Posts by Xti02

Xti02

Oct 30, 2018

Scholarship / Career plan in HIV management programs - Chevening Essay [5]

Merged:

Career path in the public health sector (Chevening)

Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

As a newly graduated doctor, I found satisfaction in treating my patients and making a difference in the lives of one person at a time. Since then I have come to realise an even bigger passion: impacting on the lives and health of whole communities. My Masters degree in International Health and Tropical Medicine is a key step to following this career path.

Coming back to South Africa, I will work in the public health sector, specifically in the HIV and tuberculosis programmes. South Africa has the biggest HIV/AIDS epidemic in the world, as well as the sixth biggest tuberculosis epidemic. Although major gains have been made in the past ten years, with the death rate dropping and more than three million people being on anti-retroviral therapy, enormous challenges still remain. This include millions of HIV positive persons who are still not diagnosed and treated, a rise in drug-resistant tuberculosis, and a lack of resources and skills for management of these epidemics in rural areas. It is in the solution to these problems that I see myself making a difference.

At first, I will take up a position with the National Department of Health, or with one of the non-governmental organisations partnering with the Department to improve the health system in rural provinces. With my newly acquired knowledge of management and control of infectious diseases in developing countries, I will provide leadership and technical assistance in the implementation of these programmes. I will use my clinical knowledge of bacterial, viral and parasitic infections to assist with guideline development and implementation, and with training and mentoring doctors and nurses.

Eventually, I want to establish a centre of excellence for HIV, tuberculosis and other infectious diseases in my home province of XXX. This centre would coordinate the management of complicated patient cases and provide teaching opportunities for local and international health care workers. Additionally, I will partner with colleagues and institutions to conduct research that could contribute to the elimination of mother to child transmission of HIV, an area very close to my heart.

This ties in with one of the top priorities of the UK Department for International Development (DFID), which is to work to ensure healthy lives and promote well-being for all people, tackle microbial resistance and prioritise neglected tropical diseases. Since the DFID's bilateral aid programme to South Africa ended in 2015, the focus is now on mutually agreed areas of engagement. This include enhancing partnerships to accelerate the implementation of the Sustainable Development Goals in Africa, including Goal 3 which refers to health and wellbeing. According to this goal, we will aim to end the epidemics of AIDS, tuberculosis, malaria and other communicable diseases by 2030.

My career in the public health sector in South Africa, focusing on HIV/AIDS and tuberculosis, will directly contribute to this goal and to better health outcomes in rural communities specifically.

478 words

Xti02

Oct 30, 2018

Scholarship / Leader must be flexible, adaptable, able to communicate ideas and opinions in an understandable way [5]

I think the idea in your second paragraph, of how you convinced your team to choose the topic of the seminar, could be fine-tuned to work well and meet the prompt criteria of "influencing". However, the "leadership" part does not shine through as strongly. Your third paragraph describes how you did field work and how you improved yourself and met people and built relationships. There are no leadership qualities showcased there, in fact, it leans towards networking. I would suggest you remove this paragraph and replace it with a good example of leadership. Try to think of a time where your team faced a challenge and you led them to a solution..?

Side note - without having read any of your other essays, I have no idea what field you are in. Something relating to socio-economics..? That means your examples were not specific enough. Use some good, real examples that explains you yo can be a leader in your chosen field.

Xti02

Oct 30, 2018

Writing Feedback / Temperatures and hours of daylight - Writing task 1 : the tables [3]

@Hammy - it would help if you provided the instruction to the writing task. Are you just required to describe the information in the tables, or did they request anything else as well? Not knowing the question, I will just comment on your grammar. There are a number of errors so I will only mention a few.

Firstly, I don't think it is correct to refer to the "maximal" or "minimal" temperature. You should keep the forms "maximum" and "minimum" as they are correct in this context. But try to use different words to say the same thing: maximum can also be highest, hottest or peak temperature; minimum can also be coolest, coldest or lowest temperature. Try not to repeat the same word if possible.

I can see you tried hard to show off your connecting words like besides, moreover, nevertheless, but they were not always used correctly and it seems forced.

Other comments:
*quite, not quiet
*significant, not significantly
And your last 2 sentences don't make sense either.

