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Posts by jazzmeen
Joined: Apr 22, 2010
Last Post: Dec 29, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 15  

From: Paraguay

Displayed posts: 18
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Dec 28, 2010
Student Talk / I'm weak in English, unable to write any composition. What to do? [24]

Hey trang! I would like to help you (it would help me too). I'm not a native speaker either. what i use to do is watch movies in english, with subtitles in english so you listen and read in english, also you will be learning how to use words, new words and many other things. for your writting, i would suggest you read books in english, try to read newspapers in english and essays. hope this helps!
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Third person perspective essay? too pretentious? [8]

I dont think its pretentious.. maybe it's because its written in 3rd person. usually i see 1st person essays (including mine) but this format is different and new..it's ok for me :)
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "I always loved art" - SUNY Application Essay, experience and educational goals [6]

i like all sort of design..right now for example im doing event decoration work..but i think architecture is more suitable for me, my father is a civil engineer and I work with him and some architects, I really like it. I'm wondering how to add that, and how to add my experience in volunteer work building and repairing emergency houses for the homeless of my country..I dont want to lose the focus

thanks kevin for your help!
Oct 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "I always loved art" - SUNY Application Essay, experience and educational goals [6]

"I always loved sketches" -Cornell Suplement - Architecture, art and Planning school

Hello, I am applying to Cornell's Architecture program, please help me to improve my essay! hope you have a great day

College of Architecture, Art, and Planning:
How does the major you would like to study in the College of Architecture, Art, and Planning match your intellectual, academic, and career interests? Discuss any activities you have engaged in that are relevant to your chosen major.

I definitively want to major in Architecture. I always loved sketches. When I was a child, I used to spend hours sketching cartoons and landscapes. I can surely say that I found some kind of great pleasure in drawing. And handicrafts were the maximum expression of my creative mind. In my sophomore year, I took painting classes. I painted as much as time was given. However, the amount of time I could dedicate to my painting decreased because of the school work, and, eventually, I stopped painting.

After finishing school, and desiring more independence from my parents, I sought for a job. I went to many job interviews, but my lack of experience did not make me a good candidate. A friend invited me to paint and prepare some handicrafts to make some money. Without any doubt I went for it. At first, it was quite good to have a secure job. But I did not want to work for a single person and don't have the opportunity to present my works as mine. So, sometime after, I began creating my own pieces and sold them to close friends. I felt it was time to be independent.

Using the internet as my main work tool, I created a profile for my business. I uploaded photos of some of my works on an album, and people began placing orders on them. It was amazing the amount of fans my products had; that encouraged me to continue. I bought new products and learned new paint techniques from internet. Innovation was one of my goals. With the new introductions, more and more people began asking about my products. Soon I expanded my products from canvases and wood pieces to ceramics and even events atmosphere. And new photos were added to the album as orders came. It was a total success.

My business grew more and more with the pass of the days, from nothing to a real microenterprise. For example, this morning I delivered several products to a new costumer, who, seeing the quality of the work, asked me for more products. Even a TV program invited my mom and me to show the business. This is a real proof of how perseverance and vision built my own business.

I took serial challenges in my project in the form of critics from acquaintances and moments of weakness. But my entrepreneur spirit and eagerness to do what I want were greater. I handled problems the best I could and I took advantage of the opportunities I was given. Designing has become my passion, and the time I had in my business made me clearly see what I want to do in the future. My goal is to become an Architect and own a construction firm in the future. I am confident that the Architecture program at Cornell College of Architecture, Art and Planning will provide me the best tools to accomplish this. At Cornell I will be able to expand my creativeness and acquire the knowledge to perform a professional career. The students' diversity the university has will help me to open my mind to new ideas; as well I will contribute to the university with my ideas, background and enthusiasm. I am willing to contribute with commitment to meet the university's high standards. I am sure that an education at Cornell College of Architecture, Art and Planning will really help me accomplishing my intellectual, academic and career goals.
Oct 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay "What single item would you take on a one year trip?" [3]

To start with the reasonsFor some reason , I believe my personal item should be something that can intrigue me for a whole year. AnThis instrument fulfills this condition perfectly. As soon as you one starts to learn an instrument, one will never reach the point of ending. There is always more to discover, let it be within Jazz improvisation or a slightly different interpretation of Bach classics. Thus, my melodica would serve as an endless well of possibilities and inspiration.

