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Posts by nhidinh1231
Name: Đình Nhi
Joined: Nov 25, 2021
Last Post: Dec 2, 2021
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
From: Viet Nam
School: Nguyen Tat Thanh High School for the gifted

Displayed posts: 11
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nhidinh1231   
Dec 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: More and more students choose to study abroad to have a better education and environment [2]

People say that a country will benefit greatly if its students study abroad.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



In this day and age, more and more students choose to study abroad to have a better education and environment. Besides that, there are many contradictory ideas surrounding this topic, whether it is good for the home country or not. From my perspective, I believe that it would partly leave the motherland some certain detrimental disadvantages.

Nowadays, students have an inclination to choose to study overseas, mainly because they do not totally believe in the national education to foster them in career and logical thinking. Some developing countries do not have enough facilities as well as the professional knowledge to provide for their citizens with a good salary and wonderful environment, so when they have the opportunities to access education in developed countries, they opt to emigrate there to have a better future. I totally agree with this argument, as there are obvious cases that I have actually seen, as the citizens of a country decided to permanently live in a new nation after studying abroad. For example, the Vietnamese champions in a knowledge-about show - Olympiad, when they had been provided a scholarship to study in Australia, almost chose not to come back to Vietnam, earning a living, but continue staying in their host country. This phenomenon makes the whole country lose its own genius, leading to the regretful statement, which is brain drain.

On the other hand, not all the knowledgable study-abroad students are the same, some of them determine that they want to study abroad, broadening their horizon of knowledge, then coming back to their country to promote its evolution. I am also in support of this, but there are not too many cases to make me believe that the country would be benefited, compared to the disadvantages it has had. Taking Ms. Luong Phuong Thao for example, one of three Olympiad champions chose to come back to Vietnam to work among 19 ones. Those studying abroad are who absorb the innovations of the international and professional environment, knowing how to improve the weaknesses of a country that a normal person could not see, actually helping the country to level up their accreditation, but a bad status quo that only a few of them return to their mother countries.

In conclusion, I think that the study-abroad student would bring some risks to the country, such as brain drain, but we could deny that there are some of those overseas graduates who can serve as catalysts for the economic advancement of a nation
nhidinh1231   
Dec 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Essay about the argument of TV purpose, for entertaining or education and information [4]

You have a diverse word choice as I could find lots of synonyms in your essay.
I think that the two first paragraphs are extremely good, as, in the opening, you actually have an amazing paraphrase, while in the second paragraph, you totally give the public opinion about the recreational programs, not including your view of point.

In the third paragraph, there is a confusing problem, as you add your perspective here, from which should be totally separated into a new paragraph. Try to rewrite it, and I think your essay would get a high score
nhidinh1231   
Dec 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Task 2: The idea of whether or not to accept the social convention of a host country [3]

It is great since I have found a set of synonyms in your essay. You are good at word choice.

I also found some errors in your essay. Hope that it could help you

It will create a harmony

more likeable

as there is a stereotype about

can helps foreigners to open

an inclination to know whether or not foreigners...
nhidinh1231   
Dec 1, 2021
Writing Feedback / Task 1: The maps elaborate on the layout moderations of an art gallery's ground floor [2]

Task 1: The maps below show the changes in the art gallery ground floor in 2015 and the present day.[/b]



I am sorry that the image file is too big to put in. Please help me with expression, grammar, and word choice.

The two given maps elaborate on the layout moderations of an art gallery's ground floor, respectively depicting the gallery in 2015 and in the present.

Generally, the art gallery has undergone a course of refurbishments and relocations in order to incorporate more facilities and make use of the space to provide its audience with a better experience. The vending machine and the lift were additionally set up as a result of remodeling.

In 2015, on the right-handed side, the respective exhibition room numbered from 1 to 3 was built alongside to which, while on the left side, the cafe, gallery office, and the exhibition room 4 were vertically also built in consecutive sequence. In 2020, the mentioned-latter facilities have been totally removed to make space for the new ones, including respectively the gallery shop, vending machine, temporary exhibition and children's area.

Observing from the entrance of the art gallery, in 2015, the entrance hall, one could also spot, occupied a large bottom area, in front of which were the receptionist and the stairs. Now, after the redesigned scheme, the former has been relocated, being moved back for the purpose of freeing up the space. Eventually, the lift has been introduced next to a set of stairs, making use of the blank area.
nhidinh1231   
Nov 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / Topic: "If you were the mayor of your town or village, what would you do to improve the quality " [3]

Secondly, there are ...
You did not mention the first your logical cause, but went straight to "Secondly".

You should focus on only the problem you want to solve and make it clear and prominent. Mentioning lots of the cause confuses the people to read your writing, and is not effective. Highlight on one, max out this in the aspects that you would mention it in the solution-about paragrapgh
nhidinh1231   
Nov 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 line graph - The changes in the rates of birth and death in New Zealand from 1901 [4]

I have just searched and found some information about your prompt. Hope that the next time I could see the depicted picture and the given prompt of your essay.