Good luck

Xti02

Oct 13, 2018

Writing Feedback / Social media and personal information (ielts) [3]

You did not provide the full prompt of this task, so it makes it difficult to see whether you fulfilled the requirements. I assume the prompt stated that you should compare the pro's and cons of social media and provide your opinion. (If it did not ask for your opinion, then you should remove that part and stick to only comparing them).

Few corrections on grammar and spelling:
1. ...posting information is perilous
2. ...more people who make friends
3. ...the right choice
4. Don't start a sentence with "such as"

Also please check your last sentence. I don't really understand what you are trying to say there.

Xti02

Oct 8, 2018

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 IELTS: Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. [3]

I don't think you have given enough attention to an important part of the prompt: "To what extent do you agree or disagree?".

It's fine to explain the benefit of subjects like history, and also the benefits of teaching skills, but you need to have a paragraph where you explain your opinion. You can agree with either option, or you can say that you believe a balance is needed - your actual opinion does not matter much, as long as you can provide reasons to support it. But you have to say "My opinion is..." or "I believe..." or "My personal point of view is..." or something along those lines. You did mention your opinion briefly in the opening paragraph, but you should elaborate it more in the body of the essay.

You also have a number of grammar errors and some of your sentences are a bit long. I don't think the word "approach" is used correctly.

I hope this helps

Xti02

Oct 6, 2018

Scholarship / ONE OF THE REASON TO STUDY IN UK IS BECAUSE OF HARRY POTTER - CHEVENING [9]

Dear Widya

When I read your heading mentioning Harry Potter, I was immediately interested and curious how you would link that to your university courses. Unfortunately it seems that you misunderstood the purpose of the essay. The purpose is to convince the reviewers that you have done your homework on the UK universities and the courses they offer, and show that you have researched and identified exactly which ones would be the best for you (according to your background and future plans). Instead, you spend most of the essay trying to compliment them on their books, flowers and accents.

The only relevant part is your last paragraph. As the contributor has explained above, you need to take each of those universities and expand it into each own paragraph. Say something about the university, then explain the content of the course that you have chosen and why that would assist you in achieving your future plans.

And don't be vague when talking about the future: phrases like "it will make my dreams come true" and "it will gain my future purposes" doesn't say anything to the reviewer. Tell them what exactly it is in the agriculture industry that you want to achieve, and how this degree is an essential step in your career. You mentioned something about food security, which you could possibly expand on here.

If you want to show the reader something about your personality, you could possibly mention something like "studying in the land of Harry Potter, english roses and the "pomato"..." but don't let it be anything more than a passing comment and leave it out if it will distract from your main message or if your word count becomes tight.

I hope this helps.

Xti02

Oct 6, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 - the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city [6]

Dear Vuxlinh

In your current essay, you are starting the last three paragraphs in exactly the same way. You will achieve a higher score if you use different sentence structures. For example, you can say "Burglaries showed the most striking decline of all forms of crime" and then continue to give the details. You should also try to use more synonyms - avoid using the same adjective more than once, even in different forms (low, lower, lowest). You have used "decline" and "falls" - which is good - try also words like decrease, lessen, sink, trough. Another suggestion is to include use vehicle instead of repeating "car". Also try mixing it up with phrases like "doubled" or "halved" instead of just giving the raw numbers every time. I hope this helps.

Xti02

Feb 11, 2018

Scholarship / KGSP program is the perfect opportunity for my goals and dreams - Korean Scholarship essay [3]

Hi Guilherme

I am not sure what degree you propose to study, since you did not mention it in your essay, but I gather that it is related to technology development..? I am sure you would have mentioned it in other parts of your application, but for each essay to make sense, it would help to refer to your chosen course(s) again.

I also agree with the previous reviewer that you need to have a stronger motivation for why you chose Korea. It seems a bit random to go from Brazil to Korea, except that you knew someone else who went there. (If your friend went to Sweden, would you have gone there too?) Why did Korea seem like a good idea? Maybe you can elaborate on Korea's role in the world regarding technological development, especially the fields you are interested in, and why it is a better option than, say, Japan, China, Europe or even your home country.

