their fields of research. In this way, museums prove the supporting role in human education.

In conclusion, visiting museums is clearly seen as both means of entertainment and education. However, from my viewpoint, people should perceive the value of museums in enhancing their own knowledge about the world they live in.
trangquynh   
Jul 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Serious movies or entertaining movies? Which is better? [9]

Me too. I like the first part of the second argument because it shows the contrast between 2 types of movies, making it more convincing.
our relationship became tighter/ stronger.
After watching the movie, our relationship became tighten because we got to know more about each other.
There is a structure problem here. You must have written: after we watched the movie, our relationship...
if you want to use V-ing here, you have to use the same subject.
For example: After graduating from university, I became a teacher. (I graduated and I became a teacher)
I don't really know about TOEFL essays and its criteria. In ielts essay that I'm told to not use some personal pronoun like I, he/she because this might make the essay look informal. However, it ultimately depends on you to decide the style you want to follow.
trangquynh   
Jul 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations. [10]

I think you did not focus on the question. Here they asked for eating habits and lifestyle of children. So you should write about how eating habits and lifestyle have changed over the time and the effects.

I don't know but maybe you do not plan your essay before writing, right? Planing is really important.
Eg: Eating habits: children eat less vegetables (lack of vitamin), more fast food, soft drinks, eating a lot while watching Tv - result in high rate of obesity, diseases related to heart, affect children mental and physical health...

Lifestyle: lack of outdoor activities, watching more TV, obsessed with the computer - lead to obesity too, harmful to their eyes, mental health problems...
trangquynh   
Jul 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / Ielts : working children; Good or bad? [6]

I am taking the ielts exam tomorrow too.Do you feel a bit nervous? How long have you been preparing for this? I have spent for a month, maybe more than that and I actually could not cram anything in the last few days.

I've written an essay about this topic since a year ago. In my essay, I was for the latter view. It seems too long, doesn't it? Tomorrow, I will try to write just a little over 250 words as required. All the best!

Nowadays, there are different types of jobs for children to be involved in such as gardening, cleaning or delivering leaflets in many countries. Some people believe that this could bring about plenty of benefits for the development of children as well as their personalities; others claim that paid work might be harmful for children. From my point of view, I believe that it would be good for children to take part in some kind of paid work for several reasons.

The first and most important point is that children who work are more independent than those who do not work. As can be seen, children, if working, can earn money to help pay for their education or at least not receive an allowance from their parents. Moreover, having a job means that they have to take responsibility for the tasks given by their boss. Thus, unlike students who only study, not needing to allocate their time, it is necessary for working ones to manage their time, finding how to balance their work, studies, homework and relaxation. As a result, working at an early age makes it easier for children to stand on their feet and start a job in the future.

Secondly, not only are working children more independent, but they are also more active. This results from their facing many difficulties and situations during their time of working and the accumulation of valuable experience. Thanks to this, children understand what their strengths and weaknesses are, also they learn how hard money is to earn, how hard it is to reach a goal, and the best way to solve a problem. All these are expected to be applied successfully in their later studying, working and life.

Last, but not least, unlike students who have confined themselves to school and family relationships, working students have a bigger circle of friends. These children have opportunities to meet people from all walks of life, making friends and creating connections. This contributes to their betterment in communication.

All things considered, paid work is beneficial to children in various aspects; we, however, must not forget some its drawbacks, such as the fact that children may have health problems, suffer child abuse and lose time with their family and friends. Parents who allow their children to do paid work, therefore, should keep an eye on what they are doing to ensure that everything goes well with them.
trangquynh   
Jul 11, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

I took the ielts test today. It didn't went as I expected. Listening was the easiest part while reading was terrible to me.In fact, I did a lot of reading practice and they were not that bad. I have never thought that the reading test was so confused and difficult like that. I just couldn't understand properly the text in passage 2 and 3. Maybe I will get a bad score for this, although, I need to hope until I get the result.

The writing topic also was not of interest to me. The question is that some people think that companies and private individuals, not the government, should pay for cleaning up pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I spent 25 minutes on task 1 (which included 2 tables, quite difficult because there were a lot of figures), so 35 minutes left were not enough for me to plan and write well. I just had no ideas when writing. I disagree with the statement but just give two reasons: large amount of money required to do that and the government have the responsibility to ensure a good environment for their citizens to live. I tried to write more than 250 words, but the vocabulary was not wide enough. I didn't have time to do proofreading. This may leave some mistakes in the essay. I don't know whether they are serious or not for certain.

