Yayz
Jul 21, 2010
Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]
"Influence" Common Application essay. Schools I will be appplying to include Johns Hopkins, UPenn, UVA, Northwestern, U of Miami. Hello, I would really like to get some feedback on this essay. The only requirement was a minimum of 350 words. This is 518 words.
"Bow down to the ground. If I see the whites of your eyes, you will receive an 'F' for your participation grade," proclaimed Ms. Mary Lee, ninth grade World History teacher, as she swept across the large classroom, carrying away her own piercing brown eyes. To add depth to her students' understanding of the Middle Ages, Ms. Lee devised an interactive activity that would bring the social stratification of this period into the modern High School. Each student applied for and received a role ranging from peasant to Pope and was obliged to interact with others according to the demands of their status. For instance, a knight must carry the books belonging to the queen. At the pinnacle of the social hierarchy was God-played by Ms. Lee. The rather peculiar assertion of her authority as God clearly presented the vast importance religion possessed during the Middle Ages: God held supreme and ultimate authority.
Ms. Lee's use of unconventional demonstrations highlights her overall brilliance as an educator and as a beacon of light guiding my quest for knowledge. Textbooks and other traditional educational tools have always been available, but having teacher with a remarkable ability to demonstrate information in a unique, memorable way is a precious gift. I shall never forget the Middle Ages activity from this World History class. Likewise, I shall never forget the importance of religion and the idea of God during this time period, as well as its great influence on the lives of everyone; after all, for some people complying with the dictates of contemporary religion could be the difference between life and death-or a good grade in class.
Moreover, Ms. Lee's general teaching style had as significant of an impact on me as her specific methods. Her approach to teaching was to show her students the path to knowledge, thereby allowing students to reach comprehension on their own. This teaching fashion developed my own way of thinking: independently. Nonetheless, the greatest change to my thought occurred when I discovered the nature of Ms. Lee's approach on my own and understood her favorite phrase, "There is a method to my madness": a paragraph in the World History textbook introduced me to Socrates and immediately my curiosity was sparked. Noticing that this explanation was similar to Ms. Lee's manner of instruction, I endeavored to ask her if she was indeed attempting to emulate the famous thinker. This was precisely what she sought to do, Ms. Lee gleefully informed me. Her warm reaction encouraged me to approach her with my burgeoning philosophical inquiries. Thus, frequently, after the class was dismissed for the lunch break, I would stay behind for a few moments to converse on a point made in the lecture. This would soon transform into a satisfying existential debate or argument; nevertheless, I would leave the room with an ever greater abundance of questions beating upon my mind, piquing my devotion to philosophy-the art of questioning. I sought to find the answers by, like Levin from Anna Karenina, vehemently delving into the works of esteemed philosophers and referencing Ms. Lee for guidance on my search. Ms. Lee not only taught me the importance of passion in learning, but also the value of assisting others-a lesson I continue to prize and attempt to follow.
Ms. Lee provided an example of a successful maturity of philosophical thought, psychological understanding, and personal contentment. Hoping to stumble along my own path to this state, I found my sleep to be often delayed for hours as I pondered subjects such as happiness and existence. Though nearly weak and weary from the weight of my insatiable curiosity, I found the greatest joy and source of energy in my burning pursuit of essential meaning. Therefore, Ms. Lee enlightened me by revealing an amazing source of happiness: philosophy. My development of a deep appreciation for this avid process of examination was, in fact, an aspiration to become Walt Whitman's "noiseless patient spider," a blissful creature that has formed a bridge to something concrete: a soul that has found meaning and understanding.
In addition, Ms. Lee vividly expressed the matter of psychology in class lectures and our private discussions, intensifying my fascination with the subject; again, I turned to the classic figures in the field. My search began by reading through primary works such as "The Ego and the Id" and "Beyond Freedom & Dignity" by Freud and Skinner, respectively, as well as modern psychological perspectives that combine various theories. While Ms. Lee's in-class demonstrations-for instance, her mild versions of Ivan Pavlov's canine experiments-continued to enhance my understanding of psychology, her personal relationship with the subject inspired me with a desire to acquire the same tranquil mastery.
Though Ms. Lee did not see "the whites of [my] eyes," she did affect the depths of my soul.
For the last two sentences in the second paragraph here I was having some difficulties deciding on a structure because they are related but combining them into one sentence seems to be too much. Any thoughts?
