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Posts by forielts
Name: nicoel
Joined: Nov 27, 2018
Last Post: Dec 7, 2018
Threads: 4
Posts: 8  


Displayed posts: 12
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forielts   
Dec 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: buying products from other countries. [4]

buying imported products



in some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. to what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problem?

People these days are able to buy goods made by other countries. From a personal view, I believe this is a positive trend in a large extent, although it may cause adverse impacts as well.

Having access to other countries' products enables people to lead a happy life because it can improve their living standers. Due to the geometric limitations, some products are not able to grow in other countries, such as cherries, which are native to North America but can hardly grow in Thailand. If people can taste things from another side of the world, they are likely to enjoy more in their life. In addition, some products are also cheaper to buy from other nations than from the local. It will decline people's living cost and save money to tackle other urgent problems.

Another benefit of this progress is that it can contribute to culture communication between countries. Products from other areas, especially those containing certain local features, can usually convey traditional culture. For example, if people from Europe purchase china, they are likely willing to know more about Chinese culture. In this way, the misunderstanding between two different culture will reduce.

Despite the advantages mentioned above, purchasing other countries' products will have a negative influence on local companies' development. As people tend to buy things which are not made by the local companies, native companies can hardly make profits from the customers. As a result, these companies may not survive the intense competition brought by foreigner products.

In conclusion, it cannot be prevented from people buying imported products. I believe it is a good trend as it contributes to people's life quality as well as culture communication.

(280 words) Thanks for your advice ;)
forielts   
Dec 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Task 1: 2 flow chart (average monthly spend on children's sports and participation in 3 sports) [3]

hi,

Despite the suggestions given above, there are other two things you should pay attention:
Do not write too many words in task 1 because not only it will run out of time for task 2, but also it shows you don't have the ability the summarize the information.

Be careful of your grammar, the charts are talking about things between 2008 and 2014, so you should use the past tense instead of the present simple.
forielts   
Dec 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing Task 1 (Academic, barchart) - Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005 [2]

Hi,

I guess you linked the wrong image so I cannot give any specific suggestions regarding your essy. However, it seems like you wrote too much, which was not encouraged as you will running out of time for task 2.

Also, from the prompt it seems like two different time is compared in the chart, so I supposed to see words like 'increased' ' decreaded' in your body paragraph, which indicates the changes during the time.

cheers.
forielts   
Dec 6, 2018
Writing Feedback / The healthy lifestyle has a direct bearing on our dignity and well-being. [2]

healthy lifestyle - IELTS writing task 2



some people say that the government should ensure that people lead a healthy life, while others believe individuals should have their own choices. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The healthy lifestyle is important because it has a direct bearing on our dignity and well-being. Some people believe governments' regulations are needed to lead a healthy life, while others think it is a personal choice. From a personal view, I do not believe people will actively engage in it unless governments take some actions.

On the one hand, the authorities' requirements can increase the number of people who have a healthy lifestyle. In this case, governments are likely to conduct a series of restrictions on goods which have adverse impacts on people's health, such as imposing high taxes on alcohol and cigarettes. Some punishments may also be taken to prevent people from not doing exercise. As a result, an increasing number of people will join activities which can improve their health.

On the other hand, people should have rights to choose what kind of life they want to have because they can be happy in this way. People who have always been enjoying healthy fruits and vegetables will keep doing so. However, if governments put compulsory regulations on these people's life, they will suffer from massive pressure and may no longer enjoy the lifestyle that they used to have.

In my opinion, it is more important for governments to guide people about how to lead a healthy life. Many people may not aware of the dangers of bad living habits they are having at the moment. For example, office workers will do more outdoor activities if governments advertise a concept that sitting for a long time will reduce people's lifespan.

In conclusion, people can benefit the most from governments' advice on how to have a healthy life.
(278 words) Thank you for your advice in advance :0
forielts   
Dec 4, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: This is an essay about reports of media - almost all bad news and emergencies [4]

Hi,

There are frequently grammar errors occurred in your essay, e.g. ' a news' ' travel by bicycle' ' the media tend to'... please pay attention to your grammar.

Another mistake you made was that you did not point out a clear thesis statement in your each body paragraph. After you indicated people that this paragraph would be talking about merits/detrimental consequences, you need to be clear that what are those merits/detrimental impacts.

