Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by KeonYe
Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Last Post: Feb 26, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 17  

From: Malaysia

Displayed posts: 23
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
KeonYe   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Illinois Academic Interests and Goals - Legend [5]

I have edited my essay again. This time I tried to make change on my last paragraph based on your comment. But due to the word limit I could not elaborate as much as you suggested. Besides that, I have also edited my 3rd paragraph (I feel I overdid it to write environment and medic in one paragraph, so I just stick to medic now). Please comment.
KeonYe   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Why U of Illinois (puzzle) [7]

tell my plans when I attend the school? but the word limit is only 300 and I am already very near to that. I doubt I could add any details more =.=
KeonYe   
Feb 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Why U of Illinois (puzzle) [7]

I have edited my essay a little. Could you help judge which is better? As I personally feel that the 2nd point for my 1st draft is a little generic. Thanks!
KeonYe   
Feb 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Summer Program (Contribution to the diversity of the culture) [5]

In an educational environment, having diversity of cultures is of utmost importance

it would be looked at from multiple perspectives

some people that are not even blood related

It is a lot better than previous version in my opinion. By the way why don't you help me with my essay too? I need proofreading seriously. LOL
KeonYe   
Feb 25, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Illinois Academic Interests and Goals - Legend [5]

In an essay of 300 words or less, write about how your personal or academic interests relate to your intellectual or professional goals.

Legend

From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a child, I disassembled toy cars into smaller components and investigated them. Often, to me, toys were not simply toys but vehicles of learning. My curiosity about physics had evoked endless "whys" in my mind and had driven me along in search for answers.

I frequently updated myself with the latest knowledge about science to fulfil my curiosity. It was eye-opening to learn about every wonder created by engineers. From ASIMO robots that could clean my house to hydrogen vehicles that are environmentally friendly to WowWee Robotics RoboPets that have been children's companions, the way these wonders benefited the society truly enthralled me. As I believed that knowledge shines brighter when used for the sake of the society, I set my goal to contribute as a mechanical engineer.

As an engineer, I would constantly research and learn, in hopes to improve human living standard especially in the medical field by creating medical robots like BRIGIT which is used in orthopaedic surgery. I want to specialize in the area of robotics, not only for my interest, but also because I see the prospects in this field. As humans' ability to handle tasks is limited, robots that work with a higher efficiency can help supplement the human force. I want to help maintain human health, not as a doctor but as an engineer who can help in surgery by developing more efficient surgery equipments to increase the chances for a successful operation.

Being in an excellent academic environment of UIUC, I will continue feeding my curiosity with knowledge. Equipping myself with the knowledge and experience I gain from UIUC, I will definitely be a legend who creates wonders for the world.

Please help me with this essay. Are the supporting details specific and strong enough? I'm especially afraid that my essay would seem generic. And also please help me with my grammar, essay structure etc. Thanks!
KeonYe   
Feb 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Why U of Illinois (puzzle) [7]

In an essay of 300 words or less, explain to us your decision to apply for transfer to the University of Illinois.

Puzzle

After researching various universities thoroughly, I am confident that I would fit perfectly as a puzzle piece that complements the masterpiece of UIUC. UIUC offers what I expect from an ideal university: an excellent academic environment and diversified programs ongoing.

From an early age, I have aspired to succeed as an engineer. I enjoy conducting experiments and research, as I believe that knowledge will only be handy when put into practice. With over 1,900 research projects progressing at the College of Engineering, UIUC is one of the best known research institutions in the United States. Its wide variety of research activities would allow me to further explore engineering in-depth and gain valuable experience. By immersing myself at research centers such as CSAR and ATREL, I expect to equip myself with better abilities and bring innovative technologies from the university into the real world.

I would also like to partake in the diversified programs offered by UIUC. By joining programs such as Human Connections, I expect broadening my knowledge and perspective. I have always appreciated world history and culture as I think it is the differences in cultures that make the world more colorful. As an international student from Malaysia, I want to meet with others from different walks of life and share my perspective and thinking in UIUC. I believe that by embracing different cultures and perspectives, I could grow into a better individual.

