Posts by gigi5

gigi5

Jan 3, 2011

Scholarship / An end to Global Warming: Geosynchoronus Satelites and Fresnel Lenses - Cornell Essay [3]

Hey! I hope I'm not too late. :)

I would suggest you shorten the second paragraph. Your main ide is expressed in the next one, so the second one is not so important. Maybe less facts? They may be familiar with this already, so make it more concise, so you get straight to the point and tell your idea.

Your passion comes partly through the way you describe your idea, but you can show it a little more. Maybe use some expressions which openly state that you are passionate about these things. Maybe add a sentence how you feel imagining you would be part of such a project, add some excitement. :)

And at the end. At the beginning I thought you name your future collegeous by listing those engineers and then I waited for you to mention what you will become. Are you not yet sure what you want to do? What have you indicated on your application? I suggest adding what you would like to contribute to this project more specifically. It's ok if you are not completely sure, you are always allowed to change your major. ;)

By the way, I am also applying to Cornell. And reading your essay about this project made me also feel interested. As I want to study materials science I felt that I can contribute to something like this as well. So you managed to draw my attention. :)

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Playing the piano" + "Masdar" - MIT short Answers [6]

wow. I'm also writing about playing the piano in the same prompt. I guess I will have to think of something new. :D

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / Acting + automotive technologies + Keen to build something - MIT Short answers [2]

Maybe you meant it as a joke, but I think it does sound a bit awkward: only one word can describe it: indescribable
I suggest you just say that the feeling was indescribable or find a nice adjective instead ;)

Otherwise I think it's fine. At least I have no other significant comments.

I'm also applying to MIT. Good luck with your applications! ;)

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Student Talk / I'm weak in English, unable to write any composition. What to do? [31]

If you were more specific about what you need help with, someone might help you. :)
What exactly could I help you with?

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "our kids will go to the same school" - Stanford letter to roomate . [7]

Thank you all. :)

Miray, maybe we will be. You never know. :D

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Self-portrait" MIT significant challenge [4]

I can't help with style and grammar, but I think you're idea is nice. :)
Not a very useful comment, but I just wanted to say that I like it.

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / I want to write abourt art/music or literature - Question about Supplement Essay [4]

I want to study engineering but I include my passion for music a lot anyway. I think it's more than ok, it shows you have more interests than just your academics. ;)

gigi5

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "our kids will go to the same school" - Stanford letter to roomate . [7]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (250 v)

Hi future roomie! :)

I hope you are having a good day. If not, then I am happy to assist you on days like this for at least the next 4 years. I am a good listener if you need one and I am the perfect person to share silly jokes with if you want to set your mind on something else than your worries. I usually connect quickly with people and I hope you will not be an exception.

I am sure that we won't have problems with choosing music to listen to, as my interests are quite broad. I enjoy the greatest hits of the Beatles as much as Kid Cudi's newest album, and during my years in music school I started liking composers like Mozart, Schubert and Vivaldi. And if you like singing, that's great. Give me a guitar and the chords to your favorite songs and we will have a terrific evening together. Maybe we can invite a couple of friends and make a movie night. Or if you prefer book clubs, I'm up for it. I like sharing my passions with others, whether it's books, movies, food or the latest FIFA World cup match. You name it.

I hope that we will become good friends, and maybe we will stay that way for the rest of our lives. Maybe we will organize dinner parties every Tuesday evening and our kids will go to the same school. You never know.

Have a nice day,

Alise

______________________________________________________________________ _________

Comments would be nice, especially on grammar and style, that's what I worry about the most right now.
And can anyone suggest how to change the part "as my interests are quite broad" in the music part? I think it sounds kind of boastful. An opinion on this would be useful! ;)

Thank you.
I will read your essay back and help as much as I can.

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / (father debate, natural world, dishes) Why Stanford, Intellectual Vitality and Letter [8]

In essay 1 I liked the part about "Know thyself and thy enemy". But in the last paragraph cut out the old sayings, just paraphrase them.

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "the future of physics" - academic interests and/or professional goals - UIUC [5]

I like it very much, especially the part "from the light bulbs in my room, to the tiny ones in the night sky". :)

I think the content is very nice, but that's all I can say. As I'm not a native speaker I won't be able to correct style or grammar that well.

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "the department of Materials Science and engineering" - Why Stanford? [4]

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you. (250 v)

I don't know whether after ten years I will be in a laboratory developing new methods of producing carbon nanotubes or in front of 30 high school students teaching them how to add vectors. But I know what I want to study. On a Sunday when I finally have time to watch a movie with my family or learn a new song on the guitar I am still reading about nucleophilic substitution reactions, although I don't have a test in Chemistry for more than a week.

I know that I want to study in the department of Materials Science and engineering and I know that Stanford can offer a first-rate education in this field. I get excited reading about the various research opportunities. The program "Science and Technology at the Nanoscale" caught my interest the most. And reading about the studies of real life issues like Sarah Heilshorn's investigation of clathrin makes me want to be a part of this even more.

What I am looking for in a university are limitless possibilities, and Stanford can offer this. Apart from the excellent academic environment there are so many volunteering opportunities and extracurricular activities available. Stanford is the only university I know that has a windsurfing club and I would love to audition for ensembles like University Singers and Symphonic Chorus.

I feel that I should add something, although I'm not really sure what.
Besides grammatical errors, is it okay?

Thanks for any feedback. ;)

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "a program at a local nursing home" - Common App Short Answer [4]

I think the topic is good, but elaborate a bit more, as the prompt already states. You have up to 150 words to do that, use this space. Maybe describe in more detail the meeting with this woman you mentioned in your last sentence.

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / MIT: greatest challenge. my mother leaving; not her husband [6]

Maybe it's only me, but I didn't really understand who you are talking to on the phone. Your mother? Maybe you can make this more clear.

I liked it.
Sorry, I won't be able to give you any useful feedback. ;)

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "the immigration office and American dream" - MIT Significant Challenge [4]

I agree with lightoftheeyes, some specifics would be nice to make it stand out.

I love the sentence:
It was very frustrating during my first year of school in the US to receive no grade for homework because I never knew that any was assigned.

Made me smile. ;)

gigi5

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "our skiing trip" - MIT significant challenge [3]

Hey! ;)

I am not sure whether I am really answering the prompt, I don't know what they are expecting to read there. So please tell me what you think the topic should be if this seems inappropriate.

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

Both legs are safely fastened to the board, nothing can happen to me. I have knee and hand guards and even a helmet. So what am I afraid of? I am smoothly balancing my weight from the front edge to the rear edge and back to the front, everything is fine. But wait, the slope is getting steeper. If I go on like this I will go too fast. And I know that I will fall down. No, I can't do this. This is it, I am stopping now...

The last day of our skiing trip. We get out of the cable car and I look down the slope. This is it, I tell myself. If I don't do it now, I won't get another chance for a whole year. So I push myself towards the slope. I feel that I am going faster and faster, I can barely avoid crashing into other people, and wait, is that a pile of snow in front of me? I close my eyes and jump...

I lift my head and clear my glasses from the snow. While trying to find the place I took off and counting the turns I made rolling down the slope, I am smiling. I did it! I did not stop!

And it's always the same with sports like these. I freak out at greater speeds and I just stop. I know I will get over this fear someday, but to get there I need my own little victory from time to time.