Jstuff36
Oct 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I need to take combined 36 words off these two essay's; script from a Hollywood [2]
Hello all, thank you for taking the time to read this. As the title says i need to take 36 words off these two essay's i have already edited them down by about 300 words, but I'm stuck on the last 36. If you could read through them and tell me what you see as nonessential or what could be reworded to be shorter I would be extrememly happy, and would proof your essays! Thanks!
Very few people have had an adult life that so closely mirrors a script from a Hollywood movie than my Dad.
?When he graduated from college, he was hired as a golf pro. After five years he had saved enough money to open his own restaurant and put to use his degree in restaurant management. Within two years of opening Everett's in Missouri, my Dad's restaurant had taken off and he was making more money than he had imagined. One day a smiling blond haired girl walked into his restaurant and asked for a job. Not only did she get a job, my Dad married her; but after two years and two kids, they divorced. Through the next ten years my Dad opened two more restaurants, but with marginal success. When the recession hit in the early 2000's the two newest restaurants closed. Then for two years my Dad began working fifty hour-weeks to keep his last restaurant open, but it eventually had to close.
?Everything my Dad had worked for over twenty years to obtain was stripped from him. In a Hollywood movie with a story similar to my Dad's, there is always a happy ending. This is real life. My Dad is the one that has to make things better for us. What would most people do? Give up? Not my Dad, he immediately started to find work, be it a 9-to-5 jobs or washing dishes. For the last three years my Dad has worked at different jobs to support my brother and me, and while we are not flourishing, we are getting by because of my Dad.
?One day I hope to have the courage and perseverance of my Dad. I know he has tried to instill these virtues in my brother and me. I know that he has succeeded, because when I feel like giving up on something, whether a test or a project, I always think of my Dad and his journey over the past four years. This encourages me to keep going at it until I am satisfied. For instance when I was in accelerated pre-calculus class. I was struggling to understand the material, but I did my homework every night and went to multiple study groups. I did not pass with flying colors, but I survived. Friends and teachers tell me I am the hardest worker they know, and I believe I possess this because of my Dads influence. I know that I will carry his determination, commitment, and diligence with me to college and throughout my life. I will be able to keep them in my back pocket like little lessons I can look back on when I am going through difficult times, and I have a life, career, and family of my own.
How do I describe what it is like being an exchange student? Wonderful? Exciting? Difficult? Amazing? A thousand words could not touch on all the joys and terrors of being on an exchange. This adventure will forever change me because I'm the one who has to take care of myself and do things that my parents use to help me with. For example, manage my money and make sure I stay safe. My host family helps me, but ultimately it is my responsibility. This sudden change will force me to mature more than I ever could in my U.S., home. How could I learn tolerance if I did not have to get used to something I did not like? Every day, I am surrounded by uncomfortable things, but I have to deal with them. I am learning that I have to judge things and other people more slowly.
This year will teach me more about the world than I could ever get out of a textbook. Everyday I am exposed to new experiences and things. I learned what diversity is when I sat in a room with people from all over the world sharing stories about their homes and their cultures. Living in this new culture, will teach me about my American culture.
I have learned more about myself in the past two months than I ever have. Like how I cope with difficult problems that. For example, wanting to hug someone more than ever, but a computer screen won't let you. Or desperately trying to tell someone something, but you have no idea how to say it. Many of the problems that I faced will challenge me again in college, but next time I will be better equipped to deal with them.
Have you ever sat in a room and listened to people speak, yell, and laugh in a language you cannot understand? Have you ever desperately wanted to talk, to say something, but not been able to? Been so frustrated that you want to scream, but if you do people would not understand why you are having this sudden burst of emotion. They cannot understand that you are upset, frustrated, and lonely. Everyday in the beginning of my exchange I felt like this. When I sat in school, in my small wooden desk covered in writing that I did not understand, my thoughts were the only thing to keep me company. Thoughts can be a dangerous thing when you miss something greatly, because they always drift back to what you miss the most. I knew I needed to keep preoccupied in school, so I began to study Spanish everyday, all day. With time, I began increase my vocabulary, and with my vocabulary I began to be able to communicate.
For the first month of my exchange, my brain was always exhausted while I desperately tried to learn a new language. At first, I could only pick out certain words, but with time I improved. Now, I can understand almost all, and by the time you read this I am confident I will be fluent in Spanish. People take knowing a language for granted, but when they have to learn one to make friends, the true value of a language is apparent. Learning a new language forces a person to risk mistakes, and learn from them. Now, when I look back at all I have accomplished, I know that I can conquer anything.
