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Posts by lowryder49
Joined: May 2, 2008		 Last Post: Sep 8, 2012
Threads: 7
Posts: 31  

From: Argentina

Displayed posts: 38
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lowryder49   
Sep 8, 2012
Student Talk / How to improve English writing? Learning through reading. [130]

In order to improve your writing skills you have to be organized
First defined the style:
Writing a narrative- Connectors of time - events connect from the farthest to the closest or the least important to the most significant
Writing a descriptive- Using the senses- hear see smell taste touch- prepositional phrases to organize space from outside inside and finally surroundings or up to down or left to right

Writing a descriptive of a person from head to toes- physical characterisitcs and hair,eyes,clothes, etc then personality traits and opinion
Writing an argumentative essay : pro and cons, opinion and offering solutions give the two sides of the topic then emphasize the balance or the possible solution

Writing a comparison and contrast or cause and effect- use adverbials and comparatives and superlatives, connetors of cause and result and round up in the final

consider each idea per topic in a separate paragraph plus at least two details or justificacions for your assumptions and give examples and try to end with a clarification sentence or rounding end sentence.

I recommend succesful writing by virginia evans proficiency or upper intermediate. It's clear and it gives clear examples you can also read recommendations from this forum on other essays, test yourself wrting some exams topics common for toefl here too

Hope this help you
lowryder49   
Sep 8, 2012
Book Reports / 'Men and pigs' - Lord of the Flies Essay [2]

I liked the idea of comparing the boys with free pigs but it seem there is some connectors missing and then again I got lost with this line

However, the boys soon realize their freedom and, as it always does, the Satan driven side of human nature kicks in I assume you are comparing satan with the savage instinc of the boys as they loose in the uncounciosness of living without rules and order. I love your ending yet when I read the end of the book, I hadn't thought of the idea actions controlled by the devil, all hope gone the rest I love, And what you consider then the about the man in the end.

Well Hope This is useful for you.
lowryder49   
Oct 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / Intensive Agriculture Impact on Earth - destructive agriculture [3]

Essay topic: What do you think can be done to conserve nature and protect endangered species from the destructive forces of man? Write an essay

Intensive Agriculture Impact on Earth

The adoption of agriculture and the domestication of animals it is believed to have been one of the most significant revolution in the human culture; however, nowadays, the effects of intensive agriculture is jeopardizing nature and causing great losses of species. Soil exhaustion, disruption of water supplies, deforestation and urbanization are just a few of the problems that came along with agriculture. The direct result of these is a systematic destruction of ecosystems. Although solutions may seem elusive, it is important to make some attempts to try to stop agriculture destructive effects.

One of the problems that come with agriculture is soil exhaustion. As demands for products are growing, and as a result of the climate change and global warming, farmers tend to overuse their lands. Intensive cultivation leaves the soil without nutrients and it looses its fertility. The use of pesticides also adds to the problem. Their chemicals help to the erosion of the soil and pollution of the water. The government should control the distribution of more benign pesticides and promote rotation of the fields used for crops and grazing to prevent the exhaustion of the soil.

Just as importantly, another problem connected with intensive agriculture is the disruption of water supply. This is also connected with deforestation and urbanization. After a land has been drain of its resources, agricultures need to move to another area to continue their production. This leads to deforestation of new areas to provide them land for growing and for living. Deforestation causes destruction of ecosystems which results in the lost of animals' habitats, food and water supply. Similarly, water needs to be channelized in the direction of their crops and farmers houses. This causes the killing of aquatic ecosystems and droughts. One possible answer to this problem could be that water supply should strictly be control by the proper authorities in order to prevent the extermination of natural habitats. Strategies should also be implemented to help water be distributed without damaging the ecosystems and to remain free from pesticides. Channelization of water should be limited.

In conclusion, it is a fact that we depend on agriculture, but it is also worthwhile to understand what this entails for. Knowing the problem, people can help to undermine it. Sadly, the solutions to those problems are clearly in hands of political decisions and they seem to remain resilient to environmental policies changes.

Please help! I've lost some practice in writing in english and there is an an exam coming. (this is not for the exam of course)

thank you
Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Oct 7, 2011
Essays / I want to write essay - topic is "My Father is inspires to me most" [3]

Hi,
To begin with you should start by checking the topic "My Father is inspires to me most" it should be "My Father is the one who inspires to me most" Secondly; brainstorm some ideas about your father as a role model to you or examples. Thirdly, organize this ideas into paragraph

1-> Who is your father. Tell us. final sentence- Why does he inspires you?(mention 2 or three reasons)
2->First reason. Develop give examples, tell us (the readers) stories of him inspiring you from this point of view.
3-> Second reason, different to the previous, examples or anecdotes of him backing up this point
4->Round up Why your father inspires you according to the reasons that you gave (sum up) and perhaps one last thought to makes feel inspired by you as well and thinking about our own fathers.

