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Posts by iamesthere
Joined: Dec 19, 2010
Last Post: Jan 1, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 15  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 19
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iamesthere   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Carleton College- Short Answers to teacher/career/book questions [2]

They all have word limits.
Thanks for you help in advance!
1) Name a teacher had influenced you and describe why.
Ms. Sapozhnikov has allowed me to grow by encouraging me to never stop writing. She has inspired me to start a blog and write in it every single day. Now I write about anything and

everything.
2) What subjects most interest you & why?
I am most interested in subjects involving a hands on activity or project. I believe that I learn best when I am an active participant and am involved. I have found forensic science to be a very interesting subject, because not only do I learn of different techniques, but I also become the forensic scientist who analyzes fingerprints and compares if it can be matched to other fingerprints.

3) Do you have a tentative career plan? Please describe it.
My tentative career plan is to become an elementary school teacher. Since I have always loved teaching and being around children as a Guitar Instructor and a Camp Counselor, I hope to graduate college with a teaching license. However, if in college I discover a passion in a different field, I will be flexible in following after any undiscovered passions.

4) Why are you interested in Carleton & how did this interest develop?
There is something so unique and quite unlike any other small college, like Carleton. Carleton seems to attract students who each carry a free-spirited perspective on life. My interest developed as I read through many honest student reviews online.

5) From reading, children's or classic books, what particular books & authors have particularly impressed you and why?
Since I was in second grade, I have always loved reading the Junie B. Jones series by Barbara Park. The series were always so entertaining and enjoying to read, because of the witty sense of humor Junie B. Jones had. I was also able to relate to Junie B. Jones, since I love to explore and try new things just as she usually does in every one of her adventures.
iamesthere   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "chronological order your activities" - Smith, Bryn Mawr, and Middlebury [5]

Wow. I honestly that was an amazing essay. It had a lot of emotion and feeling and I could sense the sort of difficulty that you went through while working many hours in your two jobs and then becoming unemployed, but finding hope while volunteering at a Bookstore. Great essay! I hope that you get into these liberal arts college, you deserve it.

One quick thing: this sentence- Such a longing was indispensible of the mature onus I made an

oath unto myself following the depletion of my academic's savings account: never abandon virtue,

which is an impetus to success. Maybe you should phrase it more literal, I didn't really understand what you meant by it.

Overall, great job!

Would you mind reading my intellectual adventure essay? :)
iamesthere   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Common application - "my passion for economics" (topic 6) [5]

Overall I think it was a great start! I could tell from reading it that you have a deep passion for economics and it showed. I just think you need to fix some grammatical errors, here are some:

Corrections:
1)I was fascinated by the world of business and economics for a long time now...
You could state: I have always been fasinated by ... since I was a child, and to this day I still am because ...
2) Being a little boy, I first felt interested in the topic and was doing much to expend my knowledge of it ever since.
Use did much, instead of doing much, and expand is spelled incorrectly
3) At age of seven. Just use "At seven" or "By seven"
4) Maybe "select" doesn't fully expresses the meaning here. Use express (singular)
5) I believe I need the university to continue the studies of my beloved subjects.
Use: I believe with a college education I will be able to continue...
Great job!
Would you mind reading my colorado college essay? :)
iamesthere   
Dec 28, 2010
Scholarship / "my favorite subjects are English and History" - Gates Millennium [6]

I think this is a good start. But you should add more detail about how your love of english and history grow from being taught by your teachers and not just from mere text book readings. Great job though! Would you mind reading my colorado college essay? :)
iamesthere   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / obtaining a higher degree - "Why do you want to transfer" smith & others [15]

I thought this was very well-written and you gave a lot of detail about uhow a liberal arts education will benefit you. I liked who you went indepth with how you want to major in french and such. Great job! Mind reading my colorado college one? :)
iamesthere   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "intellectual adventure" - COLORADO- Latin Essay [2]

PROMPT: The Block Plan at Colorado College has a tradition of innovation and flexibility. Please design your own three-and-a-half week intellectual adventure and describe what you would do.

any feedback/corrections in error will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

