Writing Feedback / Traffic congestion and ways to reduce it - Compare paragraph - What's better? [5]

Hello everybody!
This is a topic in my IELTS class: Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities.

And I have 2 styles of the body for this topic. I dont know what is better choice? Please give me your advice and correct my errors

Thank for helping me

The first one

In order to minimize the state of traffic congestion occurring throughout inner cities, one of the solutions is to adjust the transportation system. In fact, if the streets are wide and here's no road barriers on constructions staying as obstacles on streets, vehicle flows will be much factor and citizens will feel more comfortable. Furthermore, once public transport system in done logically conveniently and used effectively for inhabitant's demand of travelling, people will definitely choose public transports in stead of their own ones. By that way, the amount of vehicle on streets will reduce significantly.

Another resolution that is worth mentioning is to improve citizens' way of thinking and travelling. For instance, when the number of people understand and accept taking public transport as their main means of transport, traffic jam will not happen constantly on the roads. Nevertheless, the local authorities also need to take action to reduce the amount of transport products imported into the cities by imposing high taxes for each means of transport. Therefore, with high prices of vehicle, inhabitants might not been travelling by their own cars or motorcycles.

The second

There are a number of steps need to be taken to solve this problem. First of all, the governments should improve the quality of public transport system, which lessen impact on crowded street in rush hour by decreasing private vehicles. If people feel comfortable with public transport, they will left their own car at home.

On the other hand, the governments also have to raise the citizen's awareness to combat chaotic in rush hour. When people do not obey the traffic law, there is no doubt that everything is from bad to worse and traffic jam simultaneously happen. In contrast, although streets are full of vehicles, they could move slowly if the traffic rules are followed.

Note: In my city, there are a lot of road constructions to repair drainage system

Essays / The question of whether hard work is the only factor that contributes to a success rather than luck [8]

When the people succeed, it is because their hard work, luck is doing nothing.

An idea for the topic about being successful

This is my topic in IELTS class, I try my best to write this essay. Please help me to correct it or some idea to make it better.

The question of whether hard work is the only factor contributes to succeed rather than luck is indispensable is a very controversial issue and ...

Speeches / Speaking Topic: Transformers, a movie that has made a strong impression on you [4]

Hello everybody!
I've this speech yesterday and I think it has many mistakes :(
Please help me to correct it. Thanks all

I guess I could begin by saying something about which the movie was, and I think I would have to choose: Transformers - the blockbuster of DreamWorks picture, with a tremendous fighting performance.

Going on to my next point by answering who the main stars were, and what I have to mention here is that Shia LaBeouf is staring as an untried action hero alongside Megan Fox as his love interest. Fox pulls off the whole active mechanic, while LaBeouf exudes a sweet innocence at the same time give a tremendous physical performance.

And now with reference to what the movie was about, I would like to explain that Transformers is terrifically exciting film about an ancient struggle re-erupts on Earth between two extraterrestrial clans, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, are also searching for the AllSpark, and they would do anything to get it, even if it means destroying the city.

In answer to the question of why this movie made such an impact on me, really I should mention that it was original a cartoon movie before it reached cinemas. The effects are a joy in this film: the desert landscapes, the latest technology, the way vehicles transform - are suddenly properly rendered. That master of epic battles between Autobots and U.S army against Decepeticons in the city, with the improbable jumps and flights were perfectly conjured.

Speeches / Speaking Topic: My mother, the person you admire in your family [NEW]

Hello everybody!
I'm new one. When I saw this topic
https://essayforum.com/speech-writing-8/talk-someone-family-admire- 6509/

I tried to write something related but I cant post my essay so I create this. I appreciate everyone come to correct my writing. Thanks a lot.

Here is it:

We all have someone in our family who we most admire. From my perspective these people are essential for us as we have somebody to look up to. In my case, the person I esteem the most is certainly my mother, whose life story inspires me and even helps me to have pursue a better life.

Going on to my next point which is what she have done in her life, and what I have to mention here is that my mother just a normal teacher in high school. Everyone has dreams but there are few people in the world strong enough to fight for them. Surely, my mother is one of this those. When she was a young, my grandparents had tight family budget so she tried her best to make her dream, become a teacher, come true by doing part time job such as needlework.

Progressing to the subject of what she do now, I would like to explain that my mother still a literature teacher and has done many great things for students day after day. Furthermore, she is a great mother, doing household chore, look after my brother and I.

And so finally then, if I have time, in answer to the question of why I admire my mother, the point I want to make here is that she's a energetic, passion , and patient teacher. In our country, literature is a difficult subject and the lack of quality teacher make it from bad to worse so students hate it and don't want study it anymore. My mother makes every effort to help her students gain enough knowlegde and practical skills. She is not only teach them the lectures but also the behaviors, how to become a good man in life. She spent here free time to find new information and teaching method to improve herself. I aspire to follow in her footsteps so that I can be a better person and guarantee a successful future for myself.