Hope this will help you!
Lorena
lowryder49   
Jun 1, 2011
Undergraduate / EFA and ESD application - writing about education system with my own opinion [3]

Enabling people to free themselves from poverty and to build sustainable livelihoods is both a key role for
Education and a prerequisite for sustainable development, which brings together three pillars of development:
Society, environment and economy ( i would put this as part of my thesis at the end of the first paragraph). However, current education practices have not enabled people to live sustainably thus far; indeed, many would argue that they have actively contributed to unsustainable living, . Especially in northern or so-called 'developed countries' (honeestly I don't agree that most northern countries are the developed countries Japan is south). However, it must be remembered that education and learning are part of the interactive dynamic of social change: in order to change society, we need to change the way we learn and educate, and so as to change the way we learn and educate we need to change society.

CAn I give you my personal opinion?: You keep on talking about a educational systeem but you never tell which one I mean I on't know where are you from. Then you CONTINUE AND CONTINUE on this educational system but you don't seem to state any thesis of what you are analysing on it. And there seems to be no clear opinion either so try to check your ideas then connectthem by using adverbial phrases or transitional llinks and try to pave the way for the reader to a final conclusion of your analysis

I don't know if you understan this. In short, 1: organize ideas. What are you talking about? why are you talking about this how it it relevant for the reader and what aspects are you going to emphasize for it. then eeveelop each one as a separate paragraph with only one point of analisys as topic seentence or main idea or first sentence that deals with the whole idea of the paragraph and try to connect the examples to the ideas you have just presented

Finally write a conclusion summarizing everythig

Good luck
lowryder49   
Jun 1, 2011
Book Reports / Grade 12 English Hamlet Essay (Topic: Hamlet's Sanity and Insanity) [3]

Quite good I really enjoy it. The only thing I would have been a bit more selective of words. You tend to repeat many time the names of the characters when you could have easily use a reference word or just a pronoun.

This part is not quite clear
However, due to the constant reversal between sanity and insanity, Hamlet's revenge is slowed. Hamlet's mind becomes twisted due to constant changes in personality, between sanity and insanity. Early in the play, Hamlet says that he will put on an "antic disposition" (I.v.173). However, in the last scene of the play, Hamlet tells Horatio that "in my heart there was a kind of fighting" (V.ii.4). At one point he says that he will fake insanity, while later, he says that there is fighting in his heart, which hints insanity(How do these sentences relate with the result that you possing, I'm mean is this fighting really insanity and if it is, how does this insanity equals indecisive. You have prove that when he is sane he has more focus on his acts but you haven't proved that when he is insane he is indecisive, you'd only stated as a fact ). Due to this, Hamlet becomes indecisive. Hamlet's inability to act causes his revenge to be slowed.

And Your conclusion Has a similar effeect, It's repetitive and doesn't really summarizes your points but It seems to be repeating the exactly the same you wrote on your topic sentences and it doesn't make a balance nor it gives a closing remark or a final result of your analisys

Well that' my opinion
Best of Lucks
lowryder49   
Jun 1, 2011
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello everyone !
I'm a bit tired so i'll just say hello and Please don't get angry I'm trying my beest to continue checking and reading. Sometimes by just reading i notice my mistakes and get lots of ideas , thought I don't have time to publish many of them so let's continue giving aour best Hello again and GAmbate!!!!;)
lowryder49   
May 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl intergrated writing task: Experiments on animals [3]

In the passage, the author states that there is no good substitute for animal experiment because it is the most effective mothod of testing drugs. Some animals share the same basic life function as human, such as chimpanzees which have 99% of their genes same as human. Nevertheless, the professor[s]s claims that there are better ways to test medical drugs. For example, researchers can cultivate human tissue and use it to test chemicals. Another way is to use computer stimulation. Moreover, in the lecture, exper iments on animals are said to be ineffective because some drugs after testing cannot be used (NOT CLEAR ) and some even poisoned dogs and cats. In addition, we do not know whether successful drugs today might be discovered without experimenting on animals. Those contradicts the pint from the passage that many drugs that are used today were tested on other creatures.

Moreover, the author of the passage claims that animals researchers HAVE always trIEDy to reduce the pain on animals. They use anesthesia and keep animals well-cared. However, the professor denies all of that. SheHOW DO i KNOW SHE IS A SHE AND NOT A HE says that the conditions in labOratories are not as good as the author states. Instead, those creatures have to fight against dangerous diseases and taste toxic chemical

Finally, the lecturer expresses her opinion about the experiments conducted without the agreement. She says that it is immoral and inconsiderate to do that.I

I really hope this helps you
Good luck
lowryder49   
May 31, 2011
Undergraduate / Restoration ecology: UMN trasfer (educational interests and goals) [7]

I am specifically interested in restoration ecology. This was inspired by my intern in Tianzhu Grassland Station. It's on alpine grassland-high latitude, low temperature and short growing period. Our missions was were making herbarium and investigating grassland there. At the beginning, I was attracted by the outdoor activities and beautiful followers on the grassland. But after discussing with our teacher (why do you say our teacher who do you mean yours and who else'?)I understood that the more followers I can see on the grassland the poorer the situation was I Don't really understand what do you mean by this , bad quality for feeding, even are toxic for animals. When the grassland was damaged they have opportunity to settle. Once they settled, the situation will be worse over time unless they can be replaced by local plants. Based on the extreme climate, it's hard to recover by itself. I felt I need to do something; I hope I can do restoration there.