I hope this helps
Regards

Xti02

Dec 10, 2017

Graduate / Personal Statement for LSHTM - MSc Int Health and Tropical Med [3]

Personal statement requirements:
- Why do you wish to take this particular course of study?
- Why are you applying to the School?
- How does it fit into your career objectives?

Maximum 500 words.(There is no requirement for a statement of purpose, only a personal statement).

my input in a fight with dangerous infections

Early during my medical studies, I read the autobiography of Judge Edward Cameron, in which he describes his personal battle with HIV, as well as the difficulties South Africans faced in the early years of the fight against HIV/Aids. I was horrified at the power of the virus; intrigued by the pathophysiology; dismayed by the lack of timely government response to the growing epidemic; fascinated by the rapidly growing variety of treatment options. I didn't realise it at the time, but the seed had been planted for a keen interest in infectious diseases.

Several years later, I was working in a rural provincial hospital in South Africa, and I was struck by the numbers of patients still presenting with advanced disease - Aids, Tuberculosis, Hepatitis and malaria being the most common. Despite all the advances made in prevention, diagnostics and treatment, somehow these patients still slipped through the many cracks of the health care system.

One particularly interesting patient of mine, with a co-infection of multi-drug-resistant strains of both HIV and TB, proved to be another catalyst. I wrote up his case and was accepted for a poster presentation at the SA AIDS Conference in 2017. During this conference I was exposed to some of the brightest minds in the field of HIV and TB. The scope of work being done amazed me and inspired me to play an even bigger role in the fight against HIV and the associated opportunistic infections.

My first contact with the work of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine was at the INTEREST Conference in Malawi. Presentations of some of the findings of the STAMP and STAR trials, as well as conversations with School alumni left a lasting impression. I was inspired to become a part of this community and to empower myself as best I can for improving the South African health care system in my province.

The MSc International Health and Tropical Medicine is the perfect course for my needs and interests, providing a combination of clinical infectious disease studies, programmatic and public health approaches, and research skills. After obtaining this degree, I would be equipped to establish an Advanced Clinical Care centre in my province, which would care for patients with complicated HIV, TB and other opportunistic infections. Additionally, I would be able to conduct high quality research based on the theory and practical skills gained during the course.

Infections like HIV, TB, hepatitis and malaria may be devastating, ruthless, catastrophic, merciless. But with the right commitment, knowledge and skills, they can be managed. They can be controlled. And they can be beaten. I want nothing more than to play my part in achieving this goal.

==> 446 words

Xti02

Nov 4, 2017

Scholarship / It challenge and process to discover people potentials, leadership essay [5]

Dear Hadeer

Apart from some grammar issues (the first sentence especially), I quite like your essay. You explain a good example of how you used your leadership skills to handle a difficult situation and achieve positive outcomes.

Have you held any other professional leadership positions that you could expand on? You could trim a bit of the details in your current lengthy example and perhaps add a second situation where you had to lead in a different way, in order to better showcase your skills.

Xti02

Nov 4, 2017

Scholarship / Being a part of Chevening absolutely will strengthen my network globally. [3]

Dear Shofia

I think the reviewers would be more interested in your professional network, rather than your contacts from university. Almost half of your essay is about how the researchers you met helped you with your thesis, which is not necessarily what would impress the reviewers.

When it comes to your professional network: Firstly, I think you should remove the part of working at your father's company (anyway, it contradicts your first paragraph where you said your contacts had offered you jobs). Secondly, remember that networking is about more than just meeting people from different backgrounds. You need to describe to the reviewer how someone in your network has helped you with a problem, or how you were able to assist someone in your network and thus have a mutually beneficial professional relationship.

I hope this helps

Xti02

Nov 4, 2017

Scholarship / After finishing my scholarship, I intend to develop my organization and serve my country [3]

Dear Meyamoo

I am a bit confused. Are you currently doing your Master's in Egypt, which you want to interrupt to go to the UK for a different Masters? If so, you might need to elaborate on why you need a double master's in order to fulfill your career plan.

You also neglected to include a reference to what the UK government is doing in Egypt, as required by the prompt. You need to tell them how you can help them, not only how they can help you.

There are many grammar issues in your essay which I could assist with, but I suspect you will have to rewrite a large part of your essay so I won't point out specifics now.