UIUC is simply a masterpiece. With everything that it has to offer, including a top notch engineering program and diverse student body, I would greatly benefit through its program. My expected contributions to the university will also add to the legacy of UIUC. Like a puzzle piece, I would make the perfect fit into UIUC and be honored to be a part of the masterpiece.

Please help me with this essay. This is one of my top choice schools which I really hope to get in.. (although it's competitive -.-)

1. Are the supporting details specific and strong enough?
2. The word limit is 300 but my essay is 311.. Could anyone help me to cut it down a little? I'm actually thinking whether should I talk JUST about the first point (academic environment)

3. Is it ok to use acronym? Like UIUC instead of University of Illinois Urbana Champaign.. the full name takes a lot of space
4. Please help me with my grammar, essay structure etc

KeonYe   
Feb 22, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Minnesota - My Dream, My Will [4]

In English, describe your educational interests and goals, educational background, special interests, and plans for when you return to your home country. Include any information you would like the Admissions Committee to be aware of, including any extenuating circumstances. You must write this statement yourself without help from others. (Maximum 4,000 characters)

My Dream, My Will

From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a kid, I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from Lego bricks. I also separated old toy cars into electronic components and plastic pieces, and reassembled them back together. From these ordinary toys, I derived my incessant enthusiasm for physics. "Why are the wheels of the toy cars made of rubber?" "How can I increase the car's velocity?" These types of questions always intruded my mind. Using limited materials and knowledge, I sought for the answers to every question I had. For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and there I had successfully increased the car's speed. Toys were not just toys for me, but often vehicles of learning.

During my high school years, I was acquainted with subjects like Physics and Chemistry. Many questions to which I could not find the answers were answered by these subjects. I acknowledged science, particularly physics, as my true interest. Hence, I wanted to be an engineer. However, I often questioned myself, am I eligible to be one? It was a question to which I could not find the answer in any Physics books. I decided to work part-time for a computer company during my school holidays in search for the answer.

I had been exposed to more knowledge about technology in the computer company. I was awed but not intimidated by the intricate electronic components as my interest in physics intrigued me to learn more. However, I did not always do well. I accidentally connected the wrong wire on a motherboard and damaged it. Although I faced failure, I never shirked. If I could not even handle a computer, how could I handle projects such as automobile designs as an engineer in the future? The failure in installing a motherboard may simply involve monetary loss, but failure in handling an engineering project could involve loss of human lives! Learning from my mistakes, I was finally able to set up and repair computers independently. I felt confident in myself and believed that I could do well in engineering.

To prepare myself adequately for the engineering courses, I received a well-rounded education including studies in sciences and humanities. I took Calculus, Physics and Chemistry as these subjects help provide a strong foundation for my further studies in engineering. The theories about dynamics, differential equations, and others which I learned from these subjects would definitely turn out useful when I need to apply them in the real working field. I also took humanities subjects like Introduction to Moral Education and Ethics. These subjects helped build my characteristics. I believe that a good personality plays an important role for an engineer as this career requires strong interpersonal skills.

I set my goal to become a mechanical engineer, as I feel the need to contribute. I believe that knowledge shines the most when it is used for other people's sakes. Hence, I aim to improve human life with my knowledge. Being a government-sponsored student, I would be working for the Malaysian government as the sponsorship's condition stated after completing my tertiary education. Then, I will start contributing to society and also accumulating solid work experience by working with different people. However, I do not foresee myself working in the government sector for life. After serving the government for six years, I plan to work in the private sector or open my own engineering firm. I target myself to become a top Professional Engineer in the area of robotics in ten years time.

The University of Minnesota will help bring me to my goals. I will graduate and go back to Malaysia not only as an engineer but also as a person with further dreams to be achieved. Then, I will fully devote myself to achieving them. I am prepared to excel at any endeavor and commit myself to Malaysia, the world, and also my dreams. With the passion driving me, I anticipate to be a leader, a thinker, and an outstanding individual.

