Writing Feedback / Max Borders: New Threats to Freedom Essay Competition [2]

Max Borders on our compulsive urge to regulate

It all started with barbeque sauce, or so proclaims Max Borders as he argues about the up and coming threats to freedom. For Max it commenced with barbeque sauce and for another it may be a day-care center. The fact of the matter is that regulation is much broader spanned then one solitary individual. Regulation is "controlling human or societal behavior by rules or restrictions," and it spreads the span of political, legal, and even social mediums. Like all other political initiatives, regulations can bring benefits as well as harm. The best regulations are those where these sed benefits out weigh the costs. But how heavily is the cost of an individuals freedom weighed?

When one thinks of freedom, depictions of revolutions conjured by decades of civil unrest appear on a screen of the constitutions and documents our Fore Fathers composed to ensure our liberty. This picture of 'motion due to indignation' is stereotypic and due to the increase in development in various countries, it is frankly out of date. As countries urbanize and expand, governments and civil leaders move silently and cunningly with their methods of limited liberation. With parchment barriers and textual obstacles entrepreneurs are unable to establish their businesses, provide for their families, and stimulate the economy. Motivation is the weakness of the societal businessman, and when lacking the paperwork and boundaries will never be processed. It is the psychology of motivation, of the business industry, that needs to be changed, because political officials will not impede their regulation.

Max made an interesting statement that, "cottage industries are at the beginning of wealth creation." Here lies another theory of psychology, the theories of behavior in groups. Cottage industries are individuals primarily focused on manufacturing cohesively part time, and primarily from their homes. With this type of group dynamic, group cohesiveness (the inner linking of group members to one another and to the group itself) facilitates group productivity and passion, thus increasing individual motivation.

The politicians have been urged to regulate for ages, and will continue to regulate. Honestly they must do so to protect society against monopoly, inadequate information, market failures, and social subordination. Though regulation can promote the growth of larger corporations and smother immature ones, the emergence of stronger, more stable, and more motivated cottage industries can reverse this process. Thus reversing the influence of regulation.

Undergraduate / Williams- "Special Olympics" second supplement needs edditing [3]

If you could edit this essay it would be greatly appreciated. Also do you believe it fulfills the prompt and shows who I am?

Prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

I watched as they stared, pointed, and made him feel different, and I watched how it made him exuberantly happy. Across his face a twisted smile spread as he punched the air above with his fist. They heaved him up on their shoulders and the surrounding mass cheered. With a gold metal around his neck, he was a winner; Not because he was the most supreme athlete, but because he had triumphed over adversity. He accomplished what some people thought he never could. The Special Olympics makes this a possibility for over 3.4 million athletes in 170 countries. Their strength, perseverance, and resilience epitomize personal characteristics I aspire to strengthen. Their struggles are those that I hold close to my heart, as I grew up with a sibling of similar disabilities. I share in their sorrows of outcast and rejoice in their successes. They are my brothers and sisters, and I believe in their potential, never second-guessing their future.

I think back on the time I spent with the Special Olympic athletes. Their huge hearts filled with love for every living being, and their assiduous attitude toward life. Then I realized how I have consequently transformed as a person; having increased determination, ambition, empathy, and altruism. As I go through life, I will never cower in the face of adversity or tribulation because it is not they way of an Olympic warrior.

Undergraduate / DNA + Thai (roommate) + programs for avant-garde students - Stanford Supplement [2]

My supplements need to be edited. Do you have any suggestions if you feel the response doesn't meet the prompt? Do these statements effectively show who I am? Do they seem sufficient enough?

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Picked from my homeland and flung into a truck, I traveled for miles until I reached the location where I would be sold. I now sit stagnant, spending the remainder of my existence in a bowl browning, until the dawn of my disposal. I wonder how it must feel to be a banana? It is astounding to think that we share 50% of our genetic sequence with the mindless fruit.

As a segment of the central dogma theory, genetics are the instructions for life. The influence that genetics has on our lives, essentially making us who we are, is a premise I find captivating. Not only does this sequence of letters determine the phenotypic aspects of hair and eye color, but also in coherence with our environment it can be methylated to code for diseases and personality traits. The query of DNA's power to influence our behavior and health is something I find intellectually engaging.

