Writing Feedback / IELTS:TASK 2 - topic - studying at university/college or getting a job straight [2]

*** Please, be as concrete as possible in comments and recommendations

[Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.]

Opinions on the matter of the best way to having a successful career are wide raging: whether a tertiary education or employment soon after high school would ensure success at work. Although both views are reasonable, I agree that studying at university or college is the better option for students.

On the one hand, taking a job immediately after school brings certain benefits to people. For example, an accountant being at work right after school will be rather more experienced than a student just taking a job after graduation. Thus, the former will possess a greater range of practical knowledge as well as advanced work skills. Nevertheless, many employers, as General Motors or Google, favour well-educated students as a nominee in the competition for a job. This makes clear that it is almost impossible for an accountant without a diploma of higher education to make the way up the career ladder to a management accountant.

On the other hand, higher education would enable students to develop expertise in the particular field they wish to specialize in. Firstly, universities and colleges are designed specifically to prepare students for their future profession. In a marketing career, for instance, a strong theoretical base is required, and that foundational knowledge is given effectively and efficiently in high educational establishments. Secondly, students learn to cope with the stress of carrying out and completing a large number of tasks and research by the deadline, in tandem with developing their teamwork skills by working in groups. Therefore, a graduate is better equipped for tackling communication problems with co-workers as well as encountering stressful work situations, thus having greater career opportunities.

In conclusion, while both sides of the question remain equally arguable, I hold the opinion of continuing studies beyond high school as a better means to have a prosperous career.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: TASK 2 - different attempts on introduction writing [2]

For readers, please comment on the style and word choice, and particulary - is an introduction concise?

[Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?]
1st option
Some people consider computer technology in everyday use by children to be detrimental. However, I disagree that the constant use of computers makes more harm than good.

2nd option
It is apparent today that the number of children becoming active computer users is constantly increasing. Although, some people say it is detrimental for children, I believe that the everyday use of a computer is more of benefit than harm.

*** Which one did you personally like?
[Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.]

Now, it is common knowledge that popular sportsmen earn higher wages in comparison with many other professionals. While both sides of the question are equally arguable, I believe that this situation should be changed in certain ways.

[In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.]

Many youngsters, acting on advice, now are taking a year of travel or work in a period between leaving high school and going to university. This essay will discuss both negative and positive effects on those young people who prefer this variant.

[Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around the city. Do you agree or disagree?]

Today, with the development of public transport, many people opt for the metro to travel. I agree that the metro is the right choice for comfortably getting around the city.

[Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with the growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Do you agree or disagree?]

Over the last half century, the violence rate among youngsters has grown substantially. Although it is true that this increase was simultaneous with the growth in violent media, I believe that violent media is not the main reason of violence amongst the youth.

[Increasingly, the western world has been outsourcing its labour-related jobs to cheaper alternatives available in less-developed countries. Although this creates opportunities for people in poorer nations, it is a policy that is criticized by many in the west. Write an essay response supporting the case for the outsourcing of labour related jobs.]

In the western world, for many years, it is has been a common economical approach to prefer inexpensive alternatives from less-developed countries for labour-related jobs. Although this method comes under criticism, I believe that employing foreign labourers is justified.

[Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree?]

Recently, some companies have zoned their offices for no-smoking, while many states have prohibited smoking in all public places. However, I do not think it is a feasible solution to ban smoking in specific community areas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: TASK 1 question - electricity usage in England [2]

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how the electricity is used in an average English home.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates a normal daily usage of electricity in England in two different seasons. From the pie chart it is seen on what Englishmen utilize the electricity for.

It is immediately clear that the electricity demand during a winter day is much higher than during a summer's day. Evidently, the electricity in English homes is mostly used for room and water heating.

At an early hour of a summer day, the electricity demand level is at 15,000 units in comparison with the more than doubled figure (40,000) for the same time in winter. In the period between 6 and 10 a.m., a typical daily demand consistently decreases both in winter and summer, to 30,000 and 12,000 respectively. It is worth noting that the peak demand for electricity in winter (45,000 - midnight hours) and summer (12,000 - after midday) is followed by a rather sharp decrease.