Good luck

Xti02

Nov 4, 2017

Scholarship / Career plan in HIV management programs - Chevening Essay [5]

Hi all. Please see my essay below. I hope the UK links are sufficient since the UK withdrew most of their funding a few years ago and now mostly concentrates on research funding - luckily there are plenty of these.

Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

to get involved with the local NGO's

When I come back to South Africa after studying in the UK, I want to return to my home province of {province name} initially. Here, I would like to get involved with the local NGO's that support the provincial public health system. I have worked with them before, but after completing my master's degree, I will be able to offer more skills and knowledge than before.

My first priority would be to assist in establishing a district Advanced Clinical Care centre for HIV and TB care. This project has been in the pipeline for a number of years, but one of the main stumbling blocks has been the lack of suitably qualified people to create and run such a unit. My newly acquired knowledge of the management of health programs in low cost settings would enable me to fill this gap and assist the local Department of Health in setting up the centre. The clinical knowledge of infectious disease management that I will gain will be essential in rendering a high quality service to patients with complicated conditions. My Chevening network will be a crucial component to the success of the centre and I will make use of my contacts in order to obtain advice on medical and non-medical issues that may arise.

The centre would also be the ideal setting for research projects. Therefore, my second goal will be to set the centre up as a satellite site for some of the large multicentre HIV and TB trials that are ongoing in South Africa. My Chevening contacts could help with this, and I would also get in contact with the teams from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine who are currently doing research in other provinces in South Africa, such as the STAMP trial (funded by the Wellcome Trust and the UK Department for International Development) or the SATVI group (funded by the Wellcome trust). There is a noticeable lack of trials in Mpumalanga and the proposed Advanced Clinical Care centre could fill this gap while delivering high quality patient care.

When the centre is well established, I would consider starting my PhD. Coming back to the UK for this would be a wonderful opportunity. Alternatively, I would get involved with the Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation, which is based at the University of Cape Town. Their network of international funders, such as UKAID, enables them to be one of the leaders in HIV research and care in South Africa and worldwide. Their PhD candidates consistently deliver the high quality research that I would like to be part of.

My longterm goal is to become a Program Lead at one of the large NGO's. As Program Lead, I will be expected to provide technical assistance to the public health system in a number of districts in different provinces countrywide. I will make use of the skills obtained during my postgraduate studies, as well as my Chevening and UK university networks, in order to achieve this goal.

==> 497 words

Xti02

Oct 31, 2017

Scholarship / The UK has always been my first choice for higher education - CHEVENING SCHOLARSHIP [7]

Hi Rahma. Great essay. If you have not submitted yet, I can suggest a few minor changes to grammar:

Paragraph 1: came my way (instead of into my way)

Paragraph 2: it has a range (instead of it got a range)

Paragraph 3: the modules aim (not aims)

Paragraph 5: the modules emphasize (not emphasizes)

All the best with your application!

Xti02

Oct 30, 2017

Scholarship / 3 fantastic choices for infectious disease studies - Chevening [3]

course in UK choice essay

Hi all. First draft of my course choice essay is below. I discussed the first two together because the courses are similar, just at different universities. I initially tried describing them in different paragraphs, but it seemed forced because the info was very much the same... Suggestions on improvement are welcome

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future. (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

I am currently working as Medical Advisor at {organisation}, an NGO focused on Technical Assistance to the South African Department of Health with regards to the HIV/Aids and TB programs. This work has opened my eyes to the challenges of the public health sector, the lack of infectious disease specialists in South Africa, and the myriad of potential research opportunities in this field. Completing the Diploma in HIV Management after my medical studies has enabled me to understand the clinical and programmatic side of the disease better, but at this stage in my career I realise the need for more intense training in a wider field of infectious diseases, in order to make a bigger impact in my community.

