Undergraduate / (advances in science can remain in the labs / Soccer word) UVA Supplementals [2]

Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Sure, works in molecular biology, calculus, old English literature, and Renaissance art have all left me unsettled, challenged, or crying for my parents at times. However, after conducting research with Dr. Watanabe at the UNCW aquaculture facility this year, what has really left me perplexed is how such remarkable advances in science can remain in the labs, never to be seen by the public. With all of the technology and resources available to the US, aquacultures have the potential to cut down on the annual seafood trade deficit of around $10 billion, while helping to preserve wild fish stocks. Yet they still remain relatively small in size and virtually insignificant in the national market. It is not just aquacultures, though, every year ground-breaking discoveries are made, announced to the scientific community and never heard of again, bringing up a lot of what ifs. What if there is an answer to world hunger out there, what if we can cut down on childhood obesity with a little pill. I have come to the conclusion that science involves as much business as scientific research, whether I like it or not. In the case of aquacultures, there currently is not anybody able to head a large-scale commercial aquaculture industry in the US, the science is there but the commercial aspects are not. At UVA, I hope to be able to study under some of the top business professors in the world so that people will no longer have to ask what if.

Prompt: What is your favorite word and why?

"Oh, what a brilliant goal that was." There's one adjective in that phrase so often used by my favorite English announcers that is able to conjure up an entire chapter of my childhood, engendering emotions that cannot be quantified. Since the age of three, soccer has helped to define me, for better or worse. It has taught me about being passionate, taken me across the US, and introduced me to some of my best friends in the world.

When the final whistle blew in the quarterfinals of the NC 4A state playoffs, I found it hard to breathe; I realized my soccer career was coming to an end. I had always imagined I would go on to play soccer in college, but for some reason, I found myself unable to commit; I just didn't see the point in playing soccer in college. I loved the game, but not enough to make it a job.

In a way, soccer was my train, and as the conductor of the Polar Express said, "The thing about trains... It doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on." Soccer didn't take me where I thought it would, but it certainly took me on the journey of a lifetime, pathologically and physiologically. When I hear the word, I no longer think about what could have been; instead, I choose to reflect upon what soccer was to me- brilliant.

* did waiting till the end to explicitally state the word work out?

Undergraduate / 'The game of golf' - Common App [8]

Considering scrapping- just don't like it. Lacks wow factor and cohesiveness. Any ideas for how I could write an essay that still incorporates my work with the WJGA?

The game of golf never ceases to amaze me, not necessarily because anyone can look like Tiger Woods one minute and Bill Murray in Caddyshack the next, but because of the profound impact golf can have upon people's lives. Whether one realizes it or not, golf truly does speak a universal language that knows few bounds. The claps, the course, the shaking of hands, all are parts of the game for everyone that plays it. It is a game based on mutual respect and equality, as is evident in the rules that have stood for over one hundred years.

The Wilmington Junior Golf Academy is a nonprofit golf program in my hometown that provides golf clinics and lessons to kids in the area that would otherwise not have the opportunity to play the game. I serve as assistant director of the academy, under Jake Hunt, who I met through my work down at the Wilmington Boys & Girls Club. Together, we have been able to reach out to over 500 young children in the community, teaching them life skills, such as integrity, respect, and discipline through the game of golf.

I know that many of these kids will never pick a golf club up again after they outgrow our programs, but I take solace in knowing that I was at least able to show them that people cared, that there are people out there that want them to succeed in life. Maybe they will find success in golf one day, or maybe they will be able to take the integrity instilled in them through the game of golf at such a young age and head a successful business, become a lawyer, or start a charity. In a way, I feel like I am helping to prepare these kids for the future.

During my time volunteering with the Wilmington Junior Golf Academy golf has taken on a new meaning for me. Before, it was a game, now it was a tool through which I could help those in my community. A great day of golf used to be shooting even par, now it was watching my students bubble with pride after hitting a good shot.

I look at my education the same way now, as a tool through which I can have a positive impact on society, not as a means to make money. Satisfaction doesn't always come through the A's, the exclusive internships, and the academic awards; it is derived from the actions taken through that education.

Undergraduate / Earth Process of evolution - Stanford Intellectual Vitality [6]

I like my beginning but can't stand the rest of my essay. Please help me out, I'm just really frustrated.

prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

There are two prevailing theories regarding the process of evolution here on Earth. On one hand, there are those who support Cuvier and his catastrophism theory, which states that change came about through major catastrophes, such as droughts and earthquakes. On the other hand, there are those that believe in James Hutton's gradualism theory, which states that profound change can take place through the cumulative effect of slow but continuous processes.

I had always believed that my life followed Hutton's gradualism theory, after all, the whole point of my schooling has been to grow and learn each day. However, I have learned that real change often takes place catastrophically, one moment that changes our ideal, perspective, persona for a lifetime, for better or worse.

