Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by sohaibsiddiqui
Joined: Sep 17, 2011
Last Post: Dec 17, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 18  

From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 21
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sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / Purdue Essay - Aeronautical Engineering [8]

Hi, I just made a few changes. I would like to give you some advice.

Try to make your essay easy to digest. I mean, divide the paragraphs smartly. The sentences which you feel are strong should be just one paragraphs. It would make a sentence stronger and would read easy.

Try not to use the word "but". It is a negative word

Do not use many semicolons.

In my childhood... Should be a separate paragraph.

But I lacked the sufficient knowledge... I suggest you may not need that sentence.

Talk about more about your strengths.

I have made some changes in the introductory paragraph.

Aeronautics has always been my main field of interest. How aircrafts are designed? How the engines are manufactured and implemented with the utmost precision? How the wings are shaped and what not. Even the mere sound of engine fascinates me.

My interests began grew after my first flight, when the entire world of aeronautics was alien to me. The initial take off was frightening and the sound of the engines roaring mid-air was deafening. After a while everything became normal.

Overall, it's a good start. You may need to spend some more time. I ' am sure you will do well..

All the best.

Please do not mind my comments, I just tried to help.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Scholarship / 'I Want to be a Nurse' - fleshing my essay out [2]

Ok, please don't mind if I am harsh. Here are my comments.

GREAT WORK BUD!
Very good essay.

I suggest you make concluding sentence stronger.

Overall- good job
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Important ceremony - Vietnam graduation from high-school [2]

Please re-read it you will find the mistakes yourself.

Still if you want, I shall help you. However i suggest that ou proof-read before posting it. It makes work lot easier.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a difficult divorce' - Common app for ivies [4]

It's a great work. Showing your life and emotions. Room for improvement. I suggest you go to you teachers and improve your writing quality. You may add more depth.

I am also taking help from a friend, he is British and knows nothing about common app either. He has helped me a lot improving my quality and making it better.

All the best.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Sensitivity, responsibility and drive' - Boston University Supplement [7]

While there is no typical BU student, our students have been described as smart, independent, innovative, and curious. What will you bring to this community?

Please be harsh if needed.

So many years have passed, there have been so many changes in appearance, knowledge and character. Most of them have been positive. However my ethics and values remain unchanged. With these ethics and values along with distinguish qualities one can soar high and high towards success.

Sensitivity, responsibility and drive. These are my best friends which have been there with me forever. They have given me support when I needed and helped give and receive respect among my peers.

Shiv Khera said " winners don't do different things, they do things
differently".

I believe my friendship has now reached to a unique distinctive level.

I was in grade 5 when my father eagerly signed me up for summer school Basketball. It was a completely new sport to me. I never followed it, nor played it. Still, I used to find it a very enthusiastic sport. Especially during the game, the court would be jam packed and the game would be full of emotions.

I adored the action-packed moments, joys and spirit. They were phenomenal.

The summer school began and the training was primarily dull. I was reluctant to continue however the hard work and commitment of our trainers towards us really inspired me and gave me confidence that everything will go just fine.

Their dedication motivated me to work harder and do better than the other boys. I would practice a lot. When I would go home, I used to play with high- school players and learn more about the game. I was in love with Basketball. The summer camp went really well.

My trainers were delighted with me put me in the elementary school team. This further motivated and basketball became more than just a passion.

In sophomore year I was admitted to The Starex International School. I have fond memories of the school. I had the best time of my life yet there.

Soon, I was in the new basketball team. The squad was amazing, coach was great. I was surprised to learn that the school had never won the Inter-School Tournament. Time passed and I realized that the the team was not playing as one. Many were not helping each other.

I wanted to help. I was part of the school now. I had to show responsibility towards the team, the coach and most importantly the school.

I started working very hard, I sacrificed my chances and let others finish it. I knew that it could harm my game and I may end up changing my style. That was not my worry, my main concern was to get things right for the team.

My coach saw my effort and made me the captain. My teammates soon started working together. We won the tournament the next year.

I was not the best player in the team. I just played the responsible part.

In my Junior year, I became the head boy of the school. Another challenge and I was up for it. I like challenges and love performing in them. I had a terrific time during this year. It was my time to do something bigger for the students in the school. It was time to be a leader and perform so well and become an example for those around me. School was my family. It was my job to take care of it.

I was there to listen to student complains. I made sure that logistic approaches were apprehended and taken care off.

Also, during that year our school admitted a large number of Korean students. They were the only international students in out school at that very time. They were new to the school and were finding it difficult to mix in.

They used to hangout among themselves. Not many Indian students were also trying to mix up.

It was abhorrent that the school was being divided into two. I felt the Korean students shy, and so were the Indians.

I organized a talent show where I made sure most of the participants were the Koreans. They have some great talent. I thought it was a great opportunity for everyone to get to know them.

The show was awesome. It turned out be a huge hit. Within a month everyone starting getting together. The school became one.

I still feel so proud of that moment. It was my sensitivity towards the school and community that made me think and take a decision my self for the benefit of the community.

I have grown and nourished my attributes even further. Given the opportunity to study in Boston University I want to continue my doings for the betterment of the community.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Graduate / SOP admission in mit - 'exploring possibilities' [4]

Please don't mind if I am harsh. I am just too disappointed with your work.

I am sorry, but you should be responsible enough to post an essay after proof reading it.

You are applying to MIT? You cannot even write th.

You can only get help if you really need it. You are trying to be too wise with you writing. There is no depth. Please re-write it.

Add some substance and less words. You can get help about words here.

