Writing Feedback / a society's ideas and values revealed by observation of its people---GRE [4]

I need your advice and suggestion. Thank you for your time. :)

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TOPIC: ISSUE208 -
"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

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People's perspectives will influence their appearance while their opinions usually decide their behavior. In a not dissimilar way, a society's ideas and values often affect its people's outlook and actions. Thus I agree with most parts of the saying. However, when it comes to some occasions, the assertion may not work well.

We discuss this assertion with ruling out the special situation such as a more conservative culture in which people do not show their real attitudes or a country suffers from poverty in which people's clothing are the same because short of resources and material. Individual's appearance and behavior can reflect his/her attitude and interests under normal circumstances. Clothing, as an example, is of enormous kinds and could help us retrieve some information about individuals. Nevertheless, the number of people who wear business suits is great and they all look the same. Thereby, we should combine the behavior together to gain the effective reflection. The fact that a person who wears a sport outfit runs in the street everyday morning could be an indicator of healthy awareness, positive attitude. The reflection from a man in business suit and always walks in hasty speed might be attitude of punctuality and efficiency concerned. This information is perhaps not accurate, but is capable of revealing some basic points of people's characteristics.

However, when it comes to a society which composes by groups of people. Merely observing the outlook and the actions of single person is far from enough and sometimes is misleading. Since every individual has his/her own attitudes and values differ from others', it is hard to generate any essential points of the society. Thus, only the majority's common behavior and appearance could be treated as a signal of the society's ideas or values. For instance, when one first comes to Japan, he/she will be surprised by the polite way people behave such as bowing to others for appreciation. Therefore, the main value of Japan is highly concerned about polite. Another example is the United States, most people dress up themselves whatever they like, no matter how exaggerate that might be. And people talk about everything they want to. All these signals suggest an atmosphere of freedom which is an essential value of the American society.

Moreover, when it comes to some more hidden, deep-rooted values and ideas, the observation is impossible to function well. On the other hand, there are many other factors which should be taken into consideration when one try to study these moral standers or perspectives of a society such as history, literature, art, education and mass media. A solid argument is that nobody would has any ideas about another major value of Japanese--militarism without referring to their history and education. And people will be shocked when they know that American used to be a country with a dark and cruel slave system when they ignoring to observe its history and literature. Thereby, they are unable to reveal the value of rights awareness.

Summing up, individual's attitudes and interests to some extent could be revealed by their appearance and behavior. Even if the majority's actions and outlook could help retrieve the values and ideas of a society, other factors should not be overlooked.

Writing Feedback / Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. ---GRE [2]

Hi, I will be in GRE AW test soon and need some feedbacks and advices.
Thanks for your time :)

"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
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Rituals and ceremonies are indispensable parts of a culture due to they are capable of providing a kind of identity and recognition. Without them, a culture will greatly weakened and people's identity will be diminished. However, apart from rituals and ceremonies, other important elements also help form the identity.

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies both sever for the purpose of uniting people, strengthen their belief and passing historical information. Most of rituals and ceremonies are set for historical events, or memorizing some figures, or expressing symbolic values, or severing religious goal. So when people participate into these rituals and ceremonies, they are capable of getting familiar with their own history, famous figures, myths and legends and acquiring a sense of belonging while experiencing the shared spirits and values. For instance, Chinese spring festival hold the chief spirit of prospecting for a New Year and people get together with their families eating dumplings, sending lucky money and watching lion dance and dragon dance. All these events can reinforce participations' relationship with others and the society as a whole. Another example is Chinese dragon boat festival which is memorizing a great poet in ancient time. By eating a special food named ZongZi, Chinese people remind themselves the emotional and elegant Chinese poetries and the long history. That would help Chinese understand who they are.

Consequently, without rituals and ceremonies, people would lose a perfect opportunity of knowing their own culture or religion and conveying their belief and values. For instance, the Tibetan pilgrimage in which a village of people walk and prostrate to the Holy Mountain or temple. To complete the ritual, one must walk and prostrate for several miles or even more. Thus, the ritual not only express pilgrims' belief but also steel their spirit and body. Without it, pilgrims would find themselves weakened both physically and mentally which would damage their identity.

In addition, apart from rituals and ceremonies, history, art, literature and language can also help define a culture and form the identity. Even if rituals and ceremonies are important, they are not the only option. Internet, television, library and even conversations with others could help one understand more about themselves.

To sum up, rituals and ceremonies are important roles in a culture or a religious. But a culture or a religious is defined by variety of elements, all of them are fundamental and indispensable. This is nowhere more true than on the saying: every road leads to Rome.

Writing Feedback / The simplify of food preparation---toefl essay [3]

I want you read through my essay and tell me what you think about it. Thank you for your time.

Topic:

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

The simplify of food preparation has a great impact on people's daily life. However, it still causes some problems.

Imagining people who lived past hunting elephants or running after antelopes for meat. They spent their whole day looking for food. Nowadays , we don't do that any more. We can grab some bites from Mcdonald's or go to restaurants .By this way , we save a lot of time and energy so that we can spare them on something else which we are more interested. One great effect result from this is more professionals. Because people dedicate more time in the fields of their interests , they soon become professional with it and that's partly why we have a variety of jobs. From more and more professional jobs, our technology and civilization are booming .