This theory of change is evident in many aspects of my life, none, though, as prominent right now as my time with Dr. Watanabe, head professor at the UNCW aquaculture facility. I had started my work with Dr. Watanabe as a marine scientist, one that wanted to make a lasting impact on the environment. At the facility, I helped strip-spawn fish, research polymers and their effects on the coagulation of waste particles, and even got to harvest fish to be sold to the local seafood vender. It was during my time at the facility that Dr. Watanabe told me something that I truly found remarkable. He said, "Stephen, if you really want to make an impact on the marine ecosystem, I don't think you should become a scientist. What this field needs is a business savvy leader to take charge and make sure these advances we're making are put to use. Stephen, everything is business."

I was taken aback by his brutal honesty; it came out of nowhere. Yet it made perfect since to me, he had seen how captivated I was by Dr. Dumas, a business professor at UNCW, and my work with him on setting market prices for the fish I had helped harvest. The more I thought about it, the more I realized Dr. Watanabe was right; there are plenty of brilliant marine scientists out there making ground-breaking discoveries every year. However, there is still no leader on the commercial side of marine science to take these advances to market, where they will benefit the national economy and environment.

The effect of this catastrophe: I want to be a businessman with a background in marine science to take the works in marine science and bring them to the public, a champion of marine science in the business sector. Who says you have to be a doctor or a scientist to make a major difference in this country!

Undergraduate / William Sherwood Fox quote; which Penn Essay?--Wharton [5]

The first one doesn't talk much about Penn, simply because I thought AOs got enough people telling them how great Wharton is. Second one I don't like as much but it definitely is more conforming(needs help with flow and paragraph order)

*all you have to do is ask and I will gladly look over your essay!!

Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

Essay 1:

"Even eminent chartered accountants are known, in their capacity as fishermen, blissfully to ignore differences between seven and ten inches, half a pound and two pounds, three fish and a dozen fish." When I first came upon this quote in William Sherwood Fox's Silken Lines and Silver Hooks I chuckled a bit, thinking back upon all of the fish that had suddenly grown and multiplied in my mind- as if by some sort of uncontrollable magic. Even the most honest, genuine, intelligent man is susceptible to this magical force at times, whether he is conscious of it or not. In business, such actions could land a man in federal prison or cause him to lose his job, though. Great fishermen like Teddy Roosevelt and Jonny Morris, founder of Bass Pro Shops, found ways to bridge the gap between the two mindsets and succeed in society, while others, like Kenneth Lay, CEO of Enron, fell victim to the ways of the fisherman.

I am one of the most avid fishermen and hunters in the world; whenever I can find time in my busy schedule to get out on the water to fish or hunt ducks, I am out there. This passion led me to my work with Dr. Watanabe, research professor and coordinator of the aquaculture program at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. At the facility, I have been able to take part in all aspects of the aquaculture field, from creating the organic fish feed to strip spawning the fish to harvesting and selling them. It has truly been an amazing experience that has taught me as much about business as the science behind aquacultures. Working with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron Business School at UNCW and Dr. Watanabe, I was able to observe how market prices were set for the fish raised in the aquaculture systems and how business transactions were settled with commercial seafood venders. Coming into the experience, I had only been interested in the scientific aspects of aquaculture and how they could be used to mitigate the environmental problems associated with commercial fishing, such as habitat destruction and dwindling fish stocks. However, after my work at UNCW, I now hope to pursue a degree in business from the Wharton School of Business, so I can build my own bridge between my fisherman mentality and the mind of a proper businessman. The science is there when it comes to aquacultures, the US just needs a strong leader in the large-scale commercial aspects of the field to make aquacultures a success in the US, as they are in countries like China. I could go on and on about all the benefits of a degree from Wharton, but all I really want is to learn from the top professors in the world on taking my passion and applying it to a commercial scale industry.

Essay 2:

Growing up on the North Carolina coast, I have spent countless hours out on the water, working my way in and out of the backwater creeks around my house, in search of whatever the area has to offer. Through this love of fishing, I have developed a close relationship with the environment that affords me the great pleasure. From the time I entered middle school, I had aspirations of becoming a marine biologist, a field where I could put my passion for fishing to good use.

This year, I have had the opportunity to work with Dr. Watanabe at the UNCW aquaculture facility, helping to raise fish and conduct research with his graduate students. This has been one of the most eye-opening, worthwhile experiences of my life, because it has made me realize that even science involves as much business as it does scientific research. After harvesting my first batch of black sea bass, I was able to meet with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron School of Business at UNCW to research the current fish market and set prices for the fish we had raised. Numbers and statistics had always caused my eyes to glaze over in class, but once I could apply them to the market and science, my eyes started to race up and down the multitude of spreadsheets, searching for key patterns or deviations from the norm. It was at that point in time that I realized I could do more good by taking my background in marine science and applying it to business, than I could as a marine biologist.

