Lansium
Jul 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is it the only effective way to reduce crime that increasing the number of police officers? [2]
Hi Kantijiang,
You have done a good job in this essay. It is almost flawless. I point out a few mistakes I found and offer you a piece of advice. You may see them below.
1. ... officers on the street is an effective way to stop some violent crime (crimes)on the street . (It is better for you to avoid the repitition of the same phrase to make your sentence brief.)
2. I don't konw whether it is OK to use the word "root" to refer to the main reasons of committing crimes, but I think "essence" can be more accurate.
3. the most effective ways are developing economics and popularizing education (It seems better by replacing this phrase by "improving citizens' level of education")
4. many people are still in poverty and starvation so that they may want to survival (survive) by committing crimes like robbery or thieving (thievery)
5. In addition, I suggest that improving our judicial system and punishment mechanism are also significant to reduce crime . (I suggest that government should improve our judicial system and punishment mechanism as they both are significant to reduce crime)
Hi Kantijiang,
You have done a good job in this essay. It is almost flawless. I point out a few mistakes I found and offer you a piece of advice. You may see them below.
1. ... officers on the street is an effective way to stop some violent crime (crimes)
2. I don't konw whether it is OK to use the word "root" to refer to the main reasons of committing crimes, but I think "essence" can be more accurate.
3. the most effective ways are developing economics and popularizing education (It seems better by replacing this phrase by "improving citizens' level of education")
4. many people are still in poverty and starvation so that they may want to survival (survive) by committing crimes like robbery or thieving (thievery)
5. In addition, I suggest that improving our judicial system and punishment mechanism are also significant to reduce crime . (I suggest that government should improve our judicial system and punishment mechanism as they both are significant to reduce crime)