Not many people know about the significance of the Latin language and the Roman culture. All of the Romance languages, as well as the English language, contain numerous words derived from the Latin language. Surprisingly, many Spanish and French words derive from Latin words. The Latin language was specifically used by descendants of Rome. The people of Rome had a distinctive lifestyle and culture. The Romans wore distinct clothing, ate unique foods, and celebrated occasional holidays. Even some of our modern day practices were originated from the Roman culture, such as Saturnalia, which in the modern day would be referred as Christmas. Students will be Romans by dressing, eating, and celebrating the different customs of the ancient Romans. Students will be immersed into the Latin language, by not only learning the basic principles of Latin, but will also read works written in Latin by ancient Greek and Roman writers, such as Vergil, Catullus, and Ovid.

In the first week, Students will learn the basic principles of the Latin language, by learning Latin words, basic verb tenses and different usages of cases. Students will also learn how to translate and read basic Latin readings and short stories. During the first week, Students will be immersed into the Roman culture by dressing like the Romans. They will learn how to wear Roman clothing, such as togas and will wear them when the class is held. They will also make Roman accessories for ladies, such as the vitta, which was a woolen fillet woven into the hair to make a bun. Throughout the Block program, not only will they be taught about the Roman culture, but they will be involved in learning how to act, cook, and dress like the Romans. They will also learn how to make simple Roman dishes such as, gustatio, a hors d'oeuvre, specifically an egg dish, and will be able to eat their workings. Each week they will learn how to make a new dish. The first week, being a traditional hors d'oeurve, the second being the main course, known as the cena, and the final week they will make the dessert, known as the secundae mensae.

In the second week, Students will learn more advanced Latin words and vocabulary. They will now be able to read texts by Roman and Greek writers, such as workings from Vergil, Catullus, and Ovid. They will be able to read a portion of Book I of the Aeneid by Vergil, poems by Catullus, and poems from Amores by Ovid. They will translate and read texts by the authors, and also will analyze and hold a class discussion about why the authors choose to write about specific the characters went through specific challenges in the literature. For example, they may discuss why Vergil chooses to write the Aeneid and how Vergil characterizes Aeneas using different figure of speeches throughout Book I of the Aeneid.

During the last week and a half, students will celebrate their last journey of becoming an official Roman citizen, by celebrating Roman holidays that was annually celebrated by the ancient Romans. One holiday they will celebrate is Saturnalia, which was a day to honor the Gods. Saturnalia is characterized as the most popular Roman holidays, marked by role reversal and gift giving. They will celebrate Saturnalia by giving each other presents, such as candles. A role reversal will occur in the classroom, in which the students will teach the teacher more about the Roman culture, such as Roman weddings. During these celebrations, they will learn how to play games played by the Roman children and adults, such as nuces, which was a game played with nuts. To conclude the Block, students will read a portion of the play Bacchides, by Plautus. Students will be assigned characters from the play and will dress, use accents, hand gestures, and postures of the character. They will prepare and research about the characters in the play. At the end of the Block program, students will hold a play on the Pike Peak Mountains and it will be held for all of the students and faculty members of CC to attend.
iamesthere   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / How moving to another country changed me - Common app topic 6 [3]

It was a good essay, but I think you can make it excellant. The thing is that you get a bit of who you are in this essay, but I you can of don't focus on one specific thing, which I think you should. Tell how being president made you better leader/character and describe more in detail how moving impacted and changed you in a positive way. The similie between your life and the rose colored glass was good!
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "the names of American universities being uttered; global" - Why Northwestern? [3]

I liked your essay! it was well written and your ending was cute. I thought you explained clearly why you wish to attend based upon three reasons. good job!

And:
Some corrections:
1) There are a vast number of reasons that justify my application to Northwestern although I can accredit my desire to attend Northwestern based on three main factors.

You should write: "reasons why I choose to apply to Northwestern" instead, it sounds more clear
2)As I have been used to all through my life
As I have been used to all throuhgout my life
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Mint Chocolate Chip ICE CREAM- COMMON APP ESSAY [9]

Prompt: Topic of choice.
Please comment for suggestions/corrections for errors. Thank you in advance!

