Graduate / M.Fin - graduate admission; important result [3]

Please help me check the grammar and provide any suggestions you come up with. Thanks in advance.

Please describe a time when you worked effectively with people to accomplish an important result. (300 words or fewer, limited to one page)

During my internship at Unclaimed Property Division of NC Department of State Treasurer, I assisted my boss to pack and order tangible properties for appraisal. This work included finding property information papers, numbering bags with property IDs, inserting information pages into corresponding bags, transferring tangible properties from safe keeping boxes to bags, and organizing the bags with tangible properties in order.

My supervisor used to work by himself in the past. He told me the steps that he usually took. After I understand all processes needed, I came up a new way to do the work. My supervisor noticed that my speed was faster than his and thus allowed me to continue with my method. He also asked me to "assign" him what he could do to help me further improve efficiency. Because the work had several steps and some steps could be done simultaneously, we divided those steps into two parts to do it together. Under our corporation, we shorten the period of the work to three days from over one week.

Graduate / Essay to describe a situation when persuasion changed someone's behaviour - M.Fin [2]

Essay 2: Please describe a situation in which you were able to use persuasion to successfully convince someone to see things your way. (300 words or fewer, limited to one page)

Now it's 326 words, I feel that the first paragraph is too wordy and I used the word "monthly" many times. Please help me with my grammar and offer me any suggestions you come up in your mind. Thanks in advance. I appreciate.

When I first started my school in the United States, I used the supplementary credit card issued under my mother's account to pay the school tuition once a semester. In 2010, I discovered the option to pay for the school by monthly installment, and then I suggested my parents to switch to the new payment method. At the beginning, my parents did not agree with me because they did not obvious benefits to change to the plan. Although the monthly payment plan does not charge interests, there is a three percent transaction fee by using credit card to pay off the tuition. However, my parents changed their minds after I elaborated my following points on advantages of using monthly payment plan to pay for the school.

First of all, through the monthly plan, we would pay a relative lower tuition by taking advantage of the appreciation of Chinese Yuan (RMB). As China's economy continues to grow fast, I believe that the appreciation of RMB is unavoidable. Due to the credit card I used to pay for the college was issued by a Chinese bank, the actual amount I paid would be determined by the exchange rate on the day of repayment. Therefore, when Chinese Yuan appreciated, I actually paid a lower tuition.

Another benefit of the monthly tuition plan is to reduce required cash from my parents. My parents used to sell some of their holding stocks to provide about $10,000 dollars for me to pay for my tuition at every beginning of a semester. This action affected the investment plan of my parents. If I only need $2,000 dollars every month, my parents will not have to adjust their investment plan to have a big amount of cashes.

With my above points, my parents agreed with me that the advantages of the monthly payment is bigger than the drawbacks and I changed to pay for my tuition through the monthly plan ever since.

Graduate / 'dreamed to travel around the world' - UT at Austin MPA personal statment [NEW]

Explain how obtaining a Master's degree at the McCombs School of Business will assist you in further defining and achieving your primary personal and/or professional life goals. Why is now the best time for you to pursue this degree? Your explanation should include, but not necessarily be limited to, a description of both your intermediate and longer-term career goals, as well as a current vision of your desired employment upon graduation. Be specific.

Have you ever dreamed to travel around the world? Will you consider working in taxation to realize your dream? Yes, I am. I plan to be an international tax professional in a public accounting firm in realization of my world-travel dream. My purpose of seeing the world is to learn from differences, of which taxation is an inevitable one.

I enjoy travelling because it gives me a chance to learn from differences. The differences in language, cuisine, living style, transportation, and even restroom facilities are cultural characteristics that make each area of this world unique. Observing and understanding the difference in each area is interesting to me and makes me reexamine and improve myself.

