Undergraduate / "I try to be a real person" - What you would to tell to your roomate about yourself? [2]

This one I just jammed out, not really sure what they are really looking for on this question so I just started writing! Please give me some feedback on this, its pretty short, but I only have 120 character spaces left to use.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

I am a real person. At least I try to be. That's what I want you to know. I just try to live every day without illusions. The way I see it, people tend to get caught up in their imaginations. We live entirely within a set of boundaries, laws and rules that are imaginary. Our roads, currency, and even our languages are simply constructs with imaginary rules and regulations attached. Of course, the fact that our entire human lives are dictated by those imaginations of our collective cultures' minds necessitates an ability to live within those boundaries. To utilize your powers of self-illusion to carry out the functions of life such as getting food, and finding shelter, is by all means a great thing, and a great skill. It is this ability that we humans have developed that allows us to live on what is an arguably higher plane of existence. We are so good at constructing illusions around ourselves, as evidenced by our massive, technologically driven societies with their somewhat functioning economies, that we rarely glimpse the realities behind that grand collaboration. The simple act of taking a few minutes every day to contemplate the nature of that reality is just as much prayer or meditation to me. I find it can change your perspective on many issues. If you merely glimpse the underlying nature of life for a few moments, the troubles that worry you can be let to slip away. To live with total joy is basically my goal, although it is never totally attainable. That is all I can really strive for. Hopefully that gives you a glimpse into the underlying animus of my actions and thoughts. Also, if you can't laugh at my jokes then I don't think we can be roommates.

Undergraduate / Additional info essay - Tourette's Syndrome [4]

"If you wish, you may use this space to tell us anything else you want us to know about you that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application."

I have not yet had the opportunity in my application to discuss a very important thing in my life that has actually had a great impact on who I am today, and I will take that chance here. By the time I was I was six years old I had become well acquainted with shootouts in movies. I always saw the hero go down with a bullet to the chest, yet I always knew he would will himself up to the final challenge despite his fatal wound. I held the belief that if I was ever to face the bad guys in my own future shootout, I too would hold death at bay by willpower alone. Well, my shootout did come. The following year I was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome. It started when I began to repeat simple phrases, and displayed small motor tics like eye blinking. While Tourette's varies in severity between sufferers, I had it bad. I would screech, twist and hop my way around my home and my school. My friends didn't seem to mind, and at the time neither did I, I was just another happy kid. However, as the years progressed my parents had a hard time; both being doctors they felt helpless not being able to help their own son. The tics interfered with my homework and at times made writing and even speaking impossible. Drawn to the edge, my parents tried medication, a central nervous system depressant to control the tics. While it seemed to help, my teachers begged my parents for the old Marley back, they liked the quick-witted little boy (albeit disruptive) much better than the somber and quiet one.

I began to see the pain that this disease caused, and it began to pain me. I grew angry and my tics grew worse, it hurt me not only mentally but physically, sore from all the twisting and hoarse from all the yelling. I became resolute, I would fight my demon, I would not submit anymore. I would start to control the tics, to control myself. This battle turned out to be harder even than those hero's that raise themselves from death. The tic is a terrible thing, it is voluntary, yet voluntary in the way marching with a gun at your back is voluntary. The more you fight it, the stronger the urge is, and the greater the release must be in the end. I began to fight the tics every day, every minute. I would usually lose, but at times I would succeed and suppress the urges that racked my body. Over the next few years, into high school, I gained more and more control through determined action and willpower.

I have tics today, but they no longer interfere with my life, I can control them when I need to, and let them out when I can. While this disease has been difficult, it has taught me much. It has changed me for the better; I have gained perspective and understanding of the base humanity that we all possess. I have been guided to learn the structures of the brain and the pathways of the mind. At age six I learned that while the hardest battle I would fight is the battle I fight alone, I would never surrender.

You guys detect any errors? I would love some criticism (I actually don't but give it to me anyways) :)

Also there is a 550 word limit, and this is 550 words.

Undergraduate / I seek truth. My drive to find the right question and learn the true answer defines who I am. [10]

So here's the pitch:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

And here's the swing:

I seek truth. My drive to find the right question and learn the true answer defines who I am. Beginning at the earliest age of complex cognitive development, around age eight, I began to wonder about the truth. Within a year I had conceived of god, learned the basis of religion in society, and then rejected it outright for various logical flaws that I had found. I well remember that first moment of enlightenment.

...

after edits:

I seek carnal truth. I look to find the explanation for those things that are quantifiable, and to reserve judgment on those that are not. My drive to find the right question and learn the true answer defines who I am. Beginning in an early year, around age eight, I began to wonder about the truth and for the first time in my life I was considering concepts outside of my immediate surroundings. Within a year I had conceived of god, learned the basis of religion in society, and then rejected it outright for various logical flaws that I had found. I well remember that first moment of enlightenment.

As I was only nine years old, I had never heard arguments for or against theism, I had merely attended temple with my family on a semiannual basis although we were not particularly religious. Thus the conceptions I began to draw in my mind on the nature of religion and god took form slowly and without external interference or bias, until one day, the pieces clicked. I had not begun my venture with the thought that god may or may not be real; I had simply pondered the idea of god in general. As it was, I came to the conclusion that god was an unnecessary prescription to the function of the world. I had considered the properties of physics, biology, and my own short experience to render this conclusion. Upon the instant of realization (or revelation), I felt exalted; I was filled with a resounding energy and a radiant happiness. This feeling, once faded, left me quickly seeking out new paradigms to discover. The unadulterated joy that discovery brings me truly holds precedence in my life.