If I can have admission, use passive If I could be granted the admission , I will choose restoration ecology as my major, focus on learning restoration technology and answer some questions in my mind, like how can we identify a successful restoration; how long we should keep monitor the restoration field; should we do something special facing climate change. I will also choose some nature resources management courses. Helping grassland recovered is the first step; my final goal is to keep grassland balance. When I go back, I want to propagate protect nature resources on grassland, study how climate change affect there, and finally develop some management for local community.

After graduate from school, I arrived at Twin Cities with my husband. I spent some time on ESL classes. At the end of last year I took TOFEL test. Now I am sure my English level is ready for undergraduate study.

To answer you question, Yes it is, and It's not well-organized, yet you have a good idea of what you want so I know you could improve it.

Good luck
lowryder49   
May 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Reasons vary for people to attend college" - Practice TOEFL [5]

Try to improve your conclusion, so far it seems you had managed to put together a good introduction and a clear eexplanation, which is really illustrativee yet you should close it with a stronger conclusion

Good Luck
lowryder49   
May 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "My talent in art; UTSA Roadrunner" - Essay C - Talents and Achievements [3]

When I was first assigned to an art project in elementary school, I never thought that later on in life I would have such a passion for it. It was always fun to draw and create things with through art, but I never thought about how much I actually enjoyed doing it. It wasn't until my junior year of high school that I finally decided to join an art class. Though, then I didn't realize it would pave my way for such great opportunities.

Through all of this I have learned that when you love doing something, you should always stay with it, and that if a great opportunity approaches you; go for it. I have alsoknow learned that because of my art teacher, I now have a more professional outlook on art, and would consider it as a lifelong career. It has also made me understand that to do great work, it takes time; so from my junior year to my senior year I learned to focus more on my school work as well. I know now that through my last two years of high school I have learned to be more independent, mature, and determined in all of my work, and if I was accepted to UTSA, all of those qualities I could prove, and they would only advance. Not only would I strive to show my talent in art, but I would strive to prove my determination in all classes, proudly graduating as a UTSA Roadrunner.

I love your essay,you should try avoid some repetition, check punctuation
Hope this helps
lowryder49   
May 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Physical Therapy Education: PT - Statement of Purpose [3]

In recent years a lot of some events have occurred that have inspired me to go to University of St. Augustine and become a physical therapist. Recent injuries have taught me the importance of physical therapy and have brought to light my interest in the human physiology. My experience in working with patients thus far as a physical therapy technician has shown me a real connection that . I enjoy in working with and helping other people in the rehabilitation process. I have also learned from several of my peers that an education in physical therapy from St. Augustine is what I need to meet my life's goals to help other people in the rehabilitation process.

My first experience in dealing with physical therapy came after a serious shoulder injury. At that time I learned the healing capabilities and rehabilitation benefits of physical therapy. Very early into my own therapy, I became a nuisance to my therapist with all my inquiries about different muscles and their recruitments via certain exercises. I was amazed to see how my therapist could simply look at my motions, feel my joints, and explain to me the specific involvements of each muscle and how they are more or less effective. This experience developed into my drive and desire to become a physical therapist.

I have a strong drive to motivate others around me, whether it pertains to general exercise, athletics, or academics. My patients that with whom I work with every day remind me of how I am able to balance being their friend while focusing on their rehabilitation. I feel that having this ability helps build a connection between me and my patient that drives the patient to work harder. I aspire to be the therapist patients request, follow, and visit to show me their wellbeing and recovery.

I see it as my greatest method to still interact and drive others to a better physical life. If it is necessary for me to advance to the next level of my education, I will go back to school to strengthen the areas in which I am weakest , and I will try again. Perseverance is necessary for both academics and life, and nothing worth having is easy to obtain. I feel that given the opportunity to be a part of the University of St Augustine I will excel in both my academic life and my career. And given this opportunity in my career field I will represent a well rounded education from the University.

I chose the University of St. Augustine because it provides a high successful board exam results for the National Physical Therapy Examination (NPTE) and from the experience from my work team, the most prepared graduates for a variety of clinical settings. After personally working with an alumnus of St. Augustine I have witnessed that their skills in both practice and explanation to the patient were founded on a very thorough/extensive knowledge of which I have only otherwise witnessed after therapists attend years of continuing education courses (CUE).

I look forward to meeting the faculty and being a part of the student body that shapes therapy as it is a practice based on the science of healing and the art of caring.