I've realized why my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip. It's a blend of bold, rich chocolate infused into a tangy and bittersweet minty flavor which combine to provide a strong flavor that represents who I am. Yes, I am Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Most people don't realize this but Mint Chocolate Chip is like a literary flaw. It's a contradiction between two different flavors that should not have become blended in the first place, but through some odd man's creative endeavor, they came together, and inevitably became one of the most known and beloved flavors of people all throughout the world. Don't get me wrong, some people I've come across in my life hate the taste or even just a whiff of smell of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. But to the people who love it, they cherish every bite of the bold, strong tangy flavor that knocks their taste buds out. Similarly, I'm a contradiction of two blended flavors that create my identity. When I was nine, I knew what I wanted. I planned out a map of my life and where I was to be by the time I was 10, 15, and 20. By ten years old, I was going to graduate fifth grade by receiving an award for best performance in my annual school play and a social studies award for being an outstanding historian. At fifteen, I would be a student in one of the specialized high schools in NYC and would be youngest person to become president of my school. Finally at twenty, an age that would leave me turning gray and old, I would be at Princeton or Harvard, earning straight A's and studying criminal justice for a career in the police force. At nine, I was fearless, naïve, and innocent. I thought I knew the course of life and thought that life only had happy endings. Funny, how life can take a turn, without any kind of notification or warning sign. Now at seventeen, I am still innocent and naïve, but I am fearful of heights, scary movies, and bed bugs. I look at life not as a pathway through a map, but more like a steppingstone to get up a staircase. I do not know who and what I will be when I'm 22, 27, or 32. I am more open to opportunities and experiences. I want to learn a wide range of topics, from art history and music composition to international diplomacy and Russian studies. I have less of a rigid sense of direction for my life. Now I look at life as a spontaneous adventure; wherever life takes me, I was meant to be there for a reason. I now know that there are less happy endings in life. I thought everyone I loved would never die, but that perfect mentality ceased when my grandfather passed away this past May. I thought I would have perfect vision and baby soft skin until I turned eighty, but now I wear contacts and slather on a thick layer of lotion to keep my hands from being flaky and dry during the winter months. Now I know that my life is a contradiction that has blended the mentality of two ages: nine and seventeen to create a clearer image of my identity. I am the perfect blend of my bold, nine year old innocence of excitement and perfection, where everything I touch becomes gold and of my present mature and optimistic, seventeen year old self, who believes that through determination and the right kind of attitude, I can go far and be a blessing to others. It's amazing how similar my life parallels to the combining flavor of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I am the perfect contradiction of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream.
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Scholarship / "I must collect my savings" - Short and long-term goals Essay [3]

You definitely answered the prompt. I thought your essay was very well-written and explained clearly your short and long term goals. I loved how you used the savings account to describe these goals. Overall, good job!

And:
Some corrections:
1) scientist discovered how to use human skin cells
Scientist(s)
2) Long-term and short term goals are intertwined and work similar to a savings account.
You should write: work similar(ly) to create
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Death of my grandmother: William And Mary Essay [14]

Touching and honesty essay, good job!
It was well written but I think instead of stating just telling the reader how she changed you to act and become a certain person, show the reader how you she changed you. Like an experience you had in which you thought of your grandma and decided to take action based on what she would do.
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "Scarffiee" Personal Statement/Common App - topic of choice [6]

Very good introduction and very good conclusion sentence. I thought the essay was well-written and displayed who you are and how you have found yourself in a way through the scarf that you wear. It shows how you identify yourself and why you are proud to be the owner of 58 scarves. Good job and creative essay!
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine" - Interest in studying @Georgetown Essay? [4]

I thought your essay was well-written and that you answered the prompt right on. Although I think you can include something more about something unique/that stands out to you about Georgetown, like why you would choose to major in neuroscience in Georgetown rather than like Hopkins or something..

But overall, good essay!

Some corrections:
1) I decided to participate in National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine
Just to make it proper, you should add "The" in front of National
2)encountered intelligent and distinct individuals from all over the world
You can change "distinct" to distinctive", since your stating an adjective

Please check out my essay also called: "My Ice Cream Shop" Thank you!
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Silence of the Lambs character influence - Common App Essay [4]

I honestly thought you wrote a very well-written, in depth essay and it revealed a lot about some of the difficulties you went through, what you are interested in (writing/journalism) and how you learned through your difficulties. Good job!

