Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by FireTiger
Joined: Nov 23, 2009		 Last Post: Nov 30, 2009
Threads: 8
Posts: 49  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 57 / page 2 of 2
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FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Moving from Chinatown to So Cal - prompt #1. [6]

I don't really remember much about the move because I was so young at the time. I want to focus on the shift, the shattering of one community as I knew it and then the beginning of another.

I guess I could do a narrative and then reflect, but that seems so typical.. is there any way I could make it more original?

By the way, I'm aiming for about 300-400 words. Maybe 400-500 if necessary.

So far I have:

"We're moving."
How could a naïve first grader understand the significance of these few words? Little did I know that my entire community as I knew it would change dramatically.

...

[By the way I hate this second sentence, it has the concept but it doesn't have at all the power that I envisioned it to have, can anyone help?] :/

or

A little girl is playing with her friends. She is pulled aside, and her mother tells her something that she is too young to fully understand. ...
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Sonata Allegro of Life" UC Prompt 1 [9]

Jeffliwin,
If you do have some time, do you think you could help me with mine?
I am totally addicted to your style of writing :)))

Thanks in advance :D

PS: Maybe talk about your future career and dreams somewhere in the recapitulation part? And i agree with ending it on that same sentence, but if you talk about your dreams earlier, then people will know what you mean by "beginning of my journey"
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Moving from Chinatown to So Cal - prompt #1. [6]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

-------------------------

Community:

I want to talk about how moving from a not so ethnically-diverse place (Chinatown) to a more diverse place (somewhere in So Cal) has given me broader sense of the world, and given me ways to look at things from different angles, which will be necessary to become an engineer.

I want to do it in a way that will actually get people genuinely interested, and not just skim through the paper like they do with everyone else's.

Maybe metaphorical and/or third person and/or just unique somehow? Yet professional.

Any suggestions for structure, flow, and/or beginning sentences?
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Sonata Allegro of Life" UC Prompt 1 [9]

I love it. Both your essays are amazing and memorable and I went back to it after exiting the screen. :)

Write mine for me please :))))
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / my stay in africa and my dad. [14]

i liked the first one, just caught my attention more, the second one i kinda ended up skimming
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2: An ending that sparks a new beginning. [7]

You need to focus.

You had a good focus at the beginning with your mom (very strong) and then it just kind of turned into a "im going to talk about everything now" at the end.

Try to find one or two things, preferably relate it to the incident mentioned at the beginning, and sum it all up.
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / 'present economic crisis' - common app short answer EC activities [4]

Im not sure how to say this, but I guess the club helped me realize that theres a lot of things outside the classroom that they dont teach us, and that you have to do the extra research and have the extra interest to find it, otherwise you wont learn it, and youll be screwed as an adult.

How do you say this in a professional way though?
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / 'present economic crisis' - common app short answer EC activities [4]

Even though the prompt only says "elaborate," i think what the adcoms really want to see is how you were affected by the activities. If they wanted to only hear about the activity itself, they could read a pamphlet. But, I think most of the description here is necessary b/c you explained why it is unique. I think if you can cut down the word count a bit, you should add a few sentences about how it "developed you." As for ideas as to how to tie that in...did this club allow you to see things in a different light or change the way you view things? Did it fulfill your need to help others? Did it teach you something you didn't know about yourself?

The present economic crisis of the modern world has been linked to the financial irresponsibility of both ignorant institutions and unsuspecting consumers. Only the benefit of early education and practical advice will save future generations from repeating these mistakes of the past . For this reason,Therefore, I, along with several friends and an experienced advisor experienced in finance and business , laid the foundations for a new club. Unlike other organizations, the Finance club would not simply be a special interest group. With a new objective each week, we are wholeheartedly determined to understand the critical issues of smart shopping, taxes, loans, debt, mortgages, credit cards, and businesses. Is there any way you can condense this list? We promote the learningunderstanding of these serious concernsissues with captivating stock investment games and lively discussions, while simultaneously building the financial plansbackground essential to a secure life in an environment of economic uncertainty.
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / common app short answer - getting over fear of talking on phones [17]

you did a very detailed job of developing the problem, and the "what I learned" part is more suggested than actually described. Most of this is just due to word count limits, and if you want to develop the "what i learned" part, youre going to have to describe the problem in a shorter amount of words...

but i think you could go either way, its just style.

also

i like it till here

Through discovering the wealth of knowledge that voice alone held, I had gained the confidence to express myself ...

do you have any other ideas instead of 'reduced to mere sound'?

i mean its good, but maybe there could be an even strong punch
FireTiger   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / common app short answer - getting over fear of talking on phones [17]

I like it.

Maybe try to list a few possible endings that you had going through your mind so we can get a better idea of how you want to end it?

like tell us what you wanted and then maybe someone here can make it less cliche.
FireTiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Visionary, honest, oriented' - What five words best describe you? (300 chars or less) [7]

Persistent (encouraged by those who say it can't be done)

Innovative (finding solutions from different angles is my specialty)

Visionary (?)

Honest (knowing my limits)

Goal-oriented (with a drive to accomplish all that I begin)

[223 characters atm]

concerns:

is it okay to format it like this for the stanford application? not complete sentences, parentheses, etc?

"knowing my limits" seems a bit pessimistic

what should i put for "honest"?

anything else? or any changes?

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