Undergraduate / 'Gallatin's dream' - NYU Supplement Essay - Why NYU? [5]

Very concise and pleasing to read. I offer only one piece of advice: you should probably capitalize the "m" in "mecca." Well done, Erica!

Undergraduate / Why NYU? "New York is dynamic melting pot full of inspiration" [6]

Nicely done! However, I do think that you should keep as much focus on the school as possible, so mention the ethnic diversity of the campus, not just the city. Other than that, I don't see anything else worth correcting.

Undergraduate / 'small seminar classes' - What influenced me to apply to Barnard [3]

You're off to a great start, but I think the essay needs one little thing to make it perfect. I think you should include reasons as to WHY a liberal arts education intrigues you, rather than just saying you want one. Just a couple of details about that and you should be goods to go.

Undergraduate / Princeton influential person essay [8]

Absolutely top-notch work, Cynthia! I really enjoyed reading your essay. I think it's great the way it is. The admissions office will love this!

Undergraduate / 'many backgrounds and minds' - Why Columbia Essay [7]

I've edited what you've written (below):

Columbia appeals to me because it is an amalgam of people with different backgrounds and minds from all over the world that coexist in a rigorous academic environment that fosters creative thinking. Because of the thousands of applications Columbia receives, admission is competitive. However, I view the application process not so much as a competition, but rather as an opportunity. Columbia represents a place where anyone with sound academic interest and passion can come to learn and make significant contributions to the world. With so many talented, well-rounded people who excel in several academic fields applying to the university , I feel all the more motivated to improve my grades, gain knowledge of subjects, and learn about more about the perspectives of others. With world class faculty and the many Nobel laureates that have graduate from and taught at Columbia, I am compelled to seek more knowledge, assimilate myself into a rich and diverse urban lifestyle, and improve my overall standing as a person in society.

Overall, I think your on the right track, but there is a slight amount of vagueness that is throwing me off. I think you need to re-focus the essay on why you specifically want to go to Columbia, and just any other college. It seems to me like half the essay if how you want to improve yourself, rather than the specific qualities of Columbia that can help you do so. I would recommend doing a little more research on the finer details of the school, so you can talk about what specifically draws you to Columbia. I know sometimes its hard, as I am having the same trouble with my Why Duke? & Why Northwestern? essays. To check your essay for content, simply erase COLUMBIA and replace it with the name of another random school. If the essay still works, then it's not really school-specific (enough). Don't let my words discourage you, you're almost there! Best of luck! =)

Undergraduate / UPenn optional essay- tell us about you [10]

I would go with the second one. As Aromie said, it's very descriptive, but it also defines you more than the first one does. Colleges like to see well-rounded students, and you have managed to describe yourself as such in a way that is not often seen in college essays. Nicely done, Pallavi!

Undergraduate / 'underprivileged children in Burma' - Common application short answer [6]

Here, Erica, I've revised it for you.

During the Educational Outreach Project sponsored by the Youth Leadership Association, I had the opportunity to learn more about the lives of underprivileged children in Burma. Most of the students in the monastic school where I went couldn't even wear shoes or clean clothes and were likely to quit school due to financial hardships. One thing that I could see in all of their innocent eyes was inferiority. Hence, I tried with all my might to brush out inferiority from their minds. In addition to teaching them about personal hygiene and environmental awareness, I told them about the lives of inspiring people such as Abraham Lincoln and George Washington Carver, who led successful lives despite countless difficulties to convey them the message that all they need to escape from destitution are optimism, determination, and persistence. Gradually, I could see flickers of hope on their faces and, I felt very elated to know that my empathetic actions had a positive impact on others' lives.

Overall, excellent essay! Just remember to be careful with grammar.

Undergraduate / 'algebra II and trigonometry' - Common app- Elaborate on an activity [25]

Well, I think you are on the right track, but your conclusion isn't exactly (for lack of a better word) "up to par." You've chosen a good experience to talk about, but you should focus more on the lasting impact it has had on you, instead of just a short-term one. Maybe talk about how it taught you to always persevere when the going gets tough? Thats what I thought your conclusion was trying to say.

Basically, focus more on the long-term impact, rather than talking about how confusing/boring it was.

Good luck! :)

Undergraduate / 'Soccer is more than that' - Common App Extracurricular [4]

Overall it's fine, just change:

"I am to work with both the younger guys" to "I work with the younger and less experienced players"

It'll sound less awkward.

Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

You have written an excellent essay, and I enjoyed reading it very much. It really shows how well rounded your are by showing the balance you have created between art and math/science.

Just change "I only compete" to "I compete only", as Muhammad said.

Other than that, I think it is perfect. Best of luck!

Letters / (the best student to your institution) Recommendation Letter [8]

What specifically are you seeking help for? I spotted some grammar errors in the letter, but it seems well written. Your teacher speaks very highly of you and it seems very sincere.