And-
Some corrections you can change:
1) I saw a piece of myself in her, realized she is just as real as I am...
You should add and "and" between the comma and realized
2) I dare to overcome my life's difficulties by seeing the beauty in life and society.
You should change it to the difficulties of my life.

Please check my essay called: My Ice Cream Shop. Thank you!
iamesthere   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / My Ice Cream Shop- COMMON APP ESSAY [6]

Prompt: Topic of your choice. (You can write about anything, but it should tell something about yourself)
Please edit/give suggestions/comments! Thank you in advance!

I have a small little ice cream shop that sells the different flavors of my entity. The flavors range from semi-sweet tangy to delicately bitter. The three most popular ice cream flavors are Red Bean Rice Cake, Black Cherry Almond, and Cinnamon Frost Harvest. They represent my past, present, and future, respectively.

Red Bean Rice Cake is a combination of delicately bitter and delectably sweet. It consists of kidney beans, almond shavings, whipped cream, sticky rice, and a hint of spicy chili pepper. The minute I smell a whiff of the flavor, I am instantly reminded of my childhood. The flavor was prudently created by the petite hands of my Grandma: the Julia Child of the Huh Household. It originated in a small kitchen in Seoul, South Korea. I, at the time eight years old, was perched on top of a wooden stool, watching my Grandma slowly mixing the ingredients and whipping it all into a large bowl. When I first bit into the home-made ice cream, I was reminded of the ideals of my Grandma, in which she believed was to use her natural talents to create the recipe of her life. In her case, it was her cooking hands that she used to make dynamic Korean dishes, which inevitably inspired her to open up her own restaurant. In my case, it is my firm, keen sense of understanding, which allows me to relate to just about anyone. From the time I was eight, I was able to empathize and provide advice to others, even to my older sister.

Black Cherry Almond is a mixture of both sweet and tangy. Its taste is effortless: a flavor that is not too sweet, but not too bland. A sweet hint of bitterness lingers on one's tongue as the taste of the flavor slowly wanes during the last bite. Some say its flavor is as addictive as a Cupid's charming affection. It consists of raisins, walnuts, almond shavings, frozen apple cider, and a hint of cherry yogurt. The different ingredients represent who I have become through my past experiences. Frozen apple cider represents my resolute mentality that I will accomplish the things I set my mind to, such as eating healthy and exercising on a daily basis. The constituents of raisins and walnuts present the simple things in life I am grateful for, such as my supportive parents and my encouraging sister. The almond shavings represent that no matter where I am, I will carry my past experiences, which I have learned from, to make good decisions and plans for my future. Thus, almond shavings are essential ingredients in every single ice cream flavor in my shop. The hint of cherry yogurt represents my youthful side; no matter how old I get, I will carry a young spirit inside. Whenever I taste a hint of the flavor, I am fully enthralled in its alluring after taste. It makes me feel strong-willed, self-confident, and self-worthy, such as how I feel in my present life. I am a champion of highly enthusiastic dreamers, who believe in success through self-trust.

Cinnamon Frost Harvest is a flavor consisting of numerous tastes. It tastes of sea salt, autumn wheat, cauliflower, almond shavings, coconut juice, and a hint of cinnamon swirls. The combination of its ingredients makes the flavor perfectly savory. The secret to its creation is unknown. To this day, people still ponder upon where it was made, who created it, and how it was developed. However, everyone who samples the flavor is reminded that one can only achieve something if greatness is applied to the work. When I sample Cinnamon Frost Harvest, it inspires me to perform tasks and goals as if these actions truly make a difference to even just one single individual. I am propelled to seek into the unknown to search for my "Great Perhaps": the true calling for who I am to become. Even though I may not know my true calling at this moment, being immersed into the intense college environment will help me to discover new and rich passions, which I had not known of before. However I do know that no matter what it takes, I will discover my calling and drive myself to be successful in it.

Red Bean Rice Cake, Black Cherry Almond, and Cinnamon Frost Harvest are flavors that reflect my soul, great achievements, and firm potential. I recommend for all to visit my ice cream shop and experience the distinct life flavors of brilliance, integrity, and authenticity.
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