The summer between my junior and senior year, I had the experience of executing a solo research project. I worked in a breast cancer research lab and my project focused on the genetic markers of estrogen positive (EP) breast cancer. Through this experience, I found the influence of genetics on phenotypic characteristics intellectually engaging. I learned and experienced scientific theory beyond the textbook. A genetic sequence similar to the one I was researching could be the marker for EP breast cancer.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Hello roommate,
I anticipate meeting you, anxious to begin our new collegiate lives. To say the least, I love people; not solely in the social sense, but also in an ethnographic context. Behind every person's facade, there is a novel of information, clarifying the reasons for our actions, opinions, and outlook on life. Sure our 'life's literature' is continuously being composed through our interactions with the world around us, but as roommates we should read into each others lives, and have a positive impact on our future chapters.

We'll laugh over java, tacos, or Thai cuisine, as we learn more about each other's family, culture, struggles, and successes. I'll tell you of my Creole ancestry and the broken language my grandmother speaks, (Something I still wish to learn). And to distress from our studies, I'm sure we will go shopping. I must admit, I love a bargain much more than spending time in any name brand store. I enjoy vintage stores. I relish in sifting through the racks of faded colors and 80's prints, pulling out an item that no one else could see purchasing, and transforming it into a something uniquely chic. That's how I am about many things. I see the promise and potential where most others would see worthlessness and failure. I attack challenges in the same manner, taking them apart and transforming them in a way that no one has ever thought of, making a problem, or even something seemingly useless, extremely successful. Ambitious innovation, something I love.

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

I stand here looking at the ceiling. Its translucency allowing me to see the wonders beyond the room I was in. It engaged and intrigued me, and I needed to get out.

Everyone wants to attend Stanford. It is an institution of high caliber learning and devoted instructors. Unlike many other institutions though, it asks students to push the envelope, be innovative and create the unknown. Programs such as Google, Yahoo and Netflix have evolved from the minds of scholars at Stanford. Though I don't seek to produce the next search engine, I will strive to use my intellectual potential to serve the world with novel ideas. For example, I developed a set of interactive problem based learning lessons to deliver to local middle schools, which eventually became international, reaching India. At Stanford I could further this volunteering through the university's Scientific Outreach Programs, seeking to change the perception and enthusiasm of math and science for local youth.

Stanford possesses programs for avant-garde students to take risks and blaze the trail. As a person with diverse interests in biology, anthropology, culture, special needs and education, I would take advantage of Stanford's offered programs. These programs include the Diversity Exchange Program, the Bing Overseas Studies program, research opportunities in several departments, and nine cultural centers. I know that at Stanford I will be offered the opportunities to cultivate new ideas that could break the glass ceiling.

Undergraduate / "My Miracle; I set high expectations for myself"- Significant person essay Common App [4]

Please read my personal essay, it needs editing.

Prompt 1: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

I sat alone, casually consuming my after school snack, when I heard it, the familiar double honk of a yellow school bus. With my face pressed against the cool glass, I peered out of the front widow, watching as the bus lowered the ramp, allowing the nurse to wheel my sister inside. From birth, my middle sister was diagnosed with severe congenital cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder that disabled the function of her mobility and speech skills. At the age of four, I only understood that Jessica could no longer walk, talk, eat properly, or use hand gestures. As she entered the living room, I ran to her asking, "Did you have a good day at school Jessica?" Although she would never reply, I loved seeing the smile spread across her face as she responded to the melody of my voice. Her handicap became a part of my life, a part of how I saw the world. From an early age I took part in her daily medical routines and hospital visits. That is how I discovered my place between a boisterous older sister and a sister with special needs. I looked at my family, and my parents' responsibilities of work, children, and medical bills and realized I had to become a silent supporter. I noticed where help was needed and assisted without being prompted. I was born the youngest of three girls, and yet I became the middle child.

In retrospect, the room I shared with my two older sisters was laced with medical equipment, but ironically always felt like home. With time I took an interest in the shots, meds, feeding tubes and oxygen tanks. I watched everything. The Medicare nurses changed often and I didn't want to wonder if the new nurse was giving the right dose for the intended protocol. It was my sister they were caring for, so I needed to know. At 4:30, it was time for her Albuterol breathing treatment, relieving any possible lung inflammation. Independently, I learned where the medication was, how to load it into the machine, and how to make it function. At 5:00 it was time for her to eat. She received nourishment by way of a feeding tube. I still remember standing with the doctor, a facade of understanding upon my face, as I wrestled to comprehend the precautionus endoscopic gastrostomy (PEG) procedure my sister had just underwent. Adults never believed I could master the medical material of my sister's condition, as the information was not something a child could easily understand. But I aspired to become knowledgeable of the procedures and protocols, so I worked hard to learn them. At the age of seven I discovered I could master any information placed in front of me despite those who may have believed it was beyond my capability. I had the potential, and all I needed was the drive and curiosity to realize my passion.

