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Posts by ghazali
Name: Muhammad Ghazali Suwardi
Joined: Jul 26, 2017
Last Post: Jul 28, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  
Likes: 2
From: indonesia
School: telkom university

Displayed posts: 10
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ghazali   
Jul 28, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - WHAT TOURIST CAN DO [4]

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. What tourists can do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

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Please give me advices and score
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harmful effects of tourism



In this era, tourism is favorite activity in lifestyle of majority people and choice of destination is borderlees. All people know that all things about tourism are beneficial, especially for developing rate the country's economic, but sometimes people think tourism has detrimental effect on the country -- as the destination. In the following essay I will explain the issues are caused and solutions tourists can do to reduce the effects, on cultures and environments primarily.

The more crowded the destination of tourism, the more possible the environment become mess. Pollution, garbage, and vandalism are the example of cause of distructed environment. Without good management, beauty of destination is no longer can attract the tourist anymore. Beach in Bali, Indonesia as example, which the popular one as first choice of beautiful beach in the world. Tourist prefers to enjoy the landscape of sea from the beach or go surfing. Just if the amount of garbage uncleaned and uncontrolled because the tourist and local employee are ignorant, the beautiful beach will lost its beauty. Secondly, it is lifestyle changing in food and clothes as parts of culture. Tourist's lifestyle can influence local lifestyle. Taking Bali as an example again, as a part of Indonesia which has eastern tradition and norm. Balinese --especially who live nearby beach or have a job in tourism-- can easily know the kind of tourist's food and beverage, such as wine, even it be normal in Balinese's eye and they are influenced to enjoy it, whereas eastern norm says it is bad.

In order to overcome these problems, the tourists can bring their own trash bag or anything which can put trash. It can effectively dimilish amount of trash, because each tourist is aware do not leaving waste except put into trash bag. At least, the tourists want to keep the destination clean. Although they are in beach, they do not litter their surrounding --sea and beach. Second solution is before the trip begin, they should search information about the destination, how the culture and characterics of the local. They should know what the differences of culture between their home and the destination. Respecting all things of diversity, as guest, they can enjoy the beauty of destination.

In conclusion, there are two harmful effects on the countries of tourism destination which are did by tourist, that are littering and changing on food and clothes. To meet the need, they have to bring trash bag and search information about the country's culture.
ghazali   
Jul 28, 2017
Graduate / How this Statement of Goals and Objectives looks like? [4]

I don't get any clear goals at your explanation
at first, i just know that you want to take care of your family, so your goals are to get a better job and career advancement

but your first impression of NEIU is about environment diversity, is not how NEIU can improve your skills
ghazali   
Jul 28, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS-Writing Task 2] Highways - Problems and Solutions [3]

- it is be better if you use correct collocation
traffic law compliance = traffic law abiding
environmentally friendly = eco friendly

for conclusion, you should repeat and summary your explanation.
ghazali   
Jul 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - WATER USAGE in an African and south American country [2]

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Please give me advices and score
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water consumption in Congo and Brazil



Catch a glimpse at the two pictures provided, the line graph displays comparison of water usage in entire the world by three sectors over a period between 1900 and 2000, and the table compares the amount of water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000.

It is clear that the total amount of water use worldwide considerably rose and the most dramatic climb was shown in agriculture sector. It is also can be seen that a much higher amount of Brazilians had consumed water in comparison with Congo.

In 1900, the amount of global water usage in agriculture sector stood at about 500 km3. The figures for industrial and domestic were lower at around 50 km3. By 2000, agriculture use of water rose six times higher than the beginning, while industrial use and domestic use reached about 110 km3 and 400 km3 respectively. It is also noticeable that, all sectors simultaneously showed significant increase at 1950.

For water consumption, Brazil which had over 30 times larger amount of population and size of irrigated land consumed 359 m3 per person, compared to 8 m3 of water consumption of Congo.




ghazali   
Jul 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - RADIO AND TV AUDIENCES [4]

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Please give me advices and score
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the percentage of Britons listening radio or watching tv



The line graph of radio and television audiences in UK compares the trend of both in a whole day over the period between October and December 1992. The trend is percentage of people over age of 4 years.

It is obviously clear that most of Britons were watching TV at around 8.00, while from 18.00 to 21.00 majority were listening radio.

Accounting for around 7% at start of day, the percentage of Britons who watched TV remained the same, and at 11.00 it grew for 10 hours to about 16%. The trend reached a peak at night 20.00. At the midnight, number of audiences dramatically dropped. In contrast, although the percentage of radio audiences also remained the same but in lower percentage --just under 4%-- until 6.00, it sharply climbed to next 2 hours and stood at almost 26% which was a peak of trend of radio. Following that, the percentage declined until midnight, regardless on the evening it still been able to inclined at around 4%.




ghazali   
Jul 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Good and bad punishment of children - essay (IELTS) [5]

lack of uncommong vocabulary, such as "make"
and still there is typo, such as "helping the to distinguish between"
and will be different meaning between "young children" and "children
ghazali   
Jul 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - TRANSPORT REGULATIONS - road system [4]

Many people think that the government should spent money on developing and improving road system. Others think that car drivers should pay the cost for it. Discuss both views and give your opinions

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Please give me advices and score
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crowded cars on the roads



In this era, public facilities of transportation become important thing people need to support their activities, especially in urban area. All people either machine based trasportation driver or cycler have a right for enjoying the facilities, one of which is road. Reality these days, trend of car is increasing in all regions. This is reason why some people argue that car drivers should pay the cost of developing and improving road system. Yet, others believe that the cost is a part of regulations the government concern. In the following essay I will explain arguments from both sides and my own opinion.

In some metropolitan cities such as Jakarta and Beijing, have huge number of people. Except toll road used by car drivers only, some roads are always crowded --even in weekend-- by many kinds of vehicle. Compared to other vehicle, car waste more space of road. It makes sense, normally car has 8 spaces of seat, although at the moment it is used by just one person. With the increased trend, it can says that car drivers are king of road.

In the other hand, all roads can enjoyed by all people and all drivers of vehicle. As a user, people have to pay tax used for maintaining road system. All tax managed by the government is a source of annual budgeting of country. Road is public facilities getting attention of budgeting of country and tax is a responsiblity for all people as citizen, regardless majority road usage is by car drivers and there are many persons do not use the road. Indirectly, developing and improving road system is the government's task as a regulator.

All in all, in these days trend of car is inclining and trigger traffic crowded in roads. But I say that road is a public facilities of country and the budget of maintaining road come from tax paid by people as a responsility for each citizen. And as regulator, the government have to manage tax and create programme, such as maintaining road system.
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