My first two course choices are the MSc in Tropical Medicine and International Health (London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine) and the MSc Tropical and Infectious Diseases (Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine). Both courses are designed to provide doctors who already have some experience in settings with high burdens of infectious diseases, with expertise and knowledge in order to approach these conditions from a clinical and public health perspective. There is also a strong focus on equipping doctors with knowledge in research methods, in order to continue the crucially important research into communicable diseases in their own settings. These courses both include a supervised research project during the last term, which gives students the opportunity to apply the skills they have gained earlier in the course. The project can be done overseas, allowing students to be exposed to and learn from another low income / high burden health system other than the one they come from. Strengthening my clinical and public health knowledge will be invaluable in my future work in the South African HIV/Aids program. Additionally, the research skills and experience obtained will enable me to contribute to the HIV and TB research efforts in {name of province} specifically and South Africa generally.

My third choice is the MSc in Control of Infectious Diseases (London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine). This course focuses more on the epidemiological, laboratory and public health approaches to communicable diseases. Completing this course will enable me to contribute to the public health system in South Africa by investigating, designing, implementing and evaluating not only the HIV epidemic, but also other bacterial, viral and parasitic infections that are so prevalent in our low resource setting.

All three my university courses will enable me to learn from experts at UK universities that are regarded as some of the world's best with regards to infectious disease management. This will enable to make an impact in the field of communicable diseases through disseminating expertise to colleagues, conducting research and improving patient care.

==> 455 words, so there is a bit of room for adding more information.
Should I elaborate more on the choice of universities and their reputations etc? I wanted to, but the prompt just stated choice of course.

Xti02

Oct 30, 2017

Scholarship / Creating a strong global community for collective impact - Chevening Networking question [4]

Dear Imran

Perhaps your message comes across less clear because you blanked out the names of the programs you were involved in for the sake of privacy in this forum. But after reading your essay, I am still unsure what line of work or study you are in. The contributor above recommended that you focus more on your professional network development. If inserting the names of the organisations fails to achieve this, I would suggest you elaborate a bit more about the actual work you are referring to. You use very nice English phrases and all, but it all comes across as a bit "fluffy"... Maybe you can add an example of something that you managed to organize / solve / improve by using your US alumni network?

Kind regards

Xti02

Oct 18, 2017

Scholarship / Huge opportunity to connect with aspiring young leaders from different parts of the world [5]

Hi Rahma

I think the changes that you made after the reviewer comments have made your essay much stronger. Well done. The only thing that I can say is that you now have one big, strong paragraph (paragraph 2), and all the others are quite short in comparison. You can consider combining paragraph 4 and 5 into one bigger paragraph, since it deals with the same topic of using social connections to promote career opportunities.

Just a suggestion.

Regards

Xti02

Oct 18, 2017

Scholarship / Networking for better health outcomes (Chevening essay) [4]

Hi all. First draft of my networking essay:

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

network of Physicians and Medical Personnel

Over the past two years, I have managed to build a strong network of doctors and other health care providers in the HIV/Aids sector in South Africa. My current position as Medical Advisor for {organisation} has enabled me to be in regular contact with doctors and nurses from all 13 hospitals in our district, as well as many of the clinics. I have established my network by conducting support visits to the hospitals, and I maintain it by regular follow-up and by inviting these doctors to clinical symposia and trainings. I also have contact with some of the expert HIV clinicians in other parts of the country, and regularly make use of these contacts to link local doctors to the specialists for advice on management of complicated patients.

Since joining {organisation}, I have extended my network to also include district and provincial HIV and TB program coordinators, the district clinical specialist team, monitoring and evaluation leads and pharmacovigilance managers. I met some of these contacts at data review and planning meetings, and were introduced to others by colleagues. In the past year, I have used these contacts to act as speakers at symposia, and to obtain invitations to important strategic planning meetings. In return I have assisted them with specific quality improvement projects, such as a TB screening QIP and a PCR positive baby tracing QIP.

Earlier this year, I benefited from my networking efforts when a colleague from another NGO, whom I had met a few years ago during a training and kept in touch with ever since, nominated me for a sponsorship to attend the INTEREST Conference in Malawi. This was my first international conference, and it was fantastic to listen to and meet some of the experts in the field of HIV medicine during this week. I also met several other health care workers at the conference, one of whom introduced me to the idea of studying in the UK, where he had obtained his MSc from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. Keeping in touch with him has inspired and assisted me in getting this far in the planning and application process.