"Influence" Common Application essay. Schools I will be appplying to include Johns Hopkins, UPenn, UVA, Northwestern, U of Miami. Hello, I would really like to get some feedback on this essay. The only requirement was a minimum of 350 words. This is 518 words.
"Bow down to the ground. If I see the whites of your eyes, you will receive an 'F' for your participation grade," proclaimed Ms. Mary Lee, ninth grade World History teacher, as she swept across the large classroom, carrying away her own piercing brown eyes. To add depth to her students' understanding of the Middle Ages, Ms. Lee devised an interactive activity that would bring the social stratification of this period into the modern High School. Each student applied for and received a role ranging from peasant to Pope and was obliged to interact with others according to the demands of their status. For instance, a knight must carry the books belonging to the queen. At the pinnacle of the social hierarchy was God-played by Ms. Lee. The rather peculiar assertion of her authority as God clearly presented the vast importance religion possessed during the Middle Ages: God held supreme and ultimate authority.
Ms. Lee's use of unconventional demonstrations highlights her overall brilliance as an educator and as a beacon of light guiding my quest for knowledge. Textbooks and other traditional educational tools have always been available, but having teacher with a remarkable ability to demonstrate information in a unique, memorable way is a precious gift. I shall never forget the Middle Ages activity from this World History class. Likewise, I shall never forget the importance of religion and the idea of God during this time period, as well as its great influence on the lives of everyone; after all, for some people complying with the dictates of contemporary religion could be the difference between life and death-or a good grade in class.
Moreover, Ms. Lee's general teaching style had as significant of an impact on me as her specific methods. Her approach to teaching was to show her students the path to knowledge, thereby allowing students to reach comprehension on their own. This teaching fashion developed my own way of thinking: independently. Nonetheless, the greatest change to my thought occurred when I discovered the nature of Ms. Lee's approach on my own and understood her favorite phrase, "There is a method to my madness": a paragraph in the World History textbook introduced me to Socrates and immediately my curiosity was sparked. Noticing that this explanation was similar to Ms. Lee's manner of instruction, I endeavored to ask her if she was indeed attempting to emulate the famous thinker. This was precisely what she sought to do, Ms. Lee gleefully informed me. Her warm reaction encouraged me to approach her with my burgeoning philosophical inquiries. Thus, frequently, after the class was dismissed for the lunch break, I would stay behind for a few moments to converse on a point made in the lecture. This would soon transform into a satisfying existential debate or argument; nevertheless, I would leave the room with an ever greater abundance of questions beating upon my mind, piquing my devotion to philosophy-the art of questioning. I sought to find the answers by, like Levin from Anna Karenina, vehemently delving into the works of esteemed philosophers and referencing Ms. Lee for guidance on my search. Ms. Lee not only taught me the importance of passion in learning, but also the value of assisting others-a lesson I continue to prize and attempt to follow.
Ms. Lee provided an example of a successful maturity of philosophical thought, psychological understanding, and personal contentment. Hoping to stumble along my own path to this state, I found my sleep to be often delayed for hours as I pondered subjects such as happiness and existence. Though nearly weak and weary from the weight of my insatiable curiosity, I found the greatest joy and source of energy in my burning pursuit of essential meaning. Therefore, Ms. Lee enlightened me by revealing an amazing source of happiness: philosophy. My development of a deep appreciation for this avid process of examination was, in fact, an aspiration to become Walt Whitman's "noiseless patient spider," a blissful creature that has formed a bridge to something concrete: a soul that has found meaning and understanding.
In addition, Ms. Lee vividly expressed the matter of psychology in class lectures and our private discussions, intensifying my fascination with the subject; again, I turned to the classic figures in the field. My search began by reading through primary works such as "The Ego and the Id" and "Beyond Freedom & Dignity" by Freud and Skinner, respectively, as well as modern psychological perspectives that combine various theories. While Ms. Lee's in-class demonstrations-for instance, her mild versions of Ivan Pavlov's canine experiments-continued to enhance my understanding of psychology, her personal relationship with the subject inspired me with a desire to acquire the same tranquil mastery.
Though Ms. Lee did not see "the whites of [my] eyes," she did affect the depths of my soul.
For the last two sentences in the second paragraph here I was having some difficulties deciding on a structure because they are related but combining them into one sentence seems to be too much. Any thoughts?