I made some changes check if they ar ok, but I Recommend you to try to check the organization of the paragraphs, because I was a bit lost on your ideas

Wish you luck
lowryder49   
May 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Memorandum to Managers" - GMAT essay - Analysis of an Argument [4]

Firstly, the comparison between employees of not-for-profit organizations and those of for-profit corporations is not a very convincing one, because each of these type of companies recruit and utilize their employees in a distinct manner. It would be naive to assume, This seems redundantespecially owing to lack of concrete data , that what motivates employees in one type of organization might be relevant for the other also. This becomes more important in the light of the fact that there is no reason to believe that donation by automobile company might motivate its employees; on the contrary, the employees might get demoralized if they perceive that their wages or other incentives will diminish owing to channeling of Money into some other avenue.

I think this is repeetitive (On the other hand, it's naive to assume that donation of corporate profits would bolster the morale of employees and make them think more seriously about their duties .)

What's more you repeated naive to many times,However; I enjoyed your work. It-s really good in register and in preesentation of ideas.
lowryder49   
Nov 9, 2010
Essays / Parents VS You - need a few writing ideas! [8]

1- Most parents believe kids waste money instead to expend it wisely, one reason is because they work hard to get it. Some kids, use it for games or junk food which will not give you anything useful in return, others might expend it on overprice objects such as clothing which not meets the purpose of dressing and being comfortable but just looking fashionable one night. Thus, it is not wearable every day.

2- Considering the age of the person, parents may act overprotective , especially in the case of girls. They want to avoid issues like teenage pregnancy. In the case of just having bf or gf, they may also consider it to be a distraction of the main goal of finishing high school on time. Yet, these topics depend on the type of raising they give to their kids, If parents believe they have done a good job educating their children, they will trust bigger decisions such as these to their children. As long it doesn't affect their future.

3- Most parents are unaware of the kind of stress students have, to add home responsibilities. Many believe that if they could do it in the past so children can in the present. Yet, with the increasing speed of discoveries and advances, students not only have to deal with the work that parents had, but also they have to cope with teachers and mates' expectations. Final grades do not always give enough feedback to parents, so they miss this sort of problems

Hope this ideas will help you
Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Nov 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "My experience practicing Tae Kwon Do " - Yale Supplement, 500 word essay [5]

My experience practicing Tae Kwon Do meant much more to me than just effort and hard work, it brought with it important life lessons that I feel are not accurately portrayed in the rest of the application. It brought me in close acquaintance with struggle and sacrifice, which I now know are a parttwo important aspects of every person's life, and prepared me to endure the challenges I will inevitably have to face.

When I first started in Tae Kwon Do, it was like everything else in my life: safe, cozy, and fun. I had the chance to begin my training with kids my age, a patient teacher, and very manageable demands. But once I decided to start competing, and eventually got called into the provincial team, it all changed in a fortnight . I was confronted by increasingly high expectations and diminished support and understanding. Suddenly, it was not enough to get through the training sessions as "best as I could", now I had to demand more from my bodymyself everyday to meet a rigorous training program. At first, I felt tempted to retire back into the safety of my previous dojo with its familiar mildness. Yet I kept showing up for practice six times a week, and endured the coaches' harsh reprimands as best as I could. This struggle to meet their expectations was relentless ( I don't understand what you mean with relentless is far too negative try to use an adverb like the one you used :seemingly, in this way you prevent the reader of thinking you are completely pessimist of new challenges) , and seemingly perpetual, offering challenge after challenge, objective after objective in uninterrupted succession.

Despite this, I was never able to attain the results my teammates reaped with seeming facility (After using Despite this you were supposed to use a contradictory sentence to your previous ideas, but you continue describing your negative achievements, perhaps you should connect with: Furthermore) . My efforts seemed futile, my abilities mediocre and my achievements scanty in comparison with theirs. Here you could use Despite this I earnestly desired to improve, but was unable to adopt the unfaltering commitment I observed in the rest of the team.Yet, During training, I could not help but get distracted by trivialities, and I had to go through veritable agony to adopt the martial obedience the coaches tried to imbue in all of the team members. Moreover, I was unable to endure the bruises and pain inherent to contact sports with the stoic calm and unshakable firmness of my teammates. In time, I came to believe I just was not as iron-willed as them, but I could not accept this explanation. Real or not, this idea fueled my ambitions of emulating my teammates' strength of character, and drove me to persevere until I got selected to compete in nationals. Yet, this only brought more insurmountable adversities, as training increased from two to four hours a day, and we were required to live in the gym.

I wish I could say this all resulted in my glorious triumph in nationals, but it did not. Try to be more positive use Although I barely won a bronze medal in a weight class with few contestants,and All I had to show for my efforts besides that was an injured foot, I Still believe Tae Kwon Do taught me that sacrifice is necessary for improvement, and that it is not enough to lie low and get through life quietly.

