Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: About Prevention V/S Cure [3]

Slaam everyone! Here is my new one essay eagerly waiting for your suggestions, ideas & comments. Hope u will take sometime for it.

Topic: " Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measure.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay

What is prevention? Prevention is the act of stopping something bad from happening. And what is cure? Cure is to make a person or an animal healthy again after an illness or to deal with a problem successfully. Prevention is always better than cure because it nips the problem in the bud. It is better to stop something bad from happening rather than try to deal with the problems after it has happened.

It is always better to control over the disease from it's starting point by a simple rule of hygiene because it could be difficult to control over it after it's spreading. For example, in the summer season if people don't care about hygienic condition or cleanliness in their houses and around the houses then because of stagnant water, dirty washrooms, uncover-food, & huge heaps of garbage, a large proportion of infectious & contagious disease can be occurred. Then there would be rush in the hospitals & people have to suffer physically & economically also. It would be better if this money, which can be wasted on cure, should spend on prevention.

There are many reasons of disease's spreading. The prime reason is the unawareness among the people. And this unawareness is because of the lack of health education. Health education is the most important part of prevention. The government & it's departments should run these type of organizations with the help of different resources such as; pamphlet, debate ceremonies etc. Media can help a lot to spread awareness among the people to organize different talk shows, programmes, moral dramas etc. Print media can also help through news articles on health issues. Even study centers can provide a range of material on this topic to the students from the early stage of learning. There should be include a subject of health education in the educational curriculum.

People should be taught how to prevent a disease at the starting point because there are a large number of diseases which spread at once like; malaria, diarrhea, cholera, flu, cough, different types of allergy, HIV, aids & much more. They should be taught how they can keep clean not only themselves, their houses but also their streets & cities. They should be aware to the symptoms of any kind of disease because some diseases become very dangerous or cause of death if they not be prevented at right time. They should be known about the benefits of weekly or monthly check-up. And they must avoid some bad habits such as; smoking, drinking, & over-eating that can be the result of death or incurable diseases like; lungs cancer, acute alcoholic hepatitis & food poisoning.

To sum up, in my opinion, an ounce of prevention is much better than a pound of cure & mostly health budget ought to be spend on prevention & on health education than treatment by government & it's departments.

Thanks!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: About Fatherhood V/S Mother [3]

Slam everyone! Here is my another essay waiting for your suggestions & corrections.

Topic:"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

Essay

Father & mother both are the important part of family. They are not only important for each other but also for their children. Fatherhood must emphasised as much as motherhood. Both parents certainly necessary for children's rearing. Father is the head of a family, no family can survive without father's presence because if mother is the Queen of family then obviously father is the King. And without King, Queen & her family is good for nothing.

Similarly, women are not only the responsible for deciding to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Men are also responsible for bringing the children up. Both men & women are like two wheels of a car. And a car can't work only with one wheel. Likewise children can't be bring-up properly without out fathers. Parents should provide proper environment for growing up & for study to their children. They should give them proper time. They should take-out sometime from their hectic life for their children. Parents ought to be a role model for their children because they are the first educators for their children.

Children can be more confident, emotionally strong & morally good in their behavior under the raising of both parents. Those children, who raised with single parent, have to face socially, economically & emotionally hurdles, troubles & problems. They feel insecurity. The absence of one parent can effect badly on their minds & can damage their personalities. Parents should help them to solve their problems & they should be friendly to them.

But some people think that it is not necessary to give the same importance both parents. They also say that single parent can lead a family & can bring up children very well. They give the example of those children whose one of parents died accidentally. According to them, it is the responsibility of fathers to earn money & to bring up the children properly is only the responsibility of mothers because children emotionally attach to their mothers. And mothers can better understand their problems & can nicely solve them. They say that fathers have to focus on their work, so they don't have much time to see their children's activities. Their duty is only to fulfill their children's physically needs and requirements. And it's mother's duty to teach them the lesson of life.

To sum up, though both views are almost accurate but overall both parents' presence is necessary. A family can't be completed without absence of any one of them. A baby can't come in this world through a single parent then how can he/she lead his/her life with single parent? To conclusion, both parents should rear their children. Doesn't matter what society think, what people consider & what parents views? It's matter what their children want? And children always need both of them.

Thanks!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why do we need music? - traditional music is used in vast level [3]

Slam everyone! This is my another essay, waiting for your ideas/views & correction.

Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay

There are thousand of types of music in the world. Some of them are; rock, pop, eastern, western, classical, folk & traditional, jazz, r & b, hip-hop, rap, religious, blues, metal, salsa, tribal, disco, rock 'n' roll, opera, and bhangra etc. But the most famous music types are; hip-hop, r & b, bhangra(Bollywood), rap, jazz & pop. Music is the sound that is arranged in a way that is pleasant or exciting to listen to.

Some people like music but some don't like. Music is a need for those people who like it. Because there are different reasons of this, "Why do people need music"? Some people listen music just for enjoyment, for time-pass. While some listen music to change the mood, environment, get relaxation from tension & hectic life, and for their satisfaction. Nowadays, two types of music are commonly listened, namely; Traditional music & International music. Traditional music is the term increasingly used for folk music that is not contemporary folk music. In other words, every country has its own music which is called traditional music. And that music which is listened all over the world is called international music.

Now question is that which music is more important or listenable; traditional or international? Although, this is correct that the international music is listened everywhere nowadays but it doesn't mean that traditional music doesn't has any importance. Every inhabitant of each country gets satisfied from his own music. This is true that people like the music of other countries but not for a long time. Soon, they came back their own music cos they find their sentiments from their own music. There are a lot of number of those people who are illiterate in every country. Those uneducated or local people can't understand the international music. International music doesn't fulfill their mental & emotional requirements or need. It doesn't satisfy them. So that's why they prefer their own traditional music. Even educated people who can understand the international music also enjoy their own music.

