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Posts by Ptp03
Name: Pham Phat
Joined: Jun 15, 2020
Last Post: Jul 14, 2020
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  

From: Viet Nam
School: B SCHOOL

Displayed posts: 10
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Jul 14, 2020
Writing Feedback / A growing tendency these days to work independently instead of applying for corporations jobs [2]


Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Write at least 250 words.
Recent changes in the nature of work itself have accompanied significant adjustments that are made by a number of people to their working life. Indeed, there has been a growing tendency these days to work independently instead of applying for corporations. The following piece of writing is going to present an in-depth analysis into this phenomenon, along with potential drawbacks of self-employment.

In the first place, being self-employed affords people more flexibility and latitude. Unlike companies or organizations, where employees are expected to adhere to the general disciplines, and are subject to penalties for any infringements, home-workers are not bound by rigid schedules or rules. By this way, they can start their working day at any given hours, or refresh themselves whenever they feel stressed or uninspired. Additionally, as they hold the absolute control over their workload, they are capable of shouldering multiple tasks at once, which considerably increases the incomes. Home freelancers are a perfect illustration of this point, when a multitude of them can earn a stable livelihood by flexibly assuming various positions like translators, designers, photographers, to name but a few.

Nevertheless, despite prominent upsides, a self-employed person is likely to confront certain challenges that can hinder their progress and productivity. A lack of discipline may emerge as the first hurdle that they need to overcome. Without awareness and order, they run the risk of inertia, which can result in disruptions in production and a fall in the quality of the products. Stress and negative thinking are another possible drawback of working independently when the workload becomes overwhelming or customers' feedbacks express frustration and discontentment. Last but not least, due to the volatile nature of job market, there is a substantial likelihood that many independent workers will suffer from unemployment, which can lead to financial difficulties.

In conclusion, more freedom, flexibility and opportunities to chase ambitions are three plus points that attract a rising proportion of people to self-employment. In the meantime, it is imperative that they should acknowledge ever-present obstacles of this type of profession.

This is the second essay that I have written here on this website. I would be grateful if you can give me a score.
Jul 14, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is internet convince to us or to swindlers? [3]

The question asks you to comment whether the advantages of online market outweigh its disadvantages, and you have not stated your opinion in the introduction.

There are some grammatical errors that I have spotted:
could fall
Repetition of the collocation: fall into traps
Nevertheless the disadvantages to the kids => grammatically incorrect => despite possible kids- related drawbacks
Jul 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Appearance or Work Quality? Discuss both views. [5]

Your discussion is easy to follow. That is a plus point when you take the IELTS exam.
Good content and clear examples to support your ideas.
There are some certain words and phrases that I personally think that you can improve, or upgrade.
Should be well-cared => should be held in high regard/ prioritized
As a thought (what do you mean by this phrase?)
Jul 8, 2020

TOPIC: Nowadays there is a growing shift towards cashless transactions. While some people argue in support of a cashless society, claiming that it is beneficial to its citizens, others raise concern about security.

Which side do you personally agree with and why?

In an era that witnesses an explosive development in technology, cashless transactions have established a firm foothold in various countries including developed ones such as Norway and America. Indeed, many people have shown their advocacy of a society in which cash gives place to other means of payments. However, there is still certain opposition against this scenario given security concerns. From my personal perspective, cash-free transfer should be promoted and applied on a large scale.

In the first place, purchasing can be considerably simplified when cash is not required. In the time when online shopping is booming, together with an ever-increasing demand for commercial goods from customers, the need to find a quick, convenient and reliable way of transactions emerges to be prominent. In this case, digital payments such as credit cards and money transfering are definitely fitting alternatives to hard cash due to their versatility and accuracy. To illustrate, there is now no need in having to travel a long distance to original shops or supermarkets, as people can order everything they want within a mouse click, using money-transferring method. This example clearly attests the advantage of this technology-based means of transactions over the traditional cash-only one.

