Undergraduate / "the 2010 Boys Staters" - A LATE MOTIVATED BLOOMER [3]

Pls. critique this deeply. Be very very mean.

You can say I was a late motivated bloomer. Before high school, I was living a coach-potato life: playing video games and watching television. For hours, I eagerly waited on my facebook for a simple "lol". []
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Undergraduate / (Technology) Cornell Essay, Universal Networking as the future. [2]

Technology is evolving at a rapid pace today. It is also changing the way we live our lives. Letters in envelopes and faxes are now replaced with e-mails. Hard-bound encyclopedia is an almost non-existent business. With the rapidly changing technological environment, an engineering school must adapt to these changes. This is apparent in Cornell University's College of Engineering which consistently ranks among the top ECE schools nationally. I like the emphasis of Cornell in the continuing development program of its faculty. The Teaching Excellence Institute is an excellent benefit that I would like to take advantage by becoming a student of a faculty that is already recognized as experts in their disciplines.

. At Cornell, the professors and students are working on these modern problems together. I know I'm still at the foot of the mountain in this journey but I am sure I can make a contribution to this effort with the right guidance and help from a world class research university like Cornell. In fact, with the one million-industry grant industry in network research supported by Verizon and Intel, Cornell will offer greater opportunities into making my ideas a reality. I am not just interested into creating efficiency in video network research. I want to create a universal network that is easily accessible to the common user. Whether it's in Antartica or the slums of the Philippines, I want everyone to be capable of connecting anywhere. The 3-g networks of At&t are a big step but they lack affordability and quality. Universal networking is already growing at increasing pace, but I believe Cornell is leading the pack. In fact, with the one million-industry grant industry in network research, Cornell will offer greater opportunities into wireless research. Though the grant is provided to create efficiency in video streaming, we can use their ideas to build into universal networking's foundations. In Cornell's approach to their network research, they want to create networks that support growing video traffic in the future. If we can create this kind of efficiency, we can build a faster network that supports a greater number of people. With this efficiency, networks will become cheaper for the common user. This is just a speck of what is available. We need to find ways to overcome wireless interference and efficiently increase the strength of the signal to reach the whole world. Satellites are a way to fix this problem. Yes, there are negative results to this idea. The only way to make universal networking work is to wipe out competition in the network market. But there are greater rewards. We can always find help anywhere because the signal reaches everywhere. There's also a possibility of using wireless energy to give unlimited battery life. Other ideas can still flow out from this concept and there is no limit to possibilities. I have read about the undergraduate research program of the school of engineering. It is no doubt that I will need spend a lot of time on research which is another compelling reason for me to enroll in Cornell. With their Co-op, I will be able get feedback from students and faculty and also share my ideas. The deep research into video networking at Cornell might help me solve these problems in universal networking.

Undergraduate / "a late motivated bloomer" - common app essay Boys State [4]

Pls. critique this deeply. Be very very mean.

You can say I was a late motivated bloomer. Before high school, I was living a coach-potato life: playing video games and watching television. For hours, I eagerly waited on my facebook for a simple "lol". As my regrets began to accumulate, I developed a self-defeated outlook in life. Why didn't I join speech? Why did I stay in the house while my friends were out watching movies and playing games? Two years before, no one would have ever expected that I would win the Iowa Auditor position, but when I decided to make a move, I realized I was capable of greater achievements. There are goals in life that we want to accomplish but fail to achieve because we fear of failure and rejections. But if we take risks and persevere, the rewards are great and open up a world of possibilities.

Last summer, I attended a summer leadership and citizenship program in Johnston, Iowa. Fitting with the Boys State Camp's emphasis on civic service, each participant was required to run for a political position. It's selection process was highly competitive and to be elected to one of the highest positions puts you among the top leaders in the state. While this meant that I would have to push myself out of my comfort zone, I was not going to waste my chance to shine at Boys State, so I chose to run for a particularly popular position: State Auditor. Predicting a tough battle, I started my petition early, communicating my vision as I asked for people's endorsements. By the end of the first day, twenty-four supporters eventually signed my petition, and I was ready to run.

The following morning, my heart pounded as I walked into the hall where speeches were to be made for the primaries. When the moderators finally called my name, I closed my eyes and blocked the whispers in my head, whispers that said, "You will fail." Too many times, my anxieties had caused me to walk away from challenging goals. There was always a possibility a failure, but I would have never known the outcome if I didn't try.

