Letters / recommendation letter for a job offer in the field of architecture [8]

I have a few grammar/wording suggestions but this already sounds pretty nice! =)

full- time

She hadbeen completed

that we require from our partners.

She didn't let herself discouraged, instead she asked good questions and appeared intelligent.
She did not let herself become discouraged--instead, she was very interested in the work and asked intelligent questions.Saying you "appear" intelligent kind of makes it sound as if you were only acting


Maybe "We have had the pleasure of..." or something like that

December 2009). D uring that period I saw her blossom(maybe replace that with "transfrom")from a newcomer, college student, into an equal position holder among the other senior architects in my firm.

"For start," -->At the start,


They made a good team and had an excellent dynamic for solving problems with the project...


Mrs. XXX stayed alert and provided...for the choices made
(It sounds stronger than just "was")

five different projects


She rapidly became one of the employees I knew I could rely on through her exceptional work on site visits...


In the case of hotel projects or competitions our company enrolled in, I always made sure that I included her in the new, larger groups in which she always gained respect from her colleagues and reaffirmed my respect for her.

Another colleague commented favorably about working with Mrs. XXX:He said that she got along well with her co-workers, pulled her own weight on the projects, and had the ability to compromise with other team members. He particularly appreciated her goal-driven dedication to her work.

her talent as well as her ability

hoping

Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]


I got carried away with alliteration there XD Ha, that's exactly what I was thinking, for some reason my vocabulary came off sounding really odd here, I actually wrote down a note to myself: "Too many 'big' words". Thanks for pointing that out, now I know it wasn't just my impression.


Okay I'll just stick to English ^ ^


So it makes sense without the extra explanations? I was paranoid that if I didn't explain what all of the Speech and Debate stuff was the "experience" would be confusing.


Does the "It was my first..." sentence do that?


The "write a narrative" part of the prompt made me think I was supposed to write a story =/ So, I see what you mean.


Isn't "someone" singular & "their" plural? I'm not a grammarian or whatever those people are called, but...


I knew it! >< Running out of room in that 500 word limit & started panicking

Ok, so after hitting my head against the wall for some time, I finally came up with a non-S&D example*. Is it viable or shall I return to Monsieur Wall?

It might help to mention that I will be majoring in Psychology and plan to be a psychiatrist...Darn word limit/my useless wordiness >:

*I was uncertain about how to introduce the example bc I didn't want to over-explain but I wanted the reader to understand what I was talking about. How do you think I handled that? Should I talk about my motivations for creating that club/what its purpose is or is that understood?

"I discovered, somewhat to my inconvenience,"
I was going for an understatement kind of thing there. Does it work or would another approach be better?

Okay, so this is 530 words, so stuff needs to be cut out. From the first paragraph, I imagine. Again, I ran out of room & didn't have much room for the "UF" part. Did I at least get to the "reflection" part this time?

"...most people fail..." Is that too harsh? I tend to give way to euphemisms so I actually tried to be blunt for once

"Speech and Debate teaches you how to generate a persuasive and coherent argument; thus, I was ready to use these abilities to present my plans for the club and have it officially integrated into my school." I felt like that sentence was too long and a bordeline run-on so I tried to patch it up with an emergency semicolon, any thoughts? I adopted a parrallel grammar structure thing in the third paragraph to bring in some order...done well or better not done at all?

Also, the third paragraph started to get pretty enormous (It is about 2/5 of the entire essay) so I decided to end it where I did. Is that sufficient or does the example require more detail?

"For instance, the IHC was able to donate two boxes of clothing to Haiti a month before the region was devastated by an earthquake in January 2010." I feel like that is unecessary & I don't really want it to be there but I thought giving a tangible example would make the point clearer...I don't know...


No need to worry, I cannot thank you enough for that!

Ershad, you've been a really big help, as well


I wrestled with that line for about 10 mins and came up with that to no avail. I just got rid of that entire aspect in this draft.

Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]

Thank you both! You have really helped me through this challenge =)

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]


Me too! Living here is like being in a bubble, I feel like I don't really know much about what is going on in the world...I don't mean big things necessarily, just how day-to-day life might be very different for people in other areas, like how Ershad mentioned gender inequality in India.