Hello all, thank you for taking the time to read this. As the title says i need to take 36 words off these two essay's i have already edited them down by about 300 words, but I'm stuck on the last 36. If you could read through them and tell me what you see as nonessential or what could be reworded to be shorter I would be extrememly happy, and would proof your essays! Thanks!
Very few people have had an adult life that so closely mirrors a script from a Hollywood movie than my Dad.
?When he graduated from college, he was hired as a golf pro. After five years he had saved enough money to open his own restaurant and put to use his degree in restaurant management. Within two years of opening Everett's in Missouri, my Dad's restaurant had taken off and he was making more money than he had imagined. One day a smiling blond haired girl walked into his restaurant and asked for a job. Not only did she get a job, my Dad married her; but after two years and two kids, they divorced. Through the next ten years my Dad opened two more restaurants, but with marginal success. When the recession hit in the early 2000's the two newest restaurants closed. Then for two years my Dad began working fifty hour-weeks to keep his last restaurant open, but it eventually had to close.
?Everything my Dad had worked for over twenty years to obtain was stripped from him. In a Hollywood movie with a story similar to my Dad's, there is always a happy ending. This is real life. My Dad is the one that has to make things better for us. What would most people do? Give up? Not my Dad, he immediately started to find work, be it a 9-to-5 jobs or washing dishes. For the last three years my Dad has worked at different jobs to support my brother and me, and while we are not flourishing, we are getting by because of my Dad.
?One day I hope to have the courage and perseverance of my Dad. I know he has tried to instill these virtues in my brother and me. I know that he has succeeded, because when I feel like giving up on something, whether a test or a project, I always think of my Dad and his journey over the past four years. This encourages me to keep going at it until I am satisfied. For instance when I was in accelerated pre-calculus class. I was struggling to understand the material, but I did my homework every night and went to multiple study groups. I did not pass with flying colors, but I survived. Friends and teachers tell me I am the hardest worker they know, and I believe I possess this because of my Dads influence. I know that I will carry his determination, commitment, and diligence with me to college and throughout my life. I will be able to keep them in my back pocket like little lessons I can look back on when I am going through difficult times, and I have a life, career, and family of my own.
How do I describe what it is like being an exchange student? Wonderful? Exciting? Difficult? Amazing? A thousand words could not touch on all the joys and terrors of being on an exchange. This adventure will forever change me because I'm the one who has to take care of myself and do things that my parents use to help me with. For example, manage my money and make sure I stay safe. My host family helps me, but ultimately it is my responsibility. This sudden change will force me to mature more than I ever could in my U.S., home. How could I learn tolerance if I did not have to get used to something I did not like? Every day, I am surrounded by uncomfortable things, but I have to deal with them. I am learning that I have to judge things and other people more slowly.
This year will teach me more about the world than I could ever get out of a textbook. Everyday I am exposed to new experiences and things. I learned what diversity is when I sat in a room with people from all over the world sharing stories about their homes and their cultures. Living in this new culture, will teach me about my American culture.
I have learned more about myself in the past two months than I ever have. Like how I cope with difficult problems that. For example, wanting to hug someone more than ever, but a computer screen won't let you. Or desperately trying to tell someone something, but you have no idea how to say it. Many of the problems that I faced will challenge me again in college, but next time I will be better equipped to deal with them.
Have you ever sat in a room and listened to people speak, yell, and laugh in a language you cannot understand? Have you ever desperately wanted to talk, to say something, but not been able to? Been so frustrated that you want to scream, but if you do people would not understand why you are having this sudden burst of emotion. They cannot understand that you are upset, frustrated, and lonely. Everyday in the beginning of my exchange I felt like this. When I sat in school, in my small wooden desk covered in writing that I did not understand, my thoughts were the only thing to keep me company. Thoughts can be a dangerous thing when you miss something greatly, because they always drift back to what you miss the most. I knew I needed to keep preoccupied in school, so I began to study Spanish everyday, all day. With time, I began increase my vocabulary, and with my vocabulary I began to be able to communicate.
For the first month of my exchange, my brain was always exhausted while I desperately tried to learn a new language. At first, I could only pick out certain words, but with time I improved. Now, I can understand almost all, and by the time you read this I am confident I will be fluent in Spanish. People take knowing a language for granted, but when they have to learn one to make friends, the true value of a language is apparent. Learning a new language forces a person to risk mistakes, and learn from them. Now, when I look back at all I have accomplished, I know that I can conquer anything.