I breathed slowly, and started slowly toward the podium as the crowd divided. Whispers circulated like hisses. At the podium, I turned to a sea of staring faces. Again, I closed my eyes, summoned every last ounce of courage and determination, and opened them. Then I began to speak of my life in Philippines and America. The speech seemed to go well, with some audience members paying attention, but to actually win I knew "some" wasn't enough. Inspiration struck when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a green bottle on a desk beside me. Spontaneously, I put aside my planned speech and pointed to the bottle. I blurted out, "What do you see here?" Someone heckled the obvious, " A bottle." Undaunted, I countered, "What is so special about this bottle?" For about three seconds, no one spoke, but then one person declared, "It's green!" Realizing I had captured my audience's interest, I said, "That's right. It's green and what else is green?" Now they got it. "Money!" they yelled back. Buoyed, I began to discuss how the auditor handles money. By then, everyone was rapt. When I took a risk in changing the direction of my speech, it moved me one step closer to my goal.

I emerged victorious, winning the auditor position in the primary with 140 votes. Yet I knew that I needed even more votes for the general election, and I worked tirelessly drawing campaign slogans, posting signs. Now I can honestly say to my classmates that, if I put my mind to it, I could become a workaholic. When I was working on my speech, I revised my ideas for hours, scribbling on different-colored sheets. When it was finally time to deliver it, I was the second to last speaker. The audience was getting a little rowdy and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. In my mind, however, I resolved to deliver a great speech. When I finally reached the podium, I evoked my vision of true leadership: results, accomplishments, and hard work. To illustrate this vision, I told a story about my dad, about how one man's hardships and struggles caused him to seek a better life for him and his family. During school, he always felt inferior. Every day, he pretended to read and stayed in the classroom during recess because he couldn't afford to buy snacks in the break room. Sometimes, he would eat the leftovers left behind by students on the table. When he decided to focus on his education, his life positively changed and now, my family is in America. He passed on his vision of true leadership to me and emphasized education, so his children would not repeat his younger life. Because of his influence, I told the crowd that I wasn't going to waste my opportunities that someone else had granted. While I was talking, no one spoke a word. I ended with a simple thank you, and the crowd erupted in applause. That was when I knew I had won.

The state auditor position made my Boys State experience unforgettable. We wrote bills and advised the governor on which bills were to be signed, gaining new insights into how the government works. During our visit to the capital, we got a special tour, during which we entered actual state offices and climbed up into the usually restricted golden dome of the capital. I forged new friendships and was able to hear my peers' countless interesting life experiences and stories.

More importantly, however, I gained a deeper insight into my own capabilities and strengths. This was not the first time I had taken a risk, but the experience became the catalyst of my self-realization. For the past months, I've grown to appreciate my abilities. During the Christmas concert, I held my head high as I walked in front of a crowd of two hundred to accompany the choir. Now, I do not fear messing up as I played my piano solos for jazz band because I believe my abilities will take the band to the State Jazz competition. For now, I do not stop myself from dreaming of working at Microsoft, or inventing the new ipod touch.

After the Boys State experience, I knew I could compete with the best, and I knew that my persistence would always drive me toward my goals. Now, at my school, I am the only one who is applying to the most competitive schools. I do not know what the future holds and, even now, thoughts of failure and rejection do occasionally swim through my head. However, nothing is going to stop me, as I know that great opportunities and learning are what I will gain from overcoming the college challenge.

Most of the time it is most convenient to do nothing, to just sit around as our life stagnates. Sometimes I ask myself what would have happened had I just sat on a chair and waited to win that position, and I know that the answer is: nothing. So, while the threat of failure is intimidating, embracing that threat also brings us one step closer to success. In the process, we discover our strengths, improve ourselves, and learn. At Boys State, I learned stories of teens overcoming heartbreak or the loss of a friend to become leaders at their schools. To this day, I draw inspiration from those stories, and trust that, while I will always remember these memories, the 2010 Boys Staters will never forget their Iowa Boys State Auditor.

Undergraduate / "TV shows about vampires and ghosts" -Stanford Intellectual Vitality (Cannabilism) [5]

Pls. critique essay

1. Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I grew up watching TV shows about vampires and ghosts. Horror movies and supernatural stories fascinated me because they represented my love for the unique and unknown. In sixth grade there was a requirement for a TAG (Talented and Gifted) project, it was not surprising that I choose "Cannibalism" as my topic. This however would be unusual for someone of my generation. Most of my classmates have already picked the usual topics: Brett Favre, Ipods, etc., but I knew mine is interesting because it is going to be unique. It proved to be true. However, my perceptions of cannibalism changed after doing my project. At first, I pictured a poster filled with bloodthirsty ancient primitive tribes roasting humans over fire. Most of the cannibals, however, are normal human beings. Caught by irreversible forces, many were forced to survive on the flesh of their loved ones. In Andes Flight disaster, survivors had to collect flesh from their comrades in order to feed themselves. All of them were Roman Catholics. These are not tribal people. In one documentary, I could see one person' anguish as he talked of his experiences. It's amazing how humans can do the unthinkable in order to survive. My research uncovered a new learning. Cannibalism is not only a primitive ritual but also a mode of survival. I changed my poster to reflect my new discovery. Perceptions are always unreliable. It can be corrected by careful research and challenging perceptions. My questioning attitude remains until today.