Good luck, I think you have done an excellent work. I hope the revisions will help you.
Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Nov 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "how I feel about my friend" - international student supplement essay on friendship [6]

In my opinion you have written a good essay describing your friend, but you have to describe
1- a situation which was problematic and in which you two had to work together
2- which were the reasons why it was problematic?
3- How did you overcome them perhaps in your conclusion
Good Luck, and I did love the analogy, It works with the essay i was hoping to read but it doesn't with the description of your friend

Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Aug 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / Why do some students study abroad? Review my TOEFL. [4]

At the Universities sometimes offer interchange study programs interchange between countries and then through them,students can finish their studies in a foreign country. In addition,other opportunities occur when students have graduated either exist the possibility graduated students can have the opportunity to apply for specific grants in their fields outside their native country.the possibility to postulate scholarship Both programs are select by many students because they have the alternative to they can study in important and recognize universities, they getto know other places and learn other languages like English, French among others.

... are occupied by people with master or MBA for example . Especially in regions it is really important infor higher chargesposts that people had studied in recognize universities and if people have studiestaking a course abroad is even better. A lot of professionalsin regions think working in Santiago and then coming back their cities by new and better opportunitiestravel to work to large cities and afterwards they returne to their hometowns where get better jobs. And in last time Furthermore, young professional people ... . For example, in Concepción University in the fourth year career, the students can start a MBA and do a quarter in a foreign university called Wright State University in Ohio, US.which will definitly be benefitial in the long run.

When the people are Students sometimes they do not have enough money to travel abroad. Thus interchange study programs are a good opportunity for this them. If a student postulates a foreign university he or she will have a lot o possibility to choose among some ones . For example when a student have (...) and importance in art, paint, and so onetc . So, depend on the interesting students

... they can choose different places where they can know places accord to this.to complement their especiality.

So far, is what I have check I will recommend you to try to be less personal and discuss more about your thesis which is study in important and recognize universities, to know other places and learn other languages and should be a paragraph for each benefit that is the importance of studying in recognize universities which I already checked, 2 the opportunity to know other places which I personally think is not well supported give more detail of the benefits of knowing these foreign places for a student or professional and 3 the importance of learning other languages supported by specific reason and how they will learn

Good luck
Lorena
lowryder49   
Aug 12, 2010
Undergraduate / Dropped nursing to English program - Letter of Extenuating Circumstances [3]

Letter of Extenuating Circumstances August 11, 2010

Dear Sir/Madam

Within this letter I hope to/will explain/ clarify the extenuating circumstances contributed to my academic performance, and how the situation has been resolved.

I would include in the next paragraph some examples or recommendations of teachers who believe that researching is your future and why and finally in your conclusion you could just round up that this is your tru call.

Good luck
Lorena
lowryder49   
Jun 25, 2010
Writing Feedback / Educational benefits of computers [4]

TutorPhil
Thanks, for your help. You know I will change, then, the introduction a bit, because I'm limitated to 300 words, so it is the best option.

Thanks again!
Lorena
lowryder49   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / Educational benefits of computers [4]

the topic is
Educational benefits of computers

Can you imagine how academic life would be like without computers? Writing letters, essays , editing and saving information would be completely exhausting. What is more, looking for information would be almost impossible. However, computers have simplified students work throughout the academic year. Despite the difficulties of learning how to use them, computers can be practical and helpful.

The most important benefit of computers is their practicability. A single machine allows students to calculate, to write essays and to search for information while listening to music. For example, Office package includes a spreadsheet program, a word processor and a presentation program. What is more, It includes a grammar and spelling check, which simplifies edition. At the same time, the student can listen to music, watch a video, record a CD, or chat with friends. In short, any computer shares the characteristics of a radio, a television, a telephone, a notebook, and a calculator together with tools for organization, for multimedia presentations and for grammatical corrections.

Another benefit of computers is the assistance they provide to students. For example, with the help of a computer, files can be easily organized and adequately separated in folders according to subject. In addition, they can be retrieved by using the computer's search tool. Another example of how they are helpful is the capacity to store a large amount of information. By using the Internet, a student can download a great number of files of different sizes which can be saved on the computer's hard disk. E-books, audiobooks, movies and programs on school subjects can be downloaded and stored for the student benefit.

In conclusion, Computers have become an essential tool for students and without them, academic work would be wearying. The ability to store and execute different programs makes computers extremely practical and helpful for students benefit.

Well. I hope you can help me with some corrections, anything you would add or change is also wellcome
Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Attitude of students is the main reason for many problems [3]

In the present age, it is common to see many teenagers showing their bad attitudes in public places. which some people have concerned deeply about this People has become deeply concerned by this. Espacially, teachers who are dealing with them all the time. Some teachers say that they can not control their students anymore. Whether the school system has been caused this problems or somthing else? Is this a responsability of the school system or it is anyone else?