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

It does not necessarily mean that you are prejudiced. The way our society is organized--such as the noted emphasis on a white ideal--influences and conditions people to have unconscious preferences that may be the polar opposite of the way they truly, consciously feel. For instance, many African Americans have taken this test with the result showing a preference for European Americans over African Americans. They are not self-hating racists. The IAT measure "immediate, automatic associations that tumble out before we've even had time to think." There is much more that can be said on that issue but my point is that the tests are not designed to make people seem prejudiced nor do the results mean that someone is prejudiced. Anyway, I'm not trying to change your mind or force you to accept the tests, I merely offer you a mini-defense.

Writing Feedback / Friend with a characteristic trait - CBEST [2]

Hello, Flavia

Since you used the word "perseverance" specifically, I think it would help your essay if you mentioned an event that set Sam back, but that she recuperated from due to her perseverance. You can say that she did well in class and made appointments with her profs because she likes to learn and believes getting to know her instructors is important...but if you mention something a bit more specific than "she talked to the prof to clarify something," like "Sam's weak spot was always math. When she had trouble grasping the concept of derivatives, Sam did not hesitate to make an appointment with her Calculus professor. Sam never let anything like a complicated slope field obstruct her path to her goals," well then you really let the reader see what you mean. For the development of your essay, specifically, it goes in chronological order and seems to be laid out nicely. Good job :-)

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]


But you have ways of guessing at it and inferring. That's why they call it psychology! XD

Speaking of the subonscious, a book I read recently discussed how we can have feelings and prejudices in our unconscious while, consciously, we may feel the complete opposite! Harvard did a study with a nifty short test that you can take on implicit.harvard.edu But, I advise against itif you are unprepared for harsh realities. I think it is awesome, anyway. I even told my psychology teacher about it & she loved it and shared it with the whole class...so yeah, go psychology!


It was fun...haha no one likes to spell out the whole word XD

Writing Feedback / "Love is a universal constant" - Essay About Love in Literature [7]

No problem :-)


I think my problem is with your use of "therefore." "Therefore" implies that what came before is an explanation of what comes after but just because people express themselves in similar manners, it does not lead to the conclusion that nothing new is discovered. It is like how people have been writing research papers for a long time, but new things have, indeed, been discovered. For the sake of argument, say some wonderful new thing about love has been discovered post-Sappho and pre-Joyce. Let us then say that Joyce decides to write a story about love in the same manner as Sappho, disregarding the aforementioned discovery. A similar manner of writing is not a sufficient premise for one to conclude that nothing new has been discovered about love. I may be getting to wrapped up in details. I am not saying you are wrong or have to change this idea. I am simply expressing my disagreement with you. Do with that what you will.

Anyway, this is a really, really good essay, you should be happy =D

Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]

Thank you Ershad!!


Ha, apparently I spelled it correctly the first time. My computer told me that it was wrong and suggested "reined." After some confusion, I gave up and took the computer's advice. Thank you for clearing that up XD


Because when I did that activity I initially applied for the role of empress. But the sexist book-carrying thing annoyed me so I took up the empty slot of cardinal. That sentence was inspired by my experience. A couple of days ago, I was looking for something in my e-mail and found my letter of application. I petitioned for the role of "empress," not queen. So, for that sake, I changed it. But that doesn't really matter (the knights had to carry the belongings of either high-ranking female)...what sounds better? haha


Ha! Yes, I think I understand. Thank you, Ershad.


Yes, it does seem to be a bit much. One reason they are there is because I wanted to explain the lunch break conversations, because that was really one of the most important things. Another reason, is, I think, just because I like that memory--partially out of ego because her comment was followed by her patting me on the shoulder and bragging about me to another teacher with a huge smile on her face. I understand that is a terrible reason for including something in an essay...So, the first two lines aren't really important but I really need to make the point that she and I had those philosophical discussions because that really was a huge factor in my life...hmm...


Yep, no one does. I just couldn't think of anything better to get my point (I really enjoyed the talks) across.


Aw, I liked that sentence XD haha, you make a good point, though. Do you think I can keep the "--the art of questioning" thing or put it somewhere else? I just like it, it's all dramatic and pum, pum, pum--the ART of QUESTIONING!! lol, I really need to get better reasons for writing things XD

As for the last questions, I admit, I am a bit too concerned with grammar XD

Writing Feedback / "Love is a universal constant" - Essay About Love in Literature [7]

the whimsical prose of Dicki nson

Love as an idea, or theme, does not change from text to text regardless of era-- be it unrequited, lustful, the loss of, uninhibited, immoral, familial, religious, or otherwise.

