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Posts by chantieh
Name: Chantel
Joined: Jul 14, 2017
Last Post: May 23, 2018
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
Likes: 1
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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May 23, 2018
Essays / Task 2 - I do not understand the meaning of the topic - technology impact on a society [3]

Hi @Barwary, From what I understand, this topic requires you to discuss 2 things and give your own opinion (of which opinion are you in? or you are in neutral opinion?// in other word, you agree the disparity between the R and the P is increasing due to mdern tech or not?)

1/ Why some people agree that modern technology makes the gap between the rich and the poor wider
2/ Why some others disagree with that idea

May 23, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 (People argue about children's decision) [6]

Hi @abang yoga
I've read your writing and I've noted down some points here:

Nowadays, many people claim ... As a result, it will make ... I think you should merge these 2 sentences to better the structure.[Many people hold the belief that granting the children the right to make decisions affecting their lives in terms of leisure activities, clothing, etc could result in a society of self-centered and selfish individuals. In the meantime, other people challenge such opinion with an argument that it is crucial to allow the children to decide their lifestyles from the early stage of life.However, people argue that it is very crucial ...Also, you may want to include a sentence to introduce your purpose of writing (a thesis statement) or your mark will be reduced remarkably.

On the one sight side, many parents ... to take (do?) whatever they want. This is because because thisto create boosts/ fortifies their confidence when they are growing up/ grow up. For instance, children when they are ... or going to the some places, ... without waiting for their parents' decision where itwhich might be taking a long time/ take a while and it will ... In addition, nothing permission ... impolite dress, and visit a forbidden place... Your idea in this part is unclear and hard to understand

On the other hand, (...) parents to make a decision.[maybe reconsider your wording to make it clearer?] This is because to safe [GR] they from the bad environment. ... guidance to take something [differentiate] which one ... ... from the parents that will make havea bad impact (...) will be lack of confident confidence when they ...

In conclusion, both of the opinions hashave plus and minus, ... InMy opinion is , the good way ...

So, in general, I think you should pay more attention to grammar. You've made some gramatical mistakes in terms of structure, tenses, etc., and also some typos. The reasoning of your writing is still confusing to me.

Best of luck,

Chantie ^^
Oct 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / [WRITING IELTS TASK 2] - Mass Media controls people's mind. What can be done? [7]

Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is a common belief that anyone who controls mass media has the power to influence the belief and attitude of the mass and this fact can hardly be altered. I am entirely in agreement with the statement that people's mind and lifestyles can be influenced by the media; however, I am convinced that there are solutions to this matter.

On the one hand, mass media, which is controlled by a group of people and the government, is an ultimately effective tool to spread news, information and cultivate targeted beliefs, etc. in the mass. It is evident that the more exposure an individual has to something; the more likely they will unconsciously believe it. Mass media has made its appearance in every corner of today's life, such as on social network, television, newspapers, and so on, therefore it is unavoidable that people's belief and attitude is navigated and oriented in accordance with the will of those who control the media.

It is hard to be unaffected by the propaganda of the media; however, the situation can be rectified by means of carefully selecting and researching the information source. As the opinion and belief of an individual is determined by themselves, they can decide to believe in pieces of information broadcasted or published on the media after doing research about them. For instance, a constant advertisement that fast-food is good for health cannot defy the scientific evidence proving otherwise.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the media has tight grip and great influences on people's belief and behaviors as they gradually ingrain an intentioned message in their minds. However, it is the individual that decides whether his mind to be led by the media or not.

Word count - 286
Oct 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 : Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good [5]

Hi Alimin, here are some comments on your essay

I have noticed that there are several grammatical errors in your writing.
Your thesis statement is hard to follow. And I think it didn't clearly respond to the question.
And the body paragraphs are not really well presented and they didn't fully cover the task questions.

So maybe you should work more on strengthening your grammar and idea organizing first!

Hope that you'll find this useful.

