Writing Feedback / The advanced technology help students easily learn knowledge. TOEFL essay [6]

TOEFL you have to write min 300 words but I studied some link on you tube they told if you write more than 450 words with good grammar and structure you can definitely get more than 26.

Khushi Gulnawar

Writing Feedback / a new holiday on honor of Savitribai Phule [3]

Thanks Kevin

She is a hero for Indian women. We are now taking an education because of her effort only.

Each country celebrate a holiday or event associate with their honorable peopl; for example, on 1 October Indian people celebrate Gandhi Jayanti, USA celebrate King Martin Luther day, and so on. Each country has some purpose of celebration of a holiday. If I would ask to create a new holiday, I would create a holiday on Savitribai Phule's name. Her influence on me have make my mind to create a holiday on her name.

The main reason for celebrating a holiday on Savitribai Phule's name is her influence has not only affected me but all women in India. She was a first woman who fought against inequality of men and women, to remove the untouchable cast from the structure of society. She played an important role in an education for women in India.

She had been born in poor family. The era which she born was backward thinking society. People treated women like animals. They hit and chose not give proper food to women. There were discrimination between men and women. She fought against all them. First she learn up to school and after marriage with help of her husband she completed her graduation. She started primary school for girls. People thrown dung and egg on her but she continued woman's liberation .

Savitribai Phule not only did work in an education field she also contribute in reforming society.
She opened school which she gave admission to all with untouchable people and not teat them separately. In her time there were levels in society. She played an important role with her husband Joyotiba Phtule to give rights to backward people.

Everyone know Mother Teresa and her works for poor people. I want to spread Savitribai Phule's great work all around the world and as on her honor I would like to celebrate a holiday. Some people think that holidays means to take rest and relax. I want to change this holidays definition by doing other works like feeding poor people, serving medicine and support to disable and ill people, arranging events or competition for girls to increase their confidence. In her honor of a holiday people should gather and do some positive events that help not only them but all country and world.

In conclusion, I would like to create a new holiday in honor of Savitribai Phule's, who contributed to get women equal rights and now they are in better situation because of her. In that holiday , people should come together to form unity and celebrate events which help country to do progress.

Writing Feedback / "Moving into the land of dream" how to improve my narrative essay [8]

It was Saturday a family day. Instead of family day you can use a holiday spending time with family members

I wake up by the morning light with the thick coffee aroma filling into the room. I wake up with a yawn but still laying down because of my laziness. I can feel the tender sun wrapping me around giving me warmth. I then stood up nearly tumbling from the lost of balance and went down the stairs. There I saw my husband drinking coffee, and reading the newspaper at the same time. My Son Christian was as usual watching T.V while eating his cookie. I on the other hand went outside to get some fresh air.

above paragraph some times I feel that you are talking present situation but some times past. I don't know exact grammar but you should use It is Saturday or if you want to talk about past you should write 'I woke up with a yawn but still laid down .. I was feeling the tender sun ..'.

I sank into my seat with a cold cup of lemonade. - I didn't understand
I shocked out , I looked at him and patiently waiting until his done talking. When his has done I began to asked him a lot of questions "We're moving?" How could we move? Howwhat about our business? What about Yy our work? I asked too many questionsin to my husband and he explained it to me carefully; but still I don't want to leave my country.

Ever since, it was his dream to come and live in this country. He said that there is a lot of oppurnity opportunity living in the land of free. Thinking about moving just made me burst into tears. I began to call my parents and my husband relatives to let them know we are having decision to leave the country.

A day went by its time tocome to say goodbye!
We will have a beautifulbright future in America.
" Yes, I could do many things in Philippines, but I also would be able to do many things in America. When the airplane arrived in Detroit. We stranded there due to inclement weather. So, we need to spent our night on the Detroit airport. And waiting for the next flight going to Greensboro. In fourteen hours of journey I feelfelt so exhausted, tired and sleepy. When we arrived at the Greensboro airport my husband new employer and his associates patiently waiting for us to come out on the waiting area. They help us to pick up our luggage. They started introducing each others and after that we went to a restaurant to get something to eat. We stayed at my Aunt`s house for almost a month they are guiding us to adjust how to live in this country.

