Undergraduate / supplement: why Stanford? can i talk about something abstract ? [7]

hi guys
im really not sure about this but i needed to start somewhere and i know it still needs a lot of work but how is it so far?

The mind is a beautiful abstract concept yet Stanford is a beautiful reality, as well as campus (does the reference to the campus sound awkward?) , where the abstract mind is allowed to flourish. The abstract mind has unlimited capacity yet Stanford boasts a vast amount of resources (20 libraries!!!) to fill some of that unlimited capacity. The mind is inclined to see a certain way but Stanford's liberal and diverse student body allows the mind to punch a hole in its walls and peer out at a collection of the greatest minds. The mind will never be completely understood but Stanford, as a research institution, provides the opportunity for the mind to explore and expand its capabilities, whether those capabilities are good or bad (Stanford Prison Experiment!!!). The mind can be very spontaneous and what better place for spontaneity than Stanford (Stanford band)? I am a mind who belongs in Stanford. (do I sound arrogant?)

do i talk about stanford enough or do i need more specifics?
should it be longer?

thank you

Undergraduate / leaves, branch, bark, stem, tree, roots (2nd personal statement) [3]

UC prompt 2: describe the world you come from

Think of a tree. Look at your hand. The fingers are the branches. The skin and lines represent the bark. Every callous or cut is a tear in that bark. Your arm is the stem. And it's all connected to your body, the root. Now imagine yourself bunched together with a crowd of people of all ages. The young ones are the leaves, still flailing around trying to build their "path". A person with a broken arm or a broken heart is a tear, a gnarl, in the bark. Others who have found their purpose represent a branch while those who are content with their life are the stem. But what holds all of these people together, what makes them who they are, what is the root system behind every person?

My tear in the bark occurred when I was only five years old; when I was ripped from the comfort of the only home I knew. At first I was just a little five year old amazed by literally everything in America but this amazement quickly ended when the new sights ceased to capture my attention and I reminiscing about my grandparents who were back in India. I was brought to the "land of opportunity" by an uncle I had never met, forced to live with two unfamiliar people: my parents, ripped from the ground in which I had grown, planted in completely new soil, my roots struggling to find some water to feed on.

And I did. I remember coming home from kindergarten with tears streaming down my face because I couldn't speak English. My mother would sit down with me and read to me everyday just so that I could learn English. My dad would come home from work and help me with math, a whole another world I did not understand. My younger brother cheered me up on those horrible days. My family became my roots. The strangers gradually developed into parents and finally into roots that support me. They have given me the water and have become my support system transforming me from a helpless and frightened little girl into an independent woman ready to branch out into the next phase of her life.

In comparison with the rest of the world I am still one of those floundering leaves attempting to find my path. My family and their philosophy of hard work, perseverance, and good morale are my roots that form the road I walk down, anchoring me to a foundation from which I can grow. And as I walk this life I know that I live in a world bombarded with continual trials but also full of immeasurable beauty and like every other leaf, I live on, hoping that one day I can become a branch and finally a root.

any criticism is welcome
THANK YOU

Undergraduate / a six month old embryo in a jar...? personal statement [7]

the prompt is about a significant experience that is important to me and makes me who i am
i don't quite know how to tie this into me...any constructive criticism is welcome
thank you in advance

I stare, transfixed, at the six-month old embryo suspended in the fetal position, trapped in a glass jar full of liquid with its umbilical cord floating lifelessly in the watery fluid. I am amazed. Unable to look away, I count the ten fingers and toes on his tiny hands and feet. I look at his wrinkled face: his eyes are closed, little eyelashes rest softly against his cheeks, eyebrows barely apparent, tiny lips, and a squashed little nose.

I could stand here forever and simply watch this unmoving creation, this pure and perfect and innocent little human being whose chance at a life was torn away by some unknown force. Unlike this child, who never had the chance to look upon his mother's elated face, to gaze in wonder at the endless sky, to fight with his brother, to laugh at a stupid joke, to feel angry or happy; a child who never had the chance to experience the trials and tribulations that make up what we call "life", I have seen my mother, gazed at the sky, fought with my brother, laughed at a stupid joke, have felt anger and joy and "lived".

I cannot say that my whole life has been dramatically transformed by the creature floating in this little jar but from within the confines of its sea of fluid, without doing anything spectacular, this little baby has given me the chance to look at my place in this world forcing me to realize that although I have experienced much I also remain trapped in my own jar of unrealistic and naïve opinions constrained by customs and traditions of my society. My eyes remain shut, safe in my own protective sea of fluid which cushions me from the atrocities that plague the unfortunate.

Like the embryo in the jar I am trapped by a protective barrier that has gradually settled down into a permanent blanket; one that I am unable to throw off in my everyday attempt to wake up from the continual routine of life. Coming from an Indian background my parents, who immigrated to the US for a "better life", have sewed the importance of education into every inch of my being. They have created a dream for me and expect me to follow it wrongly believing that studying hard, going to good college, and obtaining a well paid job will provide me with the luxury of happiness. They have kept the lid tightly closed by urging me to excel in every aspect of my academics but ignoring my wishes to hang out with friends or watch a movie. In their eyes I am still a child who must be told what to do.

As I finally tear my eyes away from this little bundle of innocence I realize that college will open my jar giving me the opportunity to throw off my blanket and escape my little world but also to show my parents that I am so much more than just a good student.

i have no idea how to end it (ugh)
thanks