Also, as it is said above, you did not discuss your text in details. If you are going to say 'reporting many nasty accidents is ...', ask yourself why this action can rise people' awareness-- because people will be intimidated by the serious consequence showed on TV...'
forielts   
Dec 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / People are more likely to go fast food restaurants instead of the ones offering tradition food. [4]

In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

traditional food is replaced by fast food



People these days are more likely to go fast food restaurants instead of the ones offering tradition food. This trend has been said having adverse impacts on families and societies. I mostly agree with this idea but fast food can benefit people to some extent.

On the one hand, fast food can bring diseases to people due to the unhealthy way they are made from. This kind of food usually contains excessive oil and fat, an example of this is chicken fries, which will cause the obesity issue on people; thereby resulting in other serious health problems. In addition, people can hardly gain enough types of nutrition that their body needs from fast food.

Another issue caused by this trend is an extinction of a unique feature. Local food is made by special materials which are various from different areas. For instance, people from eastern Asia prefer to use alcohol to reduce the fishy smell carried with seafood. In contrast, international fast food is usually made from similar materials to maintain the same taste. As a result, a special representative of local culture will disappear if nobody is willing to impart the approach of traditional food.

On the other hand, fast food can benefit the majorities because it saves people's time. Due to the heavy workload, people cannot spend too much time on their meals. However, fast food provides them with a solution of having tasty and quick food, so people can focus on work and maintain their productivity.

In conclusion, although fast food can bring negative influences, it can still be beneficial to people to a slight extent.
forielts   
Dec 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that children can learn about cooperation via team sports [6]

Thank you for your corrections. As for the TA section, will it be better if I change the article to:

(introduction) It is said that ... team sports. Although it ... from it, I do not agree with this idea as many other approaches can achieve the goal as well.

(paragraph 3)Despite the potential benefit talked above, I would argue that playing team sports is one option instead of being the best because there are also many other ways to help the youth learn co-operating.First, ...

Or, another structure of the essay:
1.talk about advantages of team sports have on children cooperation.
2.talk about disadvantages of team sports may bring to children cooperation.
3. give other approaches to teach children with learning cooperate.
conclusion: Although it is true that children can be benefited from it, I do not agree with the idea that team sports are the ideal way to teach children with cooperation.

How do you think?
forielts   
Dec 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Adolescents have fewer responsibilites, is this a good thing or a bad thing? [8]

Hi there,

Despite all the suggestions mentioned above, there are several things you need to pay attention as well.

Do not give your opinion later, give it at the introduction right away.

For your second paragraph, if you want to compare the difference between the past and the current, make sure you put the ' children these days' sentence behind your thesis statement. Your point was fewer responsibilities benefit children on their individual growth, so you needed to explain why your statement was true then used a comparison to make it persuasive. It helps meet the CC requirements.

Have a good day.
forielts   
Dec 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / Health care and education funding to be among the top priorities of a government's agenda? [4]

Hi

Here is a big mistake you made on the structure: for discussion essays, you need general 5 paragraphs in total, which are introduction+ 2 paragraphs about why the opinions from the prompt are right+ 1paragraph about your own statement+ conclusion. To meet the TA requirements, you are supposed to give your own opinion and extend it.

Also, the way you connected your sentences was mechanical. ( 'firstly, secondly' appeared in both paragraph)

cheers
forielts   
Dec 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that children can learn about cooperation via team sports [6]

cooperation through team sports



the best way to teach children to co-operate is though team sports at school, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

It is said that the most effective means of educating young generation about cooperation is by team sports. Although it is true that children can be benefited from it, there are other methods to teach them with collaboration.

By playing sports in a group. children are able to learn how to find their role in a group in order to achieve success. As sport games are usually played by considerable number of people, it is unlikely for one person to compete with other teams and win the game. Children who are in the team have to work with teammates together, discovering everyone's advantages and helping with each other to win. The awareness of cooperation that children gain from team sports can be applied on other sides of their life.

Nevertheless, there are also other approaches to help the youth to learn co-operate.First, they can learn collaboration by doing team projects in school system. This kind of projects always assign people with different tasks. For example, some projects may require students to make a short video, so team members will need to decide who is going to write the script or who is going to edit the film. If people in the group cannot finish their own duties on time, a delay will be cause which will have an adverse impacts on the whole process. Second, team study can be an alternative for children to learn cooperation. Due to the limitation of their minds, it is difficult for children to finish school assignments on their own. Studying in a group enables children to gain new ideas of the homework from their classmates, which will contribute to achieve higher score.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that children can learn about cooperation via team sports. However, I would argue that may other ways can be accepted to teach them with cooperating as well.
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