Writing Feedback / (WT2) Children spent hours on their smartphones every day [2]

TOPIC:

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Whether chi is a controversial topic nowadays. Despite the various benefits of smartphones in the modern world, there are many drawbacks to overusing these electronic items.

The primary disadvantage of spending hours on smartphones every day is that it leads to many health problems. The green light from electrical devices can cause blurred-eye, which might become myopic. Children who suffer from these problems will have difficulties with their sight and other daily activities. In addition, entertainment facilities on phones including games or social media may considerably attract young users, who are easily affected. Consequently, a boy addicted to these pleasures will spend hours on the screen. His excessive screen time can lead to obesity as this child only want to use his phone without caring about exercising. Additionally, a long time of laziness might make this child prefers chatting to going out with his friends, which will be conducive to poor communication ability.

This problem is also the main culprit of distraction in studying. Games or social media may affect the children's concentration on the lecture. To clarify, some students may use their smartphones instead of paying attention to the teacher. Furthermore, at home, they can use their phones for their purposes instead of reviewing the lesson without being noticed by their parents. Subsequently, they can only vividly understand the lectures, and their study performance might be negatively affected.

In conclusion, although parents want to provide all the best for their children, they should consider giving them smartphones at an early age because of some drawbacks above. It is recommended that parents should be sure that their children can use their phones effectively before deciding that.

P/s: Could you give me an advice, please? My aim is about 7.0 in writing.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WT1] The Police budget for 2017-2018 in an area of Britain. [2]

the table and charts analysis

TOPIC: THE TABLE AND CHARTS BELOW GIVE INFORMATION ON THE POLICE BUDGET FOR 2017 AND 2018 IN ONE AREA OF BRITAIN. THE TABLE SHOWS WHERE THE MONEY CAME FROM AND THE CHARTS SHOW HOW IT WAS DISTRIBUTED.

The table illustrates sources of the Police budget for 2017 and 2018 in a Britain area, while the pie charts compare the disbursement of this budget. Overall, the total amount of money provided for the Police in 2018 was much more than it was in the previous year, and it was spent more on technology and less on salaries.

To begin with, the National Government financed the Police by about 175.5m in 2017, which was less than about 178m in 2018. Similarly, the amount of tax provided for the Police budget in 2018 was 91.2m, which was much more than that in 2017 (approximately 102m). Although the money that came from other sources nearly remained stable, there were over 318m for the Police budget in 2018, in comparison with under 305m in 2017.

On the other hand, the percentage of this budget spent on buildings and transport did not change in both years at 17 percent. Regarding the proportion of the Police fund, there was 8 percent in 2017 compared to 14 percent in 2018. On the contrary, there was more money disbursed for salaries for officers and staff at 75 percent in 2017 than under 70 percent in 2018.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WT2] Should people take risks both in their personal and professional lives? [2]

TOPIC:

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives

Do you think that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the advantages ?

Whether people should step out of their safe zone and accept new challenges is a controversial topic in today's world. Although there are several disadvantages of taking risks, it may bring some benefits.

On the one hand, people may face some difficulties if they accept the risks both in their personal and professional lives. The primary drawback is that it will be unstable. To be more specific, accepting the risks means that there might be a failure if your plan does not work well. Furthermore, it may be a catastrophic failure, and you might lose all of your previous efforts. When this scene happens, people who suffer can feel depressed or even embarrassed in front of their friends and their families. They might be ashamed of themselves and lose their motivation to take risks. Consequently, they will follow the traditional way in the future at all times, which cannot create any breakthrough.

On the other hand, the process of trying, and preparing for this new adventure can be extremely valuable. Despite sacrificing time and effort, you can learn many useful skills such as personal management skills, and problem-solving skills. Subsequently, you can see these skills in the future as you can learn to form your mistakes. Additionally, life without risk with some people seems to be boring. By accepting new challenges, people can experience other aspects of their life and try the feel of taking risks. They will feel their lives more intriguing and confident. Finally, if their efforts bring them success, there will be their remarkable achievements which will bring them what they wish. For instance, a worker who wants to earn more money will do his own business. If he fails, these will be valuable lessons for him to do next time. If he succeeds, he might become wealthy and can afford whatever he wants.

In conclusion, despite having some drawbacks, taking risks and accepting new challenges have various advantages. It is recommended that people should consider every factor before accepting the risks but they should not be too coward to do it.

Could you tell me what band score I may be in, please? Thanks!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WT1] The maps illustrate an industrial area in Norbiton in the present day compared with plan [2]

norbiton industrial area now and in the future

The maps illustrate an area industrialized with factories in the town of Norbiton and a design for future upgradation of the site. Overall, there is expected to be a construction of accommodations with other community facilities for villagers.

To begin with, all the town factories are planned for demolishment to make place for the modification. The primary one is the development of the transportation system, which constructed extra road branches from the big roundabout to the east and north sigh of Norbiton town. In the north of Norbiton, there will be an erection of a bridge crossing the river, while a small roundabout will be built at the T-junction in the south of the town.

Consequently, the construction of accommodations is planned to conduct along the road branches. Besides housing area in the internal, the town is predicted to have a dwelling area next to the farmland to the north of the river which is crossed by the north route. Additionally, a school at the end of the west route is planned to establish in the future development to serve students in the town. Between the river and the housing area on the west, there will be an establishment of a playground which is connected by a path from the west road. Finally, a shopping center and a medical center are predicted to be constructed to the southeast and southwest of the main roundabout respectively.

• 
  themapsbelowshow.jpg