Similarly , yet no less powerful in emotion

the effect it has on man regardless of the period

I have a comment to make on the latter portion of "love is a universal constant regardless the era in which the text was written, therefore nothing is learned of love itself."

I do not see how the conclusion validly follows the premise. If love is a "universal constant," why does that mean we cannot learn anything new about it? I get the impression humanity learns new things about love each day and that each new piece of literature presents love in a unique way, allowing the reader to learn about love, among other things.

Anyway, this looks like a really great essay.

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

Hahaha! That's a good point! =D

I was referring to this comment:

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

I also wanted to mention that I can't help feeling that the "swivel chair" metaphor was inspired by a swivel chair...they are very common nowadays...o.O

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

Market shares? Like how in Business the large, powerful corporations (men) try to keep their profit (power) and in doing so they weaken the smaller companies (women) or try to keep them down (oppression). o.O Not as creative as a swivel chair, but I gave it a shot XD

Faq, Help / Question about becoming an EF Contributor [13]

I really like EssayForum! I am learning so much!! I see that I learn much more from actively reading and looking for what makes an essay weak or strong rather than just reading for content.

Plus, here, when I correct someone's grammar, it is actually a good thing o.O

And, yes, a cool username is certainly one of my aspirations ^^

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

Thank you! Now I get to talk about one of my favorite fields...

Let us tackle the layers of this funky word:

antidisestablishment arianism
The establishment this word refers to is the Roman Catholic church

The "dis-" refers to the breaking up of that establishment--namely, England's (King Henry VIII) split with the church (because he wanted a son & his post-menopause wife had not produced one & he wanted to marry a younger girl whose head he would later have chopped off. Lovely gentleman, no?)

The "anti-" refers to the feelings of those who did not want this split to occur. The were against (anti) the disestablishment of the Roman Catholic church in England.

The "-arian" refers to someone possessing this ideology. The humanitarian or vegetarian

The "-ism" makes the word refer to the whole body of thought related to this concept

That's how I like to think of it at least, it makes more sense for me then going to a dictionary and reading through the lengthy, convuluted definition. Plus, as I said previously, I like cake. XD

Oh, and about "vehement," I think the spitting made the situation more comical (though that is an interesting point...is that what your subconscious thinks of? =)...like I was imagining a teeny tiny man with an unproportionatedly large fist wiggling high above his head and his voice being kind of squeaky bc he was so tiny...I had two views: one was like a dramatic close-up of a dictator and the other was like a zoom-out of a caricaturish animation...I know, I am odd xD

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]


That makes sense, I can't imagine that a subject relevant to this word would come up very often. I just know it because it has been popularized as "the longest official word in the english language." I really like it though bc its so long because of all the extra bits like "anti-" and "dis-" that have been added onto it--basically, it reminds me of a cake...and I like cake XD Plus, I love European History so the concept the word encapsulates is, to me, pretty nifty =D

Poetry / This is the first poem I've ever written - "Sorrow" [7]


Yeah, that kind of shook my reading, I got it but it just sounded odd to me. I wasn't sure how to explain that X ) (Again, this is why Kevin rocks)

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]


I second that motion! Kevin, you are quite the role model!

Student Talk / Strategy for Impressing Admissions Readers: Make up a new term or concept [15]

Ironically, yesterday I read about a man who coined "sensory transference." And he is Ukranian.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]


Definitely, especially when something is happening on a completely different part of the earth. Since you cannot experience it for yourself, you only have indirect information...shall we trust the movie makers that may have their own agendas? I love how life is full of little choices like this!

Faq, Help / Question about becoming an EF Contributor [13]

Well, I have many reasons for being on EF, I just figured that if I was going to spend a lot of time here I might as well put it on my application. Why not?

Faq, Help / Question about becoming an EF Contributor [13]

Thank you, Kevin!

