Writing Feedback / 'process of urbanization' - People living in big cities face many problems today [2]

Appreciate all your help in advance. And wish you can give me a score according to ïźŠïźĽïź-ïź'ïźł standard.
Topic :
People living in big cities face many problems today. What are the problems? Should the government encourage people to live in regional towns?
standards: IELTS regular standards

The history of human civilization is entwined with the history of the ways we have learned to plan and supervise a city. Dating back to the very beginning, a market came into being as a result of barters. As time passed, the original tiny market grew larger, with more goods provided, attracting people to settle nearby. It was only owing to such principle, chasing for greater convenience and more commercial opportunities, can a market develop to be a village, a town, a city and even a metropolis.

The process of urbanization has indeed brought great benefits for us human beings. Yet there's a dark side to this picture: we are going too fast in some region. In other words, some big cities are now suffering from all sorts of problems resulted from over-urbanization. Before the government and urban planners could take measures, large amount of people have flooded into big cities, bringing about problems as below:

First of all, traffic. The daily increasing use of private cars has overtaken the capacity of present transportation system. Serious congestions, uprising incidence of road accidents have actually degraded our living quality in cities. The second problem must be real estate price. The supply doesn't meet the demand, price rises: basic economic principle. The house price in big cities has become rather prohibitive, far beyond the level a normal citizen could afford, which has lead to poor residence condition: people share a house or a room. And that will inevitably increase the conflicts among the whole society. The third should be the environment. Large populations are sharing limited natural resources and man-made facilities in big cities. There could only be one consequence: deteriorating environment ï poorer air condition, water and electricity shortage, hot-island effect, which have all been seen in China's big cities.

In fact, all of those existing problems have contradicted our original motives of dwelling in cities. Thus what should we do to rescue our cities? Government plays a vital role in the process. Fundamentally through cooperation with urban and regional planners, government should make a long-term plan of a city's design and construction, including its size, structure, transport layout, infrastructure system, etc. Moreover, government is also supposed to pass appropriate laws and policies to ensure the population growth would keep the same pace with the expansion of the city, for example, encouraging people to settle in sub-cities.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:C7T2: Should there be fixed punishments for each type of crime? [3]

Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on punishment.

Disscuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. At least 250 words.

(hope to get your kindly help and you may give me a score according to IELTS standard if you know it. Thank you all in advance.)

Should there be certain punishments for each particular crime? This is an issue concerned with the order of the society which has long been discussed by the general public. Like every coin has two sides, there are cons and pros against this saying.

Some people go for this statement, by insisting that only through making fixed punishments for each type of crime, will we be able to ensure the justice of the law, for the benefit of every civilian. Or there will emerge some cunning guys, even including some eminent lawyers who are brilliant enough to take advantages of those unfixed regulations to avoid or lessen the punishments that they may originally deserves, or help others to do so, which is very common in nowadays society.

On the contrary, there are also a group of people, including myself, claiming that every crime is an individual case, into which the consideration of circumstances and motivation must be taken. We demand that the court not ignore those vital factors, for the simple reason that it's absolutely and totally differs if a man committed a crime purposely or unintentionally. For the latter one, we believe there are reasons for him to be given a lighter verdict, together with a second chance, as long as all the evidence of the case has been carefully and repeatedly confirmed.

All in all, I personally agree that flexible verdicts could be adopted according to variant conditions of the real cases. Nevertheless, we do need actions to ensure the authenticity of the evidence provided, as well as to avoid such terms being abused.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: How should the visitors and the host country deal with cultural differences? [4]

This is an IELTS essay in Cambridge 6 Test 3 Writing task 2
HERE ARE the instructions.
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My work:

As a result of the rapid development of transportation industry, the world has become much smaller than before, making it much easier for us to visit other countries. Meanwhile, a problem came into being during the process, which arouse a worldwide debate on how the visitors and the host countries should deal with the cultural differences.

Some people claim that the visitors should follow local customs and behavior, by arguing that, as visitors to other countries, what we should do is to visit, to experience and to learn about the various colorful exotic culture, definitely not to change them. Imagine what will happen if every visitor brings in his own custom? Needless to say, soon you will no longer be able to taste the original culture of this region.

On the other hand, there are people holding the opposite view that the host countries should welcome cultural differences. As the globalization is inevitably happening all around the world, which undoubtedly includes the assimilation of culture, it's not too much to say almost no country can resist this global trend, for that is the direction of the history's wheel. Such being the case, why don't they open their door and welcome all "cultural guests"?

Personally, I feel that globalization in all aspects will surely become reality in the long term. But now I do think this issue should be judged by whether the collisions are just some simple cultural differences or have offended the principles or religious dogmas. For example, as is familiar to everyone, for religious reasons it is fairly difficult for the Muslim to embrace any cultural differences, regardless of they are visitors or the host.

In conclusion, I agree if it's not an issue with regard to principles or religious belief, both ways are acceptable and on no ground should be blamed.

Any critical suggestions are welcomed and i'd very grateful.
And if you can, please try to give me a score according to the IELTS standard.

By the way, i don't know if it's appropriate to take the Muslim for example, i mean, it's about religion. would it be too sensitive to talk about? or the examiner is Muslim....

Thank you all in advance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Discussion on whether the huge salary of the sports professionals is fair [3]

I'm new here,:) looking forward for your help. I'd be really appreciated.

This is the IELTS Cambrige 6 Test 2 Task 2
Write about the following topic:
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

When talking about successful sports professional, there's a wide disagreement on if they can earn significantly more money than people in other important occupations.

Some people claim this is fully justified, because the sports professionals have made tremendous effort to become successful. Normally people cannot imagine their hardship. No success can be attained with ease. Thousands of sportsmen and women are training day after day. Getting up at 5 o'clock, while you are still comfortably asleep in bed, is just a start of their whole day's suffering. After years of training and races, most of them will suffer from some kind of pain and injury. But the cruel truth is that luck only comes to the very few. The successful ones are just a tiny part of the whole group, and many have retired silently, with neither popularity, nor huge fortune, but only an injured body. So when they do succeed, they deserve what they get.

On the other hand, there are people holding different opinion that the athletes' income is unfair. There are so many other professions in the world that might contribute to the society comparatively more while getting less reward. The government should reallocate its money at a reasonable proportion to different field based on their own significance.

Perhaps there's an element of truth in both two sides, but in my opinion, every contribution, no matter how much it is, deserves to be awarded accordingly. So I would go for the first opinion that the sports professionals deserve what they get. But I also think that some re-balance measurement shall be put in place to ensure fairness in other professions' reward.