Best regards,
Oct 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Many TV advertisements nowadays cause effects on children [4]

Hi Ester,

I have noticed that there're some grammatical mistakes in your essay. For instance, Firstly, most of the childrenspend amount of time to watch television, it should be ... watching instead of to watch. Therefore, I believe some harmful advertisements which included appropriate information- tense of verb

And I think you should provide clearer thesis statement, it's quite general.
Plus, in the second paragraph, your ideas weren't clear at all.
Lastly, contraction and personal pronouns should be avoided in formal writing, so don't use [b]don't[b/], or we...

Maybe it's around 5 or 5.5

Best regards, ^^
Jul 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] - TV alienates family members [4]

Some people hold that it is the television that alienates the relationship of family members. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

Here is my essay:

TV screen can strengthen the bonds among family members

With the blooming of many inventions over past decades, TV has find its way to become an important part of our daily life as it is very convenient for recreational and news spreading purposes. However, some people are convinced that television has taken up too much time and it is the cause that distances the relationships within family. I am only partially in agreement with such statement for the following reasons.

First of all, I agree that nowadays, as TV is a very convenient and available ways to destress, many people are spending too much time screening it instead of talking to their family members. However, I believe that it is not the TV to blame, but the lack of communication within the family itself that creates such behavior. If family members are more actively engaged in communicating with each other, such as asking about their working day, talking more about mutual interests, the time individuals spend on just watching TV should be reduced significantly.

Secondly, the fact that television gives people more mutual grounds cannot be denied. As family is a group of people of different range of ages and interests, it is hard to find a mutual concern for everyone to talk about. However, TV provides people with handy daily news both domestically and internationally, music programs, or series of movies, and so on, which everyone can talk about while enjoying their family's meals. For instance, in my family, both young and elder generations enjoy watching Big Bang theory, MasterChef, and we discuss and share our opinions about the show. Watching TV together can be considered an adhesive device that connects family members as well as helps each one rewind after such hardworking day. What is more, through discussion over a TV show, family members may have more chances to get to understand each other better.

In conclusion, I am convinced that TV does not taint or alienate the relationships within a family, and if the time devoted to watching TV is proper, such small screen can strengthen the bonds among members.
Jul 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / Problems and Solutions about local museums [5]

Hi Tunglinh, It seems to me that your conclusion part is not really match up with your introduction and body paragraphs as you mentioned the government's solutions (w/o schools or anything else) in the intro, and then schools appear at the end.

And it'd be better if you using more of complex sentences.
Jul 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / The question is whether the motherhood is essential in raising children. IELTS Writing task 2 [4]

Hi Khoa Thanh, overall I think, at some points you've addressed the task question, but may be not very clearly and fully answered what was asked, the language used may be a little casual for an academic writing as well.

Like @Holt has mentioned, I think you should include your point of view of agree/ disagree or partially agree with the statement.

Also I think there's a prob with the word 'besides' in this sentence "On the other hand, men should also take care of housework besides their wives such as play with their children, spend time feeding babies, etc."
Jul 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] - Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely [6]

Please check and score my essay. I'd be really thankful!

Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely. What's your opinion?
Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Here is my essay

people's attitude toward smoking

Recently, people's attitude toward smoking has significantly altered. The habit once considered elegant of high-end people is now regarded as a bad habit. I completely side with people who suggest that smoking should be strictly prohibited.

First of all, smoking is proved to have links with lung cancer and other cardiac diseases. WHO has released a report indicating that smokers have noticeable shorter life span than those who do not smoke, approximately up to ten years, as they are more likely to experience fatal illness. Moreover, people who smoke get more chances of giving birth to children with deficiencies. It should also be noticed that not only smoking affects people who smoke, passive smokers, those inhale secondhand smoke suffer as well. It is evident that the rate of non-smokers suffering from smoking-related diseases is even higher than that of smokers.

Secondly, strict prohibition of smoking can save up a large amount of money for the government and related authorities. Many people argue that tobacco industry is one of the key contributors to the national economy, as the taxes imposed on such industry is extremely high. However, the cost that the government has to pay to proceed medical research and to address problems arising from smoking is much greater than those collected.

In conclusion, I advocate the opinion opposing of smoking and convinced that the government should completely ban smoking due to the hazardous consequences it might bring to human's well-being, as well as the fact it would gradually hurt the national economy.