At the University of Pennsylvania, I hope to attend the Wharton School of Business to further expand my knowledge on the business world. The Wharton School allows for unparalleled flexibility in my schedule, allowing me to take classes in every school at Penn. Where else would I have the opportunity to continue my studies in environmental science, while learning how to apply them to the commercial industry from some of the top business professors, and even students, in the world?

There are so many advances in the marine science field that remain untouched or insignificant in the global market, due to a lack of effective leadership in the commercial industry. For example, aquacultures have the potential to cut back on the US's annual seafood trade deficit of $10 billion annually, while helping to prevent commercial fishermen from decimating the wild fish stocks. Yet, aquacultures have yet to be taken to full commercial scale, despite the fact that the scientific research and background knowledge is all there. I want to take away from Penn and the Wharton School of Business the skillset to end this trend and help bring these advances to the commercial market, where both the economy and the environment will benefit.

Undergraduate / 'A student, not an athlete' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [10]

Makes sense to me, but I'm not sure if it will to others. Haven't really finished, so suggesstions, changes, etc. are much appreciated.

Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

As I look out the window of my room, there's an entire world out there- wind tickling the leaves that survived the last freeze, my neighbors playing tag in their backyard, and so on. Yet, as I look out, all I can really focus on is my old soccer goal resting up against the fence in the far reaches of my backyard. Worn and tattered after years of use, it holds more significance now than ever. It's very clichï, but moments like this really force one to reflect upon an experience, for better or worse.

From the age of 3 up until a year ago, I knew I was going to go to college to play soccer. I took all the right steps to achieve my dream, playing soccer year-round at the highest levels available to me: Olympic development teams, regional premiere teams with older kids, and even training within the youth national team pool. I was so close

to making my dream a reality, everything was starting to come together.

Inside the goal, though, there is a soccer ball, and it is flat. I can't help but think about Stephen Colbert's commencement speech on YouTube, where he said, "Thankfully, dreams can change. If they didn't we'd have a bunch of cowboys and princesses running around."

My dream drove me to achieve; that saggy soccer ball did more for me than any Model UN, debate club, or math team. It taught me about being passionate about what you're doing and giving it everything you've got. And that is why I decided to change my dream of playing soccer in college. I now know it wasn't the game of soccer I was in love with but the idea of being the best at something. I am not bitter, though; I can appreciate the beautiful game now more than ever, my dream of playing college soccer was my train, and as the conductor of the Polar Express wisely said, "The thing about trains... It doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on." I'm certainly glad I got on, for it has enabled me to pursue my new dream: attending Stanford University as a student, not an athlete.

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter (My Tacklebox) [5]

Please feel free to bash me on this one- went for creativity but it's not that straight-forward I feel. Lots of gramma errors. I may just scrap the whole thing... Please help! I will try to return the favor!!

College In The Wild

Future Roomie:

I'm Stephen Cone, just an east coast kid that has been dying to go to college out in the wild, wild west ever since he saw the movie Accepted- you know, the one where Justin Long creates his own college after getting denied everywhere. Before watching that movie, I had no clue what Stanford was, however, after seeing one of the characters in the movie run out of school, tossing his books up into the air to scream out at the top of his lungs, " I got into Stanford!!!" I knew there must be something special about the place. This is going to be a phenomenal experience, and I'm glad I'll have a friend to partake in this journey with me.

My mom always told me a woman can tell a lot about a man by the way he dresses, but growing up along the coast in North Carolina, I think a man can tell a lot about another man by what he keeps in his tackle box. Here's what you will find in mine:

Plenty of flies that I have tied on my vice at home. I love to tinker with different patterns and such, testing them on all kinds of fish, from rainbow trout to tarpon. Flies just seem to present more of a challenge when fishing and allow my creative side to come out. Sure, I could probably catch more fish on conventional tackle, but I derive much more pleasure from catching a single fish on a fly than ten on a worm. In my opinion, life would be no fun if there were no real challenges to overcome.

Then, there are my topwater plugs, some of my most prized possessions. I explore foreign waters with these bad boys, waiting for an explosion on the surface or a subtle slurp indicating a fish on the line. I love the adventure inherent in topwater fishing and all of the excitement that follows. I even love the pattern of ripples a topwater leaves on the glassy water, trailing off into the horizon, assimilating back into the vast expanse of water.

Finally, taking up most of the space in my tackle box is my wide array of soft-plastic lures. They come in many shapes, sizes, and colors, just like my friends back here in North Carolina. These lures can be used for just about anything, a true "Renaissance lure", a characteristic I try to imitate in my own life. Resilient and bold, these lures can take a beating from even the most aggressive gamefish and still live to see another cast.

I cannot wait to meet you. May many slurps and explosions come our way as we embark on our journey together.