(3982 characters with spaces)

Please help me with this essay. Does it answer the essay prompt correctly? Please also help me with my grammar, essay structure etc. Thanks!
KeonYe   
Feb 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Short Response Questions (2 goals, difficult situation): Stevenson Uni [3]

Maybe you can try different ways of starting each response
Q: Describe a time when you were having trouble in school..
A: A time when I had trouble in school was when I received..
It might seem a little boring when you begin all responses in the same way :)
KeonYe   
Jan 29, 2009
Undergraduate / (Reborn Me) - U of Texas Topic E Issue of Importance [2]

Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Reborn Me

The elegant Guzheng's sound slipped through the silent air. With every beat of the Chinese 24-seasons drums, a group of figures moved gracefully. The audience, struck by the beauty of ancient Chinese dance and the power of modern street dance, did not blink their eyes even once. I made a flip and successfully put an end to the performance. At the moment when I heard the clapping of acknowledgement from the audience, I knew that I would regret it if I did not make the right choice to accept this fateful performance.

Three months before the performance, I hesitated when my friend Peter approached me and asked me to be the choreographer and dancer for this performance. It was a dance performance combining both modern street dance and ancient Chinese dance into one. I might be good at both street dance and Chinese dance, but combining both? It is like asking me to mix oil and water together. Furthermore, being engaged with other activities and exams, I had no confidence to live up to Peter's expectation. However, my passion for dance fought against my lack of confidence. I kept asking myself: "Do you want to miss doing something in which you are really interested?" It was not only for my friend Peter, the performance organizer, but also for my passion for dance.

Finally, my passion prevailed over my hesitance. Although it might consume much time and effort, I wanted to work hard for my passion. I wanted to feel alive. This experience has completely changed me. Before this, I never thought street dance and Chinese dance could be combined together. With the help from Peter, I had tried different combinations. I finally found that matching old Chinese music with new Hip-hop dance and a little of Choseon dance would work out the best after much hard work. Through this opportunity, I realized that the word "impossible" often diminishes the will to try and work hard. Hence, we have to have "hard work" and "belief", which are the natural enemies of "impossible". As long as we hold our beliefs and work toward accomplishing them, we can paint rainbows even in the darkest of nights.

Because of my acceptance of Peter's request to choreograph and perform, I have greatly reduced his burden to hold this event successfully. I derived much satisfaction when I heard the word "thanks" from Peter. After all, it is not bad to spend time with friends, lend them a hand when they need it. As we walk through our paths of life, we might overlook many valuable things. From a young age, I have always put forth a full effort on my studies. Hours spent every day were just for a result slip with "A"s on it in exchange. Although I would join friends' outings occasionally, I did not really enjoy spending time on ice-skating or playing tennis with them. I would rather study for examinations, read scientific encyclopedias and study about world cultures. From this experience, I learned that life is not merely about studies or future career. Sometimes, slowing our pace in the current fast-paced lifestyle and caring about people around us offer new perspectives. If it were not for the people in our lives, we would not become the people we are.

Through this issue, I am no longer lack of confidence and now dare to pursue my goals. Engineering has always been the ideal career for which I yearn. No matter how hard the path in front of me would be, I am prepared and I endeavor to work for it. I will take every chance to conduct researches, partake in different investigations, and fully prepare myself to become a successful engineer during the courses in the College of Engineering of the University of Texas at Austin. I am also not the old Kent Yee who was indifferent of the people around him. I appreciate building relationships with different people and helping them. From interacting with them, I embrace different cultures, thinking, and perspectives. Hence, I evolve into a better person. Living in the current, cold, fast-paced society, I urge to help even more people, not only my friends and family, but also people whom I do not know. Now, I would visit senior citizen homes and orphanages to volunteer myself. There are still many people who need the concern of society. I want to be not only a mechanical engineer, but also a 'soul engineer'.

