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Posts by vicz001 [Suspended]
Name: Dat diem cao
Joined: Nov 13, 2020
Last Post: Jan 22, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
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From: Viet Nam
School: Quang Trung school

Displayed posts: 12
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vicz001   
Jan 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS: People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution [4]

Your essay is really long (340 w), I think you do not need the 3rd ideas ( the "additionally" part), instead, you could give an example, which is super great and highly recommend because it makes your ideas deeper (quality is more important than quantity). my example for the 2nd solution ( I don't think construction could be "limited" so I'll change the word "be limited" to "apply some dust control measures"). construction sites could use wind barriers such as board fences and wind fences, which can control air currents and blow soil, to prevent the soil from blowing off-site.
vicz001   
Jan 8, 2021
Writing Feedback / Task 2 - what children watch influences their behaviors or it is the amount of time they spend. [4]

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most.

Discuss both view and give your opinion

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People have differing views about what affects children's behaviors most. While some people consider that it is the amount of time children spend watching television, I would argue that it is the content of the programs they watch.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why children's behaviors are impacted by the amount of time they spend sitting in front of the television. Firstly, if children watch too much TV, they will develop a habit of watching and eventually become addicted to TV for entertainment. This might lead to the scenario where children spend all the day with the TV, neglect outdoor activities and trap themselves in a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, those who spend all the time watching TV may isolate themselves from the people around them. As a result, they will have less interaction and therefore, do not develop any social skills that are considered essential for their lives.

On the other hand, while viewing time may harm preschoolers to a certain extent, I still believe that the programs' content influences their actions most. The main reason is that children still have not developed the awareness enough to distinguish between the right and the wrong. If they are exposed to counter-educational programs, they will have some misconceptions and inappropriate behaviors, which will result in the tendency that children imitate what they are seen on the screen. For instance, violent scenes on TV shows show children a bad example of manners and affect their thoughts as well as their behaviors when they grow up.

In conclusion, although the amount of time preschoolers spend viewing TV programs may have some effect on children's actions, I believe what they watch influences them most.
vicz001   
Nov 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - zoos are cruel or can be useful. Discuss both view and give opinion [3]

Topic:
Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be shut down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.



People have differing views with regard to the question of whether or not zoos need to be maintained. While some say that zoos are merciless and should be closed, I personally believe that they would keep animals safe from extinction. This essay will discuss the two viewpoints.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why zoos are considered immoral places and should be banned. Firstly, zoos are often aimed to entertain people and earn money from them, which means that zoos held animals not because of conserve, but because of making profits. Secondly, from a moral perspective, many zoos limit the freedom of their animal by providing poor-quality environments and facilities. Research has shown that the house of animals in zoos is far smaller than that of them in nature. This prevents animals from doing daily activities the same way as they do in the wild, which is likely to make them feel depressed and develop mental illnesses.

On the other hand, I would argue that zoos play an integral part in preventing animals from extinction. The fact that excessive hunting and poaching have led to numerous animals' disappearance, which is because their body parts are seen as luxury items and status symbols. Take rhinos as an example, they are killed or held in captivity because their horns are highly valued on the black market, pushing this species to the brink of extinction. As a result, Zoos act as shelters to protect them from poachers and these immoral behaviors.

In conclusion, although some people believe that zoos must be prohibited, I am of the opinion that Zoos can help protect wild animals from extinction.
vicz001   
Nov 23, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is it important to follow fashion trends. State your opinions and give examples. [3]

Here are some suggestions for your introduction (first paragraph).

You should paraphrase the first sentence of the essay topic in your first sentence. Then in a second or/and third sentence, paraphrase the second sentence of the topic and point your position ( agree or disagree).

Furthermore, you need to learn about Task 2's format first before writing an essay.
Hope this helps.
vicz001   
Nov 22, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 2 IELTS - People living longer after retirement - people's health [6]

I think you can make the first ideas of your second paragraph clearer, explain why "stress on urban population" is bad. For example, it bad because there will be less accommodations available. I mean you just use 1 idea but developed it in detail.
vicz001   
Nov 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing task 2 - People forget the meaning of festivals and only want to enjoy themselves [3]

Topic:
Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?



These days, it is often argued that individuals no longer remember the underlying meaning of traditional or religious festivals, and during the festival time, people just want to have fun. While I agree that people do prioritize enjoyment at the festival, I disagree with the view that they have forgotten the festival's meaning.

On the one hand, after a year of hard work, people look forward to festivals as a time to relax and take a break from busy life. For example, religious festivals like Christmas are often be seen as an excuse to party and shop, with people costume like Santa greetings in front of malls and playing with children. Similar behavior could be seen during some non-religious festivals, such as the Vietnamese Lunar New Year when all of the Vietnamese students are allowed to be absent from school, and their parent does not have to work, they often gathering around and decorating their homes, giving and receiving presents, as well as buying new clothes.

On the other hand, I do not agree with the idea that the original meaning of festivals has been forgotten. This is because at an early age, Vietnamese offsprings have known about the meaning of their festivals and culture through their family. Additionally, in primary school, the teacher would tell students stories about the legend and the history of these festivals. For example, children in Vietnam are taught about the Lunar New Year's history and the reason for celebrating it. The same is true for festivals with a religious background, such as Christmas or buddha's birthdays, parents will tell their children the story behind these occasions.

In conclusion, I believe not just because people often celebrate festivals with joyfulness, it would mean they have forgotten the festival's value.

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Thank you for reading my essay