Many people just blame on schools and teachers. They contend that school education system has failed and that It is why the situation is happening. Add more support for how is school seen as a negative influence

Others believe that teenagers are been spoilded by their parents. To start with, many parents have only a child; therefore, they can not teach their child how to share with others. In adition, in some cases, both parents have to work and have no time to be around their child. As a result, children might spent most their time alone watching TV shows without any guidence. This could be a negative influence on the chlid's charater when they became a student, the people can see easilly that some of them have an attitude such as an anger problems.

Traditionally, in Korea, for example, the level of morality was very high that children were to be submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them, and most families were bigger.The children had forced to learn patience and knowing that they could not have everything what they want. At that time, there was no such an issue that the teenagers were showing their angers toward any adult or in public areas. Not connected with your topic

To sum up, I believe that the students' attitude problems do not start from schools, bad upbringing has made them out of control and then it came down to social violent behaviour. Parents should guide them in a proper way and should make some strict rules.

I hope these will help!
Low
lowryder49   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS: essay about British and Australian laws [3]

Most of societies evaluate the offenders depending on their past. So, they always are not given a chance to be repentants, but to what extent has that affect on them if they were defendants in front the jury in the court?

Some people argue that, the jury should be given all the criminal history about the defendants to be aware what kind of people they are. Further more Furthermore, a great number of people ,who had commited crimes, are lead to repeat that again. For example, if the jury is aware of the criminal record of the defendants, they might be helped to decide, especially if the crime being judge is of the same kind. Besides, usually they are being accused of the crime.

On the other hand, the defendants's past criminal record could affect the jury decision. It could be routing in their minds only the negative facts about the defendant. In addition, these information will prevent them of concentrating on the real facts in the current litigation. what is more, this practice could be used badly by lawyers who plead that defendants who commit their first crime especially if there are defendants with a criminal history in the same doubt circle in the litigation, as well as it will become easily making wrong decision. No clear, could you rephrase

I personally, believe that British and Australian judicature should not change this practice because it will lead to an unfair case against the possibility of the defendants's innocence if they were repentants indeed and his rights in a law fair trial in a law of court. From my view, the jury need only to know which are the current criminal case' aspects against the defendant before giving the final decision regardless of their criminal record.

Hope this will help you
Low
lowryder49   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / 'You didn't build that?' - Luck has nothing to do w/ success [10]

It has been said "When people success, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success". Not only I agree with this statement, but I will also validate my belief in the following lines.

The main reason is that at all ages we are trying to achieve our goals. From the moment of birth till death, we work very hard to succeed. In childhood, we learn how to walk and communicate

with others trhough persistance and willingness.Throughout our adolescence, we study hard to achieve good marks and to get a proper job. If we would depend on luck, we will never get what we want in life. To become a scientist, doctor, engineer we have to study hard and to do efficient research. In the first attempt, we might fail to success, but in second, third or fourth attempt we will definitely get it right.

In addition,for some people, luck is also important. When I was studying for my graduation exam
I read all the content of the physics book with the exception of a few points and my friend studied only those. The major questions of my exam paper had came down to those points. My friend got A grade and I got B grade. You might think that even with hard work we need luck, but I will say that I haven't study as hard as I should. I left those points which were very important. Success comes to those who work hard.It might come late, but it is sure that with hard work we will be successful. Luck depends on luck. For example, Las Vegas is very famous for gambling. In gambling, success is depending on luck. I can clearly remember the first time I gambled in casino, I bet $5 and won couple of times and I got $25. I was so excited that I continue playing. The Second time, I bet $100 and I lost everything. I played again and again. I lost all my money on that day. Success in gambling depends on luck and we can not be sure of get it.

In conclusion, with hard work people will eventually be successful, but with luck there is no certainty. Hard work is the first step for success and luck comes later.
lowryder49   
Feb 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Pharmacy undergrad application essay - "someone who has influenced you" [6]

The first sentence is too long, and thus not give a positive characteristic of your teacher if that's what you intended. You could start expressing a more vivid example of how you teacher has influenced your life. In addition, you should include personal feelings and immpressions give more examples that clarify his influence and his dedication. Another point you might want to add is a personal decision he help you to make or how he has influenced you to change some aspect of your life.

Low
lowryder49   
Aug 16, 2009
Essays / Managemement Report: CSR [4]

it seems to be fine but im not qualified to guive a feedfack on reports
lowryder49   
Nov 3, 2008
Writing Feedback / a comparison and contrast from two tales from the canterbury tales [4]

thanks very much could you check if this part i change the conclusion and if my my bibliography is ok.Last question Do you think my work fullfills the MLA standart for papers.

Concluding, by comparing these two stories of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, It is clear they were intended to entertain the audience with obscene pranks as well as the less comic but alike indecent stories plus a negative treatment of women. However, the differences that exist on both remark Chaucer's views of the conventions of his time.