Another thing is that I was shocked when seeing the schedule for speaking module. I had to take it in the afternoon after 3 long hours doing 3 first modules. That was so stressful for me. My examiner was so friendly and I didn't got nervous through the speaking test. However, I did not perform myself well too! In the end, I am so disappointed about my test today.

Anyway, I can do nothing to change it now, instead, just sitting and relaxing and waiting for the result. I hope it will not be too bad...

Thank you for all supports in the past few days!
trangquynh   
Jul 12, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

Thank you everyone!
I will post my essay next time because I am so busy today, preparing for my younger sister to go to Australia.
Orlando, I took the test in Vietnam. And you?
I think you did a good job, writing like that in the exam. I truly didn't write as well as you did. I am sure about this. However, I think you should not introduce solutions in the last 2 part of your essay body, but leave it for the conclusion. In addition, pollution can happen to water too. But overall, far better than me. I hope you will get a good score for this part. By the way, task 1 was terribly difficult... Maybe I lose my marks here
trangquynh   
Jul 12, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

Oh, I definitely forgot that. But anyway, it was over. I just wonder what you meant by saying drawbacks??? I got 2 tables which were really complicated. I expected to face line graphs or pie charts too. In fact, tables always make us confused and take us a lot of time. Last time, my friend took the test and she just had to encounter 4 pie charts. She got 8 overall, however, only 6.5 in writing. We were so shocked because she is very good at writing, having won a trip to Korea in a writing contest of Korean Embassy. What score do you need or in other words, what are you doing with your Ielts? I am planning to study in the UK next year. So I need at least 6.5. But, actually I expected more than that. Now that I did so badly, I don't know if I should take another test. How about you? Where are you from? I mean your home country?
trangquynh   
Jul 13, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

I saw your new essay in Essay writing feedback. It seems that you have improved a lot in terms of structure and vocab and you are trying and ready to take it once a again. So, when do you take the next test?

I wonder what area you will study in your postgraduate studies? I am going to study master in international business in the UK. Do you think of applying for any scholarship? Actually,I do. But I do not have an excellent academic grade.Thus, maybe there is just a very little chance for me. I tried to obtain a good Ielts score instead, but, as you know, I failed. I don't know if I should take it again. After this, I am going to prepare for some documents and a personal statement. Writing an impressive personal statement is always hard and requires strenuous efforts. I am think about ideas that I am going to write. Do you suggest any idea? A hard time ahead, right? How about you?
trangquynh   
Jul 18, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

Only 5 days left to know my score. I just have not slept a wink these days, being worried too much. I have tried not to do so, but I can't. I just did as one of our moderator said: smile and say: I prepared well and I can do this. I actually felt better when I did that in the test. BUT...

I am not sure if the same essay question is repeated for 3 months as you wrote. But it is certain that the questions might be the same from country to country on the same day of the test. Orlando and I saw this situation. He took the test about 4 hours before me. And tell you what? we had to do exactly the same questions in all 4 modules. Thus, my advice is that,if possible, you should find someone who takes the test in a different hour zone, but the same day as you so that you can exchange the questions. However, the key to success lies in your preparation. You should not expect too much from what I mentioned above because if you do not practice as much as you can or prepare properly, you can not get the score you want

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR COMING TEST!
trangquynh   
Jul 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisements affects on consumer goods - ielts preparing [15]

"Several" in a formal meaning is "separate" (Oxford dictionary). So, is this possible to use this word with only two reasons I give in my essay???

Orlando, which of the following question did you write about? Please five me detailed question, ok?

Writing task 2 (essay)
There are many products, but only some of them meet the peoples need. Even without advertising, they will sell well. What is your opinion?

or
The task was to discuss and give opinions about the idea that "people will buy products as long as they are good, and advertising should be a form of entertainment".