The line graph illustrates... It is good of you to paraphrase the given prompt and clearly provide for people what kind of the map was.

but the number of deaths has ...
I think that it would be more obvious if you mentioned both of the trends, instead of one of them.

..., the birth rate fluctuated from ... I do not think that "fluctuated" was a good choice. In my opinion, it should be "increased". Then it was pumped up to the highest point in 1961 clearly demonstrate what the number of the highest point was.

After that, the rate of birth ...
It should be "started decline in 1981, and is expected to gradually decline until it was 45000 by the end of the period"



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nhidinh1231   
Nov 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / More people become well-known for their scandals and wealth, instead of their exceptional talent [2]

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements



In this technology day and age, more and more people become well-known for their scandals and rich, instead of their exceptional talent. Besides that, there are many contradictory discussions surrounding this topic, whether that this would have a wide-scale negative or positive impact on youngsters. Personally, I think that the famous-by-rich celebrities would both set good and bad examples for the adolescents which depend on their circumstances.

On the one hand, many people launch into fame by showing off their luxurious lifestyle, of which they easily buy and own unaffordable assets, making the rest desire to be like them. The young generation these days, especially those with low cognitive ability, easy to be tempted to imitate to buy expensive items to just be like their idol, regardless of how hard and difficult they need to afford those things. Some famous people have realized this situation, but instead of using their fame and spoken power to stop this case of a situation, they ignored it and even felt happy to feel themself have enormous impacts. Additionally, some celebrities nowadays literally do not need to make money to have a wealthy style but inherit or use their parents' handsome amount of money, adversely affecting the adolescents nowadays to depend more on their parents to pursue what they want, instead of eaning by themself, leading to the hedonistic lifestyle.

On the other hand, the fact that some famous people are known for their scandalous lifestyle did not mean all of the glamorous are the same. Some cases that people tried by themself, making effort on pursuing their dreams, being wealthy thanks to their excellent achievements. For example, Mark Zuckerberg, who become famous for being the founder and CEO of Facebook, gave inspiration to the young by his recipe to succeed, including waking up early, reading books, not focusing too much on what you wear every day, etc, making a significant change on some of the young's lifestyles. This kind of self-made celebrity creates and contributes a sustainable impact on the young's success.

In conclusion, some rich celebrities are well-known for their fancy style, instead of their outstanding talent, actually having negative impacts on the young generation, but to a certain point, there are also many wealthy famous people who influence positively to the young generations thanks to their strong determination and hard work. In my opinion, I think we should be selectively smart in choosing their role models, not just by their performance through social media, but also their real characteristics.
nhidinh1231   
Nov 29, 2021
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

Hello Teyanta,
Nice to meet you
My name is Nhi and I come from Vietnam. I am here to improve my English
Hope that we will have a conversation
nhidinh1231   
Nov 29, 2021
Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

It would be better if you pinned some of your sticky notepad of the unknown vocabulary about the furniture about you, then tried to describe each of them. Trying to speak when you are alone as much as you can. You can also go to Omegle to find native speaker and talk to them
nhidinh1231   
Nov 29, 2021
Writing Feedback / Many people prefer to work for the same company all their whole time-life of working [3]

The prompt asked you to give your opinion, but you did not mention it in your opening. Your opening should have answered all the requirements of the task, in a detailed content, not in this vague one. I would detail my opinion before giving a reasonable view

I misunderstood there. You should tell clearly like that "A professor, who was dedicated for a long time in a company, could have more opportunities to have more research works than B professor who had just come yet". It took me a long time to understand what you were trying to say. For example, A professor, who dedicated ...

You had two paragraphs that emphasized public opinion, not yours. Like Mr. Holt said, "If you read your presentation, you will see that you used only your personal opinion based on a general discussion format". I thought it would be better if you gave each of opinion both the advantages and disadvantages. Then, in the third paragraph, you should give your opinion and the reason why you favor neither one of them nor both.
nhidinh1231   
Nov 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne [2]

price of flight tickets in Australia



The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over a two-week period in 2013.

The given chart highlight the data of in round tickets for flights back and forth between Melbourne and Sydney in Australia over a couple of week in 2013.

Generally, what stands out from the graph is that ticket prices fluctuated between days of the week, which were noticeably high on Monday and the weekend, being significantly lower in the middle days of the week.

Regarding the figure of the airline ticket price in week 1, of which the Sydney-to-Melbourne ticket on Monday rocket the pinnacle of 80$, while in the weekday, the cost leveled down to be approximately 30$ and 40$ and then being dramatically raised in the weekday. In contrast, the round-trip ticket on Friday, surpassed Monday's to become the most costly ticket in week 2, recorded the highest figure of roughly 80$was on Friday, the Monday's one was ranked to be the second.

In terms of the ticket price in the flight trip in week 2, they showed the similarity when the weekend days tickets price seem to be higher more than those on the other days, of which, the Sydney-to-Melbourne ticket on Friday was higher than the flight-back ticket about 15$. While the middle days' price did not show any clear price difference, which constantly accounted for the lowest cost, Monday's day flight fare in Melbourne-to-Sydney flight showed a $20 decrease in the price of Monday tickets



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