Bibliography

- Chaucer, Geoffrey. "The Miller's Tale," The Canterbury Tales.
- Chaucer, Geoffrey. "The Merchant's Tale," The Canterbury Tales.
- David Daiches. A Critical History of English Literature. 2nd edition volume I, 1960
- Dictionary online.
answers.com/topic/fabliau Accessed3rd Nov. 2008
- Wikipedia online, the free encyclopedia. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller%27s_Tale Accessed 2008
- Wikipedia online, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Merchant%27s_Prologue_and_Tale Accessed 2008
-Essay Forum
essayforum.com/1_3176_0.html Accessed 2nd & 3rd Nov. 2008

thanks
lowryder49   
Nov 2, 2008
Writing Feedback / a comparison and contrast from two tales from the canterbury tales [4]

A Comparison and Contrast between The Miller and The Merchant's Tales

By Lorena Costilla

need some feedback on my essay. So far i have this could you help me, please?

When comparing these two stories from the Canterbury tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, the fabliau is the first to come out to our mind. Both stories are intended to please the lower classes and to criticize marriage and church in the fourteen century. Chaucer uses the drunken miller to represent the lower classes and their taste for indecent stories. On the other hand, the merchant is meant to criticize married life, as the character himself hates every minute he has spent with his wife. All in all, both tales share some basic similarities related with the fabliau, but, at the same time, it is their differences, which appeals more to the reader attention.

To begin with, the tale narrated by the miller is about John, an old carpenter, who is married to an eighteen-year-old girl named Allison. This carpenter is portrayed as a rich ignorant person of advanced age who feared to be cuckolded similar to the fabliau common theme. Allison is depicted through a physical description of her body, the same as a material object She is beautiful and wild. To correspond to the fabliau form, there is also Nicholas, the young astronomy student, which talent is to make love and wants to have sex with Allison. There is a four character in this story, Absolon, the clerk. Chaucer uses him to criticize church corruption, because he likes to give presents to young beautiful girls and song love songs to Allison.

The story develops when Nicholas convinces Allison to plot against her husband in order that they can have sex. The carpenter is convinced that a flood is coming and that if he wants to be safe he must sleep separated from his wife in hanging tubs. When the night of the plan comes, Allison and Nicholas go down together and have sex after John has fallen asleep. Then, Absolon, who is also infatuated with Allison ask her for a kiss and receives a fart in his face as reward. Being humiliated, Absolon takes revenge by burning Allison's bottom; however, it is the bottom of Nicholas that is burned. The carpenter hears Nicholas' screams and believes is the flood. But he realized of the events and is humiliated in front of his neighbors. He has been cuckolded. It is by this final scene that the fabliau is complete. From the teller to the tale, from the low class miller to the indecent and humorous story, Chaucer's fabliau shows not only an excellent handling of this style of writing and his idea of marriage in those days, but also his dissatisfaction with corrupted church members and there doing.

Unlike The Miller's, the merchant is not intended to tale a humorous story, but a warning to those who desire to marriage. Following the style of fabliau and similar to The Miller's Tale, the main character is an old rich man. However, his social class is different, he is a knight. Consequently, we are presented with a well-learned man. His name is January. In contrast to the carpenter from the miller's, the knight is not marry, but he desire to be so. May is the young wife under twenty and she is the same in most aspect to Allison, the carpenter's wife. She is chosen because of her tender and voluptuous body. The third character is the young squire Damian who is unhappy with wedding. As against the miller's fabliau, The Merchant's Tale has more characters, like Placebo and Justinus, the god Pluto and goddess Proserpine his wife. These minor characters give their views with exemplifications of the Bible or of philosophy on marriage. Placebo opinion is supporting the decision of marriage and uses Solomon words to support the decision, but only because was decide by his Lord January:'Do all things by advice... and then you'll have no reason to repent'(p381), whereas Justinus is against marriage and supported his opinion with Seneca philosophy:'it's always better to think things twice'. Pluto and Proserpine discuss about man and woman roles and virtues. They contribute with the reasons the merchant gives about getting married or not, but he does not make fun of his characters as expected.

The merchant's tale develops in similar way to the Miller's. The younger wife plots with the squire against January for meeting in the garden and have sex. However, The gods see these actions and interfere, the God Pluto allowed the blind January to recover his view to see his treacherous wife in action. In opposed to this, Proserpine gives the wife the power of word to convince January that he is mistaken. Finally, with this end, the merchant's tale differs from the miller's tale in the fact that is not a humorous tale, just indecent. In Miller's, Allison is treacherous and certainly not forgiven, the fool John is humiliated in front of the neighbors for trusted in the premonition that Nicholas give, and Nicholas himself ends in pain. Whereas, May gets January continues trusting in her and Damian has the opportunity to continue plotting to have sex with the clever May. This end shows that some truth of the high social class, anyone receives a punishment for their actions nor public humiliation.