When I return to South Africa, I want to assist in improving the health care sector in the rural Mpumalanga province where I am from. Most HIV research efforts in South Africa are currently focused in the Gauteng, Western Cape and KwaZulu-Natal provinces, leaving endless research opportunities in Mpumalanga. If I become a Chevening Scholar, I want to cultivate relationships with other Chevening scholars, as well as students and academics from my chosen university, in order to create a centre of excellence and promote HIV research in the province. Extending the valuable Chevening network to this area will not only benefit patient care, but also the doctors and nurses working here.

(473 words)

Xti02

Oct 18, 2017

Scholarship / Project Management Practicioner - Networking Chevening Essay [8]

@disneys

Dear Ayu

I like your example of how you used your network to solve the problem at the water treatment plant, although I think you can explain the story in less words.

The preceding paragraph is a bit vague though. You speak of "dynamic projects" and "many external parties" without explaining the type of projects and parties. I think it could be useful to mention your profession and some details about the projects here. After reading your essay I still don't know what line of work you are in, except that one project had something to do with water.

Regards

Xti02

Oct 17, 2017

Scholarship / Leadership offers wide spectrum to develop, implement and persuade people towards a positive change [7]

Dear Rahma

I really liked your essay. I am not sure what changes you have made after the comments above. My input is more on the grammar, so you will have to see whether it is still applicable in your revised essay.

Firstly, there is something wrong with the second sentence. Suggestions:

... is extremely high, ~~further making women holding~~ and women hold ...

OR

~~Being~~ It is challenging to be a female engineer ...

Also be aware of which tense you choose (past / present) and stick to it. In paragraph 3 it would be better to keep to past tense and say *considered* and *belonged*.

Overall I liked the content of the essay very much, well done and good luck!

Xti02

Oct 16, 2017

Scholarship / Chevening essay - My journey to becoming a leader [4]

Hi all. This is my first draft, so please be as critical as necessary! I have removed my company name and some details for privacy, but will include it when submitting.

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

not to lead, but to make a difference

It is said that great leaders set out not to lead, but to make a difference. This certainly describes my journey of becoming a leader and influencer within my organisation.

As a junior doctor, I found myself as part of a bigger team tasked with caring for our hospital inpatients. I was required to follow, rather than to lead, and I was mostly content with this. After all, I became a doctor because I wanted to help people, not lead them. But as I progressed in the hospital, later becoming the sole doctor in charge of the outpatient HIV clinic attached to the hospital, I could no longer sit back and go with the flow.

It started simply with me looking for ways to make a difference in the clinic. I wanted to improve the HIV knowledge of the intern doctors, nurses and counsellors I worked with, I wanted the patients to better understand their disease and its treatment, and I wanted to advocate for better quality HIV care in the rest of the hospital. While doing this, I realised the importance, and indeed the joys, of leading my team towards our goal of improved patient care. I started leading a small weekly discussion group with the nurses, where we discussed clinical aspects of HIV care, and I was able to teach and answer their questions. I asked the lay counsellors to sit in on some patient consultations, in order to mentor them on important topics to cover when counselling and educating patients. I also prepared and presented the latest HIV guidelines for doctors in the Paediatrics and Obstetrics departments in the hospital. These actions assisted in improving our patient care and left a lasting impact after I moved to my next position.

When I accepted my current position as Medical Advisor for XXX, I knew that my leadership skills were going to be tested. As the Developmental Support Partner in the rural YYY Province of South Africa, XXX is tasked with supporting the Department of Health in developing and improving the HIV and Tuberculosis program in the district. Liaising with the Program Leads in our head office in Johannesburg, I am responsible for leading many of the paediatric HIV, adult HIV and tuberculosis activities that we are busy with, including a large TB screening quality improvement plan. I have abundant opportunities to influence colleagues by teaching them during one on one mentorship sessions as well as formal trainings and clinical forums. I also participate in the provincial Clinical Advisory Group, and I took part in finalising the District Improvement Plan earlier this year.

My main aim is to lead and inspire other health care workers to strive towards expanding the HIV and TB program in South Africa, diagnosing those affected earlier, and offering them high quality treatment options.

==> 473 words.

*I'm not so sure about the second part of the essay. Too much detail or not enough? Also not sure if the closing paragraph is strong enough. Advice will be much appreciated.