Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Musical albums purchased in the UK according to sex and age [4]

Topic: The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

who buys music albums in the UK?

The given bar charts illustrate the percentage of people who buy 3 different types of music albums in the UK, namely pop, rock and classical music, classified into various genders and age groups.

The data shows that between the two genders, men always buy music albums more than women. Among 4 age groups, the one of between 25 - 34 years old has the highest percentage on average, while people above the age of 45 tend to buy music albums the least.

People who purchased Pop and Rock music are dominantly male, with 28% and 25%, respectively. In these two genres, the percentage of male buyers is at least 10% higher than that of female buyers. However, in the category of Classical music, even though male percentage still exceeds female percentage, the gap between two figures is less than 4%, with around 6% for female buyers and nearly 10% for male buyers.

Looking at different age groups, it is clear that most musical albums were purchased by people between 25 and 34 years old. This age group made up above 30% of all purchases for both Pop and Rock music, which makes it the biggest group in these 2 categories, while the smallest percentage is of the group over 45 years old. In contrast, the highest percentage of buyers for Classical music albums belongs to the group of people who are from 45 and above, and the smallest group is of youngsters from 16 to 24 years old.

(248 words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - A mandatory parents training course is necessary [4]

Topic: Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Essay

Better parenthood for improving children development

It is true that childcare plays a vital role in any country. Therefore, many couples are suggested to take a training course, which aims to provide them with good parenting skills, before having a child. In my opinion, I totally agree with this idea because of the several benefits it can bring to parents and their offsprings.

Firstly, a training course acts as a relief for parenting stress. The transition to parenthood is usually frustrating due to unexpected problems in nursing and educating a newborn. As the child grows up, parents will face a lot of changes in the kid's behaviours, caused by both physical changes, like puberty, and social influence, such as friendship. A well-prepared parent will foresee the challenges, which leads to a less stressful parenthood. They can also be given instructions to figure out a solution whenever a problem appears.

Secondly, children are greatly benefited from their parents' training result. With the good understanding of childcare and children development, parents are able to sympathise with kids' emotions and feelings. This perception helps enrich the family relationships and build a close-knit family, which is the perfect environment to bring up a human being. For instance, adolescents tend to use destructive behaviours, such as smoking and drinking, as a way to prove their maturity and boost their confidence. Without preparation and skills, shocked and angry parents can easily come up with bad solutions, like threatening or beating these teenagers to make them obedient, which only result in a severe damage of their self-esteem, as well as ruin the parents-children relationship.

In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of providing a mandatory course for every soon-to-be parents due to its potential for making parenthood stress-free and improving children development.

(289 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Bar chart - Population distribution in the Northwest region (1900 to 2050) [8]

Topic: The graph below shows the figures for population distribution in the Northwest region fro 1900-2050
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

moving to an urban area trend

The given bar chart illustrates the population distribution of Northwest region during the time period between 1900 to 2050. It can be seen from the chart that moving from rural area to suburban and urban area is the most remarkable trend.

The number of people who live in rural area dropped quickly. In 1900, nearly 65% of the population lived in rural area. In 1950, this number decreased significantly to 45%. Until 2000, only 25% stayed and it is projected in 2050 that under 10% still live in this area.

Meanwhile, the population in the suburban area increased dramatically from 1900 to 2050. In 1900, only 10% lived in this area, but this number doubled to 20% in 1950. The population kept growing fast to 40% in 2000, and it will reach a peak at 55% in 2050.

However, the urban area population only fluctuated around 35% over the past century. From 1900 to 1950, the number remained unchanged until it slightly increased to 40% in 2000 before changing back to the same in 2050.

My writing score is the worst among 4 skills, so I'm trying my best to improve it :( Feel free to leave any comment or suggestions. I'll be very thankful!. It would be greater if you can score my essay or tell me the criteria that I'm failing to obtain. Thank you very much <3

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Support opinion - Why is physical education important? [5]

Topic: Most schools offer some types of physical education programs to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be optional or required?

physical education benefits

Nowadays, students are required to take more and more hours studying at school. Besides theoretical classes, most schools also offer physical education classes. Despite great benefits that physical education provides to both physical and mental health of students, schools should only categorize it as a recommended option rather than a required class.

The most obvious effect that physical education does to a student is giving the child a healthy body. By taking exercises or playing sports regularly, children can burn calories and strengthen their muscles. From doing regular exercises at school, students will form a good habit of working out at home to maintain a healthy lifestyle. In addition, a good health also prevents students from serious illnesses, such as diabetes, heart diseases, and so on.

Furthermore, physical activities contribute significantly to a positive mental health. With a fit body, students will be more confident, energetic and optimistic. Besides, they can release stress after long studying hours by playing a sports game with friends, which helps them gain their motivation to get back to study better.

Even though physical education classes are of great importance, many students may not receive the benefits fully. This is because each person's physical condition is unique so that one training program cannot be suitable and safe for everybody. On the other hand, playing a sport effectively requires both players' interest and some natural skills. Hence, students will not be able to enjoy a class that offers the sport that they do not like, or they may fail sports tests that require natural skills which they do not possess. Therefore, schools should only promote physical education as an optional class with valuable benefits and encourage students to take part in.