Concluding, by comparing these two tales of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, we see that he mastered both the humorous fabliau style as well in the less humorous but alike indecent merchant's tale and by the stricken differences between the two of them he represented the conventions of the time.

Please any help is welcome
Lorena
lowryder49   
Jun 15, 2008
Writing Feedback / Essay about the history of the UK [NEW]

I have to write about the history of the United Kingdom of Great Britain.

Here is as far as i went please advice me

The UK has passed trough differents changes and invations since their first record of its existance.From Celts, Romans, Germanic and Norman threats and for the fertile land and minerals results the final form of what is now known as Great Britain.Their invaders influence in language, customs and cultural achievements brought about a completely new civilization.

Britain, how it was known then, was first inhabitated by the Celts. They were a group of Indo-european tribes, half nomadic half settled people and worked the land, manufactured wool and leather and accomplished the domestication of animals.At this stage, their language was gaelic with no written form but pictographic one or runic.Their society was divided into three classes: The warrior aristhocracy, the intellectual class and everyone else. Their religion was polytheistic at this time, druids were sort of priest who performed functions as teaching, judging and ritual sacrifices. The Celts society was hierarchical and the king was the supreme authority. Furthermore, Theri society was organize around warfare, due to the fact that the island was desirable for invaders both for its agriculture and minerals.

The first invation, was by the Romans. Julius Caesar , the emperor, and his legions invade britain in 55 BC. However, they not completely subdued all the Celtics tribes. As a result, they had to maintain a constant military control over the unconquerers. While the Roman were in Britain, they made contributions in language, agriculture, industry, urbanization as well as in architecture.For example the construction of the palace of Fishbourne. similarly the roman bath was introduced to Britain. Finally they withdraw in 410 AD due to weather conditions, but another menace came to the remained Celts.

The Angles,The Saxones and the Jutes were germanic tribes known for their savage sacirfices. The arrival of these tribes into Britain result in a total butchery.

ok i will continued the second part when i finshed to think about it, please can you check my work so far.
Lorena Costilla
lowryder49   
Jun 9, 2008
Essays / I have some questions: Old and middle english literature. Poetry & history [4]

Hi
I have to explain all these questions in a essay of literature
What does Old english literature comprise?
What literary genres appear during these times?
How to analize anglo saxon Poetry?
What literary devices are used in Beowulf?
Who are the main characters?
What costums of anglo-saxon people are described in beowulf?
Find rethorical figures in the poem and make the theme.Analysis of structure, tone, setting, rhyme and meter.

second essay
what does middle english literature comprise?
In what ways middle english literature is different from old english literature?Consider analysis of structure,setting, etc.
what new literary genres appear during these time?
What is a Romance?
What do you call Chanson de Geste?
What was the role of trouveres and Troubadours? Where they came from? What elements they introduced in English literature?
When and where ballads originated? Who did?
What is their purpose? Explain social classes.
What literary resources do they resort to create suspense and attracted their audiences?
What litery element were use to embellesh it?
Examples of famous ballads.

Well all the answer are accepted I really need some backgraound information.
And if its possible an essay example for this questions that shows me how to organize them.
lowryder49   
May 7, 2008
Writing Feedback / How to say sorry Essay for English? [5]

by the way i meant courage, i dont know what i was thinking when i wrote
For me it is really difficult to use a keyboard as you can see from my mistakes
lowryder49   
May 7, 2008
Writing Feedback / How to say sorry Essay for English? [5]

thank you,
but i have one question
what did you think about it?
it is ok?, it is complete for you?
lowryder49   
May 6, 2008
Writing Feedback / How to say sorry Essay for English? [5]

How to say Sorry

It Is well known fact that asking for forgiveness is difficult for most individuals. There is no specific process to describe the act; however some psychologist agree with sociologists that some stages are involved.First, to recognize the mistake and the damage to the other part. Second, communication from both parts and finally,acceptance of the consequences. Relationships are base in mutual respect. [...]
lowryder49   
May 2, 2008
Essays / Your opinion on this paragraph (literature class) [2]

Hi my name is Lorena
i would like your opinion on this paragraph which a wrote for the literature class
pleaseeeee i need feedback
assigment:
The wanderer laments the harshness of the world in which he lives. He viewed both human beigns and nature as cruel. In a paragraph (150 words) agree or disagree with the wanderer's view of the world, and satate your reasons for dong so.

The wanderer views of cruelty on both world and human beings is understandable to a man in his current situation. However, i disagree with the idea of living a life in sorrow and hatress towards everything that exist. His fatalistic view of inexorable fate and how it controlls the world is against my beliefs. Furthermore,the capacity of every human being to overcome conflicts and adversity in every day life is what makes him strong. Similarly, the capacity of forgiveness and be mercyful is what distinguish us from animals. Finally, dead is part of life as destruction and agression are parts of humans being's nature, so i have a realistic point of view. I believe on facts, actions and the oportunity to change, to reborn, and there is no reason to live lamenting for the past or to be defeated by fate.
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