eradulova
Sep 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl -Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, [4]
O'K i will try to explain what I mean when I say concrete introduction. You should generalize what bot statement and give your opinion.
For example - Many people believe that good level of live is provided by amount of money. or Most of the people do believe that happiness and comfortable life is within amount of money. There is other kind of people that do not need fortune to feel comfortable. or Some people believe that comfortable life is not provided only with fortune. Than you state your opinion. In my opinion it is important to have money. or I think that you comfort of life and happiness is not matter of how much money you have but the way person use it.
Do you see, in the second part of question, it is about comfortable living.
It is true what you say but try to generalize. You gave concrete examples. It is only beginning of you essay. Just have a glance of what are the opportunities of bot in general. Later on in your essay you will regard reasons and supporting details. Introduction is a first part of your essay here you put your thesis. It is good to start with quotation but not that way. Begin in that way - It has been said or there is a statement that say "Money hai to Honey hai". Remember, it is academic writing. It is supposed to be more sophisticated.
LIBERTY means people out of occupation, FREEDOM means opportunity to do what you feel like to do
I like you idea, but try not to list you examples. You should put them in order. Here I provide you simple body of you essay.\
1. Short clear introduction. State your opinion.
2. Essay's body. Give two or tree different reasons. Support them with examples, personal or not personal. All your reason have to be put in separate paragraphs.
3. Make strong conclusion of what you have already written.
Now you have clear idea what to follow.
I am learner to. I am not able to help with grammar. There is many thing i do not know. It is helpful if you read a lot of academic articles.
I hope I am helpful to you. Have a nice
O'K i will try to explain what I mean when I say concrete introduction. You should generalize what bot statement and give your opinion.
For example - Many people believe that good level of live is provided by amount of money. or Most of the people do believe that happiness and comfortable life is within amount of money. There is other kind of people that do not need fortune to feel comfortable. or Some people believe that comfortable life is not provided only with fortune. Than you state your opinion. In my opinion it is important to have money. or I think that you comfort of life and happiness is not matter of how much money you have but the way person use it.
Do you see, in the second part of question, it is about comfortable living.
It is true what you say but try to generalize. You gave concrete examples. It is only beginning of you essay. Just have a glance of what are the opportunities of bot in general. Later on in your essay you will regard reasons and supporting details. Introduction is a first part of your essay here you put your thesis. It is good to start with quotation but not that way. Begin in that way - It has been said or there is a statement that say "Money hai to Honey hai". Remember, it is academic writing. It is supposed to be more sophisticated.
LIBERTY means people out of occupation, FREEDOM means opportunity to do what you feel like to do
I like you idea, but try not to list you examples. You should put them in order. Here I provide you simple body of you essay.\
1. Short clear introduction. State your opinion.
2. Essay's body. Give two or tree different reasons. Support them with examples, personal or not personal. All your reason have to be put in separate paragraphs.
3. Make strong conclusion of what you have already written.
Now you have clear idea what to follow.
I am learner to. I am not able to help with grammar. There is many thing i do not know. It is helpful if you read a lot of academic articles.
I hope I am helpful to you. Have a nice