Standing on the stage, I was glad that I discovered something new within me and in the world. As if the audiences were clapping for my new transformation, I truly enjoyed the sound made by the collisions of palms. This seemingly insignificant issue has turned me into a significant person. Welcome, the newly reborn me.

Please help with my grammar, essay flow, idea, and overall impression. Did I answer the essay prompt correctly? Deadline is approaching >< pls help me~~ Thank you.
KeonYe   
Jan 28, 2009
Undergraduate / I have always prided myself on my ability to make delicious rojak - U of Wisconsin [7]

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

The Rojak Theory

I have always prided myself on my ability to make delicious rojak. Rojak, meaning "mixture", is a salad dish commonly found in Malaysia. It is made from different foods such as pears, pineapples, and youtiao, along with a special spicy sauce. I find great satisfaction from making rojak. Not only blending different ingredients, but creating the chemistry between them is also required to make a delicious rojak. Come to think of it, I actually resemble a rojak ingredient.

As a Chinese Malaysian, I grew up in a multi-cultural environment. However, I still retained my own individuality as a person of Chinese descent. I went to Chinese elementary school, learned Chinese calligraphy, studied Daxue, and only mingled around with Chinese. Despite being in a diverse environment of Malaysia, I never understood other cultures around me. Until I entered a Malay high school, I finally learned to appreciate the cultural diversity among people. When I first stepped into the Malay high school, everything seemed so different to me. The language spoken was no longer the Chinese language I listened from young. The buildings seen were designed based on Malay style. Even the way a class was conducted was different and new for me. Not getting used to the new environment, I was like a rojak ingredient that could not mix well with others, always lonely and secluded.

However, I started to open myself when Zul, a Malay student, approached and befriended me. He taught me a lot about Malay culture so that I could make myself comfortable in school. He even introduced me to all his friends. He was the one who enlightened me with his "Rojak Theory", which stated that human even from different backgrounds can be blended together like distinctive rojak ingredients to create a new flavor, a new diverse environment. After knowing him, I have become more outgoing. I am no longer afraid of meeting new people or adapting to a different environment. Like a "rojak ingredient" that was blended with other ingredients, I started to mingle with not only Malay students but also Indian, White, and Portuguese students in my school. I tried to understand and embrace their cultures. In the same way of which the distinctive flavor of each ingredient contributes to the uniqueness of the rojak's flavor, I assimilate myself with other people from different cultures to create a diverse yet harmonious ambience.

If it were not for Zul, I would not be a "rojak ingredient" that always wants to contribute a different flavor in the lives of others. During my time at the University of Wisconsin, I would apply the "Rojak Theory" and partake in the diverse campus community. Besides achieving my goal of becoming an engineer, I being a "rojak" which combines different Asian cultures into one, want to bring new perspectives, cultures, and experiences from the East to the West. As a Chinese descent, I could share the values I learned from Daxue and teach calligraphy. As a Malaysian, I could bring Malaysian culture and teach making rojak. As a distinctive individual, I could contribute opinions from a different point of view. I would also like to learn about different cultures from my friends there. I will turn the university campus into a delicious rojak, with different beautiful cultures complementing each others. I will tolerate, understand, embrace and grow in diversity.

With tolerance and understanding, I will be a "rojak ingredient" that enriches the campus of the University of Wisconsin intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. Simultaneously, the University of Wisconsin will also be a place where I can achieve academic excellence and explore new perspectives. We will complete each other.

Please help with my grammar, essay flow, idea, and overall impression. Did I answer the essay prompt correctly? Deadline is approaching >< pls help me~~ Thank you.

