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Posts by tchonis05
Joined: Dec 17, 2009
Last Post: Dec 27, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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tchonis05   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / the most significant challenge the world faces today, Stanford short answers [6]

well i think both of them are really good answers
for word choice- just a suggestion for fluency.

"The widening gap between the social classes inhibits people to truly understand each other and major social issues such as poverty which will be worsened if the polarization of the classes continues."

"I wish I could have witnessed the Battle of Iwo Jima because it was the most crucial battle in WWII. That war changed several nations, including my home country Taiwan, dramatically."
tchonis05   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford- Intellectually Engaging- Dogs brain [3]

Okay so this is just my first draft and I know it doesn't sound very good at all right now but I am kind of hitting a road block with determining how to fix it. Thank you so much for the help! Be harsh if needed

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Sprinting at full speed in circles around the yard, the dogs' only objective is to have fun. As I sit in my house, flipping through channels and complaining how bored I am, the two dogs could not imagine anything else more fun. To dogs, there is no need for digital cable, high-speed internet, or even board games, in which some humans consider vital. What exactly about the human brain causes trivial activities such as playing with a ball to be so boring? As humans, our sophisticated brains have enabled us to create objects and materials to keep absolutely anyone entertained at some level. Dogs, with their less sophisticated brains, seem perfectly content with staring outside at nothing for hours at end. Do they experience boredom? Feel a purpose in life? Do they ever wish for something more exciting? As I make my way through life, I am always searching for ways to make my life stimulating and meaningful. Dogs never have that overwhelming urge to accomplish something in their lives. They are perfectly content with their lives now and always will be. What I find intriguing is how the human brain is capable of so much more complex thinking than a dog's brain. I understand that humans have many more synapses and neural connections than all the other animals, but how does that enable us to do all the things we can do that dogs cannot? Sometimes, I think life would be much easier to be a dog. The gift of complex thinking is many times a curse. How often do we find ourselves stressing or complaining about our lives? In a dog's world, life is simple.
tchonis05   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Grandfather's Influence - Princeton Supplement [5]

I think this a really good essay. The wording and fluency is pretty good.
I did think the start of the second paragraph was a little too similar to the first. Maybe try deleting "On my eleventh birthday". and also in the first paragraph you said you were initially unsure who sent the squash but in the second you said the card said it was from your grandpa. I get how you mean to say it but i would just word the first paragraph differently so it doesnt seem like it was a mystery of who sent the squash at first.

just my opinion though
tchonis05   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'The Grameen Bank' - Stanford Supplement - Intellectual Vitality [5]

hmmm well I think it sounds really good so far.
what I would suggest though is talk more about how idea of micro loans is intellectually engaging to you. Maybe focus more on the benefits the loans can bring to well everyone I guess.
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Brain first and Heart second; Common App- topic of choice [6]

I was thinking about using this essay I wrote in English class for the topic of choice. Do you think it works? Should I add anything??

Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

I believe in using your brain instead of your heart in any difficult situation. I live by this belief every day. Everyone has feelings and emotions that get in the way of their judgment whether they know it or not. But also, everyone uses logic and common sense every day. They are like yin and yang ï complete opposites, yet both are used to reach a common goal.

I am not trying to say a person's feelings or emotions are meaningless or anything of that matter, but I believe they cloud your judgment and can cause you to make bad decisions. Your heart is biased. Always. It will fight and pull to sway you one way without considering the consequences that might occur.

"Follow your heart." Everyone tells me that. How exactly am I supposed to do that? I never have a clear understanding of what my heart truly wants. Follow your brain would make much more sense to me. A brain analyzes every situation to the best of its ability. It isn't judgmental or manipulative, unless you let your feelings and emotions get in the way. My brain only wants what is best for me. It uses logic and common sense to see all sides of the problem or situation and, of course, keeps in mind, the consequences of every choice. It weighs out the pros and the cons and decides what action would be best.

Early on I realized that I could not always depend on my mom or dad to fix all my problems or take my side on everything. I grew up realizing that in order to be successful and live on my own, I would have to do things on my own. Dealing with a bully, deciding between a good and a bad choice, and even homework are examples of every day struggles a person like me has to deal with.

Logic conquers all. It does not subconsciously urge me to lean one way or it doesn't change according to my mood. I can always depend on it. Many times it is hard to use my brain and logic in a tough situation without getting my heart involved but doing so is very effective. One of the hardest times is in a relationship. My heart is screaming all sorts of things at me that it wants, but I let my brain overpower those urges and desires. My heart's urges do not take into account the consequences for the actions that they want.

I believe emotions and feelings should not interfere with logic. Important decisions and choices can be too costly to be made using your heart. Using my brain allows me to see all points and sides to a problem so I can make the best choice. I believe ï I truly believe ï the brain is the most important tool in life. Your heart is great, but your brain is better.
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate essay---Being a nerd and a jock isn't necessarily a bad thing [2]

I need a fresh view to see if anything doesn't sound right like the fluency or just information in general.
Thanks!

Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

I am a nerd and a jock. I love to spend weekends playing video games or messing around on the computer, yet, I can never go too long without playing some backyard football or shooting some hoops. I am known to spend hours attempting to solve a riddle while also, planning the weekend's activities with guys. Predictability is one thing I lack. I even surprise myself sometimes with the new things I do. As with most people, there is no exact stereotype that defines me. Some days you will see me eager to leave the dorm and go hang out with some friends. But on other days, I will be glued to the T.V. playing the newest and greatest first person shooter available. I love variety. You won't see me doing the same routine day after day after day. That's what makes me interesting.

Regardless of what I am doing, I always enjoy some company. I would consider myself one of the friendliest people you will meet. No matter who my roommate is, chances are that he and I will become close friends. I love making friends, even if we are polar opposites. I will always sacrifice my time to help others. If someone ever needs a person to talk to, I am the perfect guy. No matter what the problem or issue is, I love listening and helping in any way possible. For example, I was the first person one of my best friends came out to. He told me how hard it was to tell anyone he was gay but he was extremely realized that I accepted him for who he is and was always there for him. From that day on, he knew he could entrust anything to me. My friends always come to me for advice. Whether it's girl problems, or school stress, I always find a way to help them get things back in order. I want my future roommate to know that I am very excited to meet him and hope he feels the same.
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / stanford supplement: what makes stanford a good fit for you? [9]

I think you should explain more on how Stanford is different than any other university. You said how Stanford not only wants to teach but explore. Maybe indicate there how Stanford's "exploring" can help you individually. Talk about your major and how Stanford will uniquely help you achieve your goals.
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University is ranked for best quality of life and fifteenth for happiest students. I wonder why [10]

I think its a really good start! Saying Rice is the fifteenth best school for happiest students, it kind of makes it sound low on a list. I might leave that part out.

Also it seems that about half of the essay is about what you did at the STANFORD Neurology Department. I would just mention your interest in molecular biology and then explain how Rice would be the perfect school for you to study that and how no other university would be able to offer you what Rice can offer you.

Just a suggestion. hope it helps!
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Some people are born with certain talents.. [4]

It sounds like a really good start. If you are going to take the side with some people are born with talents, then you should also discuss how people not born with talents can achieve some of the stuff they do. Also, explain what "being boring with talents" mean. Maybe say how some children of incredible athletes have a "gene" in them that causes them to be exceptional at sports.
tchonis05   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Eassy about how other people can change us. [2]

When I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my life seemed to be easier. I never thought it was going to be this hard to be a member, but when I began middle school and I met all kinds of people, I could see I was different and later questioned who I was I started to please my friends and forgot who I was. After getting into bad things, I decided to be who I was before, it took me a lot of time and effort, but now I learned that it doesn't matter how hard being a member is, we should always try to please the Lord first and never forget who we are.
tchonis05   
Dec 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal Statement involving medicine [3]

Okay this is my personal statement I plan on using as a secondary essay of a topic of choice about yourself for a few colleges. Does it read okay?

Saving People Through Medical Treatments - Personal Statement



Throughout my life, there have been numerous people that have influenced me. From my parents love, to the encouragement of coaches, and even to my friends support, everyday people affect the way I view the world. My main goal in life is to make a positive impact on the lives of countless people. I plan to achieve this through medicine.

I have had an interest in medicine ever since I was a kid. The idea of curing diseases and saving lives has always intrigued me. Now, as I plan to take the next time in life with college, I am going to turn that interest into a career. In the medical field, I want to impact the lives of many. As a doctor, I will not only be able to doing something of interest, but also be able to help others. I will help patients become healthy and get them back to their normal lives again. Through medicine, I will have the opportunity to end the pain and suffering of my patients. A doctor's aid is not limited to just being physical, it can be mental as well. They are able to give patients hope. Hope that things will turn out alright. When I am a doctor, I plan on giving all my patients endless support along with my dedication. I do not consider myself someone who ever gives up and that will not change when I am a doctor. No matter what challenges or complications I am faced with, I will do whatever it takes to see that my patient gets better.

From experience, having a family member in the hospital can be devastating. On the other hand, receiving the news that that family member is improving can be overwhelmingly reassuring. When I am able to give families the good news of their family member will be okay, all of the difficulties of the job are worth it.

I love helping people in any way possible. Making others happy is what I strive to do. In life, I want to make a difference. Life is meaningless unless it impacts someone else's. What makes me the happiest is being able to know the fact that I made someone else happy. I live for the moments where I know I made a positive impact on someone's life. The chance to save someone's life would be extraordinary. When I am a doctor, I will use all of my skills and knowledge to help as many people as I can. The ability to help and even save lives is what I truly desire. I will work my hardest to influence the lives of so many in such a great way.
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