Undergraduate / A map, my grandmother and a heart - common app [3]

Hey, can you please help check the grammar and add some comments of what you think of my essay.

Thanks in advance

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

In the wall across from my bed is a map of the world. I wake up seeing it every morning and not think much of it. Looking at it any other day I see it as a piece of decoration in my room or as a homework aid for European history class. Coming from a tiresome day at school I come home and sit in front of it

Focusing my eyes on Thailand, the small country that holds so much history for my family and me, bits and pieces of time I shared with my grandmother came rushing back. Within each passing second I feel taken back to a moment with my grandmother where the images, smell and sound of her all combine to illustrate an exact moment I shared with her. I see my grandmother sitting at her desk meticulously reading the Chinese newspaper with her spectacles and large magnifying glass. I asked her how come she doesn't read the Thai newspaper like my mother, she simply reply's that she never learned. Then later I find out that my grandmother never went to school formally because over seventy years ago education was reserved for the children from wealthy families. However the persistence of my grandmother did not stop her, when the children of the house that my grandmother was a servant for had a tutor come over my grandmother would volunteer to fan the children so she would be able to learn discretely. My grandmother is the one person that I believe to have made an impact in my life because through her life events, her experiences taught me that it is important to triumph over adversity and set goals.

Redirecting my vision to look at the continent of Asia I start to think about the different influences that have been matriculated in into my family from China to Thailand and the United States. In the past my family did not have the luxury to be able to stay in a country and go to school, which explains my parent's lack of education. I reminisce back to a specific time when I was challenged by my parent's deficiency. During my first year of high school my father suffered a heart attack and was required to undergo open heart surgery. My motives toward school changed when I began to spend more time in the hospital than at home studying. With my parents lack of English skills I, for the first time, experienced adversity. It became my responsibility to translate what the doctor was saying, explaining the procedures the doctors plan to perform save my father's life. Remembering my grandmother's story of how she defied the odds, I began to see the calamity as challenge and a test of my abilities. I started refocusing my attention to balance out the time spent for school and at the hospital. In the end, during my father's rehabilitation I knew I became a stronger person, because I came to realize that there is no hardship I can not face.

Back to the reality of being the only presence in my room I start looking at the map as a whole. I remember now why I wanted this map so long ago. The map is a reminder of where I am and where I am going to go. Sometimes it is easy to digress and reminisce back to the past but it is important to stay focused and set goals for the future. Just as my grandmother did when setting her goal to read, like planting a seed she nurtures that seed by honing her skills any chance she gets and in the end she received her everlasting fruit of an education. My grandmother's experience inspires me greatly to set my goals and do anything I can to nurture my goal of becoming a surgeon, for that everlasting fruit of honor to save peoples lives will be worth achieving.

Undergraduate / Thai dancing essay (Important activity and why its important to you.) [3]

Hello, well i took the advice from commentors on EF ( Thanks alot by th way) and i kind of took a new direction on my essay. My ending seems a bit to short and choppping can you please help edit which one of my babies i should cut out and which one i should elaborate on.

Topic:Important activity and why its important to you.

I belong to my Thai Temple's dance team. After each Thai lesson at Wat Buddhavas School I would proceed onto Thai Classical dance class. Being part of the team since the age of eight I have reached a veteran status and succeeded as the leader. Years of practices and performances later our dance team was recognized and invited to dance for the Queen of Thailand's birthday, an extravagant annual affair broadcast on TV. Fame or no fame, Thai dancing remains the most meaningful activity to me, because of the valuable experience accumulated from dancing. Enduring grueling practices making sure the choreography is synchronized and dealing with criticism I have become a more empathically tolerant person. During the anticipated minutes before a show helping each other dress in intricate traditional outfits I experienced the true meaning of teamwork. Thai dancing has led me to see the reality of leadership amongst my members.

Thanks

Undergraduate / The clique short answer [7]

Hi, this is my response to describing an important activity, do you find it interesting? Is there anything I can do to make it better?

I belong to a clique. All members, including me, have been sworn in: some voluntary and some less fortunate. I am a senior member now, having been a part of it since the age of eight. We meet once a week to practice our purpose and thanks to my near veteran status I preside over the meetings as the leader. I belong to my temple's Thai dance team, after each Thai lesson at Wat Buddhavas Sunday school I would proceed onto practicing Thai Classical dance. Years of practices and performances later our dance team was recognized and invited to dance for the Queen of Thailand's birthday, an extravagant annual affair broadcast on TV. Fame or no fame, Thai dancing remains the most meaningful activity to me; the members and I have formed a sisterhood. From them I learned the importance of friendship, team-work and the real meaning of a leader.