Advertising encourages consumers to buy in quantity rather than promoting quality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
trangquynh   
Jul 19, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisements affects on consumer goods - ielts preparing [15]

Thank you for your explanations! This word makes me so miserable. Like Orlando, I will be more cautious when using it in the exam.
With this topic, you can add a paragraph which advocates for the opposing idea (real needs determine high sales) before the conclusion. what do you think?
trangquynh   
Jul 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Work alone or in groups [10]

I think you have answered the question quite well. Structure and liking words of the essay are good. I think it would be better if you add another sentence to comment on your example in the second paragraph of the body part like you did in the first one.

the effectiveness of the group's work would certainly improve
I do not mind cooperating with other people
the whole group might need less time to complete the work (my english teacher said we should avoid definite statement in our essay-> it depends on you ultimately, however)
trangquynh   
Jul 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Not eveything that is learned is contained in the books [20]

Remember last time you have read our writing topic from pollution in general to air pollution only. Be more careful! I made this kind of mistake in reading test (true, false -> yes,no) too. I lost 4 questions because of this. It was so terrible and I am so regretful for that now. So, taking time to understand and analyse the writing question is really important. Don't just read it and write hastily, right?

I think this topic is not difficult to write as people here have pointed out several ideas.
In the first part of the essay, you can write about what people can learn from books.
On the other hand, there are things that you will never know if you do not experience by yourself. For example, you have heard about cultural shocks, but you will not understand thoroughly that until you go overseas or meet foreign people through travelling ...these are what you can write in the second one, I think. So this essay should contain 4 paragraphs.
trangquynh   
Jul 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / "A government's role" - academic writing test IELTS to be correct [8]

The introduction should consist of 3 sentences. I think the conclusion should focus on the topic given. You should be careful when widening the idea at the end. To be safe, I think you should just reconsider your points and make your opinion clearer.

Does the question ask for discussing or your opinion about the matter? Looking at the topic, I may construct my essay like this:

Introduction: state general statement abt the topic. Then, state 2 points. then thesis statement to show what you are going to do in your essay

BODY:
First para: what if the government only provide defence capacity and urban instructure without providing health and education services ( Advantage of this: αΊ½; More money on this, better road, building, bridges...)

Second para: On the other hand, what if health and education services are only provided by private organisations (disvantage: forexample high costs, hard for poor people to access)

Conclusion: citizens needs all of these services-> equally important. It is the responsibility of the government to care for that. In my opinion, both the government and private organisations should participate in the provisions...

Actually, for me, it is not an easy topic to write. However, the most important thing is that you should give a clear answer which contains relevant ideas and examples to the topic!

Hope you will do well in the coming test!
trangquynh   
Jul 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / Not eveything that is learned is contained in the books [20]

This might be your best essay ever to me. Although, I agree that you can create a better conclusion. In addition, you should pay attention to liking words in your essay. I can see that you just use however and on the other hand, making repetition and you may lose your point in this way. But, overall, very good!
trangquynh   
Jul 24, 2009
Student Talk / Took the IELTS Today and didn't go as I expected :( [35]

I was so disappointed with my result, especially with the writing score. I'd rather not to say. I just got 6.5 overall. I cannot imagine that listening could be that bad. I made stupid mistakes in Reading module (Yes No and Not given question. I wrote Y, N, NG). As the result, I lost my point. Actually, I hope to achieve 7. overall. However as you know...Although it is enough to apply for the university that I intend to study in the UK, I have decided to retake the test on August 22 because I want to reassure if I can get higher score.

This time, I've registered at British Council, trying the difference between 2 centers responsible for holding the Ielts test. Last time at IDP, I did not satisfy with the way they organised the test. I have to do 3 modules in the morning. Only until I went to the test center did I know I had to do speaking test in the afternoon in the same day. I was so tired all the morning. Thus, I could not focus on the last part. In fact, I know that my result reflexes my level of English and I do not blame them for that, it is just my opinion as a client. Today, I asked the receptionist whether I have to face the same situation or not when taking the test at BC. She answered me: absolutely not. And I feel so happy about that.

How about you? I remember you have set to take another test on August 8.
Just as you have to bother everybody here, I really need their helps to improve my writing. So, from now on, we should do our best and help each other, right.

Here we go again!
trangquynh   
Jul 26, 2009
Essays / Teaching public speaking to children - essay writing ideas? [3]

I am writing an essay about whether we should teach children at a young age public speaking in schools or not . Need writing ideas.

It is not difficult for me to find out advantages of this such as the fact that children can conquer the fear of speaking in front of a group of people, build their confidence and develop their interpersonal communication skills, helping better their lives later. However, I am struggling to work out the disadvantages and examples for them . Could you give me some ideas? What kind of format should I follow to write this essay?

Thank you so much!
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