I am very disappointed. I expected this to be a very mature and diplomatic essay. Please get serious friend.

IF you have dreams like MIT.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My two years of hope' - Uchicago/Yale/Harvard Supp Essay [8]

Whatever I write please don't mind. I am just trying to help. Also, my thoughts are my perspective. So please don't feel bad.

One thing which I really appreciate about your essay is that you haven broken the paragraphs.

Ok,
Please don't talk about your weakness, never do. Talk about your strengths.eg Use words like challenge instead of pressure.

Don't use the word but, it's very negative. You may use however, although, well. Go to dictionary.com.

The colleges want to see the real you, the stronger and appealing you. Not the weak you.

I feel the theme is weak, still very touching and emotional.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'like to a bowl of soup' - What Perspective would you contribute [2]

I like your starting line. I suggest you should talk about family values. And how they have helped you.
You can also talk about the family back ground.

By values and ethics I mean your culture and your faith in it.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Dec 16, 2011
Undergraduate / My Struggle with Autism -- Common App [8]

Your writing is not bad. However, I would like to give a thought.

Try to break your paragraphs as much as you can. It will make your sentence stronger. Otherwise, your reader(in college) might not pay much attention to the points or sentences where you would want him too.

Just a thought.

I follow it.

All the best
sohaibsiddiqui   
Sep 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the Head-boy of the school' - extra curricular activities [NEW]

Since my childhood I have always being looking forward to attending school regularly. My desire to gain knowledge was of course the priority but the extracurricular classes fascinated me the most

Going to high school was a thrill. I had always been a sports freak, in high school there are a lot of oppurtunities for sports. I tried for the basketball team. The selection month was a tense period. Joy I felt when I was chosen to captain it was inexpressible.

I still remember the excitement in the crowd during every game. The cheering of the crowd every time home team scores is incredible. I lead my team during my all four years in high school. Won the tournament on my senior year.

During my Junior year, I was chosen the Head-boy of the school. Now i was not only contributing to the school but i was leading the whole student council too. I was involved in action for the students. Acknowledgements followed the realization that I had developed synchronized eye and hand movement, confidence and a perfect focus

I look forward to my weekly extra-curricluar activities.I feel that extra curricular activities encourage the growth of an individual and they should not be placed secondary to academic.

Please help me on making it good.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Sep 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My experience with forensics' - Common App [2]

I enjoyed reading your essay. Its very good, just little tweaking here and there might help (read it a coupla more times and dont get too critical.) You can if you want to tone it down a bit, otherwise i would say a good effort.
sohaibsiddiqui   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Family System"- Quest Bridge Biographical Essay [2]

Its a very good essay, you can add some more value to it though, and try to edit it at some places. You can make it more - TO THE POINT.

And, you can tell them, it was easier to adjust in america. Adds another personality- Versatility

You do that, I would take you if i could :)
sohaibsiddiqui   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / My Father- A great Influence ('Learn from others' mistakes') [3]

I am applying to Boston university, Boston college, Bentley, bryant, Northwestern, northeastern, Pepperdine, Loyola marymount, San Diego, San Francisco, University of Virginia, Penn state.

Please give your opinion, and please tell me what chances i have in these colleges.

My Father - A great Influence

"You need not to make a mistake and learn from it; rather learn from the mistakes what others have made"
- Waseem SIddiqui
(My Father)

It's taken me nineteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my father has been in my life. He's the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist he would most want to have his portrait painted by, the kind of father who always has time for his family and the kind of leader who is now heading a multinational company. Growing up with such a strong role model I have developed many of his enthusiasms. I have not only come to love the excitement of learning something new. I have also come to recognize the importance of giving something back to the community, in exchange for the sense of life, love and spirit offered.

My father's life journey has not been an easy one. He moved to Delhi, a big city, from a small town in India. Despite not being fluent in English, he was intelligent. He unsuccessfully applied for a job. His lack of language skill was the issue.

Rejection fuelled his passion for learning. Communication became his priority.

Success came from this burning desire. An example being some while later he interviewed the person who rejected him.

During my Sophomore year I remember explaining to my mother why I got less grades in math. It was the same way dad talks to put something into our heads.

I have come to value every interaction with him. He continually empowers me to learn something new about life, culture, family, and myself. With communication, comes the power of decision making. With any form of power comes responsibility.

While I treasure various his attributes which influenced me, my favorite is Responsibility.

In 2008 he was offered a career opportunity in Bangladesh. His leaving the family primarily made it feel like our leader was missing. As time progressed we adapted. As eldest son, I undertook the lead role. He gave me responsibility and authority. I was trusted to deliver when I was a Junior(High-school). I continued in the same manner as my dad.

I took note of everything and supported my mom and brother fully. I was like the CEO of the house and my dad - the chairman, sitting abroad. Although the position was often challenging, my dad guided me very well.

My unwitting errors of judgment sometimes disappointed him and he would be occasionally fierce with me. Conversely he would take my big blunders with a broken smile, asking me to be more careful next time.

He has always demonstrated his great skills of thought. I have had spectacular experiences in my life. His lead has enabled me to learn to truly value those occasions.

Before he left four years ago, I was always dependent on others. I asked for help continuously, making rash decisions. Growing maturity helped and changed my behavior. I became my own man, a positive which led to good in my life. I stopped asking for help unnecessarily. I became more understanding, and began making responsible decisions. Despite early challenges, my change of style was became positively acknowledged by those around me.

My dad has both indirectly and directly influenced me. In his endless love of everything and everyone he is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home, miles away.

However, Dad will always be by my side.
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