Comparatively, mature people like classical and traditional music while new generation like international music. To sum up, traditional music is used in vast level. People enjoy their music especially on their traditional ceremonies. In my opinion traditional music is much important than international music.

Thanks

Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 2: About one or more Careers; Which is better? [5]

Slam everyone! This is my 3rd essay, hope u will help to correct this. Eagerly waiting for your help.

Topic:The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

Essay

The idea of single career is becoming old fashion & the idea of several careers plus further education will be new fashion, what are the reasons?

In the early times, people were simple, needs were limited, expanses were short & one career was enough. But nowadays it has become old fashioned. By seeing the current situation, it can be said that in the coming years, people will be more fashionable, needs will be countless, expanses will be huge & one career won't be enough. Having several careers will be new fashion. At present times, competition of earning money is very tough, & in coming next years it will reach its peak. People want to earn more and more so their this desire will become incurable disease.

There are two kind of people; needy & rich. The needy people want to earn more to fulfill the needs of their families because the costs of everything is risen badly. So they have to do more work or having several careers than one. For example, an ordinary school teacher whose salary is not enough, he has to run a tuition center privately, plus he has to do further study to get promotion in his job. On the other hand, the rich people want to earn more to increase their bank balance & to just satisfy their mentality. The purpose of their earning or having more careers is just earn and spend. For example, a model girl who earns enough due modeling, also starts a business by dress designing & runs a boutique She also continue further study through different courses to just raise her morale among the society.

Though, it's not necessary that everyone have or will have more careers just to increase their bank balance. It might be happen they earn more to help the needy one or those who can't survive properly in their walk of life. Nevertheless, all the earning depends on the one's need. No doubt, everyone want to take rest & don't earn more only for enjoyment. Obviously, their problems & needs urge them to do so. Probably, they want to established not only themselves, their families but also their societies and countries.

To sum up, it's true that the idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned and the new fashion will be having different ways of earning than one, plus to continue further education throughout life because it will be the 'necessity' of future not only 'fashion'.

Thanks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY - 'News editors should broadcast & print a mixture' [3]

slam everyone! I've written new essay n eagerly waiting for your corrections!

Topic:News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

Essay

What to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers, good news or bad news, all is decided by news editors.

It is said that "no news is good news". There are two types of news; good news & bad news.Television & newspapers are the resources of current information. All the news depends on the circumstances of the country. News editors are just playing their role. They are not a story teller who can make any news good or bad.They are just informer or presenter who keep the citizens up-to-date through those news which they collect from the real events. But occasionally some facts influence these decisions like; the strong Politicians, Political parties & government who can pressurize them to hide the reality from the citizens by hook or by crook. If there is dictatorship in the country, then obviously news editors will follow the dictator. But if there is democracy, then media will be free.

Mostly news are related to the law agencies, their do's & don'ts, government authorities, their policies, political parties, current affairs, sports, traffic & violent citizens etc. And all these things to keep in order is the responsibility of government & judiciary who are the most important pillars of the country & who runs it.

Now question is that are we used to bad news? & is it better to be reported good news mostly? And the answer is that after receiving bad news on the trot, we become immune, then news lost its charm. people avoid to heard or read those type of news & mostly spend their time on other activities. It can also make the citizens hopeless. Similarly, it is not better to be reported good news all the time because it can give people wrong impression. It may happen that the news editors will be blamed that they are playing a foul game.

In short, excess of everything is bad. News editors should broadcast & print a mixture of good and bad news. They should be broad minded not narrow minded. They shouldn't present bad news in a negative way. They should spread the optimism not the pessimism through television or newspapers among the citizens.

(Thanks)

Writing Feedback / IELTS (no country can progress without the co-operation of other countries) [6]

Slam everyone! This is my 1st try to write on this forum. I'm the newest one. Hope you will help me to make corrections and also give me advice and Ielts band. And I'm eagerly waiting for your response. Thank you!

Task: "Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves"?

Essay

The wealthy nations should help the poor ones or the governments of the poor nations should take care their citizens themselves?

In this world, some countries or nations are wealthy and some are poorer. Those countries which are socially, economically and politically strong, should help the poor countries through food, money, education and some other useful equipment. All the nations have the relations of humanity. For example, all the world is like a body and body can work properly if all parts of it work rightly. Likewise if one nation is powerful and it helps the poor nation , as a result, the whole world will be prosperous and peaceful.

On the other hand, if one nation is economically strong and it doesn't help the poor nations, as a result, there must be every kind of corruption and terrorism because of poverty. And no doubt, that corruption and terrorism can spread and damage the whole world. Or can be harmful and dangerous not only for that nation but also for the whole mankind. Ups and down are the part of life. Any rich nation can be poor in the walk of life. If it helps the poor one then it can expect help from other nations in its own bad times.

But some people think that the government of poor nation should help and take care of their citizens. They believe, "God help those who help themselves". They thought if the poor nations will rely on the wealthy nations, then they can be addicted, useless, slut and shirker also. They give the example of Japanese, who established themselves after the third world war. This is the duty of government to give proper health facilities, food & education to their citizens. It should be industrious and make their citizens too. If it can't then it doesn't have the right to rule over the country.

In short, both views are rather correct. Although it's better, if the governments of poor nations depend on themselves as well as on the help of other wealthy nations but first, they ought to make strong or progress themselves then ask for help to other nations. It's true, no country can progress without the co-operation of other countries. Because all the world is like a town, all the countries are neighbors and all the nations have the relation of humanity.

(294 words).