I think I benefit as much from helping others and learning from their mistakes as they beneift from my comments =) There is some great writing here and the Contributors' threads are great--one of Sean's inspired me to rephrase some bits of my essay, though I'm not sure if they are improvements or steps back in some cases...ah well, editing is process ^^

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

Haha, thank you XD I think I am what they call a "visual learner" because it is easier for me to explain things with pictures than with words...a week or so ago I was explaining my decision to use the word vehemently by saying that it reminded me of an furious orator shouting at a large crowd, with his fist pounding the air and saliva flying out of his mouth...or maybe I just do it because it amuses me--I find these situations funny for some reason

Yes, that is definitely a good point, in fact, I think that advice is more important that restraining the desire to be the aforementioned gentleman (I keep bringing that up--I just find it funny). The reason my mind went to a "pompous" notion was mostly because of the word "affect." They used that word quite a bit in the 19th century & since I like to read a lot of books from that time period my mind just instantly made the connection with "affectation," which is more of a desire to impress (like using a big word like antidisestablishmentarianism when it doesn't make any sense in context but sounds fancy) than a desire to "digress"...or use many words to say very little... At any rate, I find your interpretation of "breezy" to be more useful.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello Amir! :-)

I love all of the different countries represented here! ^^


I find it really funny that you wrote that because earlier I was thinking that EF is like a scholarly FaceBook XD

Faq, Help / Question about becoming an EF Contributor [13]

Hello, Azeri.

Coolio, thanks! That does clear it up :-)

Poetry / This is the first poem I've ever written - "Sorrow" [7]

Hello, Azeri

I enjoyed reading this poem! As its title conveys, it is clearly morose.


I just have to say, I really liked that!

The poem asks many questions so I got the impression that the speaker is suffering from despair as a result of confusion about his/her role in life or a desire to give in to hopelessness, yet the last stanza makes it seem as if the speaker craves meaning and hope.

I don't know, just my impression ^^

As for the structure of the poem, I would only remark that I would like to see more punctuation. I know it seems to go against the flowy spirit of poety but punctuation can help the reader follow the ideas in the poem. When you are writing it, you probably naturally come to pauses. You can put a comma there. But you should do what you are comfortable with, you are writing for yourself :-) When my 10th grade teacher told me to put punctuation into my poetry, I really didn't want to! Though, I will say, I now appreciate the value of punctuation in poetry and do incorporate it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertising tempts people to buy things irrespective of their real needs;Agree [4]

No problem, Lynn

but also because of the other items displayed in the shops

advertisements should be controlled by authorised organisations so that consumers could not be severely influenced to the urges will be more aware of the facts, and make smarter purchases.

=)

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello

That sounds great! India is definintely something special =)


Unfortunately, I have not. But! I plan to ^^

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertising tempts people to buy things irrespective of their real needs;Agree [4]

Hello, Lynn. Your points and your writing are quite good. Maybe you can try to relate the conclusion more to the entire essay or the topic--you didn't mention consumer rights organizations anywhere else...=)

I would agree that advertising has a great impact on the sales of any product . Consumers seem to be urged to buy cheap, discounted, but unnecessary goods because they are frequently advertised on television or other types of media.

One of the reasons for this prompt responding to advertisement is that advertised products look too appealing for consumers to deny the deals . It is obviously seen that there would be a long queue of ladies, early in the morning, standing in front of a shops if yesterday they received the information that "the early birds will get a fridge at one dollar". They are pulled to come not only to be the winners of that extremely cheap deal, but alsobecause the shoppers of other items displayed in the shops. Do any of them really need another fridge if they already have one at home?


Are the shoppers or the items being displayed in the shops?

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

Well, I read the Kite Runner & I have this book, but I have not gotten around to reading it (I am currently plowing my way through Joyce--I'll take a moment to go off topic here and recommend him to you) so I cannot comment on how accurate that is. However,...


You should never underestimate yourself! You can succeed if you put your mind to it. Literature is not a math problem with only one solution, it is an art that can have many interpretations. If something isn't written in a large, heavy literature book, it can still be a valid interpretation. Have you heard of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well if art is beauty and literature is art, then anyone, including you, can interpret it. Obviously there are limits--namely, an idea should be supported by the text--but my point is that you should not discredit yourself. The more confident you are in your abilities, the smoother shall be the path by which the ideas come to you. As long as you can validly support it with examples from the text, even if it isn't in that scary textbook (in fact, if you do a good job your teacher may appreciate it even more because of its unique perspective), you will be on your way :-)

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello, Ershad!

India seems very cool! I have never been there, but from the bits and pieces of what I know it sounds pretty awesome :)

I wish I remembered Ukraine better.

Thank you, both. Living here for so long I think English has transformed itself into my native tongue...and now Russian is in a weird limbo between being my 1st & 2nd language haha

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

"In the daytime, the girl was no more than a creaking bedspring, a patter of footsteps overhead."