By the same token, a cashless society opens new opportunities for employment and business. In fact, globalization means that people are nowadays not confined within their home nations in their search for jobs, as they can work internationally. By utilizing digitized methods, wages or salaries will be transferred to the employees' accounts and can be used directly without the need of currency exchange at local banks. Home freelancers are a perfect illustration of this point, when they can accept multiple tasks simultaneously and derive abundant income from different sources. Vice versa, cashless transactions also enable local undertakings to expand their market and customers network. Indeed, such retailers as Amazon, Alibaba and IKEA have leveraged this means of transfer to attain a global outreach and become retail tycoons.

Many people cast their doubt on the reasonability of a without-cash world. They state unlawful acts, namely financial frauds and information leakage, as possible spectres to their personal security. However, given the general concerns towards this issue, the majority of banking companies have implemented strict measures regarding the clients' data privacy. Additionally, as users are fully informed of every transactional activities by the banks, they hold the control of their accounts and can report any abnormalities for the sake of safety. In other words, a bilateral relationship will be established between banks and customers, which ensures reliability and security.

In conclusion, I personally support the vista of a cashless world, considering the convenience and career prospects that it can afford. Although it is still a long way to go, I hold a firm belief that cash will be someday totally superseded by more state-of-the-art methods of transaction.

I would be grateful if you can give me a specific score. Thanks!
Jul 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Older people struggle with use of modern technology. Reasons and solutions [5]

Clearly you have written under the required word count, and it is likely that you will be penalized for this fault.
Your second paragraph does not seem to delve much into the reasons behind the difficulties that the elderly often find when they use hi-tech devices. It looks a bit facile.
Jun 20, 2020
Writing Feedback / Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country [2]

Oil annual consumption & oil employment/unemployment rate

Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time.

Write a report summarizing the information. Select and describe the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the annual use of oil within a timespan of 60 years in a country, while the table illustrates oil employment and national employment in that country during the same period.

Regarding the oil consumption, the figure registered 20 million barrels in 1950, and remained stable in the next two decades. Since then, the amount of consumed oil witnessed a nearly three- fold increase, peaking over 50 million barrels in 2010.

This trend was also reflected in the number of workers in the oil industry. Fluctuating around 1000 people from 1950 to 1970, the number climbed significantly by three times, which reached 3100 at the end of the period.

Turning to the national unemployment rate, around 4% of the population was jobless in between 1950 and 1970. However, there was a discernible improvement in the country's job situation, as the rate declined by over 2% in the following 40 years.

Overall, there was a correlation in the consumption of oil per year and the number of oil industry workers. In the meantime, the unemployment rate also more than halved throughout the period.

(187 words)

Jun 16, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Should we punish our children? [4]

I am an IELTS Learner and I want to give some of my thoughts on your essay.
Personally, I really like your first argument. It has clear reasoning with persuasive supporting ideas and example.
However, your third paragraph is too short. It is important to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Your third paragraph fails to accomplish that.
Jun 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: the percentage breakdown in the spending patterns of Japanese and Malaysian families - 2010 [2]

Comparing household expenditures in two countries

Writing: The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage breakdown in the spending patterns of Japanese and Malaysian families in 2010.
Concerning Japan, a typical family spent the lowest amount of money on healthcare with an insignificant portion of 4%. Housing and transport, both accounted one- fifth of Japanese household expenditure, while the figure for food was slightly higher, at 24%. The largest proportion of money was allocated for other goods and services, at 29%.

When it comes to Malaysia, a similar pattern can be witnessed when a Malaysian household spared a tiny part of their budget for healthcare (3%), but substantial portions of more than a quarter for food and other goods and services. However, compared to Japan, the accommodation expense represented a much higher percentage (34%), meanwhile, the proportion for transport was much lower, only 10%.

Overall, both Malaysia and Japan spent significantly on food, housing and other goods and services in 2010. It is also noticed that the spending pattern of a Japanese family was more evenly split compared to a Malaysian one.

(174 words)