I have never noticed the importance role of taxation in a territory's social and economic system until I came to the U.S. to pursue my college degree. If I purchased something, there would be a sales tax. If I have earned money through the year, I would better pay attention when the April 15th was approaching. In the economics class, professors always reminded me tax was used by government to intervene the market. Finance teachers kept saying how taxes affected capital structure. This unique experience makes me realize that understanding taxation is another way to understand a country's better.

It is with great interest that I am applying for admission to the Traditional Master of Professional Accounting (MPA) program at the McCombs School of Business. The curriculum will help me obtain knowledge of international taxation in various topics, such as the role of tax treaties. I believe that the MPA program will facilitate my future success.

One of the reasons for my interest in international taxation is that it requires accounting knowledge and economic analysis. Upon taking various accounting and economics courses, I have realized that accounting is a language for managers to communicate with investors while economics helps people analyze issues from a macro perspective. I admire both ways of thinking and seek to work at the intersection of both fields.

I am passionate to pursue a position in the arena of international taxation for corporations. By studying taxation systems in various territories I would have a glance of their economy conditions. In addition, while more and more corporations are going globally, I would see how multinational businesses achieve their goals in a tax-efficient manner. This work will provide me lifelong learning in a dynamic field.

Another topic attracting me is tax issues arising from business reorganization. From my tax and finance courses, I noticed that taxation played a vital role in deciding business structure. I hope to explore the tax issues related merger and acquisition by taking ACC 384.4 Tax Planning for Business Entities at McCombs School of Business.

In the long term of my career, I expect to advice developing and under-developed countries on achieving their economy initiatives through establishing effective taxation systems, starting from my home country-People's Republic of China. In the past a few years, China reformed its financial reporting to meet international standards while enormous foreign investments came to China. After years of double digits GDP growth, China is facing challenges in transition from manufacturing-based economy to knowledge-based economy. In accordance with opening market to foreign investors, China grants various tax incentives for manufacturing enterprises. When China's economy form is possible going to change, China also needs to a new tax incentive structure to achieve its new goal. I hope to use my international taxation background to help China transform to next economy stage successfully.

In order to achieve these goals, I am working hard to gain a Bachelor of Arts in Economics and a Bachelor of Science in Accounting at Meredith College, which is one of two independent women's colleges to receive AACSB accreditation in the world. Beyond accounting and economics, I have taken other courses to develop my creativity and technology skills. I was happy to have two photos selected for the Annual Juried Student Art Exhibition at the school. Additionally, I am glad to have a chance to apply my knowledge learned from web design class to create a website for a study abroad program offered by the School of Business to enhance my presentation skills.

In the summer of 2010, I attended summer school at London School of Economics and Political Science. This experience combined my eager to travel and my willingness to learn in an exceptional institution. Besides making friends with people around the world, I gained less biased perspective towards other cultures and people, which I believe would be valued in the globalized business environment.

Last summer, I was fortunate to have an internship offered by the North Carolina Department of State Treasurer. In my project of organizing tangible receipts and reports from 1980-1997, my ability to work with accuracy and close to detail was extremely crucial. In assistance to prepare unclaimed tangible properties for appraisal, I was able to reduce a week's work to a couple of days.

While convergence project of Generally Accepted Accounting Principles and International Financial Reporting Standards is undergoing, and reform of taxation is proposed by presidential candidates in the United States, I believe now is the ideal time for me to get in-depth training in tax planning and financial reporting. Moreover, the wide breath of accounting knowledge in the MPA program can help me review for the CPA exam, which I am planning to pass before summer 2013. I would like to build a strong knowledge base before starting work full time.

The MPA program at McCombs School of Business is widely recognized as the top accounting program in the United States with its renowned faculties and energetic students. I am eager to start a new journey to make me more professional and competitive in the international accounting field. I believe I am a competent applicant based on my strong academic background and rich experience, and I sincerely ask for your favorable consideration for admission.

please let me what I should take out, what I should keep, what I should add, and any grammar errors. Thanks in advance.