Moreover, the change of food preparation also gives people more space to put their creativity into making delicious food. Not only more materials appear in supermarkets , but also more different ways of cooking are invented. People begin to enjoy those tasty food come from different culture and countries which makes them live effectively and happily. By a survey , ninety percent of people think eating nice food give them pleasure and help them work efficiently.

However, as making food becoming easier . More and more food are available especially fast food like coke and hamburgers. The fat and sugar people get every day from food increased dramatically which resulted in many healthy problems. Over-weight people are more common. One can easily recall several over-weight people around his/her neighborhood. And many more diseases caused by unhealthy eating habits appeared.

In the end, easier food preparation indeed bring some advantages to human life .But on the other side ,it also brings some problems .Weather it improve or descend people's life quality should take their eating habits and awareness of keeping fit into consideration.

Writing Feedback / Parents are the best teachers?--Toefl essay [4]

Thanks for your constructive advice.

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

I am not fully agree with that parents are the best teachers.

Admittedly , parents have a great influence on their children. Form an infant to a child , people spend most time with their parents sitting together watching TV, talking about funny things happened around the neighborhood ,driving out for a picnic, etc. In a child's view, parents are absolutely right and very powerful. Consequently , children tend to imitate their parents behavior in daily life.

That's how the first and may be the most important education starts. It is parents who teach their children learn the rules of the society and the relationship between human beings. Remember you father told you to respect the old and to be truthful to your friends? According to a research, ninety percent of people reported knowing the principle of being a human and the basic of the world from their parents.

However, influence could be good and bad. Some parents really set bad examples for their children. There is a high rate of divorce in many countries and divorce can really mislead children's understanding to people's relationship. Form a survey , eighty percent of teenagers come from divorce families tend to behave more aggressively and unfriendly than those who come from normal families. What's worse, some parents smoke heavily , drink regularly or even behave violently in front of their children are not only bad for their physical health but also make damage to their metal health.

To sum up, I think parents can either have a positive or a negative influence on their children. So it won't be rational say all parents are good teachers even if most of them are doing a good job. It still depends on their morality and personality.

Writing Feedback / Friends, knowledge, purpose: people attend college for many different reasons [5]

I need some constructive advices on my essay. Thank you a lot :)

Topic:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:

Some people say attending college is an indispensable way to find a job. Actually, I think most of people going to college are not just for a future job.

First of all, I think everyone who attends a college will make some good friends. In fact, some people claim the best friends of their entire life are met in the college. Friends in college have more opportunities to spend time together finishing their paper in the library, doing sports, having classes, etc. Consequently, they will get a deep understanding with each other and last a long-term relationship. My dad's several close friends are all met in college.

Secondly, I think some people attend college because their curiosity for knowledge or the keen to know the truth about this world. During the studying life in college, people can learn a lot not only about those courses , but also the spirit of science , the great of humanity and the basic of this world .Colleges are the center of scholar and research , there are numerous scientists, writers, physicians, historians benefit form college's studying.

Thirdly, we are always trying to find ourselves a life-long purpose but have no idea what we really want or who we really want to be. In college , those books, lectures and courses can give us an answer. It is not just about jobs ,but people's dream. It may encourage you to become a writer after a plenty of reading or you dream of becoming a philosopher after get familiar with Aristoteles. You may find yourself interested in chemical change or principle of universe. It is never as simple as finding a job. In college, you learn what you are really into and that will enlighten your future and life .One who knows nothing about himself will never walk out of the confusion or begin to chase his own dream.

Writing Feedback / What do you want most in a friend -toefl feedback [3]

Hello! As an international student I need some feedback on my essay.Thank you a lot.

The topic:
What do you want most in a friend - someone who is intelligent, or someone who has a sense of humor, or someone who is reliable? Which one of these characteristics is most important to you? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.

Here is my essay:

I think a sense of humor is the most important feature of a friend. Through our life we are less likely to smile than to put up a deadpan everyday.It is hard to feel happy since life has so much hardship and miseries.Friends who have a sense of humous are easy to get on well with.So it won't be hard to build a close and cheeful friendship with them.Humorous person also helps form a realax environment.Enmagine after a day's hard work, hanging out with a friend and hearing those laughing stories,your tense nerve would soon realse and life will appear brighter and more gorgeous.

As the world is changing ,the pace of everyone's life has speed up like a rokect.Life is tough.We feel lost in these "concrete forests" and tired of those burdens.But Humorous person can bring good mood to us which will alleviate our burdon ,release our presure and fortify our hope with life and future.For example , we all like watch comics .When we are laughing about those funny jokes ,exaggetated ficial lookings.We forget the unfinished papper,the coming exames ,the unprepared presentations,etc.We are just immerse in the happy mood that all of our tense ,presure are gone.

It is always important but forgotten by most of people to keep a smile on the face.We need a positive attitude toward our life since it only gose once.Instead of being sad and boring everyday ,why not make a joke on the world and make youself feel better? Having a sense of humour can lead to good attitude ,effective working and success.So I think a humourous friend is the best friend I would ever want.