Just over 17% of the electricity, in an average English home, is consumed by the kitchen equipment (ovens, kettles, washing machines), whereas the figure for heating rooms is nearly three times greater (52.5%). Remaining one third of the electricity is divided by lightning/TV/radio and vacuum cleaners/food mixers/electric tools, with both groups equally responsible for a half of 30%.

* Would be very nice to see comments on:
-word choice
-sentence structure
-essay structure
-and general estimated score for IELTS task 1 attempt

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  The graph and chart
  

Speeches / The Speech for first presentation in Public Speaking Course [2]

Need comments and explanations of my mistakes. Thanks beforehand.

What one understands when hears a phrase disabled person? A man, a woman or a child who possess inherent or obtained drawback, who has no ability that normal person owns. We imagine, some Tom or Larry who cannot speak or hear, express or understand, habitually behave or cooperate. And a lot of people are assured that a disability is the end of a normal life. Unfortunately, often it is this way, ordinary life will discontinue and the prominent one will commence. However, it does not mean that the presently gained pace will be unsuccessful. There are several apparent examples proving the converse:

1) Ludwig van Beethoven lost his hearing , but did not lose his talent
2) Sir Isaac Newton suffering from epilepsy made fantastic investigations in his sphere
3) Albert Einstein being dyslexic proceeded in his life
4) John Kennedy having asthma reached the rank of the president.
5) The famous football player - David Beckham - suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
6) John Nash - a successful American mathematician - suffered from Schizophrenia
This list can be prolonged and completed with a great deal of names of successful people, people who made a great effect and tremendous change. But none of them did declare that they cannot do something, that their lives came to the end, or that they will never be happy. They all faced disabilities, but simultaneously they attempted to see possibilities and some positive motives in them.

But, at the moment, people who have all the opportunities and abilities do not strive to move forward, to achieve something. And let those disabled, but successful men be an example for them. Because they believed that the disability was not the end of their life, but the beginning only.

Research Papers / Need help in writing a research paper on a historical event? [2]

I have chosen for Academic Writing Course research paper a topic of a historical event, more exactly - a speech [The Girl who Silenced the U.N]. I am going to write and explain 3 reasons (aspects) of her success. Is it appropriate one and how can this topic be developed?

This is my first time writing a research paper, so it is becoming a torture - choosing a topic. So, now, I need a help. The paper should be 1000 words long and needs to suit MLA standards. Waiting for your comments.

Writing Feedback / Should people always follow fashion? [3]

Should people always follow fashion?

Nowadays, the increment in amount of clothing advertisements and model shows affects peoples' minds. Even though, I think, a person should not lose his/her personality, deny the comfort and waste money on these well-designed products of one's imagination.

Each person has his/her own identity, personality, interest and preference. Putting on the clothes which are created by a designer, we do not transform into another person or become richer, nor have more success. Despite, a man is inclined to be alike someone, forgetting the sincere meaning that each person is created to be unique. Imagine, if thousands of people dress according to the fashion, they copy from the same pattern and become similar. For example, in Uzbekistan, year by year people start to follow fashion. One can see a lot of men and women, boys and girls are gradually losing their culture, traditions and national clothes. Unfortunately, it does not look beautiful, but deplorably.

Moreover, the fashion designers created their clothes for certain people, so it cannot suit everyone. For example, novels are written for elders, kids are not able to understand them. Each person should choose the most comfortable things on their own, because only they know what is the most suitable and convenient for them. A person should create his own fashion.

Economically, fashion trends valued by high price. A man willing to follow the fashion has to spend a big amount of money. I suppose, it is reasonless, because for the same amount of one can buy a tremendous lot of clothes which are likely to help to express his personality. A person should not pay such a high price to follow the fashion.

In the nutshell, I propose that trying to follow fashion, we risk too much - our nature, refuse facility and spend huge amount of money. Instead, we should make a choice and decide what we will put on tomorrow.

Written by
Habibullaev Husniddin