After a month we already find our place to stayfound an apartment (house) to stay . We started living on our own house . During the first two months, I had a great time with my husband and son I feel like I am really free. This is a beautiful country. Everything is different, different language, different food, and different people. Everything is new to me . I was like a newborn baby, and many things I didn't know, and I had to learn everything again. Then, it was the time for my son to go kindergarten. I enrolled him to the public school in Greensboro. They asked me "how long you been here" Can you speak English? Everybody asked me. Even though I studied English in my country, I couldn't speak at all. I felt like my tongue got numb inside and my body started to shake. I felt so bad that day and very disappointed to myself. Every time I go somewhere I needed my husband with me. I couldn`t speak to anybody. I was like a baby. I lost my confidence. And I began to hate everything here, I hated the people, I hated myself, I hated that my husband brought me here to America. I miss my home, my family, my friends everything in our country. And things began worsen. I felt like in going to go crazy.

Until my Husband suggested that I need to go back to school. And that when we move here in Wilmington. The first thing I did was practice driving, after I got my driver's license I went to café fear community college to register and I got accepted. I went home with a big smile on my face. Then my confidence got back and I began to like America. Right now I am very happy in CfCC; it wasis a nice place the people is nice and friendly. My English was better now but my son still made fun of me because of my strange accent. Even though I can`t speak it very well, I believe I will be able to speak well someday. I believe the saying "If others can do why can`t I" so for me learning has no ending.

I don't know much about grammar but still I suggested what I feel. Cross check from others.

Most of women who has English is a second language suffering this situation. But your writing is good and heart touchable.

Best luck :)

Writing Feedback / (flexibility / tactfulness / fairness) important qualities of a good supervisor [5]

please give me your feedback about my TOEFL essayassay (if possible provide me with your rank)...

For example, the manager who tend to should show an understanding attitude when one of his employees gets to work late because of an urgent incident that happened with him,

On the other hand, he/she should not tolerate a slow work progress in a project which its deadline is approaching soon. In addition, a good supervisor should respect his team members point of view, even if it is contradicting with his opinion, he/she should not try to impose his perspective without discussing it with his co-workers and explaining the advantages of his ideas, in that way the other employees will have respect for thistheir manager and trust his work methodology.

Your writing is good but need some structure.
Make paragraphs depending on subject and try to write introduction part effectively.

Writing Feedback / Life is contain ups an downs. Some people get success in their life but some are unlucky [8]

Thanks EF_Susan

What 'odd take' means? I didn't get you what you want to explain me.

Thanks for help.

After getting your suggestion I am feeling to write more essay.

Writing Feedback / Living style, foods, jobs, relations: changes required by our life [4]

Thanks Susan

Can you tell me when should I use life in sentence and when should I use lives?

Why to use 'Change' instead of 'The change'? I thought 'change' word is noun and I have to use 'a' or 'the' before 'change' word.

Thanks in advance Susan.

Writing Feedback / Does advertising encourages us to buy products that we really do need? [6]

Advertisement is playing major role in human's life for deciding our needs and taking decision.

National Tv channels and radio stations announce every day more and more advertisements

Why only National TV channel, instead of you can use All TV channels.

TV channels, radio station, magazines and so on showing advertisements every day.

It is a totally new field of development which affect people's decisions.-- I don't think it is new field
This advertisement is influenced on human's life, which is help people to create requirements and take a decision to choose among them.

useless objects - its not clear what's object means

I can't read your essay but other things is good and properly explained.

Best luck .

Writing Feedback / "Punta Cana" - My Favorite Vacation [5]

, because is like been in a paradise for a whole week. -- This is difficult to understand.

My favorite vacation is in the Dominican Republic because have four basic things that makes my experience unique,

In conclusion, having a good time in my vacation at Dominican Republic
-- Feeling wrong having. Please check from others.

Your essay is good structured and flow. I don't know much about grammatical. Very simple wording and effective. Keep it up

Writing Feedback / 'all men are equal before the law' - fixed punishments for each type of crime? [10]

You wrote very good. I didn't find any grammatical mistake but you should elaborate more some details.

Writing Feedback / Life is contain ups an downs. Some people get success in their life but some are unlucky [8]

I am from India and I am a learner that is why I am here.

Please need more suggestion.

Writing Feedback / my dad teaches me and has a big influence on me [5]

You wrote well. I don't think your example is correlated.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-do ads make us to buy more or is it a need? [4]

Right from a villager to a top industrialist

above sentence instead of villager you should use small businessman

The purpose is to approach and attract the highest number of people
What purpose?

But actually their decision is based on the ads they have seen

Your essay is well developed and good structured.

Best of luck :)

Writing Feedback / "The true function of a university" - IELTS -education approach of universities. [5]

Hi
Your essay is confused. Sometimes I felt you are supporting for providing only courses which has demand but sometimes its contravene.
I didn't find any grammatical mistake.