From that first step into the world of man, I was forever joined to a higher cause, the cause of truth. Now, after a chain of discoveries and insights, each more poignant than the last, I arrive at the present moment. My drive has not changed, my purpose remains firm, and now I seek to expand my knowledge further. I seek to expand my horizons and fulfill my desire to comprehend all the facets of reality.

Undergraduate / "to bring my ideals to fruition" -Academic and extracurricular pursuits - UPenn [3]

Hey this is my supplement essay for UPenn, I am applying to the dual major cognitive and computer science degree. Please help me out and let me know where I mucked up? Thanks!

Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

Many people throughout my life had told me to set goals. I had never really been the goal setting type before; I had simply tried to live life as it came to me. However, three years ago I decided to set myself a goal, and to set myself a goal worthy of a lifetime of pursuit. I do not recall the exact date that the idea first gripped my mind, but I do recall the day: browsing through the masses of information on the internet, reading an article, I said to myself, "It's about time to put an end to death".

The goal that I set myself three years ago has now come to monopolize my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. I know that the defeat of death itself exists just beyond the current frontier of human accomplishment. The accumulation of eons of knowledge that we have painstaking preserved in our global cultures, texts, and traditions, stretching back to the harnessing of fire from nature, has paved the path to this goal. Being alive now, at the edge of this long awaited justification, and in a position of great opportunity, I am compelled to fulfill the human destiny.

My pursuit of knowledge is vital to the path that I seek to follow. Knowledge is the basis for my dedication. Knowledge is what I seek even as I write this. Knowledge is what you offer. The University of Pennsylvania is the obvious choice for me at this particular junction for many reasons. At a recent college admissions seminar, a speaker from Penn happened to mention the dual major computer and cognitive neurosciences program offered there. That could have been all she had said and I would have been hooked, but it was not, and I was further inspired by the beautiful campus and the rich research capabilities she discussed. It was amazing to hear that a University had taken the initiative to create such an innovative program, such a program that I had been unsuccessful in finding anywhere else. I have described these two fields in the past as the real routes not only to the technological fountain of youth, but ultimately to the enlightenment of our species.

If accepted at Penn, I would pursue the dual major in cognitive and computer sciences, however, I view a diversity of strengths as important to the mental character and I would also be enrolled when possible in classes outside of my intended major. I do have a secret love for the arts and will likely participate in some sort of creative media club or organization. I enjoy staying active in my community and my school and I plan to continue an active lifestyle of learning, working, and living at Penn.

In the seeking of my goals, I have sought Penn as the place to bring my ideals to fruition. I hope that I fulfill all of your expectations and I do hope that in doing so I fulfill the expectations of mankind. Collaborate, create, and discover the future of our world. Thank you.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt - How my world has shaped my dreams and aspirations - "hologram" [5]

Hey there! Just signed up to EF to hopefully get some feedback on this little essay I just wrote, thanks!

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

THE HOLOGRAM

Last night I dreamt of a hologram -- a hologram emanating from between the frequencies of reality, and possessing such blinding intricacies as to link my mind with its own complexity in a seamless connection, impossible to perceive from any other vantage point but from within. By defining this dream, I divine myself. At the core of my personal definition lies my view of the world as an endless puzzle to be solved with elegance and respect befitting the challenge. My pursuit is to better understand and further discover the world around us and the world within ourselves.

Raised in an open-minded household, my parents always encouraged seeking answers and finding truth. As a child and teenager, freedom was an integral part of life. As a young child I had free range of my house, and as I grew older, my neighborhood. The gaining years found me roaming across the states and traveling on my own. This freedom to explore and learn has allowed me to appreciate the grand and astonishing accomplishments of the human race and the natural world, and has inspired me to the same degree with a fascination for the myriad of minutia that populates every present moment. I find that the beauty of the coherence between these disparate elements surpasses even that of Mozart or Picasso in scope and awe. Finding and understanding the laws that govern these processes has driven me to pursue a path of logic and science.

With such an unbounded lifestyle, surely my parents must have exerted some control, as no child inherently knows societal rights and wrongs. It is true, my parents were watchful, present, and caring, but they would only punish me for one thing: stupidity. Stupidity defined any action or remark that was not considered, either for its implications, its consequences, or selfish intents. I quickly learned an appreciation for forethought in my ideas and selflessness in my actions. Out of this framework, I developed the ideas and concepts that I would later use to perceive myself, the world, and every human interaction. I have come to understand that an egocentric view of the world causes pain not only to those who uphold it, but also to those around them. I have come to see the richness of interwoven thoughts, feelings, memories, and emotions of every moment in my life that I experience as the same consciousness present in every other person. If we live with the knowledge that we all experience life in this amazingly complex and fundamentally beautiful way, there is no longer any room for selfishness, pain, or anger. My drive is to bring understanding to others, through study, research, and technological innovation in the fields that I see as paramount: applied computer science and neuroscience.

Further, being raised in a family of doctors (both of my grandfathers, my uncle, my mother, and my father to count a few) has given me a physical symbol of this ideology of selfless beauty in the minutia. The act of amassing an encyclopedic knowledge of the human mind and body is only the first step toward becoming a doctor. Not only does one have to understand the interconnections of the most complex chemistry puzzle ever discovered, but also one must apply this knowledge to save the lives of other human beings. This symbol of grand knowledge for the purpose of saving life has been ever-present in my family. This is a powerful source of the ideals that guide me.

To learn the truth, to discover the universe, and to appreciate beauty are my goals. This is not all, however, for one may be content to sit back and bask in one's knowledge and perception with no thought of others. I have a fundamentally unshakable drive instilled within me from my life experiences to apply this knowledge to selfless acts and to share this beauty with the world.