Now in my adolescence as I set high expectations for myself with regards to education and attending college. Indeed it was my sister who initiated my passion for the medical sciences and taught me the lesson of perseverance. The doctors did not expect her to live past her birth but she withstood tribulation until she was fourteen. As I now seek to enter the field of clinical medicine and research, I understand that I will face challenges and adversity, but because I learned to attack all problems with assiduous determination, I can emerge successful. Although my sister passed when I was ten, I still wish to use my capabilities and my voice to enhance the lives of others. Unlike those who enter the field seeking affluence, I chose to enter to better the lives of others. Jessica changed my outlook on life, and transformed me into a better person.

I can remember an instance when I was sitting in the cafeteria of UC Davis surrounded by teams of the Special Olympics. I was neither afraid nor judgmental, but touched and reminded of love. In that moment, it was as if my sister had never passed, and I was surrounded by hundreds of my brothers and sisters. Having a sister with special needs caused me to admire those facing physical and mental adversities. I see promise and potential in their lives, when no one else does. As a child, I decided that I had to love and treat my sister no different than I would have anyone else in order for her to live an equal and fulfilling life. I never saw my sister as disabled, but instead differently-abled. I now feel it is my place to be the voice of all individuals facing challenging adversities, as it was once my place to be my sisters voice. Although my sister passed when I was ten, I still wish to use my capabilities and my voice to enhance the lives of others. I have this one life to live, and if not lived helping others, than what good was my existence?

Undergraduate / "The Silent Supporter"- my personal statement for the Common Application [5]

If you cold please read over my essay for any grammatical errors. If you have creative suggestions, please tell. Overall i just need feedback. This is the essay I am using for the common application.

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school -and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I was born the youngest of three girls, and yet I became the middle child. Every afternoon around 3:30, a yellow school bus would bring my sister home, prompting the nurse to wheel her in, and begin the daily medical routine. True, I had no ordinary family. My older sister was diagnosed with severe cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder which disabled the function of her mobility and speech skills. As a child at the age of four, I was only able to understand that she could no longer walk, talk, eat properly, or use hand gestures. Between a boisterous older sister and a sister with special needs, I had to find my place. At the age of five, I had matured and become the middle child. In this newfound role I had to notice where help was needed and assist without being prompted. At five I desired to be altruistic.

Research states that the siblings of handicapped children grow to become caregivers or doctors, and indeed it was my sister who initiated my passion for the medical sciences. Unlike those who enter the field seeking affluence, I chose to enter to better the lives of others. In retrospect, the room I shared with my two older sisters was laced with medical equipment, but ironically always felt like home. With time I took an interest in the shots, meds, feeding tubes and oxygen tanks. The Medicare nurses changed often and I didn't want to wonder if the new nurse was giving the right dose for the intended protocol. It was my sister they were caring for, so I needed to know. The information was not something a child could easily understand, but I aspired to become knowledgeable of the procedures and protocols, so I worked hard to learn. At that age I discovered I could learn anything placed in front of me despite those who may believe it was beyond my capability. I had the potential, and all I needed was the drive and curiosity to realize my passion.

I can remember an instance when I was sitting in the cafeteria of UC Davis surrounded by teams of the Special Olympics. I was neither afraid nor judgmental, but touched and reminded of love. In that moment, it was as if my sister had never passed, and I was surrounded by hundreds of my brothers and sisters. Having a sister with special needs caused me to admire those facing physical and mental adversities. I see promise and potential in their lives, when no one else seems to. As a child, I decided that I had to love and treat my sister no different than I would have anyone else in order for her to live an equal and fulfilling life. I never saw my sister as disabled, but instead differently-abled. I now feel it is my place to be the voice of all individuals facing challenging adversities, as it was once my place to be my sisters voice.

This attitude has moved into my adolescence as I set high expectations for myself with regards to education and attending college. As I now seek to enter the field of clinical medicine and research, I understand that I will face challenges and adversity, but because I learned the lesson of perseverance as a child, I can emerge successful. Although my sister passed when I was ten, I still wish to use my capabilities to enhance the lives of others. I have this one life to live, and if not lived helping others, than what good is my existence?