This revision sounds better..
Oct 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Dash American term" - Common App Personal Essay [5]

Because of my family's strong cultural background, I became accustomed to the Korean traditional lifestyle. Because my dad is a US soldier, our family had to abruptly leave behind our identity as Asian and move to Maryland.

Hello, I think your essay is ok. However, in this 2 sentences, you repeat the construction of them. maybe you should try with other words.
Oct 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "my tutoring classes during high school" - Help with college application essay [6]


This is an essay for my college application, please help me to improve it and I accept any suggestions!

I find it pleasant to help people. I am always willing to help in whatever I can. In my school time, I used to tutor my classmates in some subjects. Even though I did receive a little or no money for these things, the gratitude and grades improvement of my classmates were the best pay I got.

I can surely say that learning and teaching are my passions since I was a child. My brother and some toys were my students in an imaginary class arranged in my bedroom. It wasn't just a game. My passion for learning and teaching grew as I grew up. My intellectual curiosity led me to spend hours reading about several topics in science or solving math problems in game books. All this learning play opened my mind and gave me a deep understanding of the many ways things work.

I applied this concept while tutoring people. In a simple view I found out that people hate some subjects, like math, because of the complicated a problem could be for them. A deeper look inside the situation led me to the conclusion that many people do not understand complicated problems because they did not understand the simpler ones. In school we acquire knowledge in a gradual process like a chain; this allows students understand the many processes they can use to solve a problem. If a student does not understand one of the simple processes, then the knowledge chain breaks, turning it more and more difficult to understand the more complicated problems. The main problem students faced wasn't the lack of intellectual ability to solve the problems, but the ignorance or the forgetfulness of the basic math concepts. I tried not to go straight to the "complicated" problem to make a student understand it; instead I made him understand the basic concepts first without putting any pressure on him. My goal was not to make students just memorize concepts for a particular test and then forget all; rather, I wanted students understand the basic concepts and apply them to challenging math problems, in the test and after.

I began teaching some simple concepts such as proportion. Even though it seems to be a piece of cake, proportion was one of the biggest difficulties my classmates faced in chemistry problems. I compared the concept of proportion with everyday situations to make it more familiar to them with the simple law: the more you give, the more you get. I applied something similar with logic problems: silly phrases games to make students understand the certainty value. The tutoring sessions became more comfortable when we applied everyday concepts. Linking the concepts with everyday situations, which we remember all the time, is easier than learning by heart and forgetting them after exam.

The learning process was satisfying for both my classmates and me. With the time they realized they could solve more complicated problems without any help. I realized that the important thing was to teach a student gradually from the root of the problem, many times silly misunderstandings, to the problem itself. After that, they were clearly able to understand the problems as I did. Indeed, some of the students became capable to help other students with similar problems.

I would say that my tutoring classes during high school were successful. Some of my classmates increased their grades from an average 3 to a perfect 5 in math score to a complete and well done exam in chemistry and logic. Even though other students didn't improve their grades that dramatically, I could feel how they were understanding and even enjoying the studying experience. I still see ex classmates who ask me for help in university problems, and sometimes I am the one who learns from them. One of the nicest experiences I had was to share my knowledge, and, to encourage my classmates to be better than me. The best paying I received from them is to know that I was helpful for them.
Oct 20, 2010
Essays / Ideas about creative essay about cooking [6]

why dont you try telling a particular story, about a situation you faced cooking..a relevant one of course because anyone can say "I love cooking" give it a personal touch showing your love for cooking

hope this helps!
Oct 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Hosting a charity event-Common App short [11]

hi! maybe you should focus more on your neighbor event, so it would add a personal touch to your answer, explain what you felt and so..plus..i dont see a conclusion :/ it just stops..anyway the grammar and word usage is ok to me

hope this helps
Oct 20, 2010
Grammar, Usage / The usage of "whom", "also", parallelism" - Few Grammar Sentence Corrections [5]

