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Posts by beckaa [Suspended]
Name: becks
Joined: Jun 20, 2022
Last Post: Jun 29, 2022
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: Viet Nam
School: doan ket

Displayed posts: 10
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Jun 29, 2022
Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages of changing jobs IELTS writing task2 [4]

1. The first paragraph has too many sentences which are meaningless and don't fit in the situation of the paragraph and the essay itself, by putting inappropriate words, the writer will surely get a failing score. Moreover, the purpose of the first paragraph is to paraphrase the topic and give out what you are going to say.

2. The structures of the second paragraph are highly wrong, you should follow the steps in each body
main point - support - example - minor point - support/example

3. The third paragraph is too short to be a proper, well-constructed part of the essay. Same above, you should apply those steps.
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - The amount of fruit produced in four countries from 1970 to 2010. [4]

1. This is a run-on sentence as well as the phrase "it could be seen that" is not really suitable for writing Task 1 in general.
It could be seen that the amount of (...) while the reverse could be seen in that of others countries.

2. These figures are from the past so you should be careful with the grammar "Meanwhile, (...) despite an insignificant rise between 1990 and 2000." rise --> rose
Jun 25, 2022
Writing Feedback / In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing [3]

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment.

To what extent do you agree?

Due to the growth of teen criminals in today's world, some people think it is best to give them the same punishment as adults. In this essay, I will analyze my point of view about this trigger topic.

First of all, youngsters under 18 are not mature enough to receive harsh punishments for their actions. By putting them in prison, they can be bullied or physically abused, which can leave them to end up suffering from fear and discrimination. There are special juvenile halls for kids who break the laws and get training lessons to understand more about laws and not get into trouble when they get released. I think this is a great way for them to make up their mind, sending them to juvenile halls mainly for the purpose of educating, helping them to correct their mistakes, develop healthily, and become useful citizens of society.

Secondly, the prosecution of persons under 18 years of age who commits a crime, for prison only in necessary cases and must be based on their personal characteristics, the dangerous nature of the offense and the seriousness of the crime. But, there are exceptions because sometimes kids actually still go to jail because the course only applies prison sentences with a definite term to offenders under the age of 18 when deeming that other punishments and educational measures do not have a deterrent or preventive effect.

In conclusion, I do not agree with the idea of giving children the same punishment as adults because that would be unfair and abuse the children mentally and physically.

Word count: 262
Jun 25, 2022
Writing Feedback / Many benefits for children to learn a foreign language from primary school [3]

1.In paragraph 1, you got a run-on sentence
"It has many benefits for children to learn (...) it is not suitable for children."

You can correct it by using synonyms or delete the second one.

2. The conclusion, you agreed with the statement of letting children learn any foreign language but haven't mention about when you agreed. (at young age or later on)?
Jun 23, 2022
Writing Feedback / Every day, millions of tons of food are wasted all over the world. What are the effects? And how can [2]

Every day, millions of tons of food are wasted all over the world.

What are the effects? And how can we solve this problem?

While some people may not have enough food to sustain themselves on a daily basis, a lot of food is wasted every day by people throughout the world. Effective remedies should, in my opinion, be put forth promptly to address the issues that contribute to this situation.

First of all, there are many reasons that lead to food waste, but one of the main ones is people's living standards are increasing day by day, especially in rich, high-income countries like the USA, the UK, Australia, etc. By having a high standard and eating sorted food, the "unnecessary" parts they considered will be wasted at the dump, and you might or might not know, some of them are absolutely edible to eat, the problem is that that fruits are too ripe or just too green or they have weird shapes and don't meet the supermarket's requirement. Moreover, wasting food causes a lot of problems to the environment and the area nearby. For example, large scaled-operation has affected a lot of the biodiversity and habitat. Which is one of the main reasons for water pollution and the devastation of habitat. The fuels use to transport those products will be wasted as well, affect to the whole machinery chain of production.

The problem at the moment is how to solve it? Well, there are actually some ways people are doing that will help to decrease it in the future. One is pretty simple, you eat what you buy and make sure not to spend too much on it and waste a lot. Secondly, you can donate our supermarket themselves can feed food waste to pigs, and farm animals to reuse it, don't waste such nutritious and healthy food at the dump. In addition, scientists came up with the idea of attaching trackers to food, especially in the supermarket. With this thermometer, it will help you to correspond to the right temperature to store the food at its best quality to eat.

In conclusion, I think by applying these solutions, we can save food waste someday and it won't be our planet's burden anymore.
Jun 23, 2022
Writing Feedback / WT 1: (Pie Charts): Enrollment in different fields of study at a particular universities in 2021 [4]

1. The year is in the past so you need to put the grammar all in past tense ex. Overall, it is clear that --> Overall, it was clear that

2. The 2nd paragraph is too short to meet the requirement, you will need at least 3 sentences to make it good enough
3. The structures are too messy and quite hard to see, as 2 images/charts need to have 4 - 5 paragraphs
4. Your word count is less than 150 words --> low scoring
Jun 23, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay about the rate of people working in different jobs in 2 towns [6]

1. "It can be seen that" shouldn't be stated in the 2nd paragraph, instead you could say " Overall, the proportion infer from 2 figures...."

2. Since this is a bar chart consists years in the past, your grammar should be in all past tenses ex. remarkable drop to 53% in 2010 --> remarkable dropped to 53% in 2010.

3. To be able to finish a paragraph and meet all the requirements, you need to have 3+ sentences, make sure to add more next time.
Jun 20, 2022
Writing Feedback / The line graph depicts the proportion of people in the UK who went to the movies once a month [2]

the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema

From 1984 to 2000, the line graph depicts the proportion of people in the UK who went to the movies once a month, divided into four age groups.

While attendance at the movies climbed considerably in all four age groups, 15-to-24-year-olds were the most frequent moviegoers over the time period studied.

In 1984, around 18 percent of people aged 15 to 24 went to the movies once a month, the highest percentage of all age groups. The 7-14 age group and the 25-35 age group come in second and third, with 10% and 4% of the vote, respectively. Meanwhile, nearly no one over the age of 35 went to the movies. Over the next 16 years, the rate of attendance for all age groups progressively increased.

By 2000, the proportion of those aged 15 to 24 had increased thrice, reaching a peak of about 60%, more than double the proportions for those aged 7 to 14 and those aged 25 to 35. The cinema, on the other hand, drew roughly 15% of moviegoers aged 35 and up at the conclusion of the era.

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