What does that make you feel/think of?

I just flipped to a random page in the book...sometimes referencing a specific quote (or a random one, in any case) helps me get my ideas churning. Did you annotate the novel? Was there a quote or part that had a deep impression on you?

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

That sounds good, did you want to expand that? Then you can try to think about how this novel addresses that question in a unique way

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

Like, "Explain how Moby Dick is an allegory" or "Write an essay about how the colour blue makes you feel"
I'm not quite sure what you want here.

Book Reports / Thousand Spledid Suns - Provoking Essay topic suggestions? [22]

You need to think of a prompt?
You can try something relating to one of themes, symbols, characters, et cetera

After reading the novel, what do you think you gained most from it? Devise a prompt that would make someone describe and explain your insight

Undergraduate / 'plethora of opportunities' - The Ohio State University Essay [4]


Maybe instead of saying "but" you can relate your interests to your goals. Talk about how OSU would allow you to pursue both. Anyway, I liked your essay, it shows that you know the school well :-)


You might want to put a colon there instead of a period, just throwing that out there.


"Cincinnati and even Ohio--that is, until I"?

talented students access in to
community inside of the larger

Writing Feedback / Topic: Are we defined by great challenges or by everyday challenges? [3]

Since the topic is "Are we defined by great challenges or by everyday challenges" it seems like they want you to pick one option and focus on that. Your essay adresses both about evenly, though well. Maybe you can try focusing on one more than the other?

You might want to explain how the leaf saved someone's life.

Overall, you had very good ideas and explained them nicely. I also liked that you had an allusion to literature because it adds greater validity to your point.

=)

Writing Feedback / Watching movie at the cinema or at home? Discuss and state your opinion. [5]

Hello, Nguyen!

"Attendants can have good feelings when they sit in the cinema."
Yes, here you are talking about people (who can be known as attendants) having good feelings. "Attendants" is the logical choice for this sentence. "Attendance" does not make sense because "the number of.." cannot have good feelings, right?

"you must prepare everything like food and seating for yourself"

If you take out "food and" you will have "you must prepare everything like seating for yourself"
or "you must prepare everything like seat for yourself" You cannnot "prepare seat," that is grammatically incorrect phrasing. You can prepare "seats" or "seating," but in this context to prepare "seat" does not make sense unless you write "prepare a seat for yourself." The latter is also a choice you can go with. After all, what I wrote up there were just suggestions, not cold, hard commands =)

"such as fried chicken, apple, or beer, which is probably banned at the cinema"
"is" is singular; "are" is plural. If you use "are" here, you must be talking about more than one thing. In this case, you would be saying that apples are banned at the cinema. I thought that apples were allowed in the cinema so I changed the verb to "is" so that it would refer only to beer. I suppose that is just my bias; I have always felt that I could eat apples in a movie theatre. So again, that was just a suggestion, I do not know the laws of the theatres so well! I am glad you brought up this point, as it will help make your essay clearer.

I hope that helped :)

Writing Feedback / Watching movie at the cinema or at home? Discuss and state your opinion. [5]

Nowadays, mass media has brought a wide range of choices for people to enjoy, such as classic movies or films , which are phenomenaof cinema industry. Some people argue that watching movies at the cinema is the best choice in order to enjoy all types of movies, while many other contend that home is an extremely option as well.

An extremely _______ option. Fill that in.

Cinema has conducted people into film with wide screen, excellent sound and exciting atmosphere. Attendants can have a good feeling when they sit in the cinema. They are also served by cinema staffs that are pleased to help every time. However, they have to spend money to receive all kinds of services. In addition, they are required to travel from their home to the cinema.

Another choice for enjoying a movie is to do so at home. In comparison with cinema, wide screen and fantastic sound system do not existed in your house and you must prepare everything like food and seating for yourself. On the other hand, there are some advantages when you watch a film at home. You will save a great deal of money and time because you do not have to buy a ticket or extra service and you can still enjoy the movie without having to travel . Secondly, you can choose food depending on your favorites, such as fried chicken, apple, or beer, which is probably banned at the cinema. Pajamas are also acceptable if you watch a film at home. Moreover, you can chang e the film if it makes you bored or even if it is not enough interesting to you. These benefits bring a comfortable feeling to you.

To conclude , from my standpoint , I prefer watching a movie at home is better than doing so at the cinema because you can eat what you like, do what you want, and wear what you feel comfortable wearing.