Thanks

Undergraduate / "Saih maht geanguh"- historical influence. [7]

Hi i need some input on this essay.thanks! Also im trying to apply to an international school so i need to some how convey that i have a strong sense of being an american( im having trouble on this part)

describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music,
science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influences

"Saih maht geanguh", would be my childhood hero's infamous catch phrase. I idolized this figure because he was equal parts cunning, brave and immortal holding the ability to transform into 72 objects, cloud travel and summersault great distances. Born from a rock nourished by the elements of earth he has become one of the most worshiped mischievous gods in Chinese culture. His name is Su WuKong and his catch phrase is translated from Chinese as "Why should I be scared".

In life there were many times when I looked up Su WuKong', and tried to emulate his bravery. Being raised in American culture is contrastive to the way my parents where raised in Asian culture. From a young age my mother taught to be recessive, quite and always let others talk. Unfortunately I realized this method got me nowhere and led me to be an outcast. Ultimately what lead to the transformation of my personality was using Su WuKong's "Why should I be scared" attitude from then on I became more social and not afraid to let me personality shine.

Eventually Su WuKong's hubris got him into mischief in heaven and sentenced for punishment. His penance included escorting a young monk Tan-sangdong in a journey to the west for his quest for Sutura, accompanied by Pigsy and Sandy. On their pilgrimage they encounter many "yew guays" in other words demons that lusted for Tan-sangdong's flesh of immortality.

During my own journey through middle school I became confronted with my own version of demons. It was then I was exposed to gangs and the violence it could cause, I survived the impact because differentiated right from wrong and kept myself busy with step team, volleyball and dance. However before my eyes it consumed my friend, she became a whole different person I believed our friendship was strong but I was wrong, we chose different paths and grew up. Even though I might not battle hideous eight legged demons I do feel the battle against the gang influence and preventing it from overcoming me is a demon itself in disguise.

After Su Wukong and his brothers defeat these various demons from causing harm to Tan-sangdong, the young monk always manages to bring out the good in these demons by influencing them to use their powers for good. From the legends of Su Wukong I've learned to be confident and that there are always going to be hard times in life. His influence taught me that there are always good in bad things just as there are bad in good things an equal balance of ying and yang, conveying that there is always good in all things. This highly influences the way I think now, that good is always present whether it is from over coming culture barriers, realizing right from wrong or converting yew guays to Buddhism.

Undergraduate / Can you decipher this College App. question? [2]

Hi, im having a problem with this one topic the application ask.

Please describe a situation from your own experience in which you recognized and overcame your own assumptions, biases and prejudices in pursuit of greater understanding and tolerance of others or describe such a situation which continues to challenge you.

-And so can you give a quick example, please- i understand better when its presented that way.

thanks!

Undergraduate / Jackie essay - Demolish my essay or work with it. [3]

Hi ive been working on this essay and it suddenly dawned on me that i dont know if its strong enough, so i need some outside imput.

-Im not finished, becuase if its not good then there is no reason to waste my time when i should be starting another one. So please HELP!

indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.-

Jackie is considered neither a leader nor a role model, he is naïve ( continue ranting on a few of his characteristics and intro. him as my brother, and how ironic it is that he is the influence my life yada yada.)

An evil, almost demonic giggle escaped from my mouth, as I sneered down in triumph at my accomplishment. The sight of my, then smaller, younger brother on the floor, fueled my giggle to a full blown laugh fest. Sadly the abstract of my dominance was soon overridden with reality. The aftermath of my deed, the wrath of my mother and her close friend she only brought out in special occasions, the stick. How I loathed, and still do, the sight of them in juxtaposition to each other, the conclusion of this scene-ended in a cliché . < okay well im still debating should i tie up how this scence is a influence in my life in the same paragraph or should i tie it all up in the conclusion?(Responsibility)

Even though physical quarrels were dated back 10 years ago, my brother and I still engage in common sibling rivalries daily, sometimes hourly. Because we are always with one another, these incidents can not be avoided. However, these rivalries can also be depicted (translated) as bonding exercises; in a peculiar way it strengthens our relationship as siblings. When Jackie, first entered pre- Kindergarten we discovered he had pronunciation problems. There were times when my mother would ask me to translate what he was saying; I thought how odd it was, that my mother couldn't understand her own son. I soon realized that I was immune to Jackie's speech problems. Our relationship advanced to a point where even when he was quite I'd still know what he was thinking. From then on I discovered how strong my sibling bond with my brother actually was. (Empathize)

"Jontfer shut up!" "Why don't you just do as I say" "Your not my mom!" "I know I'm not, but I am your big sister so show me respect!">> in this paragraph i plane to blend this experiance to how i became more mature and a leader

My brother's presence is a significance influence in my life, he can bring out the best and the worst in and because of him whether he knows it or not, I learned important life lessons at an early age. Through our childish quarrels I learned responsibility, from his speech problems I've become an epithetical person, and as being his big sister I matured into a leader. < Detail all that

Thanks!!!