Undergraduate / Naruto, an awesome genin ninja, favorite character - Stanford Roomate [4]

Pls. critique my essay

My idol is a kid's cartoon character who sports whisker marks and wears an orange jacket every episode. I am a very forgetful person and sometimes, I get a little messy. These are a few things that describe me, but in detail, they reveal a profound insight into my character.

I love to watch anime because they produce characters with very exaggerated personalities. In fact, I admire naruto the most because of that. Due to housing the nine-tailed fox, he suffered prejudice and loneliness through his childhood. Yet he believes in the Will of Fire: a philosophy of unstoppable determination and drive that has caused him to develop acknowledgement from his friends and enemies. Sometimes, I repeat YouTube videos of his emotional moments to fuel my own motivations in life.

However, I have also inherited Naruto's inattentiveness. Sometimes, I neglect other events because I focus too intensely on one addicting task. From school work to final projects, the unpredictability on what I was going to forget next convinced me to write on my planner. Now, I focus on two tasks: working hard on my goals, and remembering to look at my planner.

Sometimes, in my own Naruto seriousness, I ignore the disordered stacks of homework papers that might leave the room a little messy. I swear it is only because I am busy with other work. When I notice the slight disorder, I will immediately panic and bring out the vacuum.

To my roommate, expect a naruto smile that hides the loneliness. Expect a person that rarely heeds social standings. In fact, from repeated listens, you will eventually remember a great genin ninja quote: "Believe it."

Undergraduate / academics and a rich culture + diverse community - Stanford [3]

3. Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Stanford is like a home away from home. To the west, I will watch the Ocean and contemplate. Memories of times at the beaches will resurface life-changing experiences at the Philippines. As the sun sets, something in those memories will motivate me pass an idea . To the north, Palo Alto reminds me of Cagayan de Oro City. Like my home city, I believe Palo Alto will nurture my perspectives I've shared with my friends in America. Southeast, I wish to run through the hills of Lake Lagunita because it resembles the Iowa landscape that I have only watched through my car window. To the south, the Santa Cruz Mountain is reminiscent of the encompassing evergreens and natural moments I saw on my way to Yellowstone National park. The skyscrapers of New York could never even compare to the mountain's grandeur.

(I don't know how to transition here)
Stanford is home to faculty who are recognized in their fields of discipline. Nobel Prize and National Engineering award winners roam its hallways. I want to be one of those that constantly interact with these academic rock stars. With these types of educators a curious mind can grow into its full potential.

Living in Fort Dodge, Iowa for so many years, it would be a breath of fresh air to live in a diverse community. The temperature average is definitely higher and snow is not going to be a problem. I want to meet new people of other nationalities and cultures. Learning from other ethnic races can widen my perspective. Count me as an active participant in the diversity program of the school. I'm a minority and a multi color campus is a welcome atmosphere. The Pilipino American Student Union (PASU) is one group that I'm planning to join. Stanford perfectly represents my past environments that I will never forget. It is a retrospect that will relieve the stresses of college and nurture my learning for the future.

Other Essay (same topic)

Stanford provides a diverse community , an impressive academic reputation and a great location.
Stanford is home to faculty who are recognized in their fields of discipline. Nobel Prize and National Engineering award winners roam its hallways. I want to be one of those that constantly interact with these academic rock stars. With these types of educators a curious mind can grow into its full potential.

Living in Fort Dodge, Iowa for so many years, it would be a breath of fresh air to live in a diverse community. The temperature average is definitely higher and snow is not going to be a problem. I want to meet new people of other nationalities and cultures. Learning from other ethnic races can widen my perspective. Count me as an active participant in the diversity program of the school. I'm a minority and a multi color campus is a welcome atmosphere. The Pilipino American Student Union (PASU) is one group that I'm planning to join. It's like home away from home.

Stanford is also in the heart of the Silicon Valley allowing easy access to internships and exciting company partnerships. I will have the opportunity to use my knowledge by working on real world projects. This will help me in the future for job hunting

Alumni of Stanford include political giants, pioneers in technology and legends in sports. The father of internet is a graduate of Stanford. Yahoo, Cisco systems and HP founders are alumni of the school. My interest is into computer engineering. I think I am making the right choice by going to Stanford.

Can you pls choose one.