Hi, I am not that good in grammar, but i would say for the first sentence, the word "of", which you used twice, is like..redundant even though it is ok. try using another words, just not to repeat again and again

for the others..i dont see a way to improve them they are ok!
May 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "I always loved art" - SUNY Application Essay, experience and educational goals [6]

Hello!! Please help me with my writing..I will give a little introduction of myself: im a high school graduate, I was looking for a job during the summer but i didnt get any, besides i began my own business and it's going great thanks God..this is my admissions essay about that because I want to major in finance at SUNY Old Westbury

All improvements accepted ;)

SUNY Application Essay - Please describe an experience that has impacted your educational goals, and explain how the College at Old Westbury can help you accomplish them.

I always loved art, indeed, I'm an artist. I studied oil painting about two years ago, and pursued into it until last summer. After finishing high school, and desiring more independence, I sought for a job during the summer. But, because of my age, I got nothing. So, that was when I decided to open my own business with my art.

At first, I did painting works for a friend who sold the products to an online store owner. It was quite good because I had an assured job, of course earning less, but assured. Sometime after, my mother took some decoupage and painting classes, and we began selling our art to some friends. We felt it was better to independence and do our business.

Using facebook and blogger for promotion, I created a profile where people could see our art. It was really frustrating at the beginnings because we didn't have any comments; I wondered we failed. Though things did not seem to work out, I decided to invest part of my college savings on my business; I was confident I could make my little business grow with some new strategies.

I bought new products, used new techniques and added as much people as I could in my bio site. With the new introductions, people began asking about my art, and interested people began appearing. As the days passed, my business grew a lot, from nothing to a real microenterprise. This morning I delivered several products to a new costumer, who, seeing the quality of the work, asked me to make more products for her. Even a TV program invited my mom and me to show our project. This is the real proof of how our perseverance and effort built our own business.

I took serial challenges with my project, I handled them the best I could and I took advantage of opportunities to make it true. I want to expand my business to new campuses in pastries and canastas. That is my goal right now, but I need a good education to accomplish it. I am confident that the finance program at The College at Old Westbury will provide me the best tools for my business growing. With its curriculum focused in financial analysis and financial planning, I will learn how to manage my investments and profits in the best way. Also, I am willing to contribute my best qualities for the university, and I am committed to meet the university's high standards. I am sure The College at Old Westbury's finance program will really help me accomplishing my educational and professional goals.
May 20, 2010
Scholarship / Tech(No or Yes)logy. A means to an end [3]

Hello, your essay is really good, but I wonder if it is for admissions essay, you should relate more the topic with you, I mean, anyone can talk about technology..that's the only thing i think u should do..anyway..I really liked it!!
Apr 22, 2010
Undergraduate / "I liked constructions of every kind"; Civil Engineering Academic objectives [5]

Hello I need help with my essay..please read it and suggest improvements! :)

My intended major is Civil Engineering. Since school, mathematics and physics were my favorite subjects. I love the idea of applying them to real life problems. I chose Civil Engineering because I have always been fascinated with civil projects. I think one of my greatest influences was my father. He is a civil engineer and I could learn many things about this field from him. The construction always kept my interest. Buildings, bridges, houses, I liked constructions of every kind. There is something different and dignified about each of these projects, that someday they were someone's idea. I chose to apply to Fairleigh Dickinson University because of its academic excellence and unique opportunities. FDU offers the best study program combined with laboratory work, which is important because I will be able to apply what I learned in class. The research and projects opportunities will give me rich experience by the time I graduate. Fairleigh Dickinson fulfills all my university education expectations and I am sure that I will receive more than I want. I am confident I will match the high standards set by your University.