And Im planning to reuse this essay for U of Texas Topic C as well..
the essay prompt is below:

There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Would u guys think it's suitable? In my opinion, it should be alright as it seems to be a free topic according to "There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information." Thanks again!
KeonYe   
Jan 27, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Texas, Austin Topic A (every stage of my life) [9]

Thanks silverystars and Kevin!
So I guess this essay has answered the prompt correctly? since I initially had this essay used for other essay prompt.. I had editted it a lil for this prompt tho
KeonYe   
Jan 26, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Texas, Austin Topic A (every stage of my life) [9]

Every stage in my life through which I have walked has helped disinter my potential. Coming to this stage, I deeply understand what my true calling is. I consider myself have lived my life fully so far as I have never given up but been constantly working hard for my interest in physics. I feel very motivated to pursue my goals in life and I believe that through instilling myself with endless knowledge and willingness to put forth extra efforts, I can achieve my goal of becoming an engineer.

From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a kid, I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from Lego bricks. I also separated old toy cars into electronic components and plastic pieces, and of course, tried putting them back together. From all these seemingly ordinary toys, I derived my incessant curiosity and enthusiasm for physics. "Why are the wheels of the toy cars made of rubber but not plastic?" "How can I increase the car's velocity?" These types of questions always popped out in my mind. Using limited materials and knowledge, I sought for the answers to every question I had. For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and there I had successfully increased the car's speed. Toys were not just toys for me, but often vehicles of learning.

As I grew up, I was acquainted with subjects like Physics and Chemistry. Many of the questions which I could not find the answers to were answered by these subjects during my high school education. Discovering the world fascinated me; revealing the truth enthralled me. I acknowledged science, particularly physics, as my true interest. Hence, I wanted to be an engineer. However, I often questioned, am I eligible to be one? It was a question to which I could not find the answer in any Physics book. I decided to work part-time for a computer company during my school holidays in search for the answer to this question.

I had been exposed to more knowledge about technology working there. I was awed but not intimidated by the intricate electronic components. After all, physics intrigued me and that interest pushed me to learn more. However, I did not always do well. I accidentally connected the wrong wire on a motherboard and damaged it. Although I faced failure, I never shirked. If I could not even handle a computer, how could I be an engineer who would someday be involved in some big projects like automobile design? The failure in installing a motherboard only costs me money, but failure in handling a project as an engineer could cost human lives! Learning from my mistakes, I was finally able to set up and repair computers independently. I felt confident and believed that I could do well in engineering.

To prepare myself adequately for engineering course, I receive a well-rounded education including studies in sciences and humanities. I took up Calculus, Physics and Principles of Chemistry as these are the core subjects for an engineering student. The theories about dynamics, differential equation, and others which I learned from these subjects would definitely turn out useful when I need to apply them in the real working field. Besides that, I also took up humanities subjects like Introduction to Moral Education & Ethics. These subjects helped build up my characteristics. I believe that a good personality plays an important role especially for an engineer as this career requires strong interpersonal skills.

I set my goal to becoming an engineer, particularly a mechanical engineer, as I feel the need to contribute. I believe that knowledge shines the most when it is used for other people's sakes. Hence, I aim to improve human life with my knowledge. Being a government-sponsored student, I would be working for the Malaysian government as the sponsorship's condition stated after completing my tertiary education in the University of Texas, Austin. By then, it will be the time I contribute to the society. I will also start accumulating solid working experiences by working with different people. However, I do not foresee myself working in the government sector for my life. After serving the government for six years, I plan to work in the private sector or open my own engineering firm. I wish to specialize in the area of mechatronics and robotics and target myself to become a top Professional Engineer in this field in ten years time.

The University of Texas, Austin will help bring me to my goals. I will graduate and go back to Malaysia not only as an engineer but also as a person with further dreams to be achieved. That time, I will fully devote myself to achieving them. I am fully prepared to excel at any endeavor and commit myself to Malaysia, the world and also my dreams. With the passion driving me, I anticipate to be a leader, a thinker and an outstanding individual.

Please help me with my grammar and also the essay flow, idea, and overall impression. Did I answer the essay prompt correctly? Comments